Friday, December 31, 2010

Nope. No Facebook

I am immensely flattered by emails asking if "we" have a Facebook page.

We, er, I don't. I already have two fan pages for two other causes I run and I have found that once you set up the FB page, no really uses the sites much since they can "feed" everything into Facebook.

Thing is, I don't have time to manage an FB page. Also, as far as I know, everyone who reads this site now can access it from work. Most companies block FB.

I like people just coming to the site. Hope you understand.

- CJ

Monday, December 27, 2010

Somewhat of a hiatus

I'm off work until the 4th of January but will post if there's material available.

I hope all you turnips had a nice Christmas and if any crazy sh*t happens on the trains between now and when I go back to work, please share.


Friday, December 24, 2010

Le 'oliday bag rhy-dare et aussi, de foot rhy-dare

Submitted by email to by Martina N.

Yes, there really *is* a Santa Claus!

UPDATE: He's baaaaacccccckkkkkk!

Through Martina N., he gave ALL OF US this: the GO train busker!

Martina writes: My friend was late and rode in with me on the 8:25 am from Oshawa Thursday morning, and we witnessed a regular rider pull out his guitar and start playing and singing all by himself. He played a bunch of songs including some blues, Beatles, Elton John, Christmas songs... you name it! Our favourite though was the Elton John/Justin Bieber mash-up, as played in the video. Gold!!!

Just after Rouge Hill, a guy upstairs (we were in the middle section) came down and asked him to stop because he was trying to study and people were trying to sleep. I was really tempted to tell him to just move cars if he didn't like it.

This crazy made our day and the Grinch was out to ruin it! Anyway, once we pulled into Union, I told the guitar player that we enjoyed his show and wished him a Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I used to ride the train with Joaquin Phoenix

I wonder what happened to this guy.

How was my train ride home?

Like this cat, I'm excited for Christmas yet pissed off.

I'm pissed off at people who whacked me with their overloaded bags of consumerism. Jesus Murphy, drive in if you're going to buy out the entire Eaton Centre on your lunch hour. Why would you try to bring home three bed-in-a-bags on the train? And an artificial tree? Are there no stores in Oshawa?

Bah. Hambug.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

When I grow up, I wanna have boobies

So I can get all my Christmas shopping did at La Senza and brings all ma bras on the train for y'all to look at.

Honey, look at what I bought. And I made sure you can see the tags. "Beyond Cleavage". That's right. "Beyond".

Go on, and be like Heidi Montag's plastic surgeon, and enlarge these puppies to see the full detail.

In case you're wondering, I'm a 34C.
Ooooh, you gonna have some nice fantasies now!

I'm saving the fuchsia one for church.
On Tue, Dec 21, 2010 at 6:09 PM, Todd T ( wrote to
A couple of young women sat across from me on the LSE 5:53 this evening. Soon after departure they started pulling what seemed like an unending number of intimate apparel items from their bags. The attached picture describes the variety of items better then I could.

The story of stuff

T'is that time of year where many of us recieve gifts from colleagues and clients.

GO trains were never designed to accomodate bags and laggage so many passengers have to be creative with how they transport stuff. Many just blatantly bag-ride, cramming their Christmas baskets and gift bags onto an empty seat - at rush hour - only to have to remove everything when the train fills and that seat is the only seat left. This happened yesterday.

The lady across from me in the fourth car from the front, on the 5:10, had two gift baskets (one was the size of a two year old) and three large gift bags. She carefully and meticously arranged everything on the seat next to her.

This woman was not a day-tripper. She's a regular because I recognized her. I also got to hear all about her last day at work because she immediately hopped onto her Blackberry once she was done arranging her stuff. Apparently her staff were "extra generous" this year and she was looking forward to her holidays. Then she went on to describe everyting she got ... right down to the last bag of chocolate-covered peanuts in one of her gift baskets.

As people passed us to find places to sit, and one man squeezed himself into the window-seat next to me, it actually looked like she was going to get away with her holiday bag-ride. But no, a lady climbed upstairs at 5:09 and zeroed in on the seat, laden with gifts.

She made her way over and stood right beside the seat and looked at me. I looked back and then went back to my book. It ain't my shit, lady, I thought.

"Excuse me", she says to me to all icy and pissy. "Would you mind moving your stuff?" The owner of this stuff was still yapping into her Blackberry, oblivious to the Mexican stand-off. I put my book down and said, "It's not mine". "It's her's", and I pointed at the lady.

The woman caught my eye and I pointed at her stuff. She said to the person she was talking to, "I have to let you go, someone wants to sit beside me and I have to move my stuff". This wasn't said with a smile by the way.

She looks at the woman waiting and says she needs a minute to find a place for all her gifts. Then she stands up and puts a basket under her seat, a basket under the empty seat and puts all of the gift bags and her purse on her lap. She also made sure to blow out exxagerated breaths so as to insinuate how inconvenienced the lady wanting to sit was making her.

Halfway through the ride, she lost a bag containing a bottle of white wine. It fell and cracked and white wine flooded the floor below us. Now she had a broken bottle to contend with.

This was getting ridiculous. Finally I asked her if she wanted me to hold one of her other two bags.

She also kept checking the one gift basket that was under the other lady's seat which actually got wet from the wine. Why she kept checking it beseeches me. Did she think someone was pilfering her chocolate-covered peanuts?

The woman who asked for the seat got up at Pickering which resulted in the Stuff Lady losing her cool and mumbling to me that "if this woman was riding only to Pickering she could have at least stood!!!"

I said, not to be rude, but did you really have to bring this all home today? Surely some of it could have stayed at the office.

This woman, and I swear this is true, said she thought about it but with Christmas in three days, she can at least re-gift some of the stuff.

What's the moral of this story? I'll tell you. Some bosses don't appreciate the effort and money you spent to buy them a gift because they don't plan on keeping it, apparently.

I wanted to punt her bag I was holding across the aisle. Unreal.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Open up and say, "Awww"

Now shut your mouth, dammit!

It's one thing to blow out one's breath in relief, like our good friend Sylvie in this post, it's another to yawn your ass off in another person's face after a long day of eating stale Doritos and sucking on candy canes at your desk.

Cover your damn mouths, you dirty linebackers.

Is it ok if I breathe here?

Submitted by email from Sylvie to

This happened about one year ago (December 30, 2009 to be exact.) After almost a year of house hunting, our offer on the third house we bid on had been accepted on the 24th, and we had the home inspection done on the 29th.

So here I am, mind full, emotions high, making my way into work. We were pulling into Union, and I was standing near the doors as I snapped back to reality. I took a deep breath through my nose and slowly exhaled through my mouth. I was facing straight ahead, still mostly oblivious to other passengers - until the woman to my right blasted me, quite loudly! Apparently my breath touched her, and I was told I shouldn't do that, as it was "gross".

I was stunned. I said to her "it was a breath! Are you saying I shouldn't breathe??" She mumbled on about how disgusting it was and I should not breathe like that. I was never so happy to have the doors open so I could get out of that situation. I was mortified, to say the least.

