Heading home ...

Oh good christ.

Got a kid here a quad over who is using his snot as play-doh.

It's 10:25 at night. This kid is no older than 3.

According to his momma, whose been on her celly since we left Union, they've been out shopping all day. Obviously Kleenex wasn't on the list.

Wheee! He rides it like a hobo! God, who do I have to pay for a ride like this? It'd be like rollercoaster freedom. No bar. Please stand. No hills

Background here.

Thanks Dan!

The almost epic meltdown of the LSE's very own Super Jesus

Lovingly penned by Martini via email
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Hey CJ!
Remember this lovely video I sent you? http://www.thiscrazytrain.com/2010/12/yes-there-really-is-santa-claus.html

A little back story: I have seen the guy in the video wearing these really elaborate t-shirts that look like they're from a rock concert, but they're really these hardcore Jesus shirts. One day I witnessed him reading from the bible to a lady he was with (the only time I've seen him with someone). She professed that it was much too early for bible readings and thankfully shut him up. Due to these things, my friend and I have dubbed him "Super Jesus".

I've also witnessed him pounding on his chest like a gorilla which is completely unrelated, yet strangely hilarious.

Anyway, this morning my friend and I were sitting near him and from what I could see (it was a strange angle), someone got on and accidentally hit his newspaper out of his hand. The guy apologized to him right away and Super Jesus just started glaring at the poor guy. The poor guy then picked up the stuff he was just getting organized and took off very quickly. Could ya blame him?

Super Jesus sat in his seat for a while stewing over the fact that he lost his place in his newspaper and uttered an expletive.

At one of the next stops, someone else got on and sat next to him. My friend and I noticed the back of his hoodie said something to do with "F***ing Metal" (uncensored of course). We both laughed about how Super Jesus would not approve but then remembered he just swore to himself not a few minutes earlier. Metal Boy put on his loud headphones blaring metal (of course) which put Super Jesus into a complete rage.

He started to grip his ears and bent over and made a really loud angry sigh which clearly concerned the girl sitting directly behind him who looked at us completely startled.

Super Jesus continued to do this for a while and my friend was ready with his Blackberry to capture the epic, complete meltdown of the Super Jesus of the LSE.

I'll be honest. I was a little scared. I think he had some weird zen thing going on though, because eventually he stopped making a scene and went downstairs when we got to Union, politely thanking Metal Boy for moving.

The meltdown was close, but I'm officially on Super Jesus Meltdown Watch 2011. I guess even the crazy people get annoyed with things like large backpacks and loud earphones.

P.S. I really hope Super Jesus doesn't read your blog! haha No really...he kind of scares me.

Why not make yourself more comfortable?

Hells no, your boots ain't dirty.

Did you take out a baby wipe from your purse and wipe your soles down before you threw your boots onto the seat?

In fact, you look so tired, from studying hard and all, that I feel compelled to make your ride more comfortable. You must be exhausted from schlepping around all day, walking like Jesus walks on water, because your magic boots never touch ground as you go about your business.

Hungry?

How about some nuts?
Now I don't want you to get thirsty, so here's a margarita. No, take it. It's on me.
No, don't thank me. I don't get as tired as you that I'm entitled to put my feet up on the seat.

That's only for special people like you.

---

Thanks to Shauna for the pic.

This dude was so hunched over while reading his book, he was almost on top of me

This pictorial is better if you hum "Eye of The Tiger" from Rocky as you read it

Bum. Bah da bum. Ba da bummmmmmmm ... bah da bum ... Got it? Good. Keep reading.

See the door donkey? Complete with knapsack on the floor? The train is boarding. Door donkey changes position. This isn't good enough for me. It's obvious he doesn't plan on sitting. More people get on. More people begin to crowd around the door. It's now 7 minutes to departure. I'm getting angrier. I feel like I should say something. I feel like .... I .... must ... become ... the door police. You know how people say don't get your knickers in a knot? Well, this is guy is so annoyed with the door donkeys as he tries to get by, his pants are wedged into his ass. Finally, I lose it.

I step into the doorway (this is the 5:10pm LSE train, I was waiting for the 5:20 pm LSE train) and ask the door donkeys why, if they know they plan to stand, do they feel they are entitled to block the doorway, causing congestion and forcing people to maneuver their way around them? I asked they extend the courtesy of staying on the platform and boarding when the train is full or at least move into the aisle. Then they can block the door all they want.

So what happened?

I was first greeted with stunned looks, then surprise, then indignation. Apparently, according to door donkeys, since they were on the train first, they are entitled to stake their spot even if they choose to stand. That ain't right, I said. It's rude and a hazard. What a bunch of assholes. Seriously.

