Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Socially awkward moment, I has it

I don't profess to have a lot of experience with randomly being hit on.
In my younger days, about 80 pounds ago and 18 years ago, I used to do the prowling.
Men loved me - mostly because I was hilarious and adventurous; qualities my husband holds near and dear.
But usually when I was hit on, it was by men old enough to be my dad, or men bored with their marriages (Danger! Danger! Stay away from those assholes).
Today, I decided to hop on the subway from Queen to Union because my left foot has been causing me some discomfort and walking up to work this morning proved painful.
I got on. Sat down. Adjusted my hair... and caught the eye of this man in a suit with his bag balanced on his lap. He was blonde, average, late 30s, glasses and he smiled at me. A genuine smile. Not a 'Hey, wanna buy a banana?' smile, but a friendly smile.
This threw me so I pretended not to notice and instead, stared real hard at this ad with a Christian message scrawled across it using signs ripped from TTC subway stations.
I actually found the ad clever so I snapped a picture of it.

When I glanced over at not old enough to be my dad guy, he was full-on smiling at me. A right up to his eyelids kind of grin.
Well, yeah, I just took a picture of a sign professing love of Jesus, so I'd stare too.
The train pulls into Union and I file off with everyone else and guy who is actually quite attractive, files in behind me up the escalator.
The crowd stalls at the turnstile and guy in the not a Sears suit leans in towards me and asks, "Is your sister so and so?"
Clever, I think.
"No," I reply. "You have me confused with someone else."
He smiles at me in a 'oops, my bad' kind of way and holds the door open for me into Union.
Honestly? I don't know what to make of any of this.
Not to appear to have a lack of self-confidence or self-esteem, but I haven't felt attractive in a long time and men generally ignore me. Except for men in furniture stores - they bloody love me. Oh, and men selling cars. I can get any hood popped - ask my husband.
So, wrapped in this moment of awkwardness and because I happen to be wearing a ring on my "married" finger (he was not, I looked), I asked him for his phone number. Let's cut to the chase, right?
He pauses, smiles, and asks, "How about a drink first?"
I'm usually swift and witty, but all of a sudden, I felt tremendously inadequate and inept. I hated myself for doubting he truly did mean what he asked, but I was overcome with a feeling of unworthiness and was dumbstruck by his question because I'm a married woman with no business drinking with any strange man.
"I'm sorry," I say. "But I can't do that. I'm not sure what this is, but I'm flattered. But I'm also married, and in a hurry, so I'll have to give my regrets."
Yes, I actually said that! Bringing it like it's 1890... right here, folks!
I didn't wait for him to answer. I walked away as confidently and as hurried as my busted foot could muster, and disappeared into the crowd.

So how didja make out last night?

It was nice to see that GO service was fully operational this morning. I'm sure this was a relief for many. The folks who ride in using the Richmond Hill corridor were warned that canoes would be on stand-by but Hurricane Sandy cut them some slack and service resumed normally this morning.

My area made it through the storm unscathed and with power. I did see a neighbour's patio umbrella roll by around 10:30 last night, but other than that, nothing crazy.

I'm sure most of you read about the woman who was killed in Toronto's west end by a sign that tore loose in the wind. I have some questions about the installation of this sign and why it couldn't withstand the wind speed at the time, considering other signs mounted at the plaza at Keele and St. Clair managed to remain intact, but that's up for engineers to determine. I'd like to take a moment to express my condolences to this woman's family.

For many, the storm seemed like a "meh" but for others, especially southeast of us, it was pretty devastating  I'm very relieved it didn't pack the punch it had the potential for.

It was also nice to see the pond under the Rouge Valley bridge get some water. Those who ride the LSE will know what I'm talking about. SAVE ALL THE GEESE!

