Monday, February 28, 2011

Open Season

God lova ya, Jill, for telling the man sitting across from us this morning on our very, very late 7:53 am train that his zipper was down when we arrived at Union.
Throughout the ride, I was treated to flashes of white undies and forced myself to look away. Of course, I had the balls to snap a photo, but not the balls to do anything about it lest I give away I actually do stare at a man's grocery bag.

Dry Cleaning. Ur doin' it wrong.

This doesn't sound good ...

From: 839846
To: 19054427423
February 28 2011 06:21 AM

This is a day where I absolutely have to be at work.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Thanks for the linkage!

Whoever forwarded this site off today to the corners of the interwebs, thank you.

Today was a record day for unique hits - 417 (in other words, IPs not recorded as previous visits). And today was also the highest number of recorded daily visits: 1,117.

By the way, Sunday is the 1-year anniversary of and to celebrate, I've changed the banner. You like?

Did you just pitch a tent or are you happy to see me?

No word of a lie, this man got on at Danforth and proceeded to set up a pup-tent right in the aisle of the coach I was in tonight (7:17 pm Union-Oshawa).

Unfortunately, my Blackberry powered down to a point where I could no longer use the camera feature, as my battery was drained, so I only managed to snap a few photos.

As you can see, there were lots of seats available.

He got off at Ajax.

I think you're gonna need some grease, or lube

I rode the noisiest train tonight (7:13pm Union-Oshawa).

It sounded like the springs of a bed in the room next to yours at some cheap motel when two gorillas in heat are going at it.

-> Have a listen

It's an AMR file so if you have a Blackberry or software on your computer that supports the codec, the link should work for you.

This should be interesting

Told this woman tonight (in the white coat and jeans above) in the Bay Teamway at Union that she used the Presto balance checker to tap her card and thus, her Presto card remains un-debited, to which she gave me a blank stare, turned, and concentrated intently on the departure LCDs.

Well, guess who is on Platform 6 waiting to board the 7:17 train?

GO constables.

Let's see how this plays out ...


I saw them get on ...

The hell? Where are these jokers?

This is balls.

She's right across from me. I was hoping to tattle on her ... if she played the dumb blonde of, "Gee, sir ... I didn't realize the machine was broken ... "

Am I mean? No.

I pay my fares. Why should she get to ride for free?

Go ahead, I'll let you hate me for it, for wanting to rat her out. She's a lucky girl.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Fun at the Burlington GO parking lot

What the hell?

There. That's better. You've been balled, you jackass.

Look at this donkey!

Wow, thanks She-Ra! You really are a Princess of Power!

Just toss it over the fence into the creek.

Now get back into my trunk.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Them seats are La-Z-Boys compared to what GO offers. Wait, are those cup holders?!!

From: Paul
Date: Wed, Feb 23, 2011 at 7:10 PM

Hi CJ –

Just had to drop you a note to say I really enjoy your blog.
Thought you might enjoy these photos which I took on a trip to Italy last fall. Their commuter trains are remarkably like GO’s, but have some added features like semi-openable windows and computer monitors that update you on where you are, how fast you are going, and whether the loo is free.
If you think the GO can get crazy, check out these video clips …..seems the Florence football team was playing in Genoa. These guys were on the way to the game and were getting ready…..Heineken, cigars, joints, you name it. As they passed each stop they would open the windows and shout out raunchy insulting songs to the folks in each town. They were a lot of fun.

Enjoy, and keep up the great stuff!

Did the person in the red sedan crawl out of the trunk?

Jackass parking at Aldershot.

By Skinner

Most bizarre email so far

Date: Tue, Feb 22, 2011 at 7:50 PM
Subject: IMG00011-20110222-0006.jpg

Cj, this si what I tjink of your blog.
What the hell is that? Your ass crack? A flame? A ghost?

Oh I get it now... it's a "waste of my time".

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Forget keying a car ... next time someone blocks you in or parks like a donkey, do this

I quite enjoy how the sculptor of this snow masterpiece gathered up some evergreen branches and needles in a half-ass attempt to illustrate public hair.

