Lobster dinner

Submitted by Kendra (via text message to 9054420352)

Last night, I was on the 10:13 train from Union Station heading to Pickering and there was this couple near me who had takeout boxes stacked on the seat beside them.

Around Danforth the woman opened one of the takeout boxes and hunched over in her seat to eat some left-over lobster. She was using her hands to break the shells of the claws, and her teeth, and there was lobster meat flying everywhere.

Her boyfriend proceeded to the do the same thing with another takeout box and loudly sucked lobster meet from the claws. When he tried to break open the tail, it slipped from his hands and landed on the floor under a seat. He got up to grab it and he took a water bottle from the lady's bag and rinsed off the tail. At least he did this over the container and he went back to eating it.

Finally I figured I would take a photo of this hot mess with my phone but the guy caught me trying to angle my phone and he actually asked me if I was taking a picture of him. I got very nervous and told him I was trying to get a signal. He looked at me and asked me flat out if I have a problem with people eating on the train. This was getting too confrontational for me so I said no and went back to quickly reading my book.

Sorry I couldn't get a photo. You weren't kidding when you said people treat the space around them on the train like their personal living room.

Alkee-hawl

I'm on the 5:20 which is supposedly the train of 'zee classy peepull' but, er... the young guy across from me is swigging from a bottle wrapped in an LCBO brown bag and this Batman aka Adam West look alike, who smells like he crawled out of the other dude's bottle, is sawing logs. In my ear.

Perhaps I should move.

Living room?

I am sure many are familiar with people who treat a quad like it's their living room with newspapers spread out and hats and bags occupying seats. Then rather than clear the clutter, they wait until a crowd shows up (Ajax) and act like they're being inconvenienced because people stand and patiently wait for them to remove their crap.

Le sigh.

If someone did this next to me, I'd slap the polish off their toes

Submitted by Amanda

Text message dilemma

Hey, I'm just pullin into Stouffville....there's a woman with a large brown stain on her white pants right at the crack of her ass.....what's your protocol for this? Do you tell the person? Should I take a photo?
From Micah

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No. Don't send me photos like that.

I'm not usually one to stare at a person's butt so I'm not clear on what you mean by protocol. It's not like I'd suddenly bust out a Tide pen and start writing on a person's behind.

Personally, if it was me, I'd like for people to pretend that they're suddenly blind and let me deal with it when I got home.

Love notes

About a month ago, I made a decision to include my mobile number (9054420352) on this blog so readers could send me texts and picture messages. It's worked out beautifully except for one person who sent me some "sext" messages yesterday.

For your amusement, I've reposted the exchange below.

Sexter-> Hi u there?

Me -> Hello, how can I help you?

Sexter -> Is this CJ?

Me -> Yep. What's up?

Sexter -> Are u on the train?

Me -> As a matter of fact, I am. Are you?

Sexter -> Yes. going to Whitby. I took the 5:10 from Union.

Me - > Cool. You gotta story for me?

Sexter -> Are u on 5:10

Me -> I could be. Why?

Sexter -> What do you look like?

Me -> I'll never tell.

Sexter -> C'monnnn. I'm on the srd coach. I'm wearing black pants and pink-tank with a white camisole. Come sit wid me.

Me -> Er ...

Sexter -> I can do things with my hands that only u could feel

Me -> You mean like a massage?

Sexter -> Yes

Me -> Can I bring friends?

Sexter -> Only you ... this is a one on one offer

Me -> But you don't know what I look like. I could be ugly.

Sexter -> u have a great sense of human. There's no way ur ugly.

Me -> Well my grandma tells me all the time how great looking I am, I guess that counts. And I am 'human'.

Sexter -> Ooops sry, u know what I mean ...

Sexter -> Are you horny?

Me -> On a train?!

Sexter -> I can make u feel better. I have blonde hair and I'm 27.

Me -> That's very appealing but ...

Sexter -> Are u scared?

Me - > No, but I am a woman.

The "sexts" stopped coming after my last reply.

Sounds super but...

Sending me sexts telling me you like a man with a sense of "human" and what you'd do to me if we were on a train alone has been highly amusing.

There's just one problem. Although I am "human", I'm also a woman.

408 charges for stealing your metal

Well, I can put the jar of vaseline away now that the po-po have caught the people responsible for teefing catalytic converters from vehicles parked at various GO stations.

Praise Christmas baby jesus.

Here's the news story over at CP24.

Thanks to Dan for the link.

Thank you!

I am flattered people take the time to read, comment and send in submissions.
If you're new here, welcome!

I try to dial up the crazy five times a week and just when I think the ride's going to come to a grinding "we have track congestion going into Union Station" halt, I get an email (cj@thiscrazytrain.com) or a text message (9054420352) that gets this blog back on track.