I say to others, stop putting up with this B.S. Speak up. Even more aggravating is to listen to door donkeys complain when other passengers step on their feet while boarding or make contact with them. Really?

Grow up.

This jam is amplified

This man sitting across from me yesterday was trying in vain to have a very confidential phone call with a co-worker. He hid behind a newspaper so that others couldn't read his lips and I also think he thought the newspaper would drown out his voice. Instead, it amplified his voice and we all heard how he really felt about his boss.

-Submitted by Tara H.

Coz you're a rocket man

Email message from Don H.
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Dammit, I wish I had a cellphone camera but I don't. I was on the 9:13 pm lse and this guy was sitting four seats away from me looking like Elton John on the muppet show (I'm old enough to remember when it ran prime time). Here's a link to the photo: http://www.mewbox.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Elton-John.jpg. I have no idea why he was dressed like a Elvis auditioning for Pretty in Pink. I can only fathom he was returning from an audition for a Pepto-Bismal commercial. He seemed really comfortable as he rocked his platform, pleather-white boots and had on a matching fedora with boa. No jacket. Just the pink jumpsuit with rhinestones. Any thoughts?

---

Did he have a cane?

Just a trim...

GO buys the rails. GO gives the trees near Danforth station the finger.

It's not like CN did anything about the gang of leaves that came out, fingers snapping, every fall making our evening commutes home stretch out for hours.

It was time for a trim.

Cue tree huggers. Thanks to Kelly for the pics.

To smoke or not to smoke. The sign says "no dice"

Text message from 905289XXXX
to 9054427423
06:43 PM

I'm on the 553 coming into Oshawa and the CSA just announced to the whole train that smoking isn't allowed on the platform. Something something rules and compliance. I'm sorry but since when did GO own the OUTSIDE? If I want to smoke, I'll smoke. GO doesn't own the AIR!!!!!!

From 9054427423 (CJ)
to 905289XXXX
07:23 PM

I dunno. You're asking an asthmatic who often walks behind a cloud of smoke from people who do this quite often, right under signs that say No Smoking. I think it's because you're walking on Government Property and that cigarette smoke doesn't necessarily drift up but outwards, causing a cloud. Get a few of you going and it's not like I can avoid it.

From 905289XXXX
to 9054427423
07:27 PM

So hold your breath. I'm sick of being told where I can and can't smoke.

From 9054427423
to 905289XXXX
07:31 PM

You know what I hate? I hate having to ride inside the train. Why can't I just hang on the outside, let the wind blow through my hair and enjoy the ride? Like a hobo!

From 905289XXXX
to 9054427423
07:33 PM

That's not the same. We're outside. What you're saying is dangerous and stupid.

From 9054427423
to 905289XXXX
07:34 PM

I could say the same about subjecting me to second-hand smoke. Would you smoke in front a newborn baby, and I mean right in its face?

From 905289XXXX
to 9054427423
07:39 PM

A baby is defenseless. You can walk ahead of me if you don't like it. Sounds like you have a problem with smokers. Next you're going to suggest I quite, like it's easy.

From 9054427423
to 905289XXXX
07:40 PM

Nope. I'm not here to counsel people and I have my own demons. It's only a few steps to the parking lot. Surely you can hold it. In fact, all of the smokers own the space around the ticket punchers, the news boxes and the station itself, so how much more space do you need? The platform is a sanctuary for those who don't want to inhale second-hand smoke.

From 905289XXXX
to 9054427423
07:44 PM

And what about the other pollutants in the air? How is second-hand smoke different?

From 9054427423
to 905289XXXX
07:45 PM

I'm not going to argue about the overall quality of Oshawa air. I'm talking about the fact that the platform is non-smoking. It's a rule. There's lots of rules I don't agree with but I follow them regardless. I don't know how you feel I can help you. I didn't write the by-law. All I can do is put this out to my readers. Check the site over the next couple of days to see what others had to say.

From 905289XXXX
to 9054427423
07:44 PM

I'm sure I'm not alone or the only person who feels this way.

How hard is it to shut the door for the toilet?

Holy Hanna, folks. Some of you sure are lazy.

Maybe y'all enjoy the sour smell of your fresh deposits, but I don't.

The sliding doors don't shut behind you automatically. This isn't the grocery store. If you had to slide the door open, you have to slide the door shut.

So I got up, climbed over people, pushed past the door donkeys and shut the door.

Of course, when I'm mad and straight out of having been in Customer Service to deal with this morning's gong show, I'll say my peace and I preached fire and brimstone to the door donkeys too lazy to slide the door shut.

Smell aside, who wants to stare at a toilet?!
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

The story of the seat blocker

Look at how busy this train is!

by Jenn H.

