Text message from 905660XXXX
To 9054427423
31-05-2011
11:59:04 AM
Hey CJ, what up?
Last night I took the 10:13 on the LSE to head to Whitby and while on the platform, this guy went 'round the glass enclosure for the stairs down to Bay Street where he had a smoke and took a piss at the same time. I was fumbling for my iPhone to record this cretin when he caught my eye and asked me what I was looking at. He said, and I quote, "Haven't you seen a dick before?" I put my phone back in my purse and walked off. What a douche.
From 9054427423
To 905660XXXX
31-05-2011
12:14:23 PM
C'mon ... ewww.
I would have answered (while squinting real hard at his crotch), "Sorry, what dick?" And then I would have mumbled about having to fetch my reading glasses from my purse.
Text message from 905660XXXX
To 9054427423
31-05-2011
12:29:16 PM
Oh man, I don't have that kind of nerve. I would need to drink a whole bottle of rum before I could summon that kind of liquid courage. Honestly though, he's peeing (and smoking!) on a public platform! I'm not supposed to be startled or stunned?
From 9054427423
To 905660XXXX
31-05-2011
12:34:13 PM
I'm stunned that he asked you about his penis. Reminds me of a time when I was out clubbing and this guy came up to me and asked me if I wanted to dance. I crouched down a bit to meet his eyes and said, "No thanks, they're tired."
Text message from 905660XXXX
To 9054427423
31-05-2011
12:35:56 PM
Ha ha, but how does that relate to me looking at him pee? Are you suggesting I was thirsty?
From 9054427423
To 905660XXXX
31-05-2011
12:36:42 PM
What?! Good god woman! No! I just wanted to tell that story!
Text message from 905660XXXX
To 9054427423
31-05-2011
12:37:39 PM
LOL. Okay. Hope you publish my story!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Comatose
Yeah, so a big thank you to the donkeys yesterday afternoon on the 3:13 Union-Oshawa for waking me up from my coma as we pulled into Oshawa.
The train was packed. Most of you were heading to the 'Shwa, I'm sure of it.
I rarely fall asleep on the train but I've had a tough four days being sick and haven't been sleeping well. I admit I was exhausted. I managed to wake up on my own when the CSA yelled that it was 5 minutes to departure on what was now a westbound train back to Union Station.
Not a single person poked me awake. I'm sure of it. I was mad as all hell, because I always make it a point to wake people up.
Y'all suck. Y'all lazy and all your space ARE BELONG TO ME!
I should have set the alarm on my Blackberry but I don't even remember drifting off. I don't *plan" to sleep.
I'm over it now.
I think.
The train was packed. Most of you were heading to the 'Shwa, I'm sure of it.
I rarely fall asleep on the train but I've had a tough four days being sick and haven't been sleeping well. I admit I was exhausted. I managed to wake up on my own when the CSA yelled that it was 5 minutes to departure on what was now a westbound train back to Union Station.
Not a single person poked me awake. I'm sure of it. I was mad as all hell, because I always make it a point to wake people up.
Y'all suck. Y'all lazy and all your space ARE BELONG TO ME!
I should have set the alarm on my Blackberry but I don't even remember drifting off. I don't *plan" to sleep.
I'm over it now.
I think.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Even the seeing impaired haul ass to get to the parking lot first
I love this video.
I can watch it over and over.
Thanks to Liz for sending me the link.
I can watch it over and over.
Thanks to Liz for sending me the link.
GO Train Madness from Ryan West on Vimeo.
Spit, polish and two bits?
Email from frogers@xxxx.com
To cj@thiscrazytrain.com
Hello neighbour!
I was waiting at Union Station this morning to board my train to Aldershot when I encountered a young woman polishing her stiletto patents with a McDonalds napkin and her own saliva while hiding behind the staircase near the Pretzel stand.
Is there a reason why she couldn't do this in the washroom. With water? Sorry, no photo. Perhaps you can sketch the scene with one of your stick figure drawings?
Absolutely! Check out the hot mess below.
To cj@thiscrazytrain.com
Hello neighbour!
I was waiting at Union Station this morning to board my train to Aldershot when I encountered a young woman polishing her stiletto patents with a McDonalds napkin and her own saliva while hiding behind the staircase near the Pretzel stand.
