You go on and find that bus ... m'kay?

My responses are in italics.

Text message from 1647309XXXX
To: 19054427423
December 21 2011 01:37 PM

Sorry to bother you. How do I take a bus to Oshawa?

Text message from 19054427423
To: 1647309XXXX
December 21 2011 01:38 PM

Uh, you find a bus that takes you there.

Do you know which bus?

A school bus?

Is this go transit?

Nope.

Sorry I must have texted the wrong number. Thought you could help me.

Nope.

Hi. Sorry to bother you again. So why do you have a phone number on your website?

Aren't you supposed to be looking for a bus?

I'm just curious.

So people can contact me.

For what, considering you're not helpful.

Really? You're gonna give me beef because I won't give you directions for how to take a bus to Oshawa?

So why have a phone number?

So why have hands or feet?

You're a strange person.

You're a donkey.

Name calling isn't very nice.

I'm not very nice.

That's for sure.

Death by a thousand cuts

Kevin B.
kxxxxxxx@gmail.com
12:17 PM (59 minutes ago)
to me

There really should be a test before they give people mobile devices.
I had to endure the scroll clicks from a woman's BB for 25 minutes!!
Do you really need to hear the ball rolling?

Scrolling up .... And down ..... And up.....
It was like nails on a chalk board.

My morning commute was like "death by a thousand cuts"

Put up a public service announcement.

Options - keyboard - trackball/pad - Mute audible roll.

---

Kevin,

Here's a little ditty for you with how I dealt with BlackBerry trackballin'.

The one time I wish I had a big, heavy suitcase

Really? You can't stretch your legs out under the seat?

Some people didn't get the memo

THIS IS NOT THE BEACH.

In a GO rider's blog. That'd be this one

Presto problem taps riders and dips into their bank accounts
Tess Kalinowski
Transportation Reporter

TORONTO STAR - The last thing anybody needs at the holidays is a surprise hole in their budget. So when Adam Field read in a GO rider’s blog that the automatic re-load feature was malfunctioning on some Presto transit fare cards, he decided to check his statement.

Sure enough, there were 11 instances in which the Presto system loaded $40 on Field’s transit card before it reached the $20 balance that’s supposed to trigger a cash injection.

The auto-load feature allows Presto users to trigger a transfer from a bank account or credit card onto their transit smartcard when Presto reaches a minimum balance determined by the user.

Field had his account programmed to take $40 from a bank account if his Presto balance went below $20. Although he doesn’t think his balance ever went under $50 in the affected period, his Presto account received 11 $40 credits.

But the funds weren’t being withdrawn from his bank, so last week, when he discovered the problem, Field found himself overdrawn and on the hook for about $150 in bank fees.

KEEP READING

I see your BlackBerry and raise you...

... this old skool agenda.

Never needs charging.
Never loses signal.
Never goes down.

Oh shitty-shit-shit

There are two express trains that leave Oshawa within six minutes of each other. The 7:15 and the 7:21. They also arrive at Union within six minutes of each other.

Yet, mass panic ensues at Oshawa if someone gets on the 7:15 while doors are closing, who intended to take the 7:21.

I spent nearly three minutes calming down this woman who just about burst into tears when she realized she'd gotten on the earlier train.

"Oh shitty-shit-shit," she exclaimed, actually stomping her foot. In all honesty, I thought the woman was crazy. She was extremely distraught, thinking it was an all-stops and she'd be late for her appointment. Not true. You'll be early by six whole minutes I told her.

She even phoned her husband to tell him she was on the wrong train. I kept thinking to myself, the hell? This train is going to the same place as the later one and making the same express trip. I couldn't understand her reaction.

I suspect she won't live very long considering how dramatic life is for her.

T'is the season to be jolly

Seriously. This is hardcore festive.

Looks like most of you have this week off

Well lucky for you.

Not that you can read this.

Well guess what? I'm putting the site on hiatus starting this Friday and publishing will resume on January 3rd, 2012.

I may publish a New Year's greeting and I may wish you all a Merry Christmas and if I get a drunken text or two, I'll throw those up in case you get bored and are looking for something to read.

You know what's a good drink? An amaretto sour. But only the way I make it. Take eight ounces of lemon juice. Add two tablespoons of sugar. Shake the crap out of that in a cocktail shaker. That's your sweet and sour mix. Take three ounces of that, pour it into a glass with ice and add one ounce of Disaronno Amaretto Liqueur. That's my holiday drink. It's my gift to you. Enjoy.

Sorry what was that?

My plans for the holiday?

Sleep. And lots of it. But first, I must bake.

C'mon...

The train is empty for chrissakes. Your wheelie suitcase, despite the newspaper underneath it on the seat, belongs on the floor. It's a suitcase. With wheels. You drag it on the floor, right? So how come on the train, it gets a seat? Please explain.

Ouch.

shaker_79 Bryan Leis

$482 Monthly pass from Kitchener to Toronto on #GoTrain for 2 hours one way. NOT BLOODY LIKELY!

18 minutes ago

- Twitter

Surely nurses and healthcare professionals don't consider coffee and donuts "breakfast"?

This ad had always bothered me because it speaks to "health". Nothing healthy about that donut.

I like how the graphic designer put a motion blur on the coffee cup and the donut. Makes it look more urgent. Run coffee, run! You catch that train.

I hate all of you mo-fos

I can always pick out the ones who are super friendly. You?

Just sketchin' .... just sketchin' on this Monday morning train

That rooster sure has a nice set of tires. And the flame job is awesome.

I like art.

Found. Is it wrong of me to keep it?

This little guy was already on the train when I boarded Saturday morning in Oshawa.
I took him home. Was that okay?

- Ed P.

Winter driving. You're doin' it wrong.