Dear CJ, Last night I rode the 4:53 train home to Whitby. The train was full when I got on so I climbed over the stair pigs (see my second email to you) and went and stood on the mid-level section, near the door to the next train. I'm also six months pregnant but it's hard to tell and I don't mind standing for the first half of the trip because I can usually get a seat after Pickering.

However, this guy gave me his seat and he went to stand where I was standing. Just outside of Pickering, this woman sitting in the outside seat of the quad next to mine stands up. She then puts her two purses on the seat. I think, ok, she's getting off at Pickering and so all the people on the stairs and also the guy who gave me his seat can sit. The train leaves Pickering and this woman is STILL standing! But her purses have a seat!

I've seen this kind of behaviour before and I think it's rude and inconsiderate. If you're only going to sit until Pickering and there's people traveling to Oshawa or Whitby, how about you leave a seat for them? So I poked her in the back and asked her if she could leave the seat free for someone who wants to sit. She said she was getting off at Ajax. I said not right now you're not. But she continued to hog the seat and began talking to the woman sitting (her friend I think, as they were chatting when we were still at Union) as if to ignore me. Unbelievable.

The guy standing tells me not to worry about it. But it's not right! It's just plain rude. What has happened to just plain courtesy? I've been riding the train for 11 years and I find the inconsideration of some people just keeps getting worse.

Do you see feet opposite the lady in the gray pants? The lady standing in the camel-coloured coat hogged this seat for her purses from outside Pickering to Ajax.

It was raining yesterday but this foot rider has magic running shoes. Shoes that don't get dirty, or muddy

Ballad of the stair pig

Lovingly penned by Jenn from Whitby



This stair pig is annoyed. She was first on the train and staked her spot on the stairs. As people passed her, she gave dirty looks of inconvenience, that Heaven forbid, people would actually want to sit! On the upper level!

Here's how I see it. If you know you're going to stand, how about you get on the train last?

Problem solved.

I love making contact with these idiots when I board. And like CJ said in a previous comment, I put my weight into it.

This Crazy Train's Presto Chronicles, Chapter 6: THE END?

Twenty fours hours ago, I went online and deposited $68.00 to my Presto e-purse.

I tapped my card this morning. What do you think happened?

May I remind the donkeys running this archaic e-payment purse system that GO trains aren't like TTC subway trains. They don't run 2 minutes apart during rush hour.

Up popped a message when I tapped that read "INS. FUNDS. SEE CUS SRVCE" - something to that effect. I saw red! Red!

I don't have to time to see Customer Service. I got a Presto card to avoid the station all together. I don't want to line up. I don't want to wait. I want to get on the train and I want to get off the train.

I figured I'd deal with whatever that message meant when I got to Union which also meant being late for work. I'd rather be 10 minutes late for work than wait a half hour for the 8:25 train.

I hate, hate, hate being put in this position.

But guess what happened? Yep.

At Pickering, two GO constables got on and I got nailed. It didn't matter that I had a 20-ride history of tapping on and off tied to the system. It didn't matter that I got out my Blackberry and showed the constable the confirmation email of my $68.00 deposit.

I got a warning. And after it was all explained to me what the Warning Notice meant, I noticed that my last name (a portion of it that I don't share online) was spelled incorrectly. The constable was nice, pleasant even, but don't lecture me about taking time to go into the station. I don't have TIME. Have you tried to park at Oshawa GO Station? I do a daycare drop off at 7:30am. That's the contract I have with my provider. That's how my lifestyle works, so I have limited to time to f*ck around at the station in the morning. I park, tap my card, EXPECT IT TO BE UPDATED, and get on the train.

So don't lecture me when you can't take the time to spell my name right on the warning notice. I'm not mad at the constable. I'm just angry with the situation. He handled it well and I'm too honest for my own good, because I pointed it out that if I get stopped again, my ID won't match with the person on file. Oh no! I'll do this right to the end. Put me on the list! I pay my fare. I pay my fare every damn time.

What happened this morning has left a bad taste in my mouth and also didn't seem to convince anyone sitting with me on the train to buy into the system. Many were surprised there was a delay when you deposit online. No one seemed impressed that if you wanted your card up-to-date at deposit, you have to visit a wicket.

"So what's the point then?" asked one woman. I didn't have an answer.

Online e-payment/e-load should be instantaneous when you next tap your card.

If Tim Horton's can get it right, so can Presto.

If it's a cost factor in regards to upgrading the system, charge an annual fee for the card. Find a way. Because when the card becomes mandatory, the expectation of the public won't be to pray for the next 24 hours that their card will work when they roll out of bed in the morning!

