Burning questions

Submitted by "401" to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

In the wake of the TTC's scrutiny on the subject of cellphone usage while at the wheel, the media has done a good job to suppress a recent claim that a GO driver has done the same thing, too. I can't find much else on the subject than at these links:

http://t.co/GHwNYfi
http://www.citytv.com/toronto/citynews/news/local/article/113253--man-asked-go-transit-for-money-in-exchange-for-pic-of-driver-using-phone
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2011/02/10/17234841.html

Where is Bob Kinnear's rant? Can't the drivers go on strike in of protest of this accusation and give me the day off?

GO Train P*rn for my Rail Nerds

Model GO trains. Don't ask me where you buy them. Just watch the video.

"The matter at hand is not a laughing one" - I'll be the judge of that!

If you're new to the site or need to catch up, here's the background for this post.


Subject: Warning
------------------------

From: pxxx.sxxxxxxxxx.law@gmail.com
Date: Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 4:21 PM
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com


Dear Ms. Smith,

It has been brought to my attention that you are using the likeness and persona of my client on your website, www.thiscrazytrain.com without expressed written consent from my client.
This email is to serve notice that you have 24 hours to remove the offending photos or face further repercussion.

Regards,
Pxxx Sxxxxxxxxx
Attorney-at-law


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From: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
Date: Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 5:35 PM
To: pxxx.sxxxxxxxxx.law@gmail.com


Dear ... Er, crap, I forgot your name already.

I get like that sometimes. Like, once I went into Costco for a loaf of bread, a container of milk and stick of butter and I walked out with a 52-inch Plasma tv instead. Boy was my mom mad!

But seriously, I'd love to help you with this request of yours, but you failed to disclose who your client is or what photos you're referring to... Oh snap... is this about the Garlic Crunch cereal box?

I feel privileged that you've emailed me from your personal email account, being all fancy-like with the word "law" in it, which is reassuring to me as I only like to deal with professional lawyers. I mean, why use fancy letterhead, right?

Regards,
CJ Smith

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From: pxxx.sxxxxxxxxx.law@gmail.com
Date: Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 5:53 PM
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com


My client is Kxxxx Pxxxxx and despite how funny you think you are, the matter at hand is not a laughing one.

It's my understanding that your logo now contains his likeness and is causing him stress and embarrassment.

He has indulged you by participating in your online forum with the hope that friendliness would persuade you to stop targeting him.

I am in the process of having your telephone number traced so I can obtain a mailing address for you in order to send the lawsuit.

Good day.

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From: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
Date: Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 7:03 PM
To: pxxx.sxxxxxxxxx.law@gmail.com

Dear Mr. Sandman (not his real name),

This is the best laugh I've had in a while. Thank you.

I wasn't aware that blurry arms and semi-clenched fists constitute a trademark. Please forward Mr. Pxxxx's trademark information to my lawyer Mr. Howard Bigfird at howard_bigfird@thiscrazytrain.com and he will determine if I am in violation of any copyright or ownership of said body parts.

Regards,
CJ

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I hope KP likes baseball. Watch out for those flying bats, bro.

Original photo here
(Caption: Brooklyn resident, Mitch Davie, catches Atlanta Braves' Dan Uggla's rebel flying bat at a spring-training baseball game against the Toronto Blue Jays on Friday, March 4, 2011 in Kissimmee, Florida, without spilling his beer. Unknown man in grey hoodie waits patiently for a foul ball.)

Abandon hope all ye who enter this latrine

Click image to enlarge

Story submitted by Lady in Pink
Artwork by Yours Truly; image source

Woman gets on the 4:40 Barrie north train and stands by the bathroom door (one of the big bathrooms) and grunts a little when someone wants by to get into the bathroom... so this lady goes into the bathroom and shuts the door and angry lady (CJ says: Who I have now nicknamed "Bathroom Troll") with a pissed off face proceeds to lean on the bathroom door intently reading her book called "Not My Daughter"... Eventually the lady who was in the washroom wants to get out and pulls the door open and the (Bathroom Troll) nearly falls in seeing as she was leaning on the door...