JC took this picture back in 2007. Apparently the driver of this car had trouble driving in fresh snow near the Newmarket GO station and decided to follow the path of another car. As you can see, the driver quickly found out the path was not from another car.

The hell these people get a licence?

Hundreds?

Found this pic on Twitter. Described as "hundreds of people line up for today's first ever GO train from Guelph".

Lies! That's not a hundred people. I swear, why is citizen-eye reporting so complicated for some?

Can someone also tell me why the GO Transit mascot is a bear? Is there a forest connection I haven't figured out. If it were up to me the GO Transit mascot would be a martini glass. Just because. Another amaretto sour? Don't mind if I do.

This is your Friday

Blah blah blah ... fire suppression ... blah blah blah half rack .... nerd-babble, nerd-babble, nerd-babble

Took the 4:10 LSE yesterday. Had the work Christmas lunch. Drank too much wine. Was forced to listen to some jackass talk non-stop into his BlackBerry from six quads over about server racks, fire suppression, remote hosting and other IT bullshit. Dude never took a break. Never took a breath. Never lost signal. He was talking when I boarded at 4:00 pm and kept talking as the train emptied at Oshawa. He talked so loud I could hear him despite the volume on my headphones set to its highest setting as I watched a movie.

I was standing behind him on the stairs as we pulled into Oshawa. I had this fantastic fantasy of grabbing his BlackBerry and drop-kicking it across the train where it sailed over the seats and slammed into a window, shattering into hundreds of pieces. Then everyone around me cheered and high-fived me as a I jaunted down the stairs and stepped off the train. Like a boss.

Ride the Kitchener and Guelph GO for free this Sunday

Hey my Kitchener and Guelph GO Train peeps!

Got no plans for Sunday? Starting at 1 pm at the Kitchener GO station, you can try out the new service. Those who want to check out the train in Guelph should arrive for the 1:35 pm train.

The new Guelph Central GO Station is located at Wyndham & Carden, and one-way adult GO Train fare to Union Station is $11.70. The new Kitchener GO Station is located at Weber & Victoria, and one-way adult fare to Union is $14.60.

Oh, and my Georgetown friends, your corridor is being renamed. Starting Monday, it becomes the Kitchener GO Train Line.

MORE INFORMATION

Stinky salad made D.T. angry

The whole car smelled like an unwashed armpit after she ate. What the hell was in that salad?

And so it begins ...

From Twitter

@Chris_OVA
#wtf #gotransit. Friday morning GO Train jingle?? "The Go-train is coming to town" all I could do was smile and pretend I felt it was OK...

It's corny.

Here's what I suggest. I don't mind the conductors breaking out into song around this time of year. But there's something to be said for those who can hold a note. If you can sing, bring the merry. If you can't sing, stick to the egg nog.

If you need a singer who can carry a tune, call me. I'm cheap.

Just a quote from one of my favourite comics who sadly, died young, Mitch Hedburg

Ron wants to play Hot or Not

Guess what ladies? Ron has sent a photo and he'd like it posted online.

I was really hoping he'd have a conductor cap on, but no.


He wants to know what "the ladies of the blog" think of him.

What Ron really should have sent in is a photo like this:


Stay within the fantasy, Ron. You make this too easy.

BACKGROUND HERE

Thoughts anyone? On the Salvation Army 3-piece band that serenades us in the GO Concourse at Union?

It's somewhat festive. I particularly enjoyed the tuba player puffing out a Partridge in a Pear Tree this morning.

Google "lost and found" fail #29. My replies are in geen

Text message from 1416869XXXX
To: 19054427423
December 15 2011 09:37 AM

Can you help? I was fiddling with my engagement ring and it fell off onto the platform this morning at Clarkson and I couldn't find it. If I emailed you a reward poster can you put it up for me?

Text message from 19054427423 (CJ Smith, ride this crazy train)
To: 1416869XXXX
December 15 2011 09:39 AM

Do you mean on my site?

What site? Sorry?

My website.

One the GO website! You can do that?! That would be amazing! Thank you!!!!!

Okay, I have to step back here. Did you really lose a ring or are you just messing with me?

Who is this?

Who is this? This is Cindy.

OOMG. Sorry I thought I was texting GO customer service.

Nope. How did you get this number?

From Google.

Wow. Again, amazing...

Sorry?

Never mind.
But tell you what, tell me about the ring and I will post a post on my website about it. How much is the reward?

What website would you put it on?

www.thiscrazytrain.com

I don't think I'm comfortable with that. Will GO people read it?

Yes.

Is it like a shoutout?

Sort of.

Okay I wil be at work soon and I will let you know. Okay? Sorry to bother you.

No worries. The offer is there.

Today's multiple choice question

You're on a crowded morning express train. Your phone rings. It's your wife.
She's crying, sobbing and yelling.
The whole train can hear her, including the engineer and I think also the 14 people waiting on the platform at Union. In fact, my husband texted me, he could hear her all the way in Oshawa.

What's the best way to handle this situation?

a) Attempt to talk to this hysterical woman who isn't listening to you while you repeat, "It's okay" over and over for the next 25 minutes while she complains about what a lousy husband you are and how rotten the kids are.

b) Say, "I can't talk right now, I'll call you back when I have some privacy."

c) Hang up.

d) Turn off your phone.

e) Throw away the battery.

f) b+c+d+e

Angry GO bus rider hates Presto customers

I'm getting fed up with the bus passengers who rush to be the first to the doors to get off and then hold everybody up while they put down their bags to pull out this damn card! Bus drivers at the Bay St. station will remind passengers to buy a ticket inside rather than on the bus as it causes delays. But Presto? Nope. We'll sit here for another 10 min while the driver figures out how to load someone's card, or how to get it to work if the passenger didn't tap off last time.

---

I'm sooo looking forward to this gong show come January.