Alone on a subway train, guy loses his mind over the fact

Oh dear God, really?

In the video below, this guy loses his mind over the fact that he's on a subway car by himself in DC. Maybe it's the fact that it's during the day that's got him so freaked out.

For those of us who ride GO, it's not unusual to wind up in a coach all by yourself, even at the end of evening rush hour as you near the last stop on the line.

What's next? A college kid recording himself running around an empty campus library?

I will say that if I ever got on an early morning train, during the week, and I was the only one on the train for the whole ride to Union, the last thing I'd be doing is acting like Charlie Sheen being told his porn star girlfriends were being taken away. Isn't such a scenario a dream come true for most of us?

Clearly the dude in this video isn't a regular commuter train passenger.

The video contains some NSFW language. You've been warned, so turn your speakers down.

GO bus drivers vs. TTC bus drivers

On occasion, I've taken the GO bus and have used the bus service probably 50 times or so (return) from my rural Clarington home to the Oshawa GO station.

Different bus drivers but always, 99 percent of the time, I've been subjected to extremely pleasant operators.

Today was no exception. I had a lovely woman on the ride in and a nice gent on the way home. I was greeted and fared goodbye.

This is in stark contrast with my recent experiences with the TTC. Not once, in the several weeks where I've used the service due to a foot injury and difficulty walking, have I been greeted, thanked, smiled at or even acknowledged.

One incident two Fridays ago really put me over the edge when I bought tokens at the Queen Station and while absent minded, didn't drop one as my fare in the token box.

Incredibly, the collector pounded on the glass, screamed at me to pay my fare and then proceeded to berate me in front of strangers.

Oh hells no. Who did she think she was talking to? I'm not a fare jumper and a simple 'excuse me' into her microphone would have sufficed. I put a token in the box and calmly told her that I speak and understand English, that there was no need for such dramatic grandstanding. Honest to God. Who trains these jerks?

In contrast, tonight I had to pay the driver when I got on the GO bus at the Oshawa GO Station, and then my phone rang. I climbed on and sat down. The driver patiently waited for me and all the while, I'm oblivious to the fact I hadn't paid yet. A couple seconds went by and he kindly asked me where I was going and pointed to the fare machine. I jumped up, paid, and profusely apologized, saying I was distracted by the news I was given and he actually asked if everything was all right, with genuine concern.

Everything *is* all right.

Customer service. Isn't it nice?

Ugh

Rode the GO bus this morning and was dropped off at the stop by my hubby at 6:00am.
What an ungodly hour.
It was made even better that in the bus shelter, the only shelter near this rural bus stop, stood a woman sucking on a cigarette.
So guess who stood in the driving wind and rain for 11 minutes?
Here's the thing, I did say something which was met with no reaction, just a shrug.
I then exclaimed, "Well, sucks to be me!" as I stepped out of the shelter, doing an about face when I inhaled the smoke.
I can't tolerate cigarette smoke even I wanted to. I have asthma.
Secondly, let's say I could, why should I voluntarily subject myself to second hand smoke?
I hate people sometimes.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

I can time travel, oh, and like the new logo?

Yes, I know the date says Monday when it's really Saturday (or Sunday).

Those of you reading this post on Monday will be lost because it really is Monday. Don't stress over it. Trust me.

I fast-forwarded some of my postings because I know I won't have time on Monday to do anything with the site and I wanted the posts up now instead of then. Don't ask why. Just enjoy.

Oh! And I get to ride the GO bus Monday morning because my CUV decided to blow a gasket, burn out a few sparkplugs and backfire all at once as I was inching it towards the dealership - check engine light all aglow - Saturday morning. There's a recall for what happened, apparently. Awesome. Glad I wasn't on the highway.

Thanks to Mystery Man, those in the know will enjoy our SpongeBob pillow friend who thinks her morning GO train ride to Union is also her own hotel suite. She's the topic for version 7.0.

Mass marketing. They has it

On the LSW 7:58 from Clarkson to Union this morning a woman carried on her bags plus 2 massive boxes of Girl Guide cookies (which of course required a seat to themselves). She takes this train every day with her 2 train friends and they laugh and talk loudly every morning. Today they exchanged cookies and one of the friends took some upstairs and proceeded to sell them seat-to-seat. I casually suggested she walk down to the accessibility coach and ask Desiree (yup, that's our regular CSM - not sure if that is her real name or something glamourous she chose to tell us) to make an announcement that cookies are available in car ----. My sarcasm was actually met with raucous laughter and "that's a good one!", making me party to the shenanigans. I apologize to my fellow passengers for my part in prolonging this behaviour. And for buying a box. My coworkers and I are enjoying it thoroughly...

- Submitted by KH