I can't drive 25. But I sure can drive 55 ...

I'm racking my brain here and I am pretty sure this speed limit sign is new. I noticed it this morning.

I can tell you that very few people, other than myself, drive 25 kph in the Oshawa GO lot. Jesus, drivers take the corners at 35-40 kph some mornings as they race into the east side of the lot.

It's almost comical. Sad, really. One day, I'm telling you, these donkeys are going to kill someone.

All your space are belong to me

Want me to set the scene here? Okay.

Tuesday. 5:20 from Union to Oshawa LSE. Man vacates seat at Pickering. Man sitting across from him (in blue dress shirt) grabs his backpack from the floor and throws it on the seat after the guy got up. See all those people standing? Think this douche thought to let any of them sit? Who the hell does that?

What I loved is how the woman immediately to the right of the seat currently being bag-ridden kept giving the guy in the blue dress shirt the most awesome side-eye. You know, the "Bitch, please" side eye. At one point, just before Ajax, after he had reached into his bag to fish out a pen, she put her crossword puzzle down and pointedly stared at him.

I know why she didn't say anything. Along with her, I see all these same people every single day. No one wants to make it awkward, so we often use our eyes and not our mouths. Not a good excuse, I know, but I think we should all make an effort to be respectful that people shouldn't have to ask to sit. Just keep your stuff to yourselves and that absolves any need for an uncomfortable confrontation.

Guess who's back? Back again. Trash is back. Tell a friend

No more handwritten signs ghetto-taped to the glass stairwell enclosures on the train platforms telling people receptacles are available downstairs. Like people actually thought, "Oh my bad" and hauled ass back downstairs to throw out their crap. Fail. They threw it on the tracks.

Does this subway make me look fat?

LSW Crazy Train correspondent Mr. M. sent in these pics snapped in the PATH of the Suzy Shier store.

He writes: So I love how Suzy Shier insinuates it's not a safety hazard to block the doors of a subway car as suggested in the top photo. That would piss me off during rush hour to be blocked by some chick trying to work it like it's Transit's Next Top Model.

Or how about the second photo? "Oooh, girl, look at me. I can stop dis 4,000lb TTC bus with mah shoe and mah fragile femur!"

Work it. Covergirl.

Protection from the Parking Donkeys

I found this car in the Home Depot parking lot in Pickering, writes Doug in an email to This Crazy Train.

He suspects a service that saran wraps your car at GO Station parking lots would do well. I think if you throw on a layer of bubble wrap, you got yourself a business.

To quote the Slap Chop guy, "Seriously, this product sells itself."

Off-Topic: It's Frawww-day! Puppy learns to howl

It amazes me there isn't an epidemic of parking rage at Oshawa

@bugler on Twitter took this pic.

The special driver of this truck takes 2 spots all the time in a completely full lot.

---

This would make me want to throw a brick through the windshield. Lazy donkeys!

Rise of the Super-Douche

I was in the throes of fixing myself a drink, get this, 1 part GIN, 1 part GREEN APPLE MARTINI MIX, 4 parts 7UP = Alcoholic Awesomeness or AA for short, when my BlackBerry chirped. My kitchen has a butler pantry which my husband and I also call the state room (say it in a Mr. Howell from Gilligan's Island voice for the full effect). It's so bizarre seeing as there's nothing fancy about this house and no dining room to speak of, so really, it's a closet with a French door. We use it as our bar. Sorry, my husband just gave me an eye-roll. *I* use it as my bar.

Sipping my AA martini, I made myself comfortable on the floor of my bar and opened up my email. I was greeted with a message from Super-Douche. Super-Douche was bat-shit angry that I published his BBM exchange. He's also super-mad that I published his user name which he now has to change since he uses it for other things. I can't imagine what those other things could be?

Anyhoo, here's what Super-Douche pounded out:

"You must be mentally retarded or have some kind of mental deficiency because I was taking YOU up on YOUR OFFER by publishing your BBM PIN to send you messages. And because you are such a cocktease the second someone tries to joke around with you, you turn into a mean vindictive shithead and then go ahead and pull the stunt of making me deaf in one ear. SECOND, you published our BBM messages and you put them in a context that made me look like an idiot and you didn't hide my user name WHICH I USE FOR OTHER THINGS. You're a stupid c---."