Squiggles squares off with a jerk

Had a stand-off with a jerk yesterday on the 5:20pm LSE. He decided that him and his friends were "too good" to disembark on Platform 11 like everyone else. Nope, instead he thought that they should be given passage through the mob of people on 12 waiting to board the train.

Words were exchanged. I pushed my way through the door, putting people off-balance. Jerk #1 decided to start throwing out insults which resulted in me yelling through the train that the doors open on 11 for a reason.

Anyhoodles, my temper seethed the entire ride home and I crafted this delightful Shout Out to disperse some of the irritation.

"Doors open on Platform 11 for people to disembark. People waiting on Platform 12 are to board the train. Why would you think it was a good idea to push through those waiting people to get off the train and not walk another 10 feet to the stairs? All you proved was that you are a self-centred, self-entitled arrogant jerk!"

Why it's best to leave the mentally ill alone on the subway

WARNING: Contains language NSFW.

Just throwing this out there. The Bay has buy 1 luggage get 2 free

I'm taking advantage of this sale.

Now excuse me while I go hunt down Bonnie Brooks for my cheque.

It looked like someone had taken a cheese grater to a horse hoof

Want some "ick" for the ride home? Take a jaunt over to this blog.

Help a nut out. He doesn't understand the crazy

from noreply-comment@blogger.com

Sure, call me Ron has left a new comment on your post "Letter from a rail nut ...":

I'm a little taken aback but I will admit I did not spend a great deal of time on your site to see it for what it is. My apologies.

That was your first mistake ...

I do have a good sense of humour which is why I am not mad. When I got your email back to me I couldn't understand why you went off on the tangents you did. My first reaction was: "This woman is very strange". I was actually a little put off, truth be told.

I'm still not sure what to make of you.

Don't worry, the others will help you figure it out.

Posted by Sure, call me Ron to You. Me. Ride This Crazy Train - Adventures and Observations on The GO at December 13, 2011 3:32 PM

This Crazy Train's Presto Chronicles, Chapter 14: All your monies are belong to us - until we figure out where it went

Presto Autoload feature double dipping customers, warns TCT reader. Presto working to fix the issue.

Jodi S. writes:

Presto has been taking $60 out of my account TWICE daily for the last TWO business days (despite the card not needing to be reloaded). They have been very friendly and I know their back office has been looking into it as it is happening to a bunch of people who use the auto-load feature. But people need to check their bank accounts to ensure they aren't going into overdraft! The money that is withdrawn is NOT added to the balance on the Presto cards; nobody seems to know where it is going and why. I suspended my auto-load feature for the time being until the $240 is reimbursed.

Just want to get the word on the street and your site came to mind as the perfect place to start!

The foot riders really hate me so they send me "hate" photos. Like this one

S'okay.

I just got my blowtorch serviced.


What Kitty said.

Wait ... are those ... panties?

Ho' aboard! Major Toronto dailies want to know if you know these TTC subway sex stars

I'm serious.

Do you know this ass?

What is this? The Maury Pauvich Show? Full story here.

Even worse, Toronto's own National Enquirer wants in, too.

And if you can bare it, the video, which will probably be blocked by every business IT department in Toronto, is available here.

I couldn't watch it all. It's too much all kinds of nasty for me. The couple was arrested.

Letter from a rail nut ...

from: railnut@xxxxxxxxxxx.ca
to: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date: Mon, Dec 12, 2011 at 8:40 AM
subject: Understanding locomotives

Hello,

I'm writing to you to point out something you said on your website about older GO Transit locomotives, specifically this article found at this URL: http://www.thiscrazytrain.com/2011/03/old-skool-will-it-chug-i-think-i-can-i.html. You titled it, "Old skool. Will it chug? I think I can, I think I can, I think I can ... ".

Laugh if you want, but I found that offensive. There's nothing "old skool" about these locomotives. The F59PH locomotives were designed to carry a limited amount of coaches. In fact, the numbered locomotive in the photo you published is the last of the series where EMD stopped building these in 1994. GO Transit began to phase out their use in 2008 which bears question about the date of your article, that being March of this year. This would not have been an express train as typically rush hour service makes use of the MP40PH-3C which offers more horsepower and can push/pull 12 coaches. If you are going to show older locomotives, please ensure you at least give more information such as the time and what station. This will show some respect for the technology and also the fact that MetroLinx (not to be confused with Metrolink in California, who coincidentally, also use the F59PH locomotives) isn't some archaic dinosaur of a transit system.

I strongly suggest that if you are going to demonstrate to your audience a knowledge of rail in Ontario that you do your research. One of my favourite blogs is Train of the Week. Here's more info about the MP40PH-3C: http://trainoftheweek.blogspot.com/2010/05/motivepower-mp40ph-3c.html.

Moreover, I invite you to consider me a friend and should you ever need clarification or assistance with locomotive information or rail in Canada you can contact me at your leisure.

A little bit more about myself. I'm 47. I'm unmarried and live in the same house I grew up in. I have been collecting model trains since I was 11 and have been interested in rail systems since my late teens. I attend all kinds of rail and train shows and have many friends who also share my interests. I enjoy British humour, Dr. Who, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and have a fondness for all things Star Wars. Surprisingly, I don't like Star Trek. I have worked for the last 20 years as an accountant for a large law firm. I enjoy traveling and writing poetry. If you'd like, I can send you a photo of myself or we can Skype each other so you have a better idea of what I look like so you can put a face to the name.

Sincerely,
Ronald Xxxxxxxxxx
(613) 726-XXXX

from: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
to: railnut@xxxxxxxxxxx.ca
date: Mon, Dec 12, 2011 at 7:50 PM
subject: re: Understanding locomotives

Hi Ron,
Is it okay I call you Ron? Nothing against the name Ronald but I immediately think of clowns and I don't like clowns and considering most kids are terrified of clowns, I always found it astounding that McDonald's still chose to use a clown to sell food to children. Don't you?

