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Thursday, May 31, 2012

Thanks to everyone who sent this in


Just sit on the jacket. Done.

- Submitted

Speaking of "move all the shit" and "all your space".
On this morning's GO Bus ride, this woman was seated behind the driver, herself positioned by the window, and the seat next to her was occupied by her backpack, jacket, roller blades and helmet.
THERE ARE STORAGE BINS ON GO BUSES.
As we head into Oshawa, some elderly passengers board and I figure she's gonna move her shit. Nope. Instead, these two elderly passengers make their way awkwardly to the middle of the bus. At the next stop, I decide I'm going to get up and say something and I begin to make my way to the front. The driver stops to pick up passengers and one of them is an older woman I see regularly who usually sits up front, so I was ready.
As she boards, I address the seat hog and ask her to store her belongings in the overhead bin to accommodate for those who like to sit up front. She turns to look behind her and tells me there are plenty of seats and makes no effort to move her things.
Everyone finds a seat and I decide whether I want to take this further. I don't. I go sit down.
The seats at the front aren't marked as courtesy seats. Those seats are actually a little further back but this woman was old enough to know better and really should have moved her shit. It's just common courtesy.

All-star foot rider

His shoe tells it like it is...

 - Submitted

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Missed Connections

It's rare I get wrong number text messages.
This gem came in last week.
RT = Random Texter
CJ = Yours Truly
----------------------------------------------------------------

RT: Sooo I'm ready for that cookie now.

CJ: Cookie?

RT: Yeh. Sorry it's Jeannie. We met last week.

CJ: Ohhh Jeannie! Sorry hun. Is chocolate chip ok?

RT: I told you I liked almond. Silly.

CJ: My bad. Sorry. It's been a long day.

RT: Are u ok?

CJ: Yeah, I'll be all right. The cops think it was all a misunderstanding anyway. There shouldn't be any charges.

RT: The cops?! WTF? What happened?

CJ: I don't want you to judge me. It's probably best I don't tell.

RT: You can tell me. How can I judge if I don't know what happened.

CJ: Good point. Okay. Here goes. Just yesterday I was walking down the street when I saw this sweet old lady who reminded me of my nana drop something on the sidewalk and roll under a parked car. I strolled up as she was starting to kneel on the pavement and said I would help her. She asked me to get her pocket watch that belonged to her dead husband that he got in the war after leading a regiment of british soldiers to safety after they dive bombed into some farmers' field or somthing to that effect. You sure you want to hear this?

RT:  Of course?!!! Keep going!

CJ: So she's telling me this and I'm lying on the ground in my Armani suit and Boss loafers and trying to shimmy myself under this car. I realize I'm going to have to try to lie on the roadway in traffic and try to get it as it's too far near the driver-side wheel. So I get up and I turn to tell her that I have to go round to the other side to get it. She stands on the edge of the curb while I wait for traffic to clear. Out of nowhere this guy shows up and asks me if I need a hand and says he'll stand in the traffic lane to keep me safe. I get down on the ground and grab the watch and when I stand back up, the guy sucker punches me, snatches the watch and books it. The lady starts screaming about the watch and I go to run after him. We run across lawns, across a park with kids playing, we jump a fence. He jumps in a pool. I jump into the pool. I caught up with him while he was trying to unlock the gate of this backyard. He knees me in the stomach. I clap him in the ears. Then the next thing I know, the guy sticks his hands down the back of his pants, makes this face and then holds his hands up and tells me the watch is in his ass.

RT: What the hell...???

CJ: I know. Who does that? So I manage to bear hug him and move myself into a position to give him a sleeper hold and tell him to push it out. While all this is going on and I'm telling him to push it out of his ass and I'm practically kneeling over him, this guy comes out onto the back porch and starts making a scene and tells us to get off his property and to get a room and then marches back inside hollering he's calling the cops. I'm yelling at him to do it and that the guy I'm hugging is a thief.

RT: Oh my god. I can't believe this.....