Photo credit:

Monday, October 29, 2012

Gather 'round children, it's time for another tale of the Oakville Smokers Club

Photoshopped by Yours Truly
Photo credit: MM

from: MM
date: Sat, Oct 27, 2012 at 7:27 PM
subject: Oakville Smokers Club

I seem to have been jinxed. Ever since I promised you new smoker pics I've run into a dry spell. If I have my camera, there are no smokers; if I leave it at home, they are everywhere.

But sometimes the fish come to you when you least expect it.

Last Friday I missed my connection for the early GO bus, so I had to wait around for the later one. I use either one regularly, depending on my energy level, but this was the first time I had such an extended layover. So I got a coffee and a paper and settled in to wait the 15 or so minutes till my bus rolled in.

It's a different vibe at the station when buses are not rolling in and out. Since Oakville Transit times their buses to coincide with GO train and bus departures, the times in between seem kind of empty. Fewer people, less bustle.

There were no smokers though, at least at first, and I was kind of enjoying the fresh air.

Then, when  I went out towards the bus platform, I saw this guy. (See pic). He was standing directly in front of the side door, maybe two feet in front of it, facing the door and blocking it,  and only  a metre or two from the no-smoking sign. My rule is that I don't shoot unless I can get the no-smoking sign in, or unless I have already asked the smoker to desist.

This guy was gold. So I took his picture.

He then walks towards me and says that I have no right to take his picture, that it is illegal. He has a thick Eastern-European accent, so I give him the benefit of the doubt and I start the spiel about the law saying that I can take a picture in any public place.

He keeps at it. So I point to the sign and tell him that it means "no smoking" in English, Polish, Russian and whatever other language he might speak... but there are no posted signs for photography. He walks off and goes down the steps to the underpass to the trains - still smoking.

I get on the bus and mention all this to the bus driver, an old acquaintance. He laughs.

It seems that this guy has a morning routine - he stands in front of the doors and blows smoke at people entering and leaving and scowls at anyone who even looks at him crosseyed. Every goddamn day for the last few weeks.

I guess my photographing him took him up short.

Life is good.

Missed out on previous Oakville GO Station smoking shenanigans? Catch up here

Look at this wet boot hussy

It was raining this morning, but this honey badger don't care. She don't give a shit. > Reference here
This is where I like to pull out what I call my Thurston Howell, III white glove and slap these people across the ankles.
People, say something! If you're stuck, call me, 905-442-7423, and then hand the person the phone. I'll take care of it. Pinky-swear.
And what about the person who had to sit in that seat after this Princess removed her filthy boots?
Don't you foot riders think about that? What about the seat you're in? Would you be happy knowing you're sitting is someone else's dirt?

-Submitted (DY)

‎"Here I am... rock me like a hurricane!"

Sang no one on the East Coast, ever.

Be sure to follow Hurricane Sandy on Twitter for real-time updates from the centre of the storm herself! Warning: NSFW due to language.

Are you ready? Is GO Transit ready?

"Who are you kidding!? There's no plan in place for tonight!" I can hear you screaming from your keyboards.

I'm reading all kinds of crazy weather predictions for our area.

But I like Environment Canada's warning the best. Gee, can one be any more vague? "This evening". That's pretty ball park. Are we talking 5pm? 9pm?

Can we expect cancelled trains tomorrow morning due to debris and downed trees on tracks or is GO Transit on top of this hot mess? With cranes and clean-up crews on stand-by?

If GO is smart, they will issue their own weather bulletin outlining the steps they plan to take to prepare for this hurricane, but to their credit, they've been very pro-active on Twitter this morning.

WWCN11 CWTO 290851








PS. If my headline and subsequent comment shows up as a meme today on the internet anywhere, I have Howard Bigfird on stand-by.