I didn't cough or sneeze on her. I had brushed my teeth, had not had a coffee (as I know that can make your breath smell), and I don't smoke.

Even now, almost a year later, I feel horrible about that whole experience.

Monday, December 20, 2010

I'm gonna sing christmas carols in your ear

You like that?

I sure do.

I'm no longer sure if I'm expected to forfeit holidays I booked for this Thursday and Friday due to a situation at the office but if I'm on the train Friday, once work lets out at 12pm and I haul ass to catch the 12:13, rest assured I'm singing on the train ride home.

I'm singing it all ... Satan's comin' to town, Santa is a tax collector, Away in a turnip ... We wish you a dirty linebacker and my encore presentation, Park how I want to, which will be sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland.

Then I'm going to open up a big bottle of Bailey's and drink the rest of the ride home. Who's in with me?

What? Did you think I would do this by myself?!

Friday, December 17, 2010

41 years!? And he's not crazy?!

Last Ride GO Transit's longest-riding commuter, Virgil Duff, arrives on the platform at the same time every day and sits in the same car.
Gary Yokoyama/The Hamilton Spectator (linked)

BURLINGTON - “Clear the doors, please, clear the doors. Union Station our next station stop. Union Station.”

Most of the 4,700 GO Train commuters who routinely board the green and white trains at the Burlington station can probably recite the public address stop calls in their sleep.

But imagine if you’d heard those same station announcements every Monday to Friday for not just 12 months of commuting — or five years, 10 years or even 20 years. Imagine if climbing aboard for that Toronto-bound, 50.7-kilometre ride was part of your weekday life for 41 years.

Welcome to Virgil Duff’s commute. All 1,002,750 kilometres of it, the equivalent of going around the world 25 times.

But the end of the commuting line is coming Dec. 24. That’s when the Toronto University Press editor will disembark at Union Station, take the subway to his Bloor Street office, officially retire and end his reign as the longest regular GO rider among the 55 million people who use the service annually.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Someone has a bone to pick with Don Cherry

Your sign is missing some commas there, buddy. An "and" would help, too.

Free speech should always be nicely wrapped in good grammar!

P.S. Shouldn't the sign be pink?

Snapped today at Union Station by yours truly.

Thank you, you crazy lady, for telling me all about ...

.... your yeast infection!!!

For real. I really wanted to hear all about it. No! No! No! But you so went there!!!

See, when I was stifling my cough, I was stifling my cough so people on the train didn't think I was trying to bring the sick all up in here.

I appreciated your sympathy towards my bronchial woes and what antibiotics have worked for you, but I told you, over and over, I have asthma. Ain't no antibiotic in the world will cure it.

But no, you went on and on about the tamoxifenicillioncrap you took in 1992, and the raging yeast infection it caused, and how you read somewhere (this was before the internet was in our homes so lord knows where you read it, maybe in Good Housekeeping) how slathering yogurt all over your lady bits would solve the problem, only to discover it didn't, so you drove with a burning birth canal to the hospital and got some cream, which put out the fire.

The thing is, you couldn't even keep your damn voice down. You couldn't take the hint when the guy across from us turned up his music. He really didn't want to hear about you baking bread down there.

So thanks. That was super.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Leisurely crowd

What up?
Oh, you have 20 minutes until your train leaves?
Super. Then get the hell out of my way, you slowpoke. My train leaves in 3 minutes.

Turtles, keep right. Leave left lane open for people who need to get where they need to go.

- Union Station. Any day. Anytime.

Hey, if so-and-so jumped off a bridge, would you jump too? Absolutely!

It only takes one donkey to park where he wants to. In the fire route. The rest follow like sheep.

Click the photo to enlarge it.

Submitted by Dan to Snapped mid-Fall at the Brampton GO parking lot.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The one about the service cat

Submitted by email to

Hello there,
My name is Sophie. On November 22, 2009, my partner and I adopted a cat from the Toronto Humane Society and were bringing him home on the GO train. This was just days before the OSPCA raided the place as part of an investigation into animal cruelty.

I just learned of your site over the weekend. I was Googling information about luggage restrictions on the GO train as my partner and I are trying to plan how we'll get to Pearson for our winter holidays and lo and behold, I clicked on a link you called 'Service Cat' and my jaw dropped to the floor. At first I was a little taken aback as I didn't think my partner and I were talking that loudly, but we had to because we were trying to hear each other over the cat's screaming cries.

I will admit my patience was being tested and when the man got on, I just lost my temper. There were many empty seats around us. He didn't have to stay in our section.

Anyway, thank you for considering our situation as blog material. I didn't think what I said was funny at the time but reading how you wrote it gave me a good laugh.

We wound up naming the cat, "Henry". I've attached a photo for you. He was very happy when we finally got him off the train!

Sometimes I wonder if people ask for it

Had an interesting email exchange with a reader where this came up:

On the train this morning the engineer actually came on the PA system and said something like this:

"To the two people who crossed the tracks in front of the train at Rutherford, please know that if you slip and fall, we will NOT be able to stop. For your safety, please do not cross in front of the train."

By the tone of his voice I felt that he would have liked to have used more colourful language :)
Are people really that stupid? I'm not wishing death on anyone but to cross the tracks in front of a moving train is a reckless decision. I witnessed something similar at Union Station once. This guy with a suitcase crossed platforms 12/13, 11/10 and 8/9. GO transit security finally caught up with him (there are cameras!) and escorted him out of Union Station. Please. I would have fined his ass.

Punk *is* dead

Submitted by Tom W. via email to

On the Lakeshore East line somewhere in Toronto, there is a wooden fence containing a couple of graffiti tags (which look like they were done by the same person) - "RIP Loki" and "Punk not dead". There are two problems with this:

1) The Norse god Loki is not dead - he is bound up underneath the earth for various naughty doings, there to lie until the Norse Armageddon comes along. (His fellow gods affixed a poisonous snake above him to drip on his face for the rest of time... vengeful lot). The lack of knowledge about basic Norse mythology in today's graffiti artists is disturbing.

2) Punk *is* dead. Deal with it.

Photo Source

Wake us up! Dammit.

Submitted by email to

Dear people on the GO (you like that? thanks. I just made it up)

Every morning you see us, those of us who sleep on the train. We don't have to explain why we sleep on the train. We just do. Some of us actually fall into a deep sleep and we ask out of the goodness of your hearts that you poke us awake when we get to Union Station. Don't assume we're on our way to Aldershot, because many of us are not.

Yesterday I woke up at Mimico - completely disoriented. I can't believe not a single person in the quad with me, people I see EVERYDAY, did not think to wake me. I can understand if you don't recognize me but for God's sake, if I recognize you, then you recognize me!

Help a girl out, okay?