Oh yeah, he went there.

"You can't take a joke even when someone is joking to flirt with you. You also made it sound like I just got off a boat with the way you just left the sentences like that when people know that BBMs aren't perfect. Plus you were too pussy to publish all of it so people could read how nasty you can be when I was beating you at your own game. You're so stupid to think that I wouldn't think you'd publish what I was writing. Don't you think THAT'S WHY I wrote that way so you WOULD be gullible. You're such a fucktard. I hope it makes you happy that you've caused me grief. I should take your mobile number and plug into one of those online auto-dialers..."

By this point, I'm done my AA martini and asking my hubby his opinion on whether vodka would mix well with Kool-Aid seeing as we have no other mixable juices in the house. We're also mocking this guy who has dialed up the crazy times a billion.

"...and then you can see how much it sucks when someone violates your trust. You may think it's all innocent how you present yourself but it's mean. I really meant it when I said someone should shove a broomstick up your ass because at least it would loosen you up."

Guess what? Vodka does mix well with Bluebery Kool-Aid. My husband and I have christened the drink, "Super-Douche".

Cheers!

By Request and an Encore Presentation: The ballad of the purple scarf

Anna, who is now a friend (read), requested I repost this because of the Psst! Wanna buy a watch story. Enjoy

---

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 8th, 2010

Sent via text message to 9054420352

Remember Anna? Oh, you're new here? My bad. Here's a link to the background on her. Have a read and then come back.

ANNA K.: hey

hi

ANNA K.: Do you know who this is?

OMG. Santa?!

ANNA K.: It's Anna. I msg'd u a while ago about my scarf.

You must be disappointed

ANNA K.: Yah, no one turned in my scarf.

No, not about your scarf. About me still being alive

ANNA K.: Uh?

You said, and I quote, "I hope you die" when I told you I couldn't help you

ANNA K.: No I didn't

Dude, really? I can forward the whole conversation to you.
What do you want?

ANNA K.: I just wanted to tell you my scarf is still missing.

And I care because ...?

ANNA K.: Well since you have the website I wondering if you could make a message and let people know that I'm upset my scarf still hasn't been returned and if they could get it to lost and found

And why would I do that for you, Anna?

ANNA K.: Because I don't know what else to do!

Are you for real? Or are you just yanking my chain?

ANNA K.: I'm using the same phone, aren't I???

I suppose you are. I don't make it a point to memorize the number of every person who texts me or learn what make and model of phone they use.

ANNA K.: Can you help me? PLEASE???? Can I send a photo?

(Pause... by me as I digest how dense this woman is)

ANNA K.: Do I just email the picture?

Whatever you wanna do, Anna. I'm signing off now.

---

Anna sent me a link to a picture of the scarf. I have taken artistic liberty with it.

Below is what the scarf looks like as modeled by my Marmalade cat, Howard. Ignore the white yarn dangling in the left foreground, that's just his sleeping blanket hanging off a chair.

If you happen to know the whereabouts of Anna's scarf, or have it, please donate it to someone who truly needs it.

If my imaginary abuela was an enforcer of parking courtesy, she'd be crossing herself and screaming, "Por Dios!" and shaking her fist in Ajax

Park how I want to? Absolutely.
This is super awesome. Ditch Parking. Guess it was a "last-ditch" effort.
This one below is my favourite. The white SUV is parked right in the intersection so the guy in the burgundy sedan on the left mounted the curb so as to leave room. See, Parking Donkeys have some manners.
A plea to take the bus distributed at the station:
A map showing the Parking Donkeys where to park, which they ignore.
At least they're all lined up in a pretty row. I shudder at what winter will bring for you Ajax folks.
I'm surprised people didn't just park on the sidewalk. Sky's the limit, right?
This pictorial comes from Donna. Thanks Donna! Comments by Yours Truly.

About that GO Transit Strike

I guess you figured if no one talked about it, it would go away.

The deadline for contract talks has been extended.

Talks resume today.