I'm not a liar so I have to be upfront and honest if we're going to be pals, okay? Here goes. When you wrote all that stuff to me about locomotives and something about California, I had a sudden urge to squirt grapefruit juice in my eyes. That was painful. Why? I'm just not a rail chick. I get on a train everyday and hope it gets me from Oshawa to Union station like it's supposed to. I figure if GO is using a certain locomotive, I have to trust that GO knows that the one they use is better than a donkey and a cart. Or a dog sled. Tho sometimes in the dead of winter, I feel that GO could make good use of a dog sled. How much do you know about dog sledding? I could easily go to Wikipedia.com and throw out some factoids that I'm sure would wow your pants off but I don't like to wow the pants off any man who isn't my husband.

When I was a kid and when I was done watching The Polka Dot Door, followed by Today's Special and then that rotten show called Fables of the Green Forest, I'd get ready to haul ass from the couch to the front of the tv to slap it off before I heard the horrible strains of that tecno synth and then impending "Ooooooh Woooooh Oooooh.... " Don't get me started on that stupid telephone booth. Shit gave me nightmares. You couldn't get me to use a telephone booth as a kid to save your life because I was sure some trash can with cascading inverted coffee cups down its sides and a busted antenna on its head, looking like an R2D2 rip-off, was going to kidnap me and transport me to this evil place where people spoke English weird and wore ascots. But hey, you had me at not liking Star Trek. Don't even get me started on that mess.

One night, as torture, when I was 7-months pregnant, my husband asked me to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The hell was that!? I swear I sat there for 12 hours while some naked Gremlin screaming about Precious hopped around and shit. I kept waiting for Buffalo Bill to show up and come get his goddamn dog. What those people needed were a bunch of Boy Scouts. They would have got that friggen ring and sewed a couple of badges on to reward the effort with their toes and eyes closed.

I don't Skype so I don't see how that will work. You can send over a picture if you want. I'm not sure what to say to that. I'd hate to say no because I fear I'd leave you lying in bed tonight crying in your pillow but you seem like a decent guy so for sure, if I need rail info such as top speed, how many windows in a cab, how many cupholders, what kind of leather the interior is, etc., you bet I'm gonna hollah at you. Okay? Have a great night.

CJ

Rush hour - an illustration

Those who get on at the start of a run (i.e. Oshawa) are spared this crap. We only get to deal with it at Union coming home.

GET ME OFF THIS TRAIN!

By VanessaLSW
------------------
So... I'm on the LSW 1815 (last Wednesday). I usually take the express so this all-stops train has felt unusually long.

I'm sitting in the 3-seater by the doors and as we pull away from Oakville, I hear a man yelling: "GET ME OFF THIS TRAIN! GET ME OFF! GET ME OFF!"

A man comes flying down the stairs at the other end of the train car, yelling that he has to get off. He stops at the doors in front of me and starts pounding on them. The train is accelerating and he's pounding on the doors as hard as he can, yelling: "GET ME OFF! LET ME OFF THIS TRAIN NOW!!!"

I'm starting to feel a bit freaked out now. Wondering why this man needs to get off the train so urgently. Did he miss his stop? Why all the yelling? The two men standing near the doors beside me are eyeing each other, wondering if they have to take crazy yelling man down.

Crazy GO Guy starts pacing up and down the aisle and PRESSES THE EMERGENCY STRIP. Everyone around him is yelling, "No! Don't press the strip if you've missed your stop!" He continues to pace up and down the aisle, muttering to himself. I'm starting to feel like my GO ride has turned into a TTC ride.

Luckily, the Accessibility car is next to ours and the CSA reaches the car quickly. The CSA is asking who pressed the strip and we all point to Crazy GO Guy who is now at the other end of the car, pacing back and forth while muttering to himself.

After deducing that it's not a life threatening emergency, the CSA turned off the alarm and went back to the Accessibility Coach.

I'm not sure what Crazy GO Guy's problem is, but he's in serious panic mode. Clutching his head, tapping his feet, groaning, saying, "Oh no, oh no, oh no." He continues to pace from one end of the train to another, while passengers eye him warily.

I think one woman asked him if he was ok and did he need help, but he ignored her and continued to pace the train while saying and occasionally yelling, "I need to get off the train!"

As we arrive at Bronte, Crazy GO Guy lines up at the doors to exit, as the doors open, he shoves the people in front of him out of the way, and runs off the train like there's no tomorrow.

I did hear him mutter something about a laptop, but then he also said the word antique. I can only assume he left his laptop at Oakville station and went back to get it.

Maybe it's the copious amount of Canadian Club and Pepsi, but I found this video hysterical

So someone who likes Billy Gilman - A LOT - decided to make a fan video for Gilman's cover of "Away in a Manger". I had to Google the kid as I'd never heard of him.

The only reason why I am posting this is because "Away in a Manger" is a favourite Christmas carol of mine (despite its religious affiliation) and if a GO Train CSA ever invited me to serenade you jokers like what happened on Friday morning's LSW train into Union, according to This Crazy Train subscriber Tyler S., it's the song I'd sing.

Since it has been so long since I've heard the song, I you-tubed it. What's hysterical about the video are the captions and the fact that the "producer" of this crap puts together Gilman's wardrobe and sets the "scene" of each verse with stock photos.

It's such a hot mess, I had to share. Be sure to check out the standing ovation part (1:48). The opening is funny too because there's no way Gilman, who according to wikipedia has sold over two million albums, lives in a double-wide.

Please, make yourself at home

Morning express train. I kid you not. Guy hangs up his jacket and places his portable DVD player on a seat.

You know what this needs, right?

Hulk... smash!

There. Hulk feel better.