Found - LottoMAX ticket for this Friday's draw

Submitted by email to

Hi CJ.
I can only suspect you have a lot of lakeshore east readers. I found a LottoMAX ticket that was a $5 purchase that was stuck to the wheel of my car in the northwest part of the parking lot at Oshawa Monday night. I was told by the lottery office that if the person who bought it can remember where they purchased it, they can reference that from the code on the ticket to prove it belongs to that person. This Friday's jackpot is $40 million. I'd hate to see someone miss out. Please let me know if anyone contacts you and give them my email address. Please post this to your blog.

Portable heat

Sent via text message to 9054420352

Hi there. This lady who got on at Richmond Hill has a portable heater with her and has just spent the past 7 minutes or so walking the coach looking for an outlet. Finally some guy tells her you can't do that and she says the train is too cold. He says dress warmer but there's no way that's safe. Now she's sitting kitty-corner to me yapping into her cellphone how GO needs to provide thermostats in each car and how she'll probably freeze to death before we get to Union. I don't find it that cold but it's strange how people who choose to sit near the doors are the ones complaining. Go sit upstairs then.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Down for the count

Went home early today because I'm still battling asthma-induced issues and I hope to hell this isn't bronchitis.

Rode the 12:13pm. Listened to a lady do sing-song yawns most of the way home. So I made sure to cough louder.

Foot warmer

It was -20C with the wind chill this morning.

This young lady got on at Whitby wearing flats with no socks. She contorted herself in her seat so that her feet were tucked in under her and she proceeded to wrap each foot in its own scarf.

Are socks/stockings in short supply?

Friday, December 10, 2010

The power of Christ compels you?

Saw a guy today at Oshawa GO while I waited inside to stay warm with a large crucifix tied to his knapsack. Figured he was on his way to an exorcism.

And of course, even though I yell at people to do it, I didn't take a photo and lost sight of him on the platform.

The thing was big... about 12-inches tall. I really hope it wasn't some kind of bizarre fashion statement.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Cruelty to animals

Charlotte, a morning train buddy of mine, is deeply bothered by events from Wednesday night when a person purposely stepped on a field mouse that was on the Oshawa platform and killed it.

The corpse is actually still there. I saw it myself tonight. I'm not a lover of mice but I also think there are humane ways to rid the world of pests and stomping on a helpless mouse isn't one.

Why don't you just sit together?

Submitted by email to by Sylvie

I am on the 2nd Barrie train this morning (Dec 9), wishing I had the courage to say that to the two women (in one quad) and one man (in a quad behind them), having an in-depth conversation about their college-aged kids.

That way they:
a) don't have to twist around in their seats, and
b) can keep the volume of their voices down just a tad!

The other seats in both quads are empty!
I have a theory people do this because they like to project their conversations onto others and truly believe the whole train wants to listen in.

Yeah, so ... remember that love letter?

Would you believe I lost it?

I know what you're thinking ...

I honestly don't know how it happened and when it happened but it's no longer in my bag.

Don't know what I'm talking about? Read on then.

What the hell?

For god's sake, how is that people can't walk down a damn aisle without nearly severing arms from shoulders?

Not only did this moose of a woman practically dislocate my arm, she also spilled coffee all over me after her bag slammed into my arm.

On my hair, down my jacket ... my face. We hadn't left Union yet. I was so pissed that I kicked her coffee cup in anger after it fell to the floor and stormed off the train, so I could clean myself up.

And I had to take the 8:13, having left the 7:18 in a huff. So now I smell like a Tim Horton's garbage can and I'm late getting home.

I honestly don't understand why some women need to carry three purses/bags/suitcases. At least be mindful of who you hit with them and tuck in the straps!!!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Excited? No. Not even a little bit

Submitted by KitKat to

I sat across from a man tonight wearing tight jeans containing what looked like a tightly packed "suitcase". As we got to Rutherford GO, he stood up and pulled out his scarf... from his jeans. As he exited the train, he caught my eye, WINKED at me, wrapped his scarf around his neck and said, "Body heat makes for a warm walk to the car". I made sure I was the last one to leave the train. Gross.
Pervert. Some people need to be run over by the now infamous Rutherford runners.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Can you feel the rhythm of the Jerry-Curl mullet?

I only worked half a day today due to complications with me and an old friend named 'Asthma'. Asthma and I go way back and every so often she likes to hang out, eat all my food, not leave and keep me up all night. Asthma decided I only needed to work til noon and then she and I took the 12:13pm to Oshawa.

At Ajax, this guy got on who looked just like El DeBarge, complete with pencil thin lipstache. I know, you're asking, who?! The best I can do is show you by video. El DeBarge was a brother and sister music group from the 80s. Dude on the train looked just like the lead singer.

If you can't youtube from work. Here's a photo of El DeBarge:

Source: Hollywood Snark

This is commuting.

Photo by MrDanMofo via Flickr

After one canceled train and a 30-minute delay, all caused by a CN freight that stalled on the hill to Etobicoke North, the headlights of GO 207 cut through the rain-turning-to-snow on the first westbound train through since the afternoon.

Passengers from cancelled train #281, delayed #205 and some that were going to take #207 trudge home in the blizzard-like conditions at Etobicoke North Station, having just gotten off a packed Georgetown-bound #205. 5:21pm, Nov-2007.
Thanks to Danielle S. for the link.

Parking lot olympics

The YouTube caption for this video reads:

Every day people run from their train to their cars to get out 'first' and beat the traffic out of the parking lot. Every day this makes me smile as they are the biggest wankers ever.
I just think it's dumb.

You could have asked us to move out of your way!

Submitted by email to

Small world isn't it? Thank you for your apology after you repeatedly gassed us last night on the 4:10. But it wasn't just one fart. It was the fifty or so that you claimed you stifled. You lie! Even after we asked who was eating kielbasa sausage, you sat there and pretended to sleep. What bags are you complaining about??? Too bad you let your ass do the talking... Dirty turnip.

Love the 3 Musketeers

I used to like sushi. Then I met you.

Submitted by email to

Dear Man-Who-Ate-Sushi-For-Dinner-Last-Night (on the Richmond Hill line),

Your breath stinks. It reeks. It makes me nauseous. God forbid you should cover your mouth while you yawn with that putrid breath. Do you brush your teeth in the morning? Or is it that you're eating rotten sushi leftovers for breakfast? Whatever the case may be, it's making me sick. Granted, I get to skip breakfast and save calories because I lose my appetite on the mornings you sit next to me, but FFS, fix that nastiness.


Monday, December 6, 2010

That sausage smell you commented about ...

Submitted via text message by anonymous to 9054420352

I'd like to apologize to the three ladies sitting near me tonight on the 4:10, you'll know what I'm talking about... no, no one brought sausages onto the train. That was me. I farted. I pressed myself against the seat as hard as I could and if one of you hadn't barricaded me in with all your fricking bags, I would have managed to make it to the bathroom instead of letting it go where I was. Peace out.