CJ: I know, right?! Crazy. So the cops show up while I'm practically drowning the guy by repeatedly dunking his head in the pool so he'd cough out the watch and they arrest me and this asshole.

RT: Oh my god. I'm so sorry

CJ: Yeah. But the good thing is the lady got her watch back. I told the cops to at least have the decency not to tell her where it had been.

RT: Ew. Did they clean it?

CJ: I hope so

RT: Do you have to go to court?

CJ: No

RT: Did the old lady give you a reward?

CJ: We got married

RT: .......Sorry?!!!! What?!

CJ: Yeah. I wasn't sure how to tell you so I figured I'd give you the backstory first. We're just leaving city hall now.

RT: You married the old lady?

CJ: Yes. Don't be mad.Are you mad? Say no

RT: I don't know what to say. I know I just met you. I'm just a little wierded out.

CJ: I'd still like to buy you that cookie

RT: No, it's ok. I don't need it.

CJ: Can we still be friends?

RT: I don't know.I'm just a little confused...

CJ: Do you want me to text you a pic of my wedding?

RT: No, that's ok.

CJ: Are you sure?

RT: Yeh. Well, congratulations

CJ: Thanks! She's super. She likes it when I call her nana

RT: Um. TMI.... Thanks.... Bye.

Monday, May 28, 2012

I'm not going anywhere!

There seems to be a misunderstanding.

For those who got lost, I'm not sure I can update the site everyday due to how time for me has changed (I have less of it). 

I am also behind on content and have to pick and choose through submissions as not everything I get is worthy of a 'crazy train ride' - this takes time, too.  Eventually I'll get caught up.  In the interim, if you show up here and read this message after wondering why things got so stale, here are some sites you can waste time on:
AwkwardTransit
imgur
abadcaseofthedates.com
clientsfromhell.net
PoorlyDressed

That awkward moment when ...

... you realize you're not texting GO Transit.

Text message from 4168478XXXX (Random Person - RP)
to 19054427423 (Me - CJ)
May 27 2012 3:16 PM


RP: Do you know where specifically in Union Station I go to pick up something from Lost and Found?
CJ: You go to Lost and Found?
RP:  K, I know that but where is it
CJ:  Inside Union Station
RP:  Seriously?! WTF .......where in Union Station???
CJ:  Why don't you call them and ask?
RP:  Call the Lost and Found?
CJ:  Yes
RP:  What's the number?
CJ:  The hell I know? 
RP:  What?
RP:  You don't know the number?
CJ:  No.
RP:  How come you don't know the number?
CJ:  The same reason you don't ... I guess.
RP:  Who the hell is this?
CJ:  Cindy
RP:  Cindy who?
CJ:  Just Cindy
RP:  I want your full name. K? 
CJ:  Why?
RP:  So I can report you
CJ:  To who?
RP:  To your supervisor
CJ:  You mean my mom?
(long pause)
CJ:   Don't worry. The stupid feeling goes away in about a day or so

Grab a Kleenex, this news is gonna rival chopping onions

I've been thinking about this for some time.
It's time for us to consider some distance.

No, it's not you. It's me.

This is so hard to say so I'm just gonna say it ...

I just don't have time for you like I used to.
I realize I set it up that I was always available, by phone, web, tablet and well, this just made you spoiled, didn't it? I mean, we talked EVERYDAY (and the occasional weekend).
It's not that I don't love you like I used to. It's just that ... I may have loved you too much.

Wait, shh, no, there's no other blog. I swear, it's only you.

My life has changed. I've changed. And I have to figure out where you fit.

I've taken up cycling, as you know. I gave up a car and ride the bus now which has made my commute longer and by the time I get home ... well, I'm just tired.

In the mornings, I like to spend train time with my best friend.
No, stop. She's not the reason!
Don't be like that.
Hear me out. Here's what I was thinking.

How about we get together three days a week, okay?

Please stop crying. It's not forever ...

Friday, May 25, 2012

Awkward train situations

Some of the pranks pulled off in this video would probably result in me orchestrating a bag beat-down but since I wasn't the target, I can sit back and laugh at these shenanigans.