Is there a reason why she couldn't do this in the washroom. With water? Sorry, no photo. Perhaps you can sketch the scene with one of your stick figure drawings?
Absolutely! Check out the hot mess below.
Not funny
I mulled all morning over whether I should write about this or even share it. It's just too disturbing that someone would think to pull such a stunt.
I realize that when you put a mobile number online, you open yourself up to people with sick and twisted minds but so far, I haven't had an issue. No psycho phone calls, no harrassing texts or emails - just the usual "haters gonna hate", nothing more.
So this morning, I got a text message from someone asking for help. Turns out, it was a joke.
I won't disclose the situation, or what was written, but I didn't react right away and after some probing (and a phone call from a landline where I pretended to be a dental clinic calling to confirm an appointment), the truth came out.
Pretending your life is in danger is not funny to me.
So where does one go from here? If you're reading this, I'm open to an apology. Email is fine.
I realize that when you put a mobile number online, you open yourself up to people with sick and twisted minds but so far, I haven't had an issue. No psycho phone calls, no harrassing texts or emails - just the usual "haters gonna hate", nothing more.
So this morning, I got a text message from someone asking for help. Turns out, it was a joke.
I won't disclose the situation, or what was written, but I didn't react right away and after some probing (and a phone call from a landline where I pretended to be a dental clinic calling to confirm an appointment), the truth came out.
Pretending your life is in danger is not funny to me.
So where does one go from here? If you're reading this, I'm open to an apology. Email is fine.
Friday, May 27, 2011
I'm the transit version of a help line
Text message from 416808XXXX
To 9054427423
11:29:14 PM 5-27-11
Well this is a perfect end to what was a long day at work! I'm on the 11:13 with a bunch of assholes and one of them just vomited all over the aisle. They think this is hilarious. They're just a bunch of kids. I think only one of them is 19. On a seat beside them is a box of Coors Light. Can you bring open alcohol on the train? I've considered pressing the strip because I think they should all be tossed off but I don't want problems. I'm not saying you're the GOD of transit but what would you do in this situation?
Text message from 9054427423
To 416808XXXX
11:34:47 PM 5-27-11
Press the strip.
Text message from 416808XXXX
To 9054427423
11:35:02 PM 5-27-11
Okay. You sure? I don't want to make this ride longer for people.
Text message from 9054427423
To 416808XXXX
11:36:27 PM 5-27-11
Do what the Lord tells you.
Text message from 416808XXXX
To 9054427423
11:52:16 PM 5-27-11
They got off at Ajax.
Text message from 9054427423
To 416808XXXX
11:53:00 PM 5-27-11
What about the vomit?
Text message from 416808XXXX
To 9054427423
11:57:17 PM 5-27-11
One of the guys took off his shirt and wiped most of it and then he threw his shirt in the trash on the platform. I'm so glad they got off at Ajax.
Text message from 9054427423
To 416808XXXX
11:58:11 PM 5-27-11
Is there anything more I can do for you my child?
Text message from 416808XXXX
To 9054427423
11:59:03 PM 5-27-11
Nope. Just glad you were there when I needed you.
To 9054427423
11:29:14 PM 5-27-11
Well this is a perfect end to what was a long day at work! I'm on the 11:13 with a bunch of assholes and one of them just vomited all over the aisle. They think this is hilarious. They're just a bunch of kids. I think only one of them is 19. On a seat beside them is a box of Coors Light. Can you bring open alcohol on the train? I've considered pressing the strip because I think they should all be tossed off but I don't want problems. I'm not saying you're the GOD of transit but what would you do in this situation?
Text message from 9054427423
To 416808XXXX
11:34:47 PM 5-27-11
Press the strip.
Text message from 416808XXXX
To 9054427423
11:35:02 PM 5-27-11
Okay. You sure? I don't want to make this ride longer for people.
Text message from 9054427423
To 416808XXXX
11:36:27 PM 5-27-11
Do what the Lord tells you.
Text message from 416808XXXX
To 9054427423
11:52:16 PM 5-27-11
They got off at Ajax.
Text message from 9054427423
To 416808XXXX
11:53:00 PM 5-27-11
What about the vomit?