Horn o' plenty

Submitted by email to

Hi CJ... found this incident I had funny and figured I'd write you. Last Wednesday (Dec 1) I was on 6:03 train to Clarkson. There was a woman across from me with this hideous sculpture that looked like a tuba. Along with carrying it, she also had several bags of fruit with her, particularly grapes, some squash, a turnip and some other veg I had no idea was. She also had some oranges, the smaller kind, like tangerines. Finally curiosity got the better of me so I asked her about her tuba. She told me it was a paper-mache horn and that she had her sister make it. She said she's a supply teacher and her goal for Thursday was to teach the class she's subbing for about American Thanksgiving and the tradition of the horn o' plenty. Ahh, gotcha, I said. Then I was quiet for a second and asked her to repeat when she said she would do this, stuff the thing with fruit and all that. She said tomorrow, December 2. I had to break it to her. American Thanksgiving (I work with world markets so I know) was last Thursday, the 25th of November. She says, get out. I said yep. Then she went all kinds of shades of red. I also told her the pilgrims would never put tangerines in the horn o' plenty. I don't think it was on the menu. She said, what about oranges? I said I don't think there were pilgrims in Florida at the time and that there's no way they got oranges up to New England. Then she says, it doesn't matter, the kids are in grade 1, they won't know the difference between this Thursday and last Thursday. Then she changed seats. I don't know if she'll ever see this but I thought she was sweet and it was an honest mistake on her part (provided she doesn't have the internet) and I didn't mean to embarrass her.
Still funny tho. Might as well throw a couple of big macs in there if "it doesn't matter"!

- Mark

GO in the snow

How was it today?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from the bus crowd.

A lot of "brake for snowflakes"?

Damn you, you dirty infected turnips

Or rutabagas
Or sprouts
Or squash ...

Pick a nasty vegetable. Of course, I have other choice words I'd like to use.

Saturday, I started to develop a fever. It came and went. Came and went.
Yesterday evening, the aches and pains started.

Today I called in sick. I rarely get sick. In fact, this is my fourth sick day this year. You know who I blame? Myself for one for not wearing a hazmat suit when I ride the train, and second, this woman - hackety-hack. Hackety-hack hacked all over myself and Jill.

Thanks for the Ebola virus, hackety-hack.

Friday, December 3, 2010


You know that uncle some of us have who only comes on food holidays (easter, thanksgiving, christmas) just to eat and then leaves when dessert is done with barely having said a word but he laughs and nods at the appropriate times? There's a guy that rides on the same train as me in the morning and always sits where myself, Momma D, Blondie C, Char L'Hottie and Jill tend to congregate. On Thursday night, he wound up next to Jill and myself and we actually got him to talk. Now we call him "Uncle" because he reminds us of that uncle most of us have who never says anything but shows up for food because we believe he sits where he sits because he "feeds" off our conversations.

I got him to admit it. Where the ladies always thought he was laughing because he was watching a movie on his iPhone isn't what he was laughing at. I knew it!

If "Rotary Dial" is reading this, I apologize but I did mean to ask you your name. Thank you for showing me how to play sudoku, but I believe I am mentally challenged at the game. It took me the entire train ride this morning to figure out one row of numbers and then I gave up. I honestly don't understand why I don't get it. But then again you, should watch me work a crossword puzzle. It's a sad state of affairs.


The guy across from me on the 5:10 is mad-texting and laughing his ass off at the same time. I should ask him what's so funny. I've never seen anyone laugh so hard and not make a single sound. His ears keep turning red.

Thursday, December 2, 2010 asks, "What's the most annoying TTC rider behaviour?"

What constitutes the most annoying rider behaviour on the TTC is not as easy to determine as one might think. Ultimately, there's just too many egregious violations of basic etiquette to choose from. What's worse, after all, having a high school kid with an enormous book-filled backpack continuously bump into you or being tucked into a two-seater on a packed train with someone who hasn't showered in days?

Read the rest of this post on

Thanks to Tim S. for the link.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to sit here?

Well not on the GO bus to Waterloo, according to this cow. Sam sent this photo in. Someone should make this girl's ride more comfortable.

Perhaps a quilt?

Or how about we all fantasize how we'd make this girl's ride miserable?

Spontaneous combustion perhaps?

There. That's better.

Shall we help this person out?

The author of this shout out, who truly doesn't understand that appliances are what makes a marriage, is looking for this.

Printed in the December 2nd, 2010 edition, Shout Out Section, t.o.night newspaper

It's getting close to the end of the year so ...

... after two years of first Facebook status updating my GO experiences and then migrating to this blog, I've decided, triggered after a reporter asked me what some of my most memorable blog posts were, to create a Top 10. I don't know if the story will be published but the interview brought back such fond memories, it'd be a shame not to share.
  1. Bag rider of the week
  2. Joaquin Phoenix
  3. Skunk
  4. Garlic
  5. Ear
  6. Oral hygiene
  7. Service cat
  8. Crazy lady!
  9. Chow mien and then none
  10. Well at least he wasn't driving

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A haunting in Georgetown

Mike, a man who lives near the Mount Pleasant GO station in Brampton, which is on the Georgetown Corridor, swears that the ghost of a small boy haunts a stretch of track from Mount Pleasant Station to Georgetown Station. For reference, Mike drew us a map (shown below) of where the boy haunts:

Mike originally texted me about the Georgetown Ghost. You can read our text exchange here.

Unbloodybelievably, I got an email tonight from a woman named Barb who backs Mike's claim. She's a former neighbour and friend of Mike's who used to ride the Georgetown GO line for many years before she retired this February. She attached a photo taken from her cellphone in January of a ghostly figure she says she's seen while on the train just outside of Mount Pleasant station. She believes this figure to be of the young boy that no one can tell me anything about, who was killed by a train back God knows when.

Just give me a date people. Anything ... a name?

She apologizes for the poor quality of the photo. Of course she does! Every single photo of almost all unexplained phenomena just happens to be of poor quality despite the fact that most of us are walking around with state-of-the-art camera phones. Funny how all the pictures of Bigfoot are grainy as shit but when people find a cockroach in their McDonald's hamburger, the photos are clear as clear can be.

I'm just sayin'.

A love letter found on transit (and published online) from across the pond

Kaylaa sent me this link of a love letter found by a gent in England while he was heading home on the train. He has a blog as well and scanned it to share it with his readers. Unlike the letter I found, the author isn't writing of a torrid affair but of feelings harbored towards a woman he commutes with.
You can read the full post and transcription at Ymmit's blog.

It kind of reads like the shout outs these days.

Adventures in GO parking

Submitted by Heather to

So I'm making a right hand turn on a GREEN light onto the road that leads to the north Burlington GO parking lot this a.m. and this moron making a left decides he has the right of way. I slam on my brakes and lay on the horn to which, of course, moron ignores. However, I do see a passenger in the back seat turn around. Moron and I both park near each other. I decided this was one moron too many who had pulled such a stupid move!

I get out of my car and as I approach moron's car, his wife (I assume) gets out of the back seat. A little odd, because there was no passenger in the front seat with the moron. So I inquire about moron's driving antics (actually I said something along the lines of, "What was that shit back there!"). Wifey says nothing, just proceeds to gather her stuff and walk away.