Some key parts to highlight:

0:44 Can you do that quietly?
1:03 The non-reaction of the woman near the window in the pink shirt
1:23 ROTFL!!! I've been close to being a target!
1:35 Woman in knit hat is on to them
2:16 Actually saw this once
2:37 Foot rider revenge
3:23 Balls! The balls!
4:51 Good sport

 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

GO Transit given permission to build more bus lanes on Toronto's DVP

Why?

This is why!

Yeah, I know the graphic is a little NSFW but it makes me laugh out loud each time I see it, so it stays. And any time I have an opportunity to use it, Imma gonna.

FULL STORY

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Remember what I said?!!

Everytime you put your feet on the seats on any GO train, the guy who *never* plays the lottery buys a ticket and wins $50 million!

Just stop it. You're ruining it for the rest of us!!!

Sh*t just got real on a TTC subway


Source

How was your long weekend? This was mine

I made the mistake of driving to Canada's Wonderland when what I should have done was drive to Yorkdale and take the GO bus.

Lines! Lines! Lines!

Lines to park. Lines to process Season's Passes. After finding out, once I got my daughter's pass and mine, that I would have to line up again to buy a ticket to the Dinosaur attraction, I decided it was time to leave.

We spent 4 hours in lines.

Never again will I set foot in this place on a long weekend. That was a dumb decision on my part.

Personally I prefer to eat with anger, but that's just me


Snapped this last week after my jaunt up to Markham via the Richmond Hill GO corridor.

Monday, May 21, 2012

So GO Transit's Twitter account got hacked...

Screen capture courtesy of @steven_petric

Friday night mess

The 7:17 pm train was disgusting.

It originated in Oshawa and every station in bred riders who didn't bother to take their garbage with them when they got off the train. The first coach heading east was littered with coffee cups, beer cans, fast food containers and wrappers. Lazy asshats.

The foot riders were also in full force judging by the filth on most of the seats.



Nice, huh?

GO Transit News Release: Potential Canadian Pacific Rail strike could impact GO's Milton line and Hamilton station customers

TORONTO, May 21, 2012 /CNW/ - In the event of a Canadian Pacific Rail strike, rail customers along GO Transit's Milton train line and those using Hamilton GO Centre station will be impacted, as there will be no train service on the Milton line and no trains serving Hamilton GO Centre starting Wednesday morning, May 23.

GO Transit has learned that there is the possibility of a strike by Teamsters Canada Rail Conference representing CP Rail train crews and rail traffic controllers.  A strike could occur as early as midnight Tuesday.

If a CP Rail strike occurs, there will be no train service on the Milton line as GO Transit's Milton corridor is owned by CP Rail. We encourage Milton train riders to prepare in advance for alternate ways to get to and from work.  GO Bus service on the Milton line will not be affected and will continue to operate as normal. Passengers are encouraged to consider using the Lakeshore West or Kitchener train lines as possible travel alternatives.

In the event of a strike, service to Hamilton's train station may also be impacted, as CP Rail oversees the tracks in this area. All four trains originating from the Hamilton GO Centre station will now originate from Aldershot GO Station starting Wednesday morning. GO Bus shuttles will be provided to customers from Hamilton to Aldershot.

All other GO Transit rail corridors will be unaffected by a CP Rail strike.

We are continuing to monitor the situation and will provide updates as soon as new information is available.

Customers should visit gotransit.com for up-to-date information, watch and listen to television and radio news reports and sign-up for our On the GO alerts to receive customized, up-to-the-minute emails about changes to their service.

Friday, May 18, 2012

This is your Friday!!!

Presto Validation. Doin' it right?

It's nice to see GO transit and safety officers taking into account that as PRESTO customers, our trips are recorded and there will be days where we do forget to tap on and there will be more of these days come this summer when these instances happen due to the end of punch-style tickets.

Forgiveness should be given to those who are LOYAL and tap and tap and tap! We've all forgotten at least once. Just don't make a habit of it.


from: "Matthew"
to: "cj@thiscrazytrain.com" 
date: Wed, May 16, 2012 at 2:05 PM 
subject: Presto Chronicles?