A taste of awesomeness

I rode the 5:20 home tonight - alone - Jill didn't show up today and Uncle was AWOL.

Dude next to me belched at one point and I not only smelled what he had for lunch but also tasted it, too, because I had just finished yawning when he expunged his stomach gases.

Needless to say, any hunger pains I had instantly vanished.

Even more cringe-worthy was that he noticed the look of disgust I made, so he mumbled a "sorry".


A hot mess on the Barrie line

This had to hurt, especially for those who managed to leave the office at a decent time to head home on the Barrie line tonight.

According to Lady in Pink (who is pretty much my Barrie correspondent):

Why is there always something wrong with the Barrie line...I get to union and the 4:10 train has been canceled so everyone for the 4:10 and 4:40 has crammed on the train and we are still waiting at union (pls note its 4:50 as I write this) everyone who didn't fit is out on the platform which is so full people can't get out on to it...

The csa's announcement was just we are waiting for the go ahead from go transit to proceed and to what direction we are going on...let's hope we are headed towards barrie.

So frustrated...

Train Buddy Dilemma

Dear CJ

I recently started reading your website and actually worked my way back from the first post to your most recent posts and I noticed along the way that you've made "train friends" where it appears Charlotte is the first person you hooked up with.
Like you, I also have train friends and only one of the three people I sit with is someone I socialize with on an "off the train" level as we get along well, but the other two women I sit with don't like her. I feel sometimes they sit with us because they enjoy my company and don't want to be rude. I also feel they wouldn't move just to be petty and I'll get to that in a bit.
I think I need to give these women names so that I can identify who is who.
The woman I socialize with is Kate. The other women are Anne and Debbie. These aren't real names and the situation I'm about to describe is not the real situation but is parallel to it.
We've all been train buddies for two years.
In September Kate got engaged. Last week she handed me, on the train, in front of Anne and Debbie, an invitation to her wedding in May and asked all 3 of us to email her our mailing addresses so her maid of honour has a complete shower list.
She then went on to tell Anne and Debbie she'd invite them to the wedding but the guest list is at the max and that she really wanted me there because we're more than train friends. This was news to me. I like her but we hook up for lunch occasionally and nothing really more. I don't even have her home phone number, just work and cell.
What I don't understand is why she invited me in the first place. I don't want to go to her shower or wedding only because I am a single mom and money is always tight. She knows this and so has put me in a position to decline both.
Second, I thought it was insensitive of her to explain to Debbie and Anne why they weren't invited to her wedding and I don't feel she should include them in the shower. She's made this very personal, don't you agree?
Although I like Kate very much and we get together for lunch, for me, train friendships are like work friendships. These are casual acquaintances with boundaries.
You seem to have quite the following and I'm interested in what other women think of my situation.
Recently, Kate also disclosed that she doesn't like sitting with Anne and Debbie as she only wants to talk to me and has asked me to consider riding in a different car. She says she feels like Debbie and Anne are always judging her, where those two have disclosed to me they feel that Kate doesn't care about their lives and talks over them on purpose.
I like everyone equally and don't want to choose. I also think it's mean to just stop talking to people because of another person's shortcomings.
As you can read, this is a situation concerning several situations. It was much easier to be train friends when it wasn't so personal and I somewhat feel Kate should have kept her wedding/shower plans "off the train".

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network from Mrs. Y.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Parking at the Ajax Go Station

Whenever I get there late, I'm reminded of a scene from Police Academy 1, writes Ty in an email to This Crazy Train.
The scene is here on YouTube

Holding a seat fail

How about you just tell people you'd like to save a seat for your friend rather than plop a bag down and busy yourself with your Blackberry like an asshole during the evening rush? It's amazing what a little eye contact can accomplish. This behaviour is just rude.

I'm with Coco

Friday, February 18, 2011

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Psst... perfume is the foot rider's kryptonite

Donna writes in a text message (to 9054427423):

Tonight, I get on the train and purposely sit beside this chick who has her bags on the seat across from her and has her running shoe perched on the same seat. She suddenly stands up and proclaims "I have to move! You're wearing way too much perfume!" To which I responded "Oh well, sorry". She stands and says, "Where am I going to sit now?" (The train is half empty) then sits in the quad adjacent to me but not before telling the guy across from her that I am wearing too much perfume.