Text message from 416808XXXX
To 9054427423
11:57:17 PM 5-27-11
One of the guys took off his shirt and wiped most of it and then he threw his shirt in the trash on the platform. I'm so glad they got off at Ajax.
Text message from 9054427423
To 416808XXXX
11:58:11 PM 5-27-11
Is there anything more I can do for you my child?
Text message from 416808XXXX
To 9054427423
11:59:03 PM 5-27-11
Nope. Just glad you were there when I needed you.
I'm sorry I dropped my beverage on you. Well, not really ...
Text message from 416807XXXX
To 9054427423
After a very long day... I am finally on my way home on the goat train... Yes I said goat... And the chick beside me who has been slopping her chops the past 25 minutes with her big mac and fries just knocked her entire bottle of ice water onto my lap... She made no effort to help me clean up, no offer of a napkin. Just a surly look and a quickly muttered, "sorry". My pants are off-white in colour and soaked. Thankfully, I have a pashmina for a coverup.
Text message from 9054427423
To 416807XXXX
Would have grabbed her beverage container, waltzed to the bathroom, filled it with the water marked as "undrinkable" and offered it back to her saying, "Here's a top-up".
Note. If you can't manage a full meal on a train without having it land on someone, perhaps you should stick with granola bars.
To 9054427423
After a very long day... I am finally on my way home on the goat train... Yes I said goat... And the chick beside me who has been slopping her chops the past 25 minutes with her big mac and fries just knocked her entire bottle of ice water onto my lap... She made no effort to help me clean up, no offer of a napkin. Just a surly look and a quickly muttered, "sorry". My pants are off-white in colour and soaked. Thankfully, I have a pashmina for a coverup.
Text message from 9054427423
To 416807XXXX
Would have grabbed her beverage container, waltzed to the bathroom, filled it with the water marked as "undrinkable" and offered it back to her saying, "Here's a top-up".
Note. If you can't manage a full meal on a train without having it land on someone, perhaps you should stick with granola bars.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Short term memory loss. You should have that looked at
Submitted by Matt
To cj@thiscrazytrain.com
GOstapo checking tickets this morning at Bramalea prior to the 7:30 and 7:38 trains leaving. No problem, right? Wrong.
They set up a barricade at the stairs going under the tracks to the platforms and several people just didn't see them and were forcibly stopped on the stairs while these two officers inspected tickets. The rest of us coffee-and-umbrella carrying commuters had to find a third hand to fish in bags/pockets for our passes. Bad choice of days for an inspection, and even worse choice of location.
The GOstapo then proceeded to get on the 7:38 train and check tickets again...we had barely gotten to Malton and the same two enforcement officers were asking to see my monthly pass again!
Can they not coordinate this any more efficiently?
No.
Why?
Because of this guy:
To cj@thiscrazytrain.com
GOstapo checking tickets this morning at Bramalea prior to the 7:30 and 7:38 trains leaving. No problem, right? Wrong.
They set up a barricade at the stairs going under the tracks to the platforms and several people just didn't see them and were forcibly stopped on the stairs while these two officers inspected tickets. The rest of us coffee-and-umbrella carrying commuters had to find a third hand to fish in bags/pockets for our passes. Bad choice of days for an inspection, and even worse choice of location.
The GOstapo then proceeded to get on the 7:38 train and check tickets again...we had barely gotten to Malton and the same two enforcement officers were asking to see my monthly pass again!
Can they not coordinate this any more efficiently?
No.
Why?
Because of this guy:
Visions of opening the emergency exit window and engaging in a game of "laptop frisbee" does enter my mind when reading this
From: LP
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
My "seatmate" on the train last night was using his laptop to make telephone calls "through Google". His rationale to his friend: "I'm on the train anyway, so why not?"
He had no external mic just the built-in one on his laptop. Naturally he was shouting, but happily. The call kept dropping as we changed cellular towers. So then he pulled out his cell phone to complete the call. Which he also lost. Sigh.
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
My "seatmate" on the train last night was using his laptop to make telephone calls "through Google". His rationale to his friend: "I'm on the train anyway, so why not?"
He had no external mic just the built-in one on his laptop. Naturally he was shouting, but happily. The call kept dropping as we changed cellular towers. So then he pulled out his cell phone to complete the call. Which he also lost. Sigh.