Was on the 5:15 Union-Georgetown last night.  After Bloor, the GOStapo entered my coach, which was the 2nd coach from the locomotive, to conduct a fare inspection.  I was seated in the mid-level seats, in the quads farthest from the door between coaches.  I pulled out my Presto card, figuring I was in for an inspection within seconds.  I would end up holding my card in my hand for 25 minutes until 20 seconds before I got off the train at Bramalea, waiting.  I shall explain.

The smaller GOStapo entered and kept walking to the upper level seats.  The freakishly tall, heavy, mean-looking SOB (Imma guess he was about 6’6”, 270lbs) who entered the coach behind him, stayed to inspect our tickets.  This guy could have asked us to hand over our wallets and succeeded with every passenger, he was that big.  But I digress.  He turned to his right (my side of the train) and checked fares for the 4 people there.  No problem.  Turned left, and checked.  3 of 4 were good.  4th guy was a young lad who claims he forgot to tap his card at Union.  Very creative, right?  Further implicating him is that he claimed to have no ID.  Now, I don’t know about you, but I keep my Presto card in my wallet, with my ID.  But not this guy.  He had nothing.  Driver’s License?  Nope.  Health Card?  No sir.  Student ID?  Nada.  Nothing with his name on it.

So, mean-looking GOStapo guy tells him “Ok...I’ll tell you what I tell everyone else.  We can do this verbally, but if it turns out that you have anything on file with GO Transit, it becomes a criminal charge.”  I’m thinking...the hell?  Criminal charge?  He must be bullshitting.  The kid proceeds to give GOStapo his name, DOB, and address (I say “kid” because his DOB that he said out loud put him at 19 yrs old).  GOStapo phones it in.  After about 10 minutes, he gets a call back from his investigative team who tells him the kid really doesn’t have a record (but they were somehow able to confirm he had a driver’s license?).  They apparently can also check the Presto usage!  He told the guy “Okay, so you don’t have any history on file with GO.  They were able to tell me that, so that’s good.  Also, I can see that you’ve been using your Presto card pretty regularly for several months, so I’m inclined to believe you that this is an isolated incident of forgetting to tap your card.  I’m going to be a nice guy, and give you the benefit of the doubt, and give you a written warning.”

Normally, I’m all “throw the book at ‘em!”...but this day, I have to say, I believed the kid too.  And furthermore, if they can check presto usage, and can see religious tap-on-tap-off activity, and then one day there’s no “tap-on” and you simply forgot, I’d like to think there’s a fighting chance that honest fare-payers like ourselves who might just forget due to being distracted or exhausted, could maybe get a warning too.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Epic.


Have you ever felt like strangling one of those 'loud mouthed' cell phone users who seem to sit near you in a restaurant or any other place and forcibly share their private call with you.
 
Here's one solution provided by a commuter on how to combat this display of bad manners.  After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed (Union) for (Oshawa).
 
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice, "Hi sweetheart - it's Eric.  I'm on the train.  Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting. No, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss.  No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life.  Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc
.
Fifteen minutes later at (Pickering), he was still talking loudly , when the  young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice:

"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"

My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

No seat for you!

I broke free from the line commies and went to stand with the rogue, one-finger in the air, line saluters when I took the Richmond Hill GO train to Langstaff tonight.

I truly felt these were my people. Here we are ... all huddled in a crowd. I felt right at home... felt like a true and blue LSE-er, I did.

Until somebody farted.

I expected the crowd to part like Moses separating the sea and I, myself, had side-stepped a foot away from the waft (that just kept on coming) only to realize that these folk will tolerate just about any social injustice that prevents them from claiming a seat on the train. They won't tolerate the single-file line-up but they'll tuck their noses into the crooks of their arms and withstand their eyes tearing and burning in order to not break rank in claiming a seat.

I couldn't take it. I stepped out of the crowd and went to stand near the wall.

The train rolled in and I boarded last. I stood all the way to Langstaff.