But at least Metrolinx clarified who would be affected by a strike - those who use GO buses. Train service would not be affected. I don't know how this is possible but then again, Metrolinx doesn't like to talk too much to its customers about these things.

Thanks to Jennifer for the link to the CBC, who has more on this story.

Oh goodness ... tears.

from gxxxxxxx@rogers.com
to cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date: Wed, Sep 14, 2011 at 8:05 PM
subject: That crazy GO!

Dear Ms. Smith,

My name is Gerry. I'm not contacting you about anything I disagree with on your website. My mom asked me to write you. My mom is currently battling breast cancer and right now she's at stage 3 and has a big fight now. She's quite sick and it's difficult for her to take the time to type or use her laptop or phone.

About a month ago, co-workers of hers came to our house for a visit and one of them hopped on mylaptop and showed my mom your website. My mom has taken the GO train to work for the past 16 years and she always comes to work or home with stories about her train ride. She commutes from Langstaff. She swore she'd write a book one day about commuter culture. My mom spent hours on your site after everyone left and she laughed so hard, more than I heard her laugh in a long time. My dad and I had to make her get off the computer and go to bed. The days after were some of her better days. My mom has a biting quick wit. She's positive you and her were separated at birth.

Right now, she's back in the hospital due to a bad relapse on Friday night and she's told some of the nurses who also ride in on the GO about your site. So this week they've been coming into her room with a Blackberry or an iPhone and read to my mom all the "shenanigans"! My mom's favourite so far is the dictionary you wrote over the weekend where you singled out all the kinds of stuff that used to drive her crazy.

She wanted to let you know that your website makes her day. I am so happy you're here! She feels like you're fulfilling a calling for her and I think now that we know about your site, it's a distraction for her. Something that makes her feel normal since she knows all too well why you took it upon yourself to chronicle yours and others GO adventures.

My mom would love it if you gave her a shoutout and shoutout to her work friends Jean, Sarah and Rhonda plus nurses Theresa and Hyacinthe. You can even share this email. I don't know if you have anyone in your family whose had cancer or has cancer but it's a bitch. My mom is so awesome and didn't deserve this. All people with cancer don't. I'm so happy you're here!

Your Truly,
Gerry K.

---

Dear Denise (your son forgot that all important detail - your name)
I will make it my heartfelt mission to post everyday with you in mind. Please be my Obi-Wan. I'll be your Skywalker.
Love,
Cindy Smith

Rumour has it

A convoy of GO Transit parking enforcement officers and a gaggle of tow trucks are en route to Oshawa today to lay down the law.

Those who got off at Oshawa last night surely bore witness to the mess, with people blocking exit routes and boxing in other cars, so that many drivers were left taking cabs home and returning later to fetch their cars. I got the emails.

Thing is, I don't know why y'all emailed me? Email GO. But I guess since I've taken up this torch, people hope I will speak for them. Sure, I'll write about it but I can't guarantee anything will be done about it. Ideally, the best place to direct your frustration is with GO - strength in numbers and all that. But a seat mate on the train told me this morning she called, she complained and she was told there would be a blitz today.

Here's Oshawa last night at 5:30pm. Note the half-ass attempt to ticket. If you're going to ticket, ticket everyone. It's only fair.

Question, would you pay more money in fares if it meant parking garages would be built? Anyone know how the Whitby parking structure got off the ground? I could look it up, I guess. As far as I know, there are no plans to expand the Oshawa lot as there are plans to re-direct the whole LSE line when it eventually is extended past Oshawa.

A very tight turn.
Random ticketing. The red car was also in a No Parking Fire Route.

Ticket here.
No tickets here.
Driver in yellow car attempts to clear the Jeep.
She can't angle the turn.
So she reverses.
Someone didn't care about angles it seems. Damage to the Jeep.

Consequences

This picture, snapped at the Oshawa GO parking lot, shows what happens when an entitled Parking Donkey just drives into a spot and pays no mind to the position of said vehicle.
The person in the blue car drives in sometime later. Parking Donkey will now have to use the passenger side to enter said vehicle if the blue car is still there after work.
However, there are possible consequences when you play with the Parking Donkeys. They could whip out a key and ruin your pretty blue paint even though they were in the wrong.
So what to do?
Do you forfeit a parking spot?
We wouldn't be having this discussion if these idiots would just take a few seconds and park properly.