Moron gets out of the car and tells me to keep my eyes on the road! Ok, so if I wasn't already mad, I'm pretty much fuming by now. Keep my eyes on the road?!?!

You know, you "dirty turnips", I don't want to miss the train either but we'll miss a whole lot more than a train if morons like this guy continue to drive this way.

Oh and moron, if you're reading this (and I hope you are), if I was your wife, I'd ride in the back seat too and leave you behind. She probably already knows you're a moron.

Parking rage. There's so much more to this story ...

While walking to my car tonight at the Oshawa GO lot, I spotted something under the wiper of a green Dodge Neon. I don't know who wrote the note but I don't think it was left by the person currently occupying the space next to this Neon as there was plenty of room when I saw the note.

The note reads "Next time leave a can opener so I can get in my car ASSHOLE!"
I had a similar situation myself back in July where a person parked so close to my car, I had no choice but to climb into my car through the passenger side.


Sent via text message to 9054420352

Hi CJ. I ride the train all the way to Aldershot on the LSW. It's a loooooong train ride. Last night, it was a packed train and these 2 ladies got on and there was only 1 seat available, next to me. Up until Exhibition, the one lady sat while her friend sat on her lap. I shit you not. People nearby were doing the I'm-staring-at-you-nutjobs-but-I'm trying-to-make-it-look-like-I'm-not faces... By the time we got to Mimico, the lady sitting gets up and stands up and her friend sits. The two of them then proceed to do this psycho rendition of musical chair all the way to Aldershot... after each station, they'd switch, one stands/one sits. And the messed up part is they continued to do this even when seats became available. I was trying so hard to sleep and I'd doze off only to be awoken when they changed positions because they both sat down with as much force as a bull in a China shop.

And now ... the continuation of my condemnation to hell

Dudes ... I didn't write this but I'd really like to know who did.

Thanks to those who sent text messages to tell me the saga is on-going.

Printed in the November 30th, 2010 edition, Shout Out Section, t.o.night newspaper

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Not if the smokes kill you first

I have this umbrella with a long metal point. One could call it a weapon. I call it an umbrella.

When I got off the train tonight, I pointed the umbrella inward towards me and then up so I could open it, but was bumped forward by a woman who decided she was practicing for the time she has to jump out of a burning building because she launched herself off the train and into me. This resulted in me catching the arm of a man, puffing away on a cigarette I might add - right under the sign that clearly read NO SMOKING - with the point of said umbrella.

"Hey!" He yelled. "You could really hurt someone with that! That's a weapon!" I quickly replied, "Says the smoker on a platform where smoking is not allowed."**

Eff you, buddy. Seriously. Really? He's the one sucking on a stick proven to cause all kinds of cancer and he's worried about being poked by an umbrella?
**Smoke all you want. Just obey the laws of the land is all I ask. It's not fair to the smokers who follow the law when a-holes like the dude from tonight think the law doesn't apply to people like him.

All aboard the 5:53

This dude (Burly I think is his name) speaks slower than Tom. I have no idea why his annunciation skills are so precisely monotone and drawn out but dude needs some coffee.

During the ride this evening I was subjected to someone standing near me who repeatedly slammed her bag into my head until finally I stood up and asked her if she would like to sit. Of course, she said no thank you, so I told her that her bag was was giving me a concussion and she put it on the floor. What in the hell do some of you women carry in your purses? Do you pay for everything with gold bullion?

The guy sitting next to me is asleep and is breathing like Darth Vader. Earlier this dude was picking dead skin off his forehead and forearm. Why can't people groom at home?

Wet spot

Submitted by text message to 9054420352

One of the rudest things I've ever witnessed happened this morning when this woman got on the train at Georgetown and put her sopping wet umbrella on the seat beside her while she adjusted her coat and bags.
The seat was fabric and you could see how saturated it was getting. Then she picked up her umbrella, actually popped it open and closed it to smooth it out. When she popped it open, water splattered across the aisle and onto a few other seats.
This woman didn't have the courtesy to tell anyone who got on after her that the seat was wet and this man sat down and immediately jumped back up. This cow just sat there eating her muffin. Finally I spoke up and told him that a wet umbrella had been left there.
He made a look and said, "Well that was rude," and he went to sit somewhere else. I also got up and changed seats and as I left I looked over my shoulder and told this woman she better tell people, or at the very least lay down some newspaper. Honestly, how inconsiderate. - Helen

Monday, November 29, 2010

Burning questions

I keep a traffic log through an analytics utility known as SiteMeter that allows me to see what Google searches direct people to this website.

It appears there's a huge concern about the cleanliness of the bathrooms on GO trains.

Here are the most popular search queries (from least to most popular) since March 1, 2010:

10. bathrooms on go transit clean
9. how fast is GO train
8. GO 24 hours
7. Go sucks
6. how to complain about GO service
5. corridor club for real
4. GO train Barrie on weekends
3. can I sleep on GO train
2. slippery leaves GO transit
1. sex in washrooms GO train

The number 1. search query, regarding sex in washrooms on GO trains, really sets the benchmark for these people when it comes to romance.

Number 10. is most likely related to Number 1. It all makes sense now.

Research. I has it.

Guess who's baaaaack!!?


Seeing as I gain 6-9 new readers a week... Shocking right? No, really. That's about average... I'll have to reintroduce Anna to the new readers - all 18 of you since I last wrote about her. You can start here. Come back when you're done.

Anna sent me an email today. Allow me to share it with you.

From: Anna K.

Date: Mon, Nov 29, 2010 at 10:18 AM
Subject: got my scarf back

Hello cj. I know you found me to be a pain and possibly quite vapid but I had my scarf finally returned to me. I was so attached to it because it was the first thing I bought myself when I got my job this year after nearly a year of being out of work. I bought it as a treat. I'm truly sorry I told you I wished you dead but I was frustrated and pissed off I left it on the train. I finally saw how you played out my saga and I laughed my ass off! I do sound like I'm missing a few screws but really I'm not! I appreciate all the help you did do by telling people about my scarf and that shoutout about it being found in a white bag wasn't mine. But I did go to RBC to look at it. It definitely wasn't a Michael Kors. I gave it some thought about what you said about donating it to someone more needy than me. At the time I lost my job I really thought I'd hit rock bottom but I still had my home and I still had money in the bank and a husband to support me. When I got my scarf back, I gave it to a homeless woman I see often lying on a grate at Bay and Adelaide. She can use it more than I can.


If I we get sick, we're coming after you

Train buddy Jill and I were subjected to a germ circus on the ride home tonight. There is nothing worse than people so engrossed with texting that they just openly hack and cough with no attempt to cover their mouths. We were in a quad. Quads have no barriers between you and the person in front of you. I stopped short of wrapping my scarf around my mouth and nose. Actually, I should have done that. It might have made a statement.