There are some things I just won't do. God bless them donkeys.

Meet my CSA? Don't mind if I do!!!

Oh, *that* kind of meet? From GO's official Facebook page:

Put a face to that voice on your #GOTrain. Check out the 1st of our ‘Meet your CSA’ video series: http://bit.ly/Kk29N7

Monday, May 14, 2012

So more of the same then???

TORONTO, May 14, 2012 /CNW/ - Starting this fall, Ontario will offer refunds to GO Train riders whose trains are more than 15 minutes late, except when delays are caused by extreme weather, police investigations, accidents and medical emergencies.

The 15-minute guarantee is the next step the Ontario government is taking to ensure the best customer experience possible for GO passengers. This week, Ontario is celebrating 45 years of GO Transit service. The first GO Train departed Oakville Station for Toronto's Union Station on May 23, 1967.  Back then, GO served  just 8,000 riders a day; 45 years later, that number has jumped to over 219,000.

"GO Transit continues to provide the Greater Toronto and Hamilton area with a reliable, comfortable and safe travelling experience," said Gary McNeil, President of GO Transit.

The popular transit system grew from a single rail line along the shore of Lake Ontario to a regional transportation network that includes seven rail lines spanning 444 kilometres of track, and a regional bus service that connects 16 bus terminals along 2,784 kilometres' worth of routes. 

Yadda, yadda, yadda ... read the full release here which DOES NOT EXPLAIN what QUALIFIES as a refund.

This Crazy Train's Presto Chronicles, Chapter 20: Presto! There goes my transaction history (and my discount?!)

from Sean B
to cj@thiscrazytrain.com
May 14, 2010

I switched to the PRESTO Card in February because it would make my mishmash of trips (bus/train or train or bus/bus) easier then explaining to the driver I was transferring.

I have not had any issues / problems with the card until this past Friday. I was on my way home and tried to scan the card at a PRESTO machine. No beep. So I go to another, same thing. So I go to the Fare Checker and the Auto Load Machine. No Dice. The card no worky.

So I went to customer service. Thank God I was there at Union early as the regular ticket line was long as heck but Customer Service just had 2 people in front of me. I go in, tell the guy my card no worky. He tries it and says it no worky. He says he can give me a new one and have everything transfered over to it. 

Two problems though, I would have to load money onto the new one but the 2nd problem is I would have to call PRESTO customer service to have everything transferred over (money and rides).

So I call PRESTO customer service and the guy on the line says we have to cancel (or in this case freeze) my old card first for 24 hours before anything could happen. This is Friday at 5pm. That's fine, I say.

I call back Saturday to transfer everything over onto the new card. No problem, but it would take - wait for it - 24 hours to complete.

So Sunday afternoon, I go into Toronto, and the money is there and I have no issues. No issues until I look online at my transaction history. It looks like I have none. Yep. They did not transfer any rides for the past 3 months over. Not even the current month. I was already heading into the mid-20 ride mark. I budget myself very strictly so I know how much I need during the month.

Since we are closing in on the 2nd half of the month, I decide to call PRESTO customer service Monday morning.

I tell them that they did not transfer my rides over. She assures me for tax time, that I will get both records, new and old card. That is fine but what about my current month? I tell her I am on a limited budget and I can not afford to pay full price until the end of the month, So she puts me on hold. She is not totallty sure what she can do. She comes back. She puts me on hold again. She comes back and says she will forward my issue on and have customer service e-mail me back....in 5 business days!