This is perfume I sprayed at 7 this morning, more than 10 hours ago.
She should quit her dayjob and join the fox hunt.

Blackberry mobile post - Test

Awesome, right?
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network


I'll tell why it's not awesome. You have to send an email to an obscure, 2,146 character-long email address and then go to your Blogger dashboard, find the post in draft, open it and if you edit one f*cking word, you lose all ability to publish.

I'm sorry to swear but I spent the entire train ride hunting and pecking out a post on my Blackberry keyboard, which is best suited for the elbows of a praying mantis, if a praying mantis had f*cking elbows, only to press PUBLISH POST and be met with ... nothing. I had all this text and no way to copy it as the select feature is limited to 96 characters or what-not.

What is this nonsense? Surely this can't be right.

Don't get me wrong, my Blackberry is worlds beyond (what the hell does that mean?) my old Samshit, but at least on that phone I could post directly from Blogger.

I think I'm Blackberry retarded. In the past 96 hours I've come to realize that a CapsLock function would be a revolutionary concept, that ALT and SHIFT should be at separate ends of the keyboard (calling it a keyboard is a HUGE stretch). I need to haul around a full size keyboard if I'm going to manage this blogging nonsense from this phone or download some speech to text software.

Other things I've noticed:

On Monday night, I wanted to call Rogers to ask them to remove my name from the Caller ID option when I call people. The only phone number I know for Rogers is 1-888-ROGERS-1. Good luck figuring that out. You can't spell out a phone number on a Blackberry Curve 3G keyboard unless there's some trick I haven't discovered. At least I was smart enough to try 611 which worked but what if I want to call that SLIMBAND number for some lap band surgery or 1-800-COVERME for some travel insurance? Guess I'm shit out of luck, eh?

I also observed that people still use portable CD players the size of Frisbees. I never thought I'd see the day where I would scoff at a piece of technology that I couldn't wait to get my hands on when I was 17 years old.

I learned that yesterday's post about the speed of GO trains was the MOST POPULAR post this month so far, with over 400 views, and it was share-mailed over 30 times. This tells me a lot about this site's demographic.

People who tap out Bon Jovi tunes on the back of the seat I'm sitting in are lucky I didn't decide earlier in the evening to ingest 2 pounds of baked beans. Which reminds me, I have a story about that. I should share it.

When the guy across from me pulled out his CD player, he looked right at me and I thought he was pulling out a Simon Says game from 1985 and was going to invite me to play. Then this got me thinking about the game and guess what I found online? Go on, guess!

Yep, I sure did!!!.

You all know how much I love "Excess Baggage" during rush hour

Shhh, just let me enjoy my fantasy of spontaneous combustion.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I know when I'm right

I've been embroiled in an email fight with Corey P. who disputed a post where I wrote "in a train traveling at a speed in excess of 100 km/hr" and told me GO trains don't travel that fast, that the maximum speed in 80 km/hr.

That's balls, I said. Unless the speedometer in my car is broken, I've been on the 401 cruising at a buck-ten and a GO train running parallel to me between Ajax and Whitby has moved ahead of me.

Finally, a photo!

Thank you to for the photo. This is the speedometer of a GO Train F59PHI in Whitby, ON doing 82 mph (132 km/h).

So ha! In your face, Corey.

Looking for love? Not on this train, thanks

Last night I received the following text message (to 9054427423) from a guy (I assume) who wouldn't buy me a car, or a diamond ring, but he did offer to drive me to work. I've nicknamed him "Carpool" or CP for short. My replies are in green.

CP: So new phone hun?


CP: New phone! You like it?

My blackberry rocks the universe. Thanks for asking *honey*

CP: Have u uploaded any movies on it?

Nope. I don't think I'll be watching movies on it

CP: What kind of movies do u like?

What is this? A speed date?

CP: LOL. no. are you cute? when will u show me what u look like?

Whoah, dude, at least buy me dinner first. Or a diamond. Actually, I really like the new GMC Acadia. Can you hook me up?