It really is a shame that drivers need lines

This is what happens when it snows in parking lots. This aerial view of an everyday, average parking lot demonstrates what also happens at GO parking lots. It becomes a free for all and a gong show. "Park how I want to", is what I call this nonsense.

It never ceases to amaze me how any driver can pull up beside another car and park half a car-width away, too narrow for another car to fit and technically, taking up two spaces.
I had a woman do this next to me, here's how it went down.

Worse, how about a driver who parks in between two rows? Like this person last winter.

My dad has discovered text messaging

Dad: How come I can not text your website

Me: What are you trying to do?

Dad: I need to tell some people off

Me: Just use the computer

Dad: But I am mobile and I want to keep moving

Me: Where are you?

Dad: In the garage

Me: Dad, do you have auto-correct turned on?

Dad: What turned on

Me: Is it the iPhone you got from the board?

Dad: Yes

Me: What's that thing called again that Stephen Harper is in charge of?

Dad: The government

Me: No, where is it, what's it in?

Dad: Ottawa

Me: Wait, it's not auto-correct... You haven't figured out punctuation on that thing either, have you?

Dad: What

Me: Punctuation. You know !?"'

Dad: Comic book swearing

Me: What?!

Dad: Why did you ask me about Heathen Harper

Me: What's he in charge of?

Dad: Canada

Me: Dad, it starts with a "p"

Dad: Parlyment

Me: Okay, so your auto-correct is definitely off.

Dad: What is auto correct

Me: The iPhone will automatically correct your spelling for you. It's just that it can actually work too well and I don't want you falling prey to it.

Dad: How do you know it is off

Me: We also need to work on showing you punctuation. You know it's not working because you're writing like an upper-crust Englishman and even tho you are asking me questions, you haven't used a single question mark (?)

Dad: Why are you saying I can not spell

Me: Parlyment

Dad: What about it

Me: Dad it's not spelled that way

Dad: Okay smarty pants how is it spelled

Me: Parliament

Dad: I like the way I spell it

Me: It's wrong

Dad: Who cares

Me: I'm so putting auto-correct on that thing

Stay classy, Keanu

Presented without comment

Source: @Patrick_A7 on Twitter

This is your Friday! Ok. Bye

Texts from a Gremlin

Well no wonder Gizmo doesn't make any sense! He only has two fingers and a thumb.

---

This gem of a text exchange happened tonight. My replies are in green.

From: 1289897XXXX
To: 19054427423
December 08 2011 10:57 PM

yui likr

From: 19054427423
To: 1289897XXXX
December 08 2011 10:58 PM

Hello?

yoiu ae fgunnty an figedw oyt wdy i knjs jike

The hell? Are you texting and driving?

red nws hlrytous sdyoly grom vertnsm

Dude, that's not even English...

puyupprt

I see you've mastered the Stupid language

oprn bowsr and pste addres

Either you don't know how to spell or you're the world's crappiest texter

Reading your text messages is like waiting for a JPG to load circa 1996

I have to go paint my cat's nails. Catch ya later.

Bue GO can yur bus an i no how to grt iy back k?

Are you a Gremlin?

msg. mee l8r

smeby say yr this driday k bye

For the love of God, please don't eat after midnight. <-Click for the Gremlins movie plot

Parking revenge

Start planning. Go Transit release Christmas service schedule

You know Rob Ford's gonna cancel this, right? At least your trip to Nathan Phillips Square will be free, courtesy of GO Transit, where you can stand in the dark and reminisce of New Years' past. That mofo is so shutting down the skating rink, too. Mark my words.

From Canada NewsWire

TORONTO, Dec. 8, 2011 /CNW/ - GO Transit is providing passengers with earlier trips home from Union Station on December 23 and 30. GO will operate a special schedule to give GO riders the opportunity to get home earlier leading up to the holidays.

Also, on New Years Eve, GO is helping passengers get home safely. GO service will be free of charge on December 31 after 7 p.m. with the addition of some later trips, making GO an easy and safe choice for the holidays.

A full run-down of GO Transit service during the holidays can be found online at gotransit.com.

Richard, your friendly Barrie CSA!

I've heard a lot about you, Richard. I don't know what you've heard about me but I'm as fabulous as described.

Hope you like your shoutout. Stay classy, bro.

Tony Robbins is your homeboy. Oh yes, he is

"Imma teach you how to deal with these donkeys." - Tony Robbins (if Tony Robbins rode the GO Train)

The poll question for the past 20 days addressed how willing many of you are to speak up when someone is being annoying on the train. 116 people participated (thank you).

The question:

Some guy near you on the train is zippin' his BlackBerry trackball 10 dB louder than necessary. Do you?

The answers:

Sigh. A lot
42 (36%)

Clear your throat and give him a good stare
38 (32%)

Kick his shins
6 (5%)

Throw something
2 (1%)

Yell real loud, "Whose winding a watch and can you please stop"?
12 (10%)

Get up and ask him to stop trackballin'
16 (13%)

Okay, we really have to talk about this. Sighing? SIGHING? No one pays attention to sighing. Usually the person doing the annoying stuff is so wrapped up in doing the annoying stuff that they forget there's people on the train with them sharing the same space as them. Sighing does not work, but I know people use sighing as a means to deal because I read enough tweets from other GO commuters to know it's a very popular coping method. Problem is, it doesn't work.

Throat clearing and death stares followed closely behind. Please name one time where this has worked for you, I bet you can't. If a fellow commuter is listening to their music 30 dB higher than necessary, you're wasting your time with both this approach and the one above it.

Kicking. I don't condone violence. I threw it in the poll because of past reader comments where kicking was suggested as a method for dealing with crap. At least those people answered honestly... and have bail money saved.