Well, I am not happy. If they are going to force everyone over to PRESTO this summer, they might want to fix the service times and issues like this more quicker.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Phone with no email or camera capability leads to illustration of sleeping donkeys

from: Bicky
to: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
May 10 (3 days ago) 

Yesterday morning (Wed.) I saw something that in all my 20 years of riding GO Trains, I have never seen before. I'm getting on the train that leaves Whitby at 5:53am and three young girls (I'm guessing 19-22) got on the train. Two of them were wearing pretty much Daisy Duke shorts and T-shirts. (It wasn't that warm out!) Anyway, the settled into a quad and I mean settled into. Two of them (and maybe the third one? I didn't see her sit down.) brought their blankies with them. Yup, you read that right... blankies, binkies, minkas... also known as blankets. And not just little travel size ones... full on, twin sized blankets. Holy crap! Where did they think they were?!?! So after they chatted for about two or three minutes, they put on their headphones and hunkered down under their covers and went to sleep. One of them woke up periodically and used her iPhone as a mirror to check her hair. I caught the look of a woman I chat with on the platform, and we both started giggling. It was a sight to behold, for sure.
 
I could not figure out where they would be going that would require blankets. Maybe they were camping out to meet Kim Kardashian today. Who the hell knows? Anyway, it was pretty funny to see.
 
And this is the one time I wish I had a phone with both a camera and email capabilities. Sadly, I could not do both. I did, however, break out my coloured pencils and do another drawing. Ha ha ha! Their mouths came out a little weird but you get the gist of the blankets.
 

Prayers to Christmas baby Jesus pull through! Access to blog restored!

It was mentioned I should switch the Crazy Train to a WordPress platform ... I've been blogging since '97. I've tried all kinds of platforms and currently maintain a site on WordPress and it has its benefits. Blogger has its benefits. Nothing's perfect.


But here we are. Back to our regularly scheduled program and you know what's best to come back to? A good ol' Oakville Smokers Club update courtesy of Michael M.:

A gentle breeze wafts by the station - sadly lacking in the familiar cozy aroma of cigarette tar. There is not a scintilla of carbon monoxide, formaldehyde, hydrogen cyanide, acrolein, or nitrogen oxides in the air. Nothing much smells of the inviting aroma of wet ashtray.. The ground is mostly unlittered by those cute and friendly cigarette butts that just seem to call out "Hi Neighbour!"
 
The ol' Hangout of the Oakville GO Smoking Club, which was conveniently located by what used to be (in the "Good Ol' Days") the only non-smoking sign evident at the station, is unstaffed by familiar sight and smell of that sick-stick-sucking coterie of cigarette camaraderie. Gone is "Finger Guy", the "Lunch Pail Swinger", "Mr. Overdressed", and all the other Nicotine Nice Guys 'n' Gals who would gladly and generously share to the last gram all of the 60+ aireborne carcinogens they produced with anyone, even if they were not not asked...especially if they were asked not to....
I took these snaps on a recent morning after a week or two of (relatively) smoke free air around the station. The clubhouse area, as you can see, is abandoned. "El Presidente" and "Safety Guy" have taken up smoking on the fringes of a legal smoking area (the parking lot) far away from where I have to walk. Technically, they are still defying the bylaw, but since I don't have to smell them I can make every welcome effort to forget them.
The GO bus driver on the bus from which I took these pictures remarked that thses guys were standing pretty close to the door of the OT bus, so their smoke was probably wafting into the open door of the bus. I guess this is how they get their jollies for being "rebels". A bit of a bring down from posing and smoking in front of a no smoking sign...

I feel terrible for breaking up that ol'gang and interrupting such a fine tradition... really I do... LOL


Thursday, May 10, 2012

I hated this as a kid but please stand by


I couldn't imagine anything worse at 11 years old than grabbing my parents' brown, push-button Jerrold channel changer box from my sister's grubby hands to switch the channel from TVOntario to CFTO to watch MacGuyver, only to be greeted with the stupid test screen from a US-feed that wasn't working. Anyhoo, Blogger is giving me issues and as I write, it has taken almost 12 attempts today to write this post to let you know there are technical difficulties. I'll try this again tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Yep. Nailed it

How I feel sitting on the GO train most days.

Come at me, bro!

GO Bus driver is on to your fraud

Last night, as my bus traveled through the rolling fields that is rural Clarington, the driver of said bus performed an act worthy of a Vegas casino pit boss. A pit boss who carefully watches for cheaters, card counters and other scam artists.