Ahhh, spring ...
From: LP
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
I was gazing out the window on the LSW last evening when I saw a guy vigorously humping his girl behind one of the strip malls between Oakville and Bronte.
I sure hope it was *just* humping! Ewww ...
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
I was gazing out the window on the LSW last evening when I saw a guy vigorously humping his girl behind one of the strip malls between Oakville and Bronte.
I sure hope it was *just* humping! Ewww ...
Today needs some parking donkeys!
These aren't even vehicles, in my opinion, worth the desire to "protect". I park my leased vehicle in the Oshawa GO lot like a normal person everyday and have done so for the past 3 and half years and have no door dings. None that I can see with my naked eye. I don't know if this is laziness or on purpose. If it's on purpose, perhaps these paranoid donkeys should ride the bus.
- Submitted, Langstaff GO
- Submitted, Oakville overflow
- Submitted, Langstaff GO
- Submitted, Oakville overflow
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
All your space are belong to me
Rode the 5:10 last night.
Sat up in the upper level.
Sat a quad over from a woman who did a little shopping at the Eaton Centre I presumed.
Bags on every seat. Train fills. People, some rudely, ask if the seats are taken.
One woman gives her a dirty look. The bag lady says to the hairy eyeball lady, "Can't you sit somewhere else?"
The lady says, "This is the 5:10 express train and it's full. It's not a subway."
The bag lady looks around. People are standing. She sighs and puts all her bags under the seats.
Watching her, I was reminded of an internet meme that surfaced back in 2000. It was a flash video based on a catchphrase, "all your base are belong to us", lifted from a video game.
All I kept thinking was "all your space are belong to me".
Here's the video. Imagine it with pictures of bag riders. My bag riders. Soon, I promise.
Sat up in the upper level.
Sat a quad over from a woman who did a little shopping at the Eaton Centre I presumed.
Bags on every seat. Train fills. People, some rudely, ask if the seats are taken.
One woman gives her a dirty look. The bag lady says to the hairy eyeball lady, "Can't you sit somewhere else?"
The lady says, "This is the 5:10 express train and it's full. It's not a subway."
The bag lady looks around. People are standing. She sighs and puts all her bags under the seats.
Watching her, I was reminded of an internet meme that surfaced back in 2000. It was a flash video based on a catchphrase, "all your base are belong to us", lifted from a video game.
All I kept thinking was "all your space are belong to me".
Here's the video. Imagine it with pictures of bag riders. My bag riders. Soon, I promise.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
5:41 a.m. war paint
Lovingly penned by Brent in Barrie
C.J.
Don't know what it is about that train - perhaps the ungodly hour - but I've been subjected to 3 different women doing full application of their makeup 3 times now in the past two weeks.
The thing is, I don't even regularly take this train. I'm a 7:18am semi-regular, I only go in on the first train if my workload gets so heavy I have to get in early.
I don't brush my teeth or shave on the train, why do others seem to think it perfectly acceptable to do their personal grooming in full view of others?
I thought of taking pictures but that would be unfair to the privacy of the women involved, and frankly I'm not that big a prick. But a public shaming might be nice.
Yes, it has to be the ungodly hour!
It's gotta be a killer to get up at 5am to make a 5:41 am train and maybe these women haven't perfected the art of 10-minute makeup.
I personally don't understand why it can't wait until they get into work but I suspect this is how some women kill time.
Man, you're a nice dude but at the same time it's hard to take a photo of someone face painting and make it unrecognizable.
C.J.
Don't know what it is about that train - perhaps the ungodly hour - but I've been subjected to 3 different women doing full application of their makeup 3 times now in the past two weeks.
The thing is, I don't even regularly take this train. I'm a 7:18am semi-regular, I only go in on the first train if my workload gets so heavy I have to get in early.
I don't brush my teeth or shave on the train, why do others seem to think it perfectly acceptable to do their personal grooming in full view of others?
I thought of taking pictures but that would be unfair to the privacy of the women involved, and frankly I'm not that big a prick. But a public shaming might be nice.
Yes, it has to be the ungodly hour!