Before I lovingly pen this post, I must point out that I myself, am a lovely round woman of girth. However, I don't feel my roundness bestows upon me a handicap, rendering me disabled and gives me the right to plant my butt across two seats on a crowded train and then cry foul when a slender gentleman wedges himself next to me.

But that's what happened two weeks ago on the Barrie line, according to the Lady in Pink.

A woman, a rather large woman, with a cane (this may be a crucial component to the story), sat herself down in the two-seater that faces another two-seater, near each door. The Barrie trains fill up quite quickly and for those who ride it all the way to Barrie, it's a long train ride. Apparently a weary fellow spotted this woman in the two-seater and asked politely if he could sit. She told him, "It's too tight." He says he disagrees and goes to sit down. Before his butt even graces the seat she gathers all her stuff up in a huff declaring, "This is ridiculous, I'm going to tell the conductor".

Lady in Pink is certain this woman did not pay for two seats. About five to six minutes go by and a GO constable comes 'round and tells the man he has to vacate the train, that he violated GO's policy about priority seating. He was then escorted off the train. The woman then reclaims the two-seater as her own and the man has to wait for the next train to Barrie.


Will we find out if she leaves him? Or does he leave his wife?

I doubt the author of the love letter I found will respond.

Is there any merit to me turning this letter into lost and found?

Would you want something like this letter back if you lost it?

My rotten heart and lack of soul

It appears my 'editorial' decision to scan and post two pages of a love letter I found at Union Station struck a nerve with some people. Many people who only wanted to help the author as she works through her affair with a married man wrote comments with loads of advice, almost all calling for her to end the affair.

Great pains were taken by me to black out names and other identifying comments but apparently this wasn't enough for some people who blasted me in text messages and in email for invading this woman (and man's) privacy.

Whoah ... hold on there Nellies ... this letter was found on the floor of a public place where it could be picked up by anyone and read by anyone. It just so happened it was picked up by me.

One person texted that it was my duty to destroy the letter, not destroy the life of the person who wrote it by posting it online. (Keeping in mind none of us know who the author is ... ) I don't know how it's possible to destroy the life of someone whose name appears nowhere on the letter.

One lady wrote in an email that the handwriting could easily give away the person to a co-worker. Now that's a bit of a stretch since I don't know of many people working in offices who hand write notes to each other on a daily basis. In fact, if I saw a note written by my boss on a desk in some other office, I'd have a hard time knowing that was her handwriting. Even if a co-worker did recognize the handwriting, how in the hell do you bring that up in conversation? Do you print out the letter and hand it to the person you think it belongs to in the lunch room? Then what? What would that achieve?

Another person sent me an email writing it was cruel and unfair of me to poke fun of someone who is obviously tortured. The problem is most of you who disagree with the posting of the letter are taking this way too personally. No one knows who this woman is. How do we even know it's a woman? She may have already delivered it to her lover, who in turn was the one who lost it.

In my opinion, seeing as the author remains anonymous, posting the letter is no different than reading an advice column in a newspaper where people anonymously submit personal problems and air their dirty laundry for the whole world to read.

It'd be a whole different ballgame if I had this person's name and published it. But rest assured, I have a heart ... and a soul, and I would never do that. I know there are people who disagree but to be fair, I've left it up for you, the riders/readers to decide. You'll notice a poll in the top right corner of the site. Have your say.

There better be a million bucks in the trunk

Guy gets on at Ajax.
Strange sounds emit from his jacket pocket.
A few seconds pass before he clues in the sound belongs to him.
He pulls out a key ring and announces to us around him his car alarm has gone off.
This guy is panicked.
His hands actually start to shake as he calls his wife, who is still asleep and asks her if she wouldn't mind driving to the Ajax GO lot to make sure his car is okay.
He even provided explicit directions to where his car is parked.
I think she hung up on him because he got off at Pickering.

Why was he so freaked out?

I keep nothing of value in my car. People are welcome to my extra bottle of oil, my roadside emergency kit (there's some granola bars in it and a bottle of Gatorade - grape flavour!). I've got half a container of windshield washer fluid. Of course, I'd be pissed if someone took my Oskar folding windshield snow-cleaning brush. In fact, I love that brush so much, I'd probably get off the train too, hail a cab, and book my way back to Oshawa.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Well look at what the train dragged in

I don't own or carry a purse. I carry a courier bag that I use to strap my arms to my body when I sit so I can keep my girth to myself. But I have a question for the women who put their purses on the floor of trains instead of on laps... Do you put those same bags on your kitchen table and counters?
Have you ever thought about what came home with you? Yeah... no. Not good thoughts.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Is it *hard* to change your ring tone?

Why is it that people with the most obnoxious mobile ring tones panic when their phones ring and they scramble to answer? Never mind the fact that these same people set their ringer volume at a decibel that can be heard from space. If you're that embarrassed, pick a ring tone that actually rings!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Well at least he wasn't driving

Av, a faithful reader of this website, relayed a story to me today about her unusual ride home last night on the 9:13pm LSE.

She usually rides in the accessibility coach so should she encounter any "crazy", she's got the CSA there to handle any shenanigans. But last night, while rushing to catch the train, she decided any coach will do and hopped on.

At about 30 minutes into the ride, Av and another lady sitting near her were startled by a loud thumping noise. A few seconds pass and they hear another loud thump followed by what sounded like someone having thrown a suitcase onto the floor. Then a man, a construction-worker type dude, suddenly appeared face up on the floor, arms above his head. He was previously sitting comfortably beside the stairs.

After Av and the the other lady have their "home alone, silent scream moment," Av approaches him and shakes/pokes him, trying to rouse him but he remains unresponsive. Av tells the other woman she'll go alert the Customer Service Ambassador (CSA). So she hoofs down to the accessibility coach, tells the CSA and the train is held at Pickering while the CSA follows Av back to the coach to investigate.

Encountering the man, the CSA is eventually able to rouse him and asks him if he's ok.(Cut to Av who stands back due to her fear of projectile vomit and the likelihood that she'll deliver a punch to the guy's cake hole should that occur, to which a bottle of Purell would be needed.)

In the meantime, the CSA is able to get a response which took the form of the man smiling and tucking his hands behind his head and getting comfy, like he's lying all snugly in his own bed.

The CSA gets him to sit up and then stand up. By now, the other lady confirms that the man had not only slumped forward and hit his head on the wall, but that she had smelled alcohol on his breath.

It's obvious he's completely wasted. It's also revealed that the man meant to get off at Rouge Hill. The CSA escorts him off the train and tells him to take the next westbound train back. Av and the lady return to their seats and crack jokes about their weird experience.

Now what I love about Av is she did the one thing I ask all you turnips to do, she immediately took a photo because she knew no one would probably believe her without photographic evidence. She snapped the picture just before she headed off to fetch the CSA. Every story is made better with pictures! How can you not take a photo of such drunken craziness?

How could I not photoshop this either?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Just because the seats are vinyl doesn't mean they're your personal floor mat

Submitted by picture message to 9054420352 from Diana D.