Morning phone calls

I typically catch a bus that shows up at 6:38 am. The last couple of trips I've been subjected to listening to the one-sided phone calls conducted by a young guy. He's not speaking English to the person on the other end, but a phone call at this hour is annoying in any language.
I hate early morning phone yappers.
But most importantly, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE TALKING TO?
Back in the day, say 7-10 years ago, the only phone conversation you'd hear on a bus or train before 8:00 am was some poor teenager being harrassed by his mom to find his jeans on the dryer.
"Get up and go look for your jeans on the dryer! DID YOU FIND YOUR JEANS ON THE DRYER!? Call me when you get to school".
Now it's these marathon conversations about who the hell knows.
Maybe people, since they're up, are calling relatives in other countries where it's 9 o'clock at night and no single fucks are given that the person is on a bus with other people all hella annoyed.
It's 6:49 am, we all want peace and quiet, because it's still dark out and our bodies are pissed off we're on a bus, or a train, and not back in bed.
I'll tell you, if for any reason in my life, I happen to be home, in bed, dreaming about Brad Pitt playing baseball and my phone rings, and it's a friend sitting on a bus somewhere at 6:30 in the morning, this is what would happen:
(Phone ringing; Knight Rider theme music because that's my ring tone)
Reach for phone on night stand.
Drag it to my ear preparing for bad news...
"Oh, hi, CJ? It's "INSERT NAME OF JERKY FRIEND HERE", I was just call---"
Push end button.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Traumatized for life

My husband, who has only ever taken the GO train three times in his life, and on a Saturday, was unprepared for what he experienced Wednesday evening when he arrived before the train I was on pulled into the Oshawa GO station, at the peak of rush hour.

He made the mistake of waiting on the platform with our 7-year-old daughter in tow. He waited where the old ticket punch machines once stood. He stood right near the only pedestrian exit. He had nothing to fear. No reason to be concerned as he watched the train, with its heart shaped bullet-noise, clang its arrival.

The following is true, as it transpired, when I finally found him, at the far end of the Chrysler dealership parking lot, curled up in a fetal position on the pavement, my daughter peering down at him encouraging him to take a sip from her 5-Alive drinking box and patting him gently on the head.

"It was horrible. They were so many of them ... (mumble, mumble, incoherent). So I ran, I picked her up and ran, ran with her held high over my head like how Mufasa held Simba ... (incoherent) Lion King", he said.

"So many of what?! Mufasa? The hell you talking about?" I asked.

"Mummy! You should have seen all the people! It made daddy crazy," said my daughter, as she picked a gum wrapper off my husband's shoulder.

"It was like cockroaches ... thousand of cockroaches (incoherent). Remember that motel in Cornwall?  (Mumble) bathroom, opened cabinet doors ... all at once ... DO YOU REMEMBER?!" Screamed my husband as he ground his fists into his eyes.

"What happened?" I asked again, pulling out my phone and getting ready to call for paramedics.

"They came at me all at once. Jumping over benches and shit. Like fucking Gazelles!" He shouted.

"Language!" I yelled. My daughter clamped her hands over her ears.

Then it dawned on me.

Oh dear.

 I played the video for him on my tablet. "No," he said hoarsely, "It was worse. Way worse." So I played this video for him. He let out a scream that wasn't even human. "That was it but it was still worse," he whispered.

"Don't make me do this again."

Lessons learned, I told him. Lessons learned.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

By request, REPOST: If I had a rocket launcher

This is too easy...

This parking donkey at the Langstaff GO lot thought he was doing everything right when he lined his car up with the car in front of him. Too bad he didn't pay attention to where the lines were. Two spots gone - just like that (finger-snap).

That's ok. Arnold will take care of this.

Thanks Arnold. Now get back in my trunk.

Apparently it's all my fault the parking donkeys have to bail out their cars and ... SELL THEIR CARS?

I haven't replied to this email because I don't like to engage and also because my lawyer, Howard Bigfird, is hiding out in my closet on a pile of comforters and absolutely refuses to be disturbed these days. I did read this email to him but he yawned partway through and there's no point in discussing a reply strategy if he's not interested.