It's gotta be a killer to get up at 5am to make a 5:41 am train and maybe these women haven't perfected the art of 10-minute makeup.
I personally don't understand why it can't wait until they get into work but I suspect this is how some women kill time.
Man, you're a nice dude but at the same time it's hard to take a photo of someone face painting and make it unrecognizable.
C'mon, I told 12 people? No way ...
I told two, tops!
Results from the last poll:
How did you learn about the Crazy Train?
New poll question to be posted this afternoon! I know you're excited. Just simmer down, y'heard?
Results from the last poll:
How did you learn about the Crazy Train?
I was googling bathroom sex on GO trains 20 (14%)Votes: 141
Other Google search: 55 (39%)
A co-worker: 34 (24%)
You told me: 12 (8%)
Through someone on the train/bus: 20 (14%)
New poll question to be posted this afternoon! I know you're excited. Just simmer down, y'heard?
Ajax gets more parking ... sort of ...
Here's the official email from GO:
Ajax GO Passengers: As demand for parking at your station grows, on May 24th a new parking will open for use. Located south of the existing south lot, with access from O'Brien Crt, this new lot will provide parking relief by adding 300 new parking spots and will be connected to the existing south lot via an access road and pedestrian walkways.
This new lot will not only be available during the construction of your new parking structure but it will continue to remain in service even when this new structure is in place. To relieve traffic congestion with the increased vehicular capacity, there will be some changes to the two access routes into and out of the existing lot. The north access point on to Westney Rd. will permanently close, and the traffic gates to Fairall St. will close Mon - Fri between 4pm-7pm with access into and out of the lot via O’Brien Crt or the south access way onto Westney Rd.
We thank you for your patience during these infrastructure improvements.
And here's how it went for one person:
So the new parking lot was supposed to be open this morning. They put new lights just south of the lot and the idea is you turn left at that light, it will take you to the new lot and the access road which takes you to the old (south) lot where I park. Well I went to turn left at those new lights this morning but couldn't because the left lane was blocked off with pilons. So I kept going straight and all the exits were blocked off with big trucks!! OMG when are they going to get it together???!!!! Honestly, is everyone a complete moron who designs these new lots etc?
Another issue I believe is they are going to be blocking the exits off the older lot from 4-7 pm so that now everyone in both lots will have to exit out at the lights. That means two entire lots will have only ONE exit. who comes up with this SH*T??!!!!
This guy:
Ajax GO Passengers: As demand for parking at your station grows, on May 24th a new parking will open for use. Located south of the existing south lot, with access from O'Brien Crt, this new lot will provide parking relief by adding 300 new parking spots and will be connected to the existing south lot via an access road and pedestrian walkways.
This new lot will not only be available during the construction of your new parking structure but it will continue to remain in service even when this new structure is in place. To relieve traffic congestion with the increased vehicular capacity, there will be some changes to the two access routes into and out of the existing lot. The north access point on to Westney Rd. will permanently close, and the traffic gates to Fairall St. will close Mon - Fri between 4pm-7pm with access into and out of the lot via O’Brien Crt or the south access way onto Westney Rd.
We thank you for your patience during these infrastructure improvements.
And here's how it went for one person:
So the new parking lot was supposed to be open this morning. They put new lights just south of the lot and the idea is you turn left at that light, it will take you to the new lot and the access road which takes you to the old (south) lot where I park. Well I went to turn left at those new lights this morning but couldn't because the left lane was blocked off with pilons. So I kept going straight and all the exits were blocked off with big trucks!! OMG when are they going to get it together???!!!! Honestly, is everyone a complete moron who designs these new lots etc?
Another issue I believe is they are going to be blocking the exits off the older lot from 4-7 pm so that now everyone in both lots will have to exit out at the lights. That means two entire lots will have only ONE exit. who comes up with this SH*T??!!!!
This guy:
Friday, May 20, 2011
Does a rolling laptop bag count as a disability?
No, but having super-tight underwear apparently does.
I can't come up with any other reason why so many people who seem physically able to manage stairs would need to take the accessibility elevator.
Yes, I realize that not all disabilities are readily noticeable but the guy on the elevator with the rolling laptop bag probably can manage to carry it down the stairs.
- Thanks to "647" for the photo.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)