Three teens boarded the bus. The only thing I noticed was they boarded in a group. The first one runs to the back and the second one quickly follows. The third one is cock-blocked by the driver. Standing so that the third kid is behind him, he points to the two teens at the back of the bus and asks them to get off.

They come charging back up the aisle and some words were exchanged with the driver. Then they both jumped off the bus to join the third teen who is already on the shoulder of the highway. The driver shuts the door and drives off.

There was only myself and another passenger on the bus. I was mad curious about what happened so I figured I would get up and ask. In doing so, I whacked my head on the overhead bin, hard enough to see stars. This, of course, greatly concerned the driver who I could tell was contemplating pulling over and stopping to check up on me. I made my way to the front. I still had two stops to go 'til I got off. Forgetting about my head, I asked him what had gone down.

Apparently the first kid had a pass he showed to the driver which he then palmed to the second kid behind him,  who in turn palmed it to the third kid, who unfortunately fumbled and had to pick up the pass. The bus driver said he knew exactly what had transpired even before the third kid fumbled, which is why he stood up and called out to the first kid to come to the front and asked him to produce his pass (which is now in possession by the third kid on the sidewalk).

Hawk eye/Pit boss bus driver puffs out his chest and says he's been doing the job for too long and that he's seen it all, but he did say that was one of the smoothest pass-backs he's seen yet but not smooth enough as it didn't get by him.

No kidding.

And now for your daily "The Hell?"

from Dxxxxxx, Bxxxxxxx
bdxxxxx@xxxxxxxxx.com
2:24 PM (19 hours ago)
to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

I am only 2 days back to work after a blissful cruise across the Atlantic visiting Paris and other ports. I was relaxed and reading my paper when some woman decided to drag her wet umbrella across my lap this morning at Whitby.

Once her rather rotund partner got settled beside me, the two of them engaged in a lip lock that left my eyes burning! I prayed for blindness.

As if that wasn’t enough to jerk me back to the reality of being home and back to work, umbrella woman fished out her nail clippers around Ajax and proceeded to clip a nose hair out of her partner’s nose. I was ready to yell “are you f’n kidding me?!” But I buried my head behind my paper and tried to think of the Eiffel Tower and having a beer at the Trocadera instead!

Calm, I must remain calm. Take deep breaths and pray for the day I can retire from all this madness.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Sm--, er, Sex on the train

I downloaded said book (porn for soccer moms) in question to my tablet and found it incredibly difficult to read it on the train considering its content.

I shrunk the text down to the smallest size possible without causing myself to go blind and I still felt uncomfortable reading the book, so I admire the women who just outright read it, not caring who sees the text or not.

But this woman across from me last night? She looked so embarrassed, that she was reading the book sideways.

Look who got himself a new pair of shoes!

It's the LSE 3-seater sleeper! Back again this morning folks. 
In case you think this is the same picture Doug sent in previously, notice that his hand is in his hoodie pocket and he has new running shoes. 
Yesterday, a very brave woman woke him up at Danforth and told him to sit up, but today he claimed his bed!  

He should pay for the two extra seats.

Monday, May 7, 2012

No, I did not get hit by a car

Note: Now that most of you have had your fun, I've masked the number because the last thing I need is a reputable business thinking I'm out to make them not reputable.

Some of you are sick. Sick people!

Sorry I didn't have something up online by 8 am for some of you today!!!

I started to write about the person next to me on the bus this morning who kept repeating 905-430-XXXX over and over (in a whisper) to himself but because of the size of my tablet (10 inches) and its massive touch-screen keyboard, he could read what I was writing so I was kinda stuck.

Finally, after listening to him whisper this number over and over for nearly 10 minutes, I asked him if he'd like a pen and paper to write it down. You'd think I handed him a winning lottery ticket, he was so gracious.

Then I asked him if he had a cellphone. He said, yes, why? I asked him why he didn't store the number in his phone? He showed me his phone. The screen was all smashed in. He knows enough of the repetitive functions to dial out and answer without needing the screen but can't store contacts. So I'm like, can't ya just call your voicemail and leave yourself a message? DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNNN...