She grunts loudly and steps aside so the lady can get out.

Seeing as the Barrie train is like a sardine can and no one can move, (Bathroom Troll) goes right back to leaning on the bathroom door.

A couple minutes later, (Bathroom Troll) moves to the middle of the train where it's standing room only and continues to scowl and read her book. She's mumbling under her breath about something and 30 minutes later, she is still looking quite angry.

I think she needs a vacation.

If thoughts could start a fire, the poor lady who had to use the bathroom would have spontaneously combusted!

That ain't right, don't care who you be

4:53 train (Union-Oshawa)

Lady gets on, finds remaining seat available in a quad next to where I'm sitting and plunks down a Shoppers Drug Mart bag and then quickly says to the woman across from her, "Please watch my bag" and takes off.

No one knows where she went and passengers keep trying to sit, only to be told by the woman left to guard the bag that the seat is taken...

(On a side note, it's hard to write this when there's a dude standing next to me breathing down my neck and reading over my shoulder ... Oh wait, guess he just read what I wrote coz he's turned around)

So one lady gets on, ignores that the seat is taken, picks up the bag and sits down and says she'll wait for its owner to return.

(God I love drama, please bring it)

The chick comes back and is genuinely surprised to see her seat taken. The woman sitting in it says it's not fair to hold a seat during rush hour and hands her the bag. I'd like to say a big catfight ensued but the bag lady just took her bag and left, walking through to the other car.

The woman across from her says she couldn't believe the bag lady would put her in such a situation by not even giving her the choice of if she wanted to be the keeper of the seat.

They're still talking about it.

About that car on the tracks ...

I've learned that the people over at the Durham paper don't like their photos embedded into blogs (ie. no photoshopping) so here's a link to the photo of the car whose driver landed on the train tracks near Ajax causing service to come to a screeching halt over lunchtime today.

Maybe the driver was cut off but the driver was on the off-ramp when it happened (you know, when you have to SLOW down). It takes a lot of speed to go flying off a highway. I'm just sayin' ...

AJAX -- Two passengers were taken to hospital Tuesday morning after a car flew off Hwy. 401 and landed on Ajax railroad tracks. Police closed the eastbound Hwy. 401 off-ramp at Salem Road when a single vehicle went off the road and landed on the train tracks at... read more

Don't you know there's a cereal!?

From Anonymous text message to 9054427423

The lady on the train beside me this morning smelled like she ate a few cloves of garlic for breakfast, and the woman across from me apparently showered in perfume.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Can't people smell themselves?

The dude next to me on the 5:53 to Oshawa smells like a hockey bag.
For those who don't know what dry sweaty hockey gear smells like, just imagine 90-day old milk.

It's that awesome!

Seriously, wash your winter jacket!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Damn you, GO Transit, for being on time!

I don't mean to poke fun ... Okay, yeah I do, but this morning I watched a man sprint across the GO parking lot from my cozy seat on the 7:53 (Oshawa-Union) with one minute to spare 'til departure.

Needless to say, he didn't make it. But he did run alongside the train for a few seconds as we were pulling away from the platform shaking his fist in frustration - in a "Get off my lawn" kind of way.

I burst out laughing. I feel bad about it.

Actually, no I don't.

Train voice - poll question

Hey CJ, how did this morning's train ride go?

Fantastic, glad you asked!

Those of you who pick the last selection on the list will burn in hell, you know.

You'll find the poll at the top right hand side of the site.

If only I could steal this

Do you recognize the person in the window?


It's Homer Simpson!

Charlotte, my train friend, lives on a corner-lot across from this house. Homer watches her, quite angrily I might add, as she eats breakfast and leaves her home to walk to the GO bus stop each morning.

She doesn't know why her neighbour has a life-size cutout of Homer in his front window but it's obviously a bizarre attempt at Neighbourhood Watch.

I have to kidnap him.

Yep, I'm going to hell in a handbasket

Whatever that means ... but I do know most of you are coming with me.