Diana wrote, "These were rubber boots, complete with caked-on mud. I find this whole practice disgusting and wonder how these people would react if I came to their homes and walked all over their beds with my boots on."

Well, this is a first

I'm on the 8:13pm and the woman sitting across from me is reading this site on her iPhone. She put her phone down at one point, allowing me a glimpse of my green pac man-esque logo. She's been giggling madly and I suspect it's the dead people story that's killing her.

I see dead people

Sent via text message to 9054420352

I've nicknamed the sender DP. My replies are in green.

DP: this the crazy train website?

are you looking for the person who writes it?

DP: yes, is that you?


DP: has anyone told u how the georgetown line is haunted?


DP: well it is

ok, you don't have to get defensive... how is it haunted? is it a "Ghosts on the Train" type of situation?

DP: there's a ghost of a small child that walks the track near the mount pleasant. i 've seen this figure myself

really? is mount pleasant a station on the georgetown line?

DP: yes... apparently it's the spirit of a boy who was hit by a train

how and when do you see it?

DP: i live in an old farmhouse in brampton on pleasant road. at night mostly.

ok, i don't really know the area

DP: i live right behind the station

do you take the train yourself?

DP: no, someone told me about you

who ?

DP: a co-worker who takes the train but she takes a different train

cool, so she recommended the site ?

DP: yes and i immediately wanted to tell u about the ghost

when you say immediately, did she tell you about the site and you immediately pulled out your phone to text me?

DP: um no it took a couple of days

i'd think it be more interesting if the ghost actually rode the train

DP: maybe it does

it probably leaves a hook on the door, too!

DP: um, probably ... i don't think so ...

you don't know that urban legend?

DP: not really. can we talk about my ghost?

i think it's a bad idea to make a haunting personal, you've seen poltergeist right? portal to hell and all that ...

DP: i don't think this is that kind of ghost

well what kind of ghost do you think it is? do you think it's a residual haunt?

DP: a what?

a residual haunt. i watch a lot of ghost hunters on OLN. when you see this ghost, does it do the same thing all the time?

DP: so you're saying you believe me?

i won't believe anything yet until i do my own investigation first

DP: so you want to come to my house!?

yes! absolutely.

no, just tell me what the ghost does when you see it

DP: i just see it walk along the tracks and then it disappears

so it doesn't look at you or do something different one day and then something else the other?

DP: not really

then it's a residual haunt. meaning the spirit is just playing back an event.

DP: you mean like being hit by a train?


DP: so there should be a ghost train?

(Long pause by me as I try to make sense of this question.)

i dunno, wait, let me ask velma, she knows everything

DP: whose velma?

she works with me here at mystery incorporated

DP: sorry, you lost me

fred, daphne, velma, shaggy we all work together especially when investigating a mystery

DP: are you talking about scooby doo?

how do you know my dog?

DP: it's a tv show

what is?

DP: scooby

no, scooby is my dog

DP: ok, scooby is your dog

(Another loooooooooooooooong pause. I actually thought I lost the person.)

DP: So are you telling me you're going to come here with the gang in the Mystery Machine?

Did you google that?

DP: No.

Dude, you didn't write for nearly 20 minutes ...

DP: so are you going to write about the georgetown ghost


DP: cool!

but only if you get me some footage of the georgetown ghost

DP: you mean like a photo?

no, i want you to draw me a picture

DP: ok. i can do that

(Obviously sarcasm is lost on some people.)

awesome then. email it to

Below is the drawing DP aka Mike sent over.

Be sure to make note of what he says about the boy and the time of day. Gold stars.

(Click the picture to enlarge the map in a new browser window).

This message will self-destruct

Submitted by Anonymous to

This past Sunday my wife and I were returning back to Ajax from a show in Toronto. The early evening train had a few cars that were relatively empty including the one we were in. Several rows over sat a young couple fooling around. At one point, this couple got up and left. I could see them, from where I was sitting, both enter the washroom. This would be one of the larger lavatories, with the sliding door. I can't recall what station we had passed when they both entered the washroom but shortly after we left Pickering did both of them come out of the lavatory. The boy came out first, followed by the girl. I'm not good at ages, but I would guess they were both late teens, 19 or 20. I thought it odd that the girl proceeded to leave the car, moving towards the next one while the boy sat down not far from us, put in some earphones and closed his eyes. This left my wife and I somewhat baffled.

We both got off at Ajax, along with the girl who was several yards ahead of us on the platform. My wife saw her shove something blue into the trash can. As we got closer, my wife stopped and pointed. The blue item the girl discarded was a pair of female underwear, specifically a blue thong, my wife said. She was sure of it. We're not sure what we witnessed but we don't understand the ditching of clothing? Was it to discard evidence of an unfaithful tryst or to escape the watchful eye of a mother who handles the laundry?

We both are weekday commuters of GO transit and we've heard the rumors of people having sex on the trains. We didn't find what we saw titillating. In fact, we were both grossed out.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Ballad of the foot rider


8:13pm LSE train from Union.

I sat down in a quad, by myself, and was soon joined by a woman, who, just past Danforth, slipped out of her loafers and laid her stocking feet on the seat next to me. Lord have mercy. Do I have to describe the stench? It was somewhere between stale Doritos and the smell of the water after you've boiled corn.

So I got up and moved. I also took a photo which I lovingly share with you below.

Settled into another quad, I was now seated across from a bag rider/foot rider combo who had her running shoes up on the seat in front of her.

I didn't even try to hide that I was taking pictures of these women.

The running shoe beast was busy texting and listening to her iPod. At one point, when she began to push her feet onto the foot cushion, grinding her filth into the fabric, she caught my eye and I nodded, to say I wanted to talk to her. She pulled out her earplugs and I asked if her running shoes were new, to which she replied, "No, do you like them?" I said, "No, not really, but they shouldn't be on the seat".

She got up in a huff, all pissed that I said something and lumbered her way upstairs.

Mission accomplished.

Friday, November 19, 2010

I judge you when you use poor grammar

Most of my posts are typed out on the crappiest webphone ever made and seeing as I can't spellcheck in the mobile Blogger interface, I think my accuracy is pretty good. When I'm in front of a PC, I'll go and correct posts after I read them again.

Don't ever be afraid to point out errors or grammatical mistakes to me. Don't hold back. I don't like what ifs. What will you be for Halloween this year? I don't know what to go as.

Got it?

I think only the people who read everyday at The Toronto Star (I see it in the traffic logs, but of course, it could be people in the IT Department) will laugh at this post. Those who write for a living, I had you all in mind when I spewed out that nonsense.

Speaking of poor grammar, see the Facebook group of the same name with a photo gallery of poor grammar mistakes.

Excess baggage

Obviously these two didn't get the memo.

What memo you ask?

GO specifically asks in its tariff that customers not bog down its trains with excessive baggage.