Hope there's a happy ending for him.

Friday, May 4, 2012

The answer to "all your space"!!!

LIKE A BOSS.

Thanks to Matt for the GIF.

Holy crap ... it's about time


Well slap some lipstick on me and invite me to dinner, I might as well shut down the blog now.

Or ... (wringing my hands in an evil way) ...things just might get interesting 'round here ... Why? Because I'm counting on more of this.

Pick up your bugle and start playing "Taps"

Two-ride and 10-ride ticket discontinuation
FROM: GO Transit
TO: csmithxxxx@rogers.com
Message flagged Wednesday, May 2, 2012
10:58:18 PM

Starting on June 1st we will no longer sell 2 and 10 ride tickets. All unused tickets after that date will continue to be accepted for travel until July 31st.

We are committed to offering a number of fare options such as single-ride tickets, day passes, GO monthly passes and the flexible and reloadable PRESTO fare card.

For more information on how easy it is to save money with PRESTO, please visit www.gotransit.com/PRESTO.

Oh man ... Presto better buy a whole bunch of hamsters.

This is your Friday!

This pretty much sums it up for me. Yep! Beep beep!

It's been a hellish week.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Perhaps this guy needs a new mattress because he's not getting enough sleep at home

Here he is last week. The only thing he's changed is his jacket.

So GO Transit Safety got a new fleet of cars...


What's all this muscle for? To give chase for what?

This is what my taxes and fare increase pays for?

GO patrols stations, parking lots and trains. One horse would do.

Hide and "GO" seek

from: Rxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
to: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date: Tue, May 1, 2012 at 9:36 PM
subject: Hide & GO (seek) Transit Officers

Hi CJ,

Had to stay at work a bit later today so I took the 6:30pm Stouffville train. So we pull into Markham station and being the last northbound train of the day it's fairly quiet. The train stays on the platform while everyone gets off. Until the doors close, people walk in front of the train to get to the 2 parking lots. When the train is ready to move it always blows its whistle many times to give riders a long enough warning.

So I cross the tracks with the rest of the herd and 4 GO transit officers literally jump out of hiding from behind the big sliver electronic box and state the we have all broken the by-law and to present our identification.

I asked the GO-stapo, err, GO transit officer where the sign is that one should not cross the tracks? He pointed backwards. I asked him if that "official" sign has the bi-law number on it together with the recommended fine. He responded with "I don't know. ID please". I checked and no it does not.

Then I proceed to ask him why they are picking the 6:30pm train that is the quietest of them all and not the 4:18pm or the 4:48pm (where they can make a monetary killing!) to which he responded that they do. Funny things is that they don't as I always take either one or the other and have never seen them. Then he asked for my identification again. Oh! and meanwhile all the other patrons are tripping over each other to give the officers their IDs.

Here's my question to GO Transit: You guys are so big on safety as I've read your tweets, emails, posters and announcements. That is fantastic! But if your officers really reallly really were big into safety and want to educate your customers then they would place themselves BEFORE the track crossing to ensure their customer's safety. But no they don't. They wait for as many customers to cross so that they can make $140.00 a pop and then give a lecture on safety. Does anyone else see the irony in this?

Anyway, I simply walked back to confirm that yes I was right and that the sign did not have any writing or bi-law # or fine information. On the opposite side of the road, there is no sign at all. Did I get ticketed? Nope, just walked away. My wife came to pick me up about 10 mins later and she saw them on the side of the road walking back to the station with a donut box eating their yummy treats.

So I guess I'm going to take videos of people crossing at Markham, Centennial and Mount Joy and also get a good video of the transit officers hiding behind the big silver electronic box thing-a-ma-gigy and post them on YouTube. I'm sure the GO Transit execs will appreciate the bad press.

No more crossing tracks for me!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I don't know what's worse. The cigar smoking despite the no-smoking bylaw for platforms or the black socks with sandals?

- Submitted

Apparently he can read, so I wonder why he can't read the no smoking signs?


He reminds me of the man from the movie "UP". His shirt matches the cardigan!