However, he gave me this blank stare when I asked him if I should share this email with my readership which usually means, "Bitch, seriously?" This is usually followed by him extending one of his legs and gliding his tongue along it from thigh to end. Howard Bigfird doesn't care what I do. Enjoy!

date: Tue, Oct 23, 2012 at 6:44 PM
subject: GO parking story

Dear Ms. Smith
It is with grave concern that I read your article entitled
"The worst I've seen in three years," says GO Transit CSA and posted online Thursday, September 8, 2011.

I've been riding the train out of Oshawa since 2009. This is the first time I have ever been ticketed and then last week, my car was towed. GO never showed any interest in enforcement, until, it appears, you began writing about it. I noticed you had a more recent post published Monday this week.

I feel you are only adding fuel to the fire and I think you should take a step back and re-evaluate what you're trying to accomplish.

I never asked for you to speak for me and I'm certain that those riders who are bothered by the lack of parking spaces and understand why many people park illegally don't feel happy you've taken it upon yourself to single them out. I'm also sure you don't speak for everyone who rides GO.

I've watched how Social Media and Blogs cause companies to take pause and re-evaluate their customer service but to start tagging and towing all because some woman on the internet decided she'd "call people out for it" and then post pictures online making it easier to identify the people who "park how they want to" is wrong.

My car is one of the cars pictured on your website. This now means I may have to consider selling the car as I no longer feel safe parking it at Oshawa because I'm now a target. GO has decided to ticket and tow me but not ticket and tow others and I believe it's because my car was targeted by you. I'm also concerned that people will damage my car because they would be impassioned to do so because of how your website had inflamed the parking situation.

Legally, I realize I can't ask you to remove photos from your site as my car was in a public parking lot. Not that you care but I'll tell you anyway, but I parked where I did because I needed to get to work, traffic was horrendous and Whitby wasn't an option for me.
Regardless, I don't feel I should have to drive 10 minutes out of my way as I'm already doing my part by not driving to the city. I feel GO should address the increase in ridership/vehicles and build a parking garage at Oshawa GO. Does it not not seem incredulous to you, considering Oshawa is the end of the line and the only station serving that city and Clarington, that there is no parking garage?

Why don't you make that your mission. Why not fight the good fight instead of going after people who are just trying to get to work?

Don't be so quick to judge. One day you might find yourself without a spot, should you ever have to drive to the station, and be forced to make a choice that is wrong, but was done out of necessity. Would you feel it was fair you got a ticket, or worse, towed?

I'm just not happy I've been singled out.


Monday, October 22, 2012

Mega Donkey

How in the hell... ?

A reader sent this in.

This was taken during a trip on a Mega Bus from Montreal to Toronto. This takes "all your space" to a whole new level, my friends. And you thought we were merely at the church with the shit we see on GO trains with feet sprawled on opposite seats.

This jackass has his feet on the seat behind his seats!

This guy takes it out of the church and into the parking lot. We're talking speakers, fire and brimstone, placards, weeping Virgin Mary statues and Jesus profiles on toast.

All of it. Right there. On a Mega Bus.

Better keep your Presto Card in a glass case and wrapped in velvet...

This wonderfully insane story comes to us today from Manel
date: Sun, Oct 21, 2012 at 6:44 PM

SO. Yesterday (Oct 20th), I was riding the Lakeshore West train into union. As the train was pulling in, the train cop (Transit Safety Officer) was checking tickets. I handed him my PRESTO card, and he scanned it.

I got the PRESTO card when it first came out in December of 2010. Physically, the card is in pretty bad shape, so it doesn't always scan right away.

As I handed the train cop my card, I explained: "You need to hold it against the scanner for about 30 seconds." And he did, and my card scanned no problem. By this point, the train has pulled in, it's about 6:05 PM, and people are getting off. The train cop asks another lady for her card, and still has mine in hand. He instructs me to wait in my seat, and he took off to get another train cop.

When he returns, he compares this lady's card (which is brand new) with mine, which is old and worn out.

He then proceeds to say: "I have reason to believe that this card is counterfeit, and you're going to have to come with me."