Throwing stuff. C'mon ... two of you would really throw something?! What is this? The movies and you're 11? What in the hell would you throw? Your shoe? How awkward would that be, because, you know, you have to go get it or maybe you won't. Are you gonna drive home shoeless yet satisfied because at least "you showed that guy"... ? I've had people encourage me to throw stuff at people. I"m happy to learn that many agree it's not the best approach. Plus there's the whole jail thing ...

Yelling and pointing out the annoying thing. This was how I approached the situation and a few people took offence - all you throat clearers, death starers and sighers - how's that working for you? At least after I said that, dude put his goddamned BlackBerry in his pocket. Problem solved. For The Win. Like A Boss and all that jazz ...

Approaching the person who is being annoying. Obviously, this is the best approach and 16 of you aren't shy to do so. I would have confronted the guy but the problem was, from where I was sitting, I didn't know who it was and it wasn't like I didn't try to figure it out when I actually stood up and scanned the coach.

Yesterday I posted a picture of a woman who rode an express train for the entire ride with a cupcake container on the seat next to her. Despite the train being at capacity, no one said anything. I'm gonna empower you guys. I'm not sure how. But I may get all Tony Robbins on you in the coming months. Oh yes ...

Beurre

Wednesday night. 5:53pm train LSE to Oshawa from Union

A few things to note, the train was packed. Kudos to the gent who hopped on at 5:52pm and told the dude bag-riding the only available seat to, "Please move your bag as I'd really like to sit... " and "Thank you so much, Sir". The thank you part was said pretty sarcastically so I believe it was meant as a "Bitch, please".

I was seated next to a man who was asleep when I got on. About 10-15 minutes into the ride, his iPhone chirps and he wakes up and answers it IN A REALLY LOUD CARIBBEAN-ACCENTED VOICE. So loud that I'm sure he caused the two guys across from us to fill their shorts because they were both startled awake.

The conversation that happened next was nothing short of astoundingly annoying, yet comical. Dude listened intently for about five minutes before he punctuated the silence with, "Mmm-mm, she know which side her bread be buttered."

This was followed by silence and then, "Pshhhaaaw, I'm telling you, SHE KNOW WHICH SIDE HER BREAD BE BUTTERED." This was followed by several exaggerated nods of his head and a lot of kissing sounds. A few minutes later, he switches ears and chuckles before exclaiming - you guessed it - "She know which side her bread is buttered!!!"

I'm getting a little concerned cause there's a lot of bread being buttered in this woman's life and I wonder if she's factored in the calories involved. Bread, especially white bread, is bad for you... and butter?! Good lord, everything in moderation but this woman is dripping in the stuff apparently and I don't even know which side! Just tell me, which side?!

We pull into Pickering. The guy is still nodding along to the conversation and I kid you not, he makes this loud guffaw and shouts into the phone, "SHE KNOW WHICH SIDE HER BREAD BE BUTTERED! See, I TOLD YOU!"

The two guys across from me were all kinds of irritated.

We pull out of Pickering. I decide, the hell with it, it's time to mess with this guy. Minutes pass and he mumbles something, then laughs and says, again, "SHE KNOW WHAT SIDE HER BREAD BE BUTTERED... followed by a low "Ya know?"

So while looking at my ebook, I mutter a long, drawn-out "Buuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr" which is french for butter. Loud enough for the two guys across from me to hear. So, this is how it went, all the way to Ajax:

BREAD IS BUTTERED
Buuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr
SHE KNOW WHICH SIDE YA KNOW
Buuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr
SHE KNOW HER BREAD IS BUTTERED ON THE BEST SIDE
Buuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr

Afer about the fifth "beurre", dude tilts his head and looks at me and gives me his best "WTF" side eye. I ignore him. Both guys across from us get up to exit at Ajax and dude beside me ends his phone call. (Thank you Jesus!)

But I wasn't done. Every time I finished a page in my ebook I muttered a long, drawn out, "Buuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr". After about the eight time I did this, dude kissed his teeth and said something under his breath that I didn't quite catch.

So said to him, loud enough so only he could hear, "I'm sorry, am I annoying you?" He gets all innocent and says no and faces the window. I didn't say beurre anymore after that but when his phone rang again, he didn't answer it.

Thoughts? Aren't these people finding it a bit cold for bare wear?

Personally (and I know I've made this very well known) I can't handle someone's bare feet or even sock covered feet next to me on a train. I don't care to look at your feet or smell them. Usually, if a quad mate throws his or her feet up on the seat next to me, I make a big production of a) taking a photo and b) leaving with a few choice comments muttered.

I hate it. I hate, hate, HATE it. You can hate me for hating it. I'll just hate you back.

Photos from @buchari's Twitter feed

It's been some time ... since we've had some fire 'round here

You know, I used to have these warped fantasies of getting all He-Man and the Castle of Greyskull on people who put their crap on the seats while a train is boarding and make no attempt to acknowledge the train is filling with people, people whose tickets bought them a seat.

I don't care what it is you have. Purses, pets, shoes, jackets, bags, backpacks, an antique mirror (I no longer have that photo but damn, wish I kept it), Ikea purchases (rent a damn car for chrissakes) and all your luggage you're taking for your 1-week vacation to Varadero, Cuba have zero priority. Good for you. I hate your holiday already. Don't make me see it, too.

My dad has a firetruck horn. It's de-commisioned but it's the one that goes "MUH BWRUH MUH" real loud. I can hook it up to a 9-volt battery to make it work. I watched enough Bill Nye the Science Guy to know what to do. Then I'd consult a few episodes of MacGuyver and fashion up a button from a popsicle stick and a tab from a pop can and use that to activate it. I'd stand right in front of these clowns - such as the one shown below whose cupcakes, according to Kathy, rode comfortably this morning all the way from Clarkson to Union on a packed train - and let it rip.