A photo that would only excite those who get off on toes

Psst. Wanna buy a watch?

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:46:04 AM 9-2-11

Where do I go?

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:46:23 AM 9-2-11

Sorry?

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:46:49 AM 9-2-11

Sorry. I meant I need to get something I lost on the train and I'm so panicked! You don't understand!

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:47:01 AM 9-2-11

I think you have the wrong person.

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:47:44 AM 9-2-11

Well I'm using a number I see on a website. I lost my mother's Cartier watch and she doesnt know I took it and I was on the train that comes from Clarkson this morning and I noticed it missing when I was coming down the stairs and when I ran back up to the car I was on the doors were closed and the train was out of service. Please I'm desperate. It's got a red stap and a gold face and it cost like a lot of money and it was like a gift from one her bosses and she doesn't know I took...

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:48:29 AM 9-2-11

Okay what you need to do is you have to call 1888GETONGO and speak to someone there. Ok?

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:48:57 AM 9-2-11

...it and she's gonna kill me and I really need someone to go catch the train. Please can you do something?

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:49:11 AM 9-2-11

Hey, take a deep breath. Let's calm you down. What's your name?

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:49:27 AM 9-2-11

Oh my God, it's Sydney XXXXXXXX. My phone number is 905532XXXX.

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:49:43 AM 9-2-11

Okay Sydney. My name is Cindy. How did you get this number?

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:50:09 AM 9-2-11

I was googling lost and found for GO trains on my iPhone and I got a message center where people said they lost stuff and used the number I saw.

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:50:21 AM 9-2-11

Was there a photo of a cat wearing a purple scarf?

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:50:38 AM 9-2-11

No.

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:51:03 AM 9-2-11

Do you still have the page open on your phone?

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:51:19 AM 9-2-11

Yeah. Do you need me to give you some information?

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:51:29 AM 9-2-11

Sure, just what's on the page.

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:52:42 AM 9-2-11

It was a woman who lost a coffee mug. There's a phone number there where it says you can send messages about stuff you lost.

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:53:00 AM 9-2-11

Really? Interesting.

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:53:23 AM 9-2-11

Yeah. That's why I'm texting you. Because I really need someone at go to help me get the watch from the train.

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:53:39 AM 9-2-11

You have to call.

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:54:01 AM 9-2-11

Can I call you? At this number. Is that better?

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:54:24 AM 9-2-11

No, I'm not the GO train lost and found. I just run a website about GO trains and commuting and you found a story of mine.

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:54:51 AM 9-2-11

Oh. Okay ... So you can't text the train?

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:55:12 AM 9-2-11

No. I can't text the train.

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:56:01 AM 9-2-11

Oh my god. You mean this isn't a hotline for lost and found!!!??? I've wasted so much time!!! That train could be in Burlington by now!!! With my watch on. Why didn't you just tell me you couldn't help me instead of wasting my time?!

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:56:18 AM 9-2-11

Sydney, I did.

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:56:30 AM 9-2-11

No you didn't. This is ridiculous. It doesn't matter now. That watch is probably in a trash can somewhere or someone is at their office putting it on kijiji and it's all your fault!!!!

Text message from 9054427423 (This Crazy Train)
To 905532XXXX
8:56:58 AM 9-2-11

I did tell you to call GO. In fact, I told you that you had the wrong person. You'll have to scroll up.

Text message from 905532XXXX
To 905447423
8:59:31 AM 9-2-11

I'm not wasting anymore time on this. I have to call go because I have a train to stop not that you care and I need to go look up the number now. Bye.

Fail of the Super-Douche

You asked for more crazy text messages. Here's a gem for you. This was emailed right from my phone from a BBM exchange with a dude who pinged me. I allowed him access and he promptly burned down the friendship bridge.

Participants:
-------------
CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train, SiddiqiRs4

Messages:
---------
SiddiqiRs4: I just phone you.

SiddiqiRs4: Hi. I just phone you again

SiddiqiRs4: I have a go train question

SiddiqiRs4: Are you there?