He escorts me onto the platform, and I'm surrounded by like 6 of these train cops. I sarcastically exclaim, "I'm a business student, obviously I don't have a PRESTO counterfeiting operation going on in my basement! This is completely ridiculous, I need to get going!"

The train cop replies "Well, usually when somebody has nothing to hide, they don't act aggressively." Isn't this guy a dumb ass? He thinks that a sense of urgency + a worn out transit pass = a counterfeit? I said:

"You're making a baseless allegation, can I have my card back so I can leave?" He makes me wait around for about a half hour, and then escorts me to the ticket booth to have a new card issued. He kept my old card, and said that I will be investigated by Metrolinx. He ends up wasting 45 minutes of my time.

Doesn't Metrolinx issue some sort of training? Is it acceptable for one of their offices to take matters into their own hands, and use poor judgement to accuse somebody of having a fake PRESTO card?

I think they should just stick to checking tickets, and kicking drunks off the train.

Just a friendly warning to all other commuters: Do not have a sense of urgency OR a worn out card. You may also be labelled as a presto-counterfeiter!

Bad GO, bad GO, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when the whiny, illegally-parked, self-entitled whiners come for youuuuuuuuuu?



Because GO lots are first come, first serve. I know this seems unfair. I know that many people feel because of the cost of fare and the (still!) shitty communication surrounding delays, GO should do more when it comes to improving customer service and for many, this means creating more parking spaces.
They have.
They've built parking garages.
They've built parking garages at near-by stations to help passengers, such as those who usually depart from Oshawa, find a place to park. So you drive seven more minutes to Whitby, big deal. I did it many times. Usually when I was running late.
Now I just take the bus.
The onus is on the passenger to figure out how they will get to the station and to have a strategy in regards to parking. People who arrive early and park legally shouldn't have to be boxed in and blocked by people too lazy to get their shit together.
Occasionally I sympathize with illegal parking donkeys only because arriving at the station (Oshawa for example) and not knowing the parking situation, can be a shock to those who don't normally commute by GO. These people didn't intentionally leave at a time that leaves no time to find alternate parking. But parking illegally is a risk (and wrong, and they know it).
Those who are whining about being towed and being ticketed are people who are VERY FAMILIAR with the parking situation at over-capacity stations, but they park illegally anyway because they see others do it with no repercussions, so they figure "why not?" Bad strategy, folks.

More online at the Toronto Sun's website.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

About Presto and that 2-hour window

From Angela B.
Subject: Presto is a mess-oh

I am now convinced that Presto customer service agents are merely random people hired off the street using a $100 bill as incentive and some spa gift certificates as bait. At least, this is how it feels after months of trying to get someone to explain to why, after tapping, I'm given two hours to complete my trip.

Is it two hours after every tap? Or from the first tap at the start of your journey?

For example, a few months ago, on a Thursday, I had to travel to Aldershot. I started out by bus (Tap 1) and then tapped off when I got to Oshawa station. I then tapped to board the train (Tap 2) pressing override so that I would be charged the base fare and the rest of the fare would be calculated when I tapped off at Union.

Here's where I got stuck. I tapped off at Union because I would be taking a different train on a totally different corridor. This is what the bus driver told me to do. I learned later at Customer Service this is not what I should have done.

So, to board the Aldershot train at Union, I had to pay cash because when I tried to tap again after tapping off, the machine kept flashing the "Already Tapped" message. Long story short, while trying to get this sorted out, I missed the train to Aldershot and had to wait 45 minutes for the next one.

But wait, it gets better. I had to pay cash to take the train to Aldershot because no one could fix the 'already tapped' issue and I had to wait for the 'reset'.

Honestly, it felt like no one knew what they were doing.

I heard a completely different story on the way home. I was told, when boarding at Aldershot, press override, tap and then take all the trains I needed and top off at Oshawa. Well I did this, only to have the Oshawa train be delayed. By the time I arrived in Oshawa, it had been more than two hours since I tapped on and I received a card error message when I tapped off.