Look, folks, bottom line is those of us who use GO Transit everyday aren't paying $2 to ride. At almost $300 a month for a pass, those of us coming in and out of Oshawa have high expectations, and one of those is that you consider VIA for commutes into Union with luggage. VIA trains can support the baggage. GO trains cannot.

Secondly, my train buddies wrote me to tell me they were extremely accommodating to these people this morning, while others who got on at Ajax and Pickering, were not. As you can tell from the picture, things got awkward real quick.

It can be deceiving at Oshawa in the morning, but trust me, if you're looking for a trip into Union as part of your route to get to Pearson Airport, I suggest you consider avoiding rush hour.

Many thanks,
Us Crazy Turnips

I should smack that entitlement right off your face

I had the honour of riding into work on the TTC subway this morning.

At Spadina, these two elderly ladies got on the train and three young high school lads got up and offered the bench seats to them. The ladies sat and did not acknowledge the courtesy bestowed - no thank you, no nod, no smile. They just continued with their conversation.

I was sitting in an inside seat and gave it a minute or so. I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. I leaned forward and said, "Don't you think you should thank those young men for their courteous act considering most people today don't think to do that?"

One of the ladies said, "No, because it's expected. That's what they're supposed to do." And then she went back to her conversation.

I wanted to kick her. But I didn't. Because I don't like jail.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Great idea, but no ...

Lionel emailed me at suggesting I set up a "meet and greet" with fans of this website.

Boy, are you crazy?!

Don't mess with my SEO


Even if you're not, I have some news. But in order to share it, you need to:

1. Open a new tab or new browser window
2. Go to
3. Type in Crazy Train

What's number four on this list?

And some of you said it couldn't be done. I guarantee you, by the time this site celebrates its one year anniversary in February, this site will be number 2, even maybe number 1.

Crazy train. I has it.

Words other than turnip

Submitted via email to

Hi CJ...

I think there should be names for people who do different things on the train...for example...the people who hover and read other people's books or newspapers...

Or for the people who get on the same train and know that people who are getting off on the next stop so they purposely stand in front of them ... I think they all need names...

I love your blog. I read it everyday! You make my life interesting.

~Lady in Pink
I totally agree that it's time to coin names for people who do crazy things, annoying things, stupid things and rude things. Give me a couple of days and I'll present a list that we can all critique together over a non-existent catered lunch complete with donuts.

It's time to retire

I'm so out of my element at the moment. I'm at my parents' house dogsitting/housesitting/babysitting catching up on emails lovingly pounded out to, and when I say pounded out, I mean email like this:




How can you not laugh at that?

What the hell does that mean? "I'm 64 years old and can't wait to retire". What does that have to do with what I do with this website? Does this mean I have driven this person to no longer have any desire to work?

I spent an hour trying to decode the secret message hidden in that email. And the obscure sign off of "God bless"? I re-arranged the letters and the only word I could come up with was "glossed". So there has to be a co-relation between sleeping with her eyes open and glossed. No?

Friggen crazy, right?

As I was looking for my parents' dog's leash earlier, I came across my mother's secret stash of Reese's Peanut Butter cups. This from a woman who likes to tell people she hates peanut butter.

When she phoned me to ask if I could come house-sit and take care of my disabled sister in their absence, my mother told me she'd leave money for food on the counter in case I need anything for the next two days until they return from Ottawa.

Did I mention my mother is Eastern European (Ukrainian)? Ah! See. Some of you know damn well there is no way I could go hungry in this house. And it made me laugh out loud when I saw the money right where she said it would be, despite my protests that it wasn't necessary.

My mother has two freezers full of food and one whole wall in the basement that is two long cupboards crammed with non-perishable foods. In fact, there could be all-out Armageddon and my father, sister and mother could eat for two years, comfortably, before starvation would kick in.

I need my mother to come live with me. It's a whole different ballgame at my house.

Where was I going with this? Nowhere. I just wanted to see if you would keep reading.

GO Transit politely tells LSE passengers to ease up on the donuts

Did this look familiar this morning?

From GO's website:

Here is the information we have to report at 9:38, November 18, 2010


  • The Oshawa 08:25 - Union 09:18 train trip arrived Union 8 minutes late due to heavy passenger volumes.

Funny how no where did GO mention why the trains were "heavy". The 7:53am train from Oshawa was cancelled but not reported in this message.

But at least everyone knows how to get to the bloody Santa Claws parade this Sunday!

Grade: D+

Someone deserves a compass for Christmas

Why in the hell did this CSA just spend 7 minutes telling us about every single train, bus and donkey leaving Aldershot for the santa clause parade this Sunday... Oh wait, someone must have told her she screwed up. Now she just spent 6 minutes telling us the same info, only for Oshawa. That's 13 minutes of announcements about something easily found on GO's website.

Grade: F

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tickets please! You be Spiderman. I'll be Batman

This is a shout out to the bad ass who I was on the 5:53pm with tonight who, after getting a tongue wagging about not signing his pass to "validate" it, he whipped out a pen and wrote Spiderman Jones.

My own pass says Batman on it, complete with a photo of a bat.

Okay... it really doesn't.

How does signing an adult monthly pass, in front of a constable checking tickets, one that requires no picture ID, become more official with a signature that means absolutely nothing to the person looking at it?

Does GO have a handwriting course they provide for their constables that gives them the ability to scan your signature with their eyeballs, cross reference it with some national federal database and determine that yep, that's your signature.

The only merit I can see to signing your pass is that should you ever lose it, and find yourself down at the desk at the Lost and Found at Union, you have something that will help you claim it. Most likely, your signature will match other signed pieces of picture ID you have, provided you haven't signed your pass Spiderman Jones.

Or Batman.
Incredibly, you can buy a Spiderman driver's licence (that's just like "THE REAL THING"!) on-line. Check it out.

Working hard for the lie

A while ago, I alerted those of you who have been faithfully following since the summer about a transit scam that usually targets GO riders.

Zainab A. wrote in tonight to alert me of a similar scam that's not too far off from the original premise. To learn about the basics of this popular scam, the background is here.

Here's how it went down for Zainab:

I have my own story to contribute, not strictly on the GO or on the TTC but it was right in front of Union station.
A few nights ago a woman came up to me and a friend. Now, I'm not one to judge based on appearance, but this lady did not look how you say - sane.
She started telling us about how someone robbed her specifically of her GO ticket and wallet (she still had her backpack), and was asking for money home.
I told her why not go to the transit police inside the station and tell them you have just been mugged.
She responded with some utterly BS excuse.
I was suspicious and turned away saying no.
Up till this point she had been speaking in a high pitched voice, when I turned away she yelled out "well aren't YOU A BITCH!" in a faintly disturbing deep and manly voice.
Many a scary dream has been experienced since that day. 0_0

But seriously, do these scammers think we're stupid? Anyone could put two and two together... if you've been mugged, you don't ask people for money, you go to the police.
Exactly. Don't part with your hard-earned money folks. The only people you should be giving any money to at Union Station are the people who have cash registers near them.