A big thank you to Donna for the logo suggestion.

This one's for you, KP!

Background story here

Morning rush hour BBQ

It's one thing to hog ONE seat but this dirty turnip took up THREE seats one morning in mid-February, writes Alex, on an express train from Ajax.

You know what's coming, right?

Aww, yeah.


Now that, my friends, is a disco inferno.

Worst ad ever

Great, a sale!

But how much?

Oh ...

Can I call you?

Oh ...

So you want to me to just show up at your location, one of three, and just hope there's a tv in stock at a price I'm willing to pay? Is that how it works?

- As seen in t.o.night newspaper on the GO

Door blockers = asses

I managed to catch the 4:53 pm tonight.

Don't let the door blockers fool you when you approach the train with seven minutes left til departure and it seems the coach is full.

Ask the stair pigs to move and lord!? What are those?! Why they're seats, on the second level!

You donkeys! MOVE!

You know what sucks?

Getting off the train.

Getting coffee.

Walking to work.

Sitting down at my desk.

Finding out the cream is off.

Thanks, Mmmarvelous Mmmuffins.

Is it "em em" em-arvelous "em em" em-uffins? Or is it mmm as in "mmm, this (long-drawn out em sound) muffin is awesome!"

I guess I shouldn't expect much from a company that supposedly stutters, can I?

Should I make the Crazy Train logo spontaneously combust?

As much as I love Marilyn singing Happy Birthday, it's now out of date.

If you have ideas for what the two characters up in the logo should be saying/thinking, throw something my way.

I did receive an email suggesting that I insert a suitcase next to the character on the right and have it and its suitcase spontaneously catch fire, considering my hatred towards passengers with large suitcases.

Be sure to check out the spontaneous combustion gallery if you're new to the site.

Off Topic: In a crash, everything in your car becomes a weapon

I noticed the dash of this minivan tonight as I trudged across the Oshawa GO lot.

I have to point out that personal storage isn't the purpose of cab-forward design. CD jewel cases, in a high speed crash, can cause extreme facial injuries, and the CDs themselves can slice through skin. Pens, needles and coins can cause eye injuries.

Take a good look at the inside of your vehicle. Use your dashboard compartment for what it was intended. Use your console storage and your trunk. If you have an SUV, buy a cargo net. Just remember, that in a crash, what's in motion stays in motion!

To learn more about the dangers of unsecured cargo, visit: Education for the driving masses: Tip 110 - It's not just what you hit that can kill you but what hits you

Good God, some people are dumb

Heading up to catch the 5:53 pm (Union-Oshawa) train, I encountered a woman trying to tap her Presto pass on one of the paper-ticket stamp-punch machines.

She slapped her card half a dozen times in frustration and I stopped and told her she had to use the card reader machines in the outside corridor (of the Bay St. Teamway). She told me she was told any of the ticket machines take the card. I politely said she was misinformed and opened the door and pointed out a Presto machine to her.

Exasperated, she shoved her card into her purse and charged up the stairs mumbling that she doesn't have time "for this shit" and "that GO needs to get their act together".

I don't know about you but I'm pretty sure GO doesn't have time for her stupidity.

Isn't it obvious what machine is for what?

Submitted by Joanne L.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Don't make fun of drunk people. They sue (or so they threaten)

Especially those who pass out in the aisles on GO trains.

Like this guy (click here).

From: XXXXXXXXX@rogers.com
Date: Tue, 1 Mar 2011 12:27:36 -0500 (EST)
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
Subject: Me

I sent you a text message sometiume ago asking for u to taje my pic off your wbeiste and I see it's STILL THERE!!!!! i never gave u permission to use my face or make fun of me ../.. I don't EVEN LIKE ROLLERCOASTERS. YOU ASSHOLE!!! i'm seeking leagl action for this f*ckery. u have 24 hours to take it down or at least cover my face with a red circle!

-KP

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Okay, so you don't like rollercoasters. How about a carousel?

Can you send me a full photo of yourself? I need your legs.