I was so pissed, aggravated, fed up ... you name it.

I wanted to go home!!! I had to pay the bus driver with cash.

The next day, being a Friday, I boarded the bus and tapped, only to be told I owed $24 and change. The driver asked if I wanted to pay that out of my e-Purse. Sure, of course! Why didn't this happen the night before when I tapped on the bus and wound up paying cash for the bus ride home?

What I did learn is that if you do all the tapping I did for the journey at the beginning, two-hour windows work.

My question is, what is the correct way to use Presto for multiple trains, buses and different corridors? How many taps?

Why can't anyone give me a consistent, straight answer?

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Monday, October 15, 2012

Guess which corridor, folks?!

from: Greg XXXXXXX
date: Mon, Oct 15, 2012 at 2:33 PM
subject: IMG00616-20121015-1426.jpg

This dude on the (guess!) right now is pretending to nap and thinking no one notices he keeps moving his hand up and down over his crotch ....dude wait till you get home man...

Meltdowns and breakdowns

On the bus ride home this evening, I was seated near a woman who was absolutely distraught over the news that come January, monthly GO Transit passes were to go the way of Paris Hilton's movie career.
I found it comical and stifled a couple of giggles as she lamented to her friend why this was the coming of Hell, the end of the world and her own transit apocalypse.
In fact, at one point, she actually said, "Now I know how the dinosaurs felt, you know? When they saw that big comet hurtling towards earth with nothing they could do to stop it..."
What. The. F...?
Then she turned her sadness into anger and began to wail about how much she hates Presto. That there is no way she could remember to do all that tapping! GO Transit was being unfair! How dare they take away her freedom to walk onto the train without having to think about yet another routine! I quickly looked at her feet. Yep. Velcro.
Her gaze began to roam around the bus. Surely, she said, she can't be the only one pissed off about the cancellation of monthly passes.
It was then that I took my Presto card and rubbed it affectionately against my cheek.
When I caught her eye, I lovingly gave my Presto card some tongue.
Suck it up, honey. And buy some shoes with laces. Go for gold for once.

Saturday, October 13, 2012


Go downstairs at 7:30.
Make coffee.
Put dishes away.
Make breakfast for everyone - BLTs.
Turn on fireplace.
Hubby comes down.
Nothing is said other than a kiss on the cheek. After 20 minutes I jokingly tell him he's in the doghouse and when he tries to speak, I say, I hope it's warm in your doghouse.
I take my breakfast, and my coffee, and head upstairs to read the paper on my laptop, only to walk into the room and see there's a card and a gift sitting on my laptap.
I HATE WHEN YOU DO THAT, Mr. Crazy Train!!!
And yes, it is warm in the doghouse.
Here's to another 11 years of these shenanigans!!! :)

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

This article in Saturday's Star had me all teary-eyed at the end. The columnist's regrets are the  reason why I make a lot of Ukrainian borscht around this time of year and Acadian meat pie at Christmas, all from scratch, and why I learned how to.
The holidays for me are always about food and family. It's important to me to learn and pass down traditions.
I hope my daughter feels the same one day.

Friday, October 5, 2012

That'll hold it

I don't profess to know a hell of a lot about duct tape but according to my husband, it's now sold in a variety of colours.
This has been helpful, he says (speaking as a mechanic) for owners of vehicles to secure their bumpers and fenders with coloured duct tape closely matching the vehicle's original paint.
It takes do-it-yourself to a whole new level, he says.
It appears GO Transit finds it as equally helpful... in a pinch, I hope.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Come on ... c'mon.... for the love of all things Christmas Baby Jesus ...

28 Sep
Does this as$hole really need to have his disgusting legs on the seats while he scratches his open sores?

I don't know what the hell is going on here. But no thanks

The person who sent this in never explained to me what I was looking at. It's clear this person was looking at a face full of crotch, but why? How? On purpose?