No one asked Cupcake Girl to move. No one.


The hell is wrong with you people?

Maybe she's hoping all those cupcakes will bring all the boys to her yard but all they make me want to bring is a blowtorch.


LIKE A BOSS.

Who knew this site could make some people so angry?

Truth be told, in all honesty, I find the fact that this website irritates people pretty funny.

It's not a secret I delete comments. As Dan G. wrote, I am the owner of this house and although the door's unlocked and there's a big WELCOME mat on the front porch, there are still house rules.

You're a guest and an uninvited one at that. You show up on your own and leave on your own. I'm not holding you hostage in my basement.

So here's what I don't understand. Why do you feel I owe you something? You waltz in here with your sense of entitlement, rifle through my cupboards, insult my guests, harass me and drink my free booze - only to spit it out and tell me it tastes like crap - yet expect me to cater to you.

Like hell.

Many years ago, I did a two-weekend, stand-up gig at this little dive of a bar in Keswick. I had been discussing with the crowd the difference between sex with a woman of girth vs. women with no girth. Halfway through the set, this woman gets up and seeks out the manager to tell him she's offended.

Admission to the show was free with a 1-drink minimum. I believe it could have been a soda or alcohol. The woman was told she was free to leave. She wound up writing a letter to the editor of the local paper about her experience. I kid you not. Somewhere in a box in my garage I have a clipping of that letter. It was probably the best thing she could have done because the following weekend, the bar was at crowd capacity because people had come to see what the fuss was about.

Myself and the two other comics chatted in the parking lot afterwards. We were gobsmacked. So at one point in her day, this woman decided, at her own free will, to go to a comedy show - with no cover except to purchase a beverage - only to complain about the content. She wasn't a big girl. I never used vulgar or profane language. I'm not racist or prejudicial but I guess she found it offensive that fat women actually have sex. Who knows? But the question I had, what do people expect at a comedy show? That I'm going to read poetry?

This blog, website, personal commuting diary, whatever you want to call it, is about the commuting experience and general observations.

The URL 'thiscrazytrain.com' is your first clue the content is going to be questionable.

I have no desire to document mundane train riding i.e. "Took the train this morning. GO broke out the F59PH locomotive to stretch her legs and keep it old school. Got a seat on the upper level. Snoozed a bit. Checked my email. Texted my husband and reminded here to take some ground beef out for dinner. Guess I'll make meat loaf. Pulled into Union and went to work. All and all, a great train ride today. Until tomorrow..."

You really think I would have amassed nearly 1,000 daily readers with that nonsense?

Yes, I call out all the b.s., the rudeness, the wierdness, the wackiness and the wtf-uckery. I take pictures, write commentary, engage in text exchanges, publish emails, write tweets, poke fun and single out rude behaviour.

If this website makes you so unhappy or miserable, why do you come back everyday? Quit torturing your eyeballs and surf away.

Are you from Kitchener? Are you just chomping at the bit to ride the GO Train? This video will excite you

I must warn you, after you watch it, you will have to lie down. But make sure you fix a martini first. You'll need it.

Here is a novel idea @getonthego. Start ticketing riders that insist on putting their feet up on chairs. #gotransit - Twitter

Follow @Nilaye10 on Twitter

An end to the shoe debate

Dave writes "She's confused me with you but hilarious all the same. I creeped her Facebook after the comment from the Flyer guy. There is no such thing as bad publicity!"

CJ Smith writes (ridin' this Crazy Train) "The hell? I was the one who said white shoes. You said socks. This is hysterical. I had no idea how wide-read the site was among the ones who really do work for GO (as opposed to myself who supposedly works there but I haven't seen a paycheque yet)."

Dave writes "I really thought they were just random stock photography."

CJ Smith writes (ridin' this Crazy Train) "To be honest, I never gave the photo any thought until your email this morning."

Dave writes "I have a thing about shoes."

CJ Smith writes (ridin' this Crazy Train), "Please don't go there..."

Dave writes, "No, no, no, not as in a fetish but for as long as I can remember, I put a lot of thought into people and their shoes. Like, the ones who change them up everyday as opposed to people who wear the same pair everyday. It says a lot about the person."

CJ Smith writes (ridin' this Crazy Train) "I own five pairs of shoes and do tend to wear the same shoes to work everyday. What does that same about me?"

Dave writes "That you're broke?"

CJ Smith writes (ridin' this Crazy Train) "Ha ha ha. Uh, no."

Dave writes "It says you're comfortable with things and don't need to draw attention to yourself. I want to say boring but I'd be afraid you'd come and Chuck Norris me across the lower torso."

CJ Smith writes (ridin' this Crazy Train) "If I had the legs and feet for numerous pairs of shoes, I would be the shoe queen I was from 15 years ago. I can take boring. I would say I'm practical."

Dave writes "I own about 20 pairs. I have more than my girlfriends."

CJ Smith writes (ridin' this Crazy Train) "Girlfriends."

Dave writes "Girlfriends."

CJ Smith writes (ridin' this Crazy Train) "Player."

Dave writes "I am the most interesting man in the world."

CJ Smith writes (ridin' this Crazy Train) "You sure are, my friend. You sure are."