Bieber-fever

on sat nite i got to ride the LE home with a group of tweens and their parents after the justin bieber concert at the acc.

i, and many others, were subjected to an in-depth conversation about what they liked most about justin bieber and what each of them would do if they dated him.

suddenly, these 2 construction-type guys chimed in and one screams at the girls, saying: "he's a fag!", "he's a pole-licker!" and "fudge-packer!" and they both laugh out loud.

these girls were ages 9-12. they all immediately stopped talking. one looked like she wanted to cry but there was this 1 girl who got up, marched over, got right into this guy's face and told him to mind his own business and to grow up and not be so hateful. turns out she has 2 daddies and didn't appreciate the homophobic remarks.

the four parents who were chaperoning these girls (there were 6 of them) ushered them all onto another car.

i was proud of that girl ...

i'm one of her daddies.

from paul. d. in whitby

Submitted by text message to 9054420352

Barefoot may be best but ...

Not on a public train. Gross. I don't even know where her shoes are!

Submitted by Amanda to cj@thiscrazytrain.com
Burlington. 4:47 pm

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Amanda has more to share with us. Stay tuned!

What the hell?

A foot rider, a bag rider and a foot rider apparently blown clear off the train because I don't see a body attached to those shoes.

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This dirty turnip put the shoes he's wearing on the seat, his backup pair on the other seat and added bags for good measure.

Awesome!

Submitted by text message to 9054420352

Is it the safety circle?

Why are we so afraid to have our elbow touch another person's arm?

The woman sitting next to me this evening was taking great pains to position her arm away from me. It looked incredibly uncomfortable, so I moved.

Crazy moment shout out ...

To the lady cleaning the toe jam from her toes this morning on the Lakeshore East.
Would you like some peanut butter with that?

Submitted by text to 9054420352 from J.L.

Rough weekend

For the guy in front of me waiting to exit the train.

The back of his neck and down to where his skin disappears under his shirt is covered in scratches.

Finger-nail scratches.

(Cough)

Hey big rude dude

Did you think I forgot about what happened 2 weeks ago? [Background post]

Nope. Not a chance.

I'm not one to hold a grudge but when I saw you this morning, sitting there reading your Metro newspaper, looking half-awake, I knew I had to give you a good dose of Karma. You looked like you really, really wanted a *quiet* ride.

It's healthy for you, ya know ... good ol' Karma.

So I called my husband, who I knew would be on one of the green cutting machines at his job at a golf course, which meant I would have to yell into my phone so he could hear me. (The train wasn't full yet, nor moving.)

Oh I saw you throw me a look, you big rude dude, as I told my husband in great detail the mundane tasks I performed this morning. (Honey, if you're reading this, I know you had no clue why I was having such a conversation with you since I never phone to bore you with such details).

And although I was shaking, because I'm not a mean person or one who thrives on confrontation, because it was clear you didn't recognize me (yet), I asked you pointedly to turn down your iPod so I could hear my husband. And still, you said nothing but you did what I asked (!).

You chicken-poo. Funny how so many of these train bullies only grow a pair (and are rude) when they're in a group.

Le sigh.

Bless you. Not

Got sneezed on today.
Right in the face.

Customer appreciation?

Contributed by Tom W.

This morning was customer appreciation day at Whitby station, which included handouts of a free GO Transit branded goodie bag. The bag contained (amongst other things) sugar-free mint flavoured gum and a roll of mints.
Is GO dropping hints about commuters' morning breath?

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Good question, Tom. The promotions people at GO must be closet halitophobics or they assume we are. See video. Apparently there's a toilet brush for tongues. Imagine if GO got a hold of these puppies ...

Overheard

There's two ladies near me bashing people they work with. Apparently one of them started a fight by leaving sticky notes on the fridge about someone who had stolen her lunch, specifically a cheese sandwich. A co-worker, trying to be funny, had written that it was delicious under her note and asked she make more. She's going on and on how rotten and childish it was of this co-worker to do that and how immature it is for other people in her department to have laughed at the note. She has spent the last 20 minutes on this topic. She's absolutely enraged, not at someone having eaten her lunch, but that a co-worker wrote on her note.

Now they're hashing a plot about how to get back at this co-worker. There's talk of unplugging the person's mouse so he thinks it's broken. They find this quite funny, actually.

Good lord ...

Banana ink

I'm on the 11:13 going towards the Shwa.
There's a man on the second car, upper level, about 45 years old or so, who is painting letters on the glass of the window near him with pieces of banana. I can't take a picture with my phone as my plan doesn't allow me to send photos, but it looks like he's writing: I hate fat chicks.

Now he's taken off his shirt and trying to clean the window with it. Now he's spitting on it.

I'm moving cars now.

- Submitted by (number withheld) via text message to 9054420352