SiddiqiRs4: Hello?

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Just a hint, when you send BBMs, my phone stores them. You don't need to repeat yourself.

SiddiqiRs4: How come you didn't answer your phone???

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Because I don't recognize the number.

SiddiqiRs4: But you answer BBM?

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Yes, I answer BBM.

SiddiqiRs4: Please pick up when I call.

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: No dice.

SiddiqiRs4: Why?

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: No talk plan. Only friends and my nan on My10.

SiddiqiRs4: But I'm calling you?

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Doesn't matter, it's my air time.

SiddiqiRs4: But it's after 9pm

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Does your mother know you're still up?

SiddiqiRs4: Ha, funny girl. Wanna join me in my bed?

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Seriously?

SiddiqiRs4: Serious as cancer, baby.

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Er, no thanks. I'd be first in line for chemo.

SiddiqiRs4: Ha, ok.

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Are you for real? This is how you troll for a lay?

SiddiqiRs4: I don't need to troll for women.

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Right. You need just a phone. And a random PIN from the internet.

SiddiqiRs4: You're not random.

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Dude, you said you had a GO question.

SiddiqiRs4: Yeah. Do you ride to or bottom?

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: I ride to Union Station. On a train. Everyday.

SiddiqiRs4: You're no fun. I meant top or bottom

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Oh my god. I can't believe I finally encountered a Super-Douche. You just committed an epic fail when it came to pulling some lame-ass innudendo and still, you keep typing.

SiddiqiRs4: Don't call me a douche. That's not nice. I'm just trying to have fun with you. You know what your problem is?

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Gee, lemme guess. Some random dude who can't take a hint?

SiddiqiRs4: No. You need a good man to show you (censored).

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Right. Okay dude, look, I'm only here for the funny. And you're not funny.

SiddiqiRs4: I can be a funny guy.

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Hang on, let me scroll up and see if I can find the funny.

CJ Smith. Ridin' this crazy train: Nope. Can't find it.

At this point, the conversation got heated with language not worth repeating. But needless to say, it resulted in me finding my "late at night parking lot" whistle, calling him and blowing as loud as I could into the speaker of my BlackBerry when he answered. Never heard from Super-Douche again. Blocked him from my BBM.

Why is Homey D. Clown trying to sell me a Presto card?

So asked my husband last night.
Those old enough to remember the FOX sketch comedy In Living Color will get it.

Homey D. Clown was an awesome character but I still feel, hands down, this is Wayans' best skit.


Damon Wayans on Wikipedia.

Clarkson obstacle course

Had to share this pic with you. I snapped it yesterday afternoon at Clarkson. This car was parked smack-dab in the middle of the road leading into the station. He/she/it was probably blocking one lane of the roadway all day - it should have been towed. Don't they patrol the lots at all? Yes, I know, stupid question.

Cheers!
Lisa

Bike bell man

Those following me on Twitter already know the tale of the bike bell man, so while others are reading, how about you click here while I tell the non-converted my story? Come back when you're done. This story may get more interesting since I'm telling it a second time.

I was meandering through the PATH last night, on my way to Union Station. For my non-Canadian, non-Torontonian, non-GTA, non-GO Train riding fans ... I'm still trying to figure out your connection to the site. Perhaps it's due to the KP drama going viral but since you've stuck around ... the PATH is an underground maze of corridors running under Toronto's downtown where you can live for an entire year and manage to feed, clothe, entertain, educate, hygiene, massage, beautify, drugify, liquorfy, work, sleep and manage yourself and your finances without ever venturing outside. The only thing you wouldn't be able to do is your laundry. You could get a pair of pants pressed but you'd be buying new underwear all the time at the Bay department store.

As I walked, I could hear this faint chinging sound coming from behind me. As it grew louder, I turned to see a man running full-tilt through the crowd. He was holding a bike bell in his hand and ringing it. As he barreled forward, people parted him for him as he rang his bell. He blew past me and hurtled down the stairs that lead to the Toronto Dominion Tower, all the while ringing his bell.

If I hadn't been wearing new shoes, I would have ran alongside him. That was pretty genius.