Grab a Kleenex. This email exchange will break your heart

from: alan.pxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
to: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date: Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM
subject: frredom of expresshun

3 times i have tried 2 rite on ur website and u delete my comment evrytime. this is canada asshole! ever heard of freedom of expresshun? you're infringing on my rite to free speech under the law. if u keep this up i will explore legal action as u cant delete people comment without good reason or merit.

from: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
to: alan.pxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
date: Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 7:34 PM
subject: Re: frredom of expresshun

Are you drunk? Or just lazy. I want to call you stupid but that's a tough one seeing as your last sentence ended with a great deal of lucidity.

from: alan.pxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
to: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date: Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 7:37 PM
subject: Re: frredom of expresshun

I am notdrunk. I am probably a thousand times smarter than u. I want u to stop deleting my comments. It is my rite to call u ignorant. is it that i think ur a dumb fuck? here's the thing. i don't find what ur doing funny or rite. ur a bully and i was bullied enuff in school that i dont need to be bullied on line either. dont u know bullying is a big issue right now and u use ur site as a poistion of power and i dont like it. some1 needs to be put u in ur place

from: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
to: alan.pxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
date: Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 7:42 PM
subject: Re: frredom of expresshun

Are you for real? I don't have time for this crap but I'll humour you. What specifically am I being a bully about?

from: alan.pxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
to: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date: Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM
subject: Re: frredom of expresshun

u know what i'm talking about!!!!

from: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
to: alan.pxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
date: Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 7:46 PM
subject: Re: frredom of expresshun

Alan, I get a several comments a day. About 10% of them are deleted because people tell me they hope I get my head kicked in. That's not content I want on my site. If I delete comments I am protecting the integrity of the discussion. There are only so many times I can have the word "loser" repeated over and over in the comments before it loses its edge, because, you know, calling someone a loser isn't edgy. We have freedom of speech and thought in Canada to express an opinion, not to threaten people or write derogatory remarks. Don't misconstrue what our veterans fought for with the "rite" to call people names. That's not a right, sorry. Also, learn to spell, use grammar and punctuation. If you want to be taken seriously, try a little harder. M'kay? This conversation ends here. Feel free to reply but your email will have no effect. I can't help you with your shortcomings. You accuse me of a being a bully but provide no evidence only to retort that I know what I'm a bully about. There's no value in what you're contributing and no benefit for me to correspond with you further. Thanks for writing.

from: alan.pxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
to: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date: Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 7:48 PM
subject: Re: frredom of expresshun

ur an idiot. I'm calling go transit and report u. I bet they would LOVE to know about ur site. stupid punk ass girl.

Burning question. Why is the girl from GO's facebook page wearing socks?

Amazing what people notice. They could be white shoes but yes, they look like socks. Dave H. thought maybe I could do some digital photography forensics on this to determine if she is wearing shoes. They're also not dressed for the weather, either. Sorry, Dave.

Not sure who's pulling who here in this text exchange

Either this girl is incredibly dense or she's incredibly clever. I'm not sure if she was on to me. My replies are in green.

From: 1416477XXXX
To: 19054427423
December 05 2011 06:16 PM

I'm cold.

From: 19054427423
To: 1416477XXXX
December 05 2011 06:17 PM

It's Winter.

LOL. Ya it is.

Damn rain.

Thanks for the weather report. See, I have this amazing app on my phone from the Weather Channel. It tells me it's raining.

Sorry, just making conversation.

(I love it when random people text me and then throw out that line. It's not like we're stuck together on a school bus for 9 hours. *You* texted me)

Well, all I can say is if you're cold, buy a sweater. Don't know what else to tell ya.

Is it true you really don't work for GO or do you have just have to say that?

I don't work for GO.

You just do this for free?

It pays for itself in many ways. Trust me.

How much does it cost to run a website?

My site is free.

But your time isn't.

Actually I do this in my free time so technically ... it's free.

Is there any cost?

Sure. I had to buy www.thiscrazytrain.com and then renew it each year.

You must be very wealthy if you can do this for free.

Yes, I am incredibly wealthy. Thank you for noticing. Very few people clue into how wealthy I am that I have time to entertain people for the hell of it.

So you don't really work? You just say you do.

Yep. And guess what?

What?

I don't write the blog either. The site? I pay people to do it.

What? I knew it. There's no way one person can do what you do.

Let me tell you something. I like you and I'm so grateful you recognize how much work this is. People are so naive. They can't imagine spending two hours a day running a website. And then another 18 hours gathering content. It's exhausting. Sometimes I only sleep 4 hours a night.

Wow. How many people work for you?

Seven.

That many?! Are they students?

You could call them that. Let me tell you, it's ridiculous to manage 7 different personalities. All male. Some are more motivated then others. But the worse guy has to be the one who says he's sleepy all the time. I only pay these guys for four hours a day yet he's telling me all the time he's sleepy.

Oh. How can I work for you?

Well, can you grow a beard?

Ha. No. I'm a girl.

Oh. That won't work. I only hire male writers.

That's too bad. I have some good go train stories.

Oh yeah? You should email them to me.

Are any of the guys working for you hot? :)

Well most of them are kinda old and I like tall men myself. These dudes aren't tall. And here's the real creepy thing.

What?

They do everything together. They come to work together. They go on break together. They eat together. I am almost sure they all sleep together. I'm pretty sure they are all room mates.

Wow. That is odd.

I'll say. And everyday at 3pm when it's getting time to go home and they leave my office they

You have an office?!

Well yeah, you don't suspect I have seven men just hanging out in my kitchen everyday?

Oh...

Anyhow, I was saying. They have this song they sing around quitting time ... it goes, "Hi Ho Hi Ho it's home from

Wait!

What? I wasn't finished.

That's Snow White.

What is?

The song.

What is Snow White?

A movie.

Never saw it. Is chuck Norris in it?

WTF? Come on... Sure you did.

She flees to the forest and she comes across the seven dwarfs house and takes shelter and they fall in love with her. Then she eats an apple from the Queen and falls into a deep sleep waiting for a prince to kiss her.

What the hell kind of story is that?

It's a Disney story.

That sounds even more creepy than the seven guys I have working for me!

Maybe they like the movie and are playing a trick on you

(Huh? Record scratch)

I'll have to ask them.

Google snow white and look for it on YouTube, it's a great movie.

Okay, I will. You have a good night.

You too. My train is almost at the station. Thanks for the chat!Keep up the good work.