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Last week, I rode the train with the third richest man in the world

Maybe he really was who he said he was - the third richest man in the world. A billionaire whose wealth includes two mining companies and a publishing business.

He's also a famous physicist, well known in China and Japan. A man whose family was cured of cancer, ulcers and toothaches using nothing but oil of Oregano.

He told me his name was Tom and he invented a device that allowed for videos to be projected from a watch.

I met Tom last week on a train ride home to Pickering. I was in a foul mood, with no desire talk to anyone. Tom dialed up so much crazy, he broke the damn phone.

He quoted poetry, scripture and gloated about being a father. How could I not listen?

Meh. Close enough

Rouge Hill GO parking donkey.

(UPDATE: It was Guildwood GO. Meh. Close enough)

I'd hate to see these people try to colour.

Submitted by MM

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

UPDATED: If you ever have a question about turkey fryers, I'm your bitch (profanity alert)

Tonight, during the entire train ride home from Union to Oshawa, I was subjected to, nay, forced to listen to a woman tell her quad companions all about her brand new, just in time for Thanksgiving, turkey fryer.
From Walmart.

I had been watching Moneyball on my Blackberry. I don't even like goddamned baseball, but I like Jonah Hill, and I love Brad Pitt, and math is fucking fun, so I wanted to watch the movie. I had the volume cranked and I could still hear this woman running her mouth about her stupid turkey fryer... And where she was gonna put it... And that it was 30 quarts... And her bird is 16 pounds... And it has a boil feature. Well I sure hope to hell it has a goddamn boil feature because how the fuck else do you expect to fry a fucking turkey?

It comes with a thermometer. A goddamn fucking thermometer! And it's a big thermometer, too. Long. She thinks it's about a foot long. Of course, if she ever drops it in the oil she could always use the BBQ tongue to fetch it out, because the turkey fryer oil is dangerous. It also has a side table so you can rest stuff... And the side table is removable because, you know, in case you have to clean it. And the fryer itself is made of cast iron and stainless steel, so this fryer is a heavy motherfucker, because apparently her son may have to move it around the yard on Saturday with a wheelbarrow so she can decide where to put the goddamn thing.

She's confused about the marinade injector. But that's okay! Because she has the fucking user manual in her purse. Let's just pull it out and look up how the marinade injector works. Let's tell the whole fucking GO train.

But you know what's she's most excited about? No, not that she bought a goddamn turkey fryer. She's excited that it has a built-in timer so it's next to impossible to burn the turkey. She read somewhere once, or maybe it was on  television, that the best way to cook a turkey is to fry it, so that's why she insisted, insisted, her husband buy her a turkey fryer.

Fuck me.

Anyhow, enjoy this great video from State Farm (Thanks, April C for the link)

UPDATED: So this happened on the Richmond Hill GO train yesterday

Edge 102 has remixed the audio of this video. You can listen here.

There's been a lot of online discussion about what corridor this happened on. I was told Richmond Hill. I have an email that says it happened on a train heading to Stouffville. Others say it was the Lakeshore West to Clarkson.
The person who posted the video on YouTube hasn't responded to my email. I don't think it really matters where it happened. It happened.
There are people who have watched the video who are in awe of what was recorded. I have to say, so am I. I've witnessed altercations on my own line but nothing of this magnitude. Some people have tossed out suggestions it was staged.
What I'd really like is to talk to the person she was screaming at. I'm only an email away...


I hate it when I'm late to the party.

I'm not on top of my game these days due to personal matters. I'm sure you've noticed the infrequent posts. A few people contacted me this morning via social media and email about this incident that some of you have probably already heard about.

This clip was uploaded to YouTube and profiled on Dean Blundell from Edge 102's blog.

This "crazy" woman loses her sh*t at someone riding on a GO train with her on the Richmond Hill corridor, claiming she was kicked. This incident demonstrates how many of us GO Transit passengers just carry on with our business of doing the crossword or listening to tunes while the emergency alarm beeps comfortably, all the while confident that help is on the way.