CP: So when can i see a pic?

Don't change the subject. Can you get me the GMC Acadia or what?

CP: I don't buy cars. ha ha ... I have to get to know you first

That's a shame. My lease on my Equinox is up in December

CP: I can drive you to work

Really? That's very kind. So you're a cab driver for a living?

CP: LOL no... Just a nice guy.

Well my husband's a nice guy and I don't see him sending random text messages to women he hardly knows offering to carpool...

CP: How do you know that for sure?

Because I'm steak and my husband doesn't like hamburger.

CP: LOL you're cute and funny. He's a lucky guy!

Holy crap, don't tell me you have a telepathic ability to see images like that chick in Ghost Whisperer or whatever the hell you call it when you can see scenarios in your head. How do you know I'm cute?

CP: That sounds like a mental illness

No comment

CP: Did you just insult me?

Don't tell me you're sensitive.

CP: I'm not but I think you are implying because I am texting you and trying to get to know you that I'm sick in the head or something

You really think you can get to know someone through text messaging?

CP: Sure. It's no different than online dating.

I think it's way different.

CP: I disagree.

I think you're wasting my time. Why are you asking me questions about my marriage and what I look like? Have I given any indication online that I'm looking for an affair with a cab driver?

CP: Wow, you need to calm down.

I'm serious.

CP: You're the one who put their cellphone number online.

Agreed but where does it say I'm looking for an affair or that I'm hoping some strange man will offer to drive me to work?


Do you think that any opportunity for contact is an automatic invitation to ask me about my marriage or question my husband's faithfulness?

CP: No ... hey ... can I call you?

I won't answer. I'm not fluent in asshole.

CP: Ha ha. No really I just wanted to see what you're like.

I have enough friends.

CP: Ow. Harsh.

Well it's true. I didn't put my number online to meet people. If I wanted that, I'd try online dating where it's OBVIOUS.

CP: LOL ok point taken.

CP: Friends?

I can't believe you just asked that.

CP: Okay... just don't publish my number because you're probably going to put this online.

Oh lawdy! God forbid some woman just randomly messages you?! Right? I don't publish numbers or names and don't plan to start. However, you did say it was a great way to meet people... And now you're shy?!

CP: Whatever. Have a nice day.

Justice League

This guy was watching Superman cartoons on the train ride home last night. Cue the key of awesome.

Clearly these people don't ride the trains on the Barrie corridor

Train ride to Toronto nothing to smile about, says Lady in Pink

I am getting tired and fed up sitting on the stairs or being squashed like a sardine on the Barrie line. I get on at Rutherford and the trains are all so over crowded that there is barely space to breathe...not to mention that now all the trains on our line seem to be the old ones with the orange accents. The old trains seem smaller inside.

GO needs to add another morning and afternoon train to this line... or another car or something... this is getting out of hand.

It used to be that I only had to sit on the stairs or stand once in a while and only in the morning... now it's going home and coming in, no matter which of the trains I take!
I'm surprised, considering the growth in Vaughan, how GO has been slow to expand the schedule for that corridor. Is it crowded all the way to Barrie? Or just to Vaughan? On the LSE, it's a similar situation to Ajax.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The nacho experience. Redux

An encore posting of a story written by Crazy Train reader Jay X (by request)

Thursday, October 28, 2010
If you push it, it *will* come
Learn from the errors of my ways

From: Jay X.
Sent: Wed 27/10/2010 10:42 PM



I thought about writing a shout out, or "shout put" depending on the grammatical capabilities of the person writing at the time, but then I came across your site while looking for the website for the shout out paper and felt my story was better suited for your site - which is hilarious and informative all at the same time.

Friday night, I was on the 17:53 LSE to Whitby. Throughout the day on Friday we had been entertaining some Hong Kong clients. At the pub we took them to for lunch, I ordered a large bean and beef nacho plate thinking that the two gentlemen along with my colleague and myself would share. As it turns out, the clients were not interested and my colleague decided he didn't like the meal. Like a fool, I consumed the entire plate which was heaping with three kinds of cheeses and more beans than one man should ever consume. I went back to the office bloated and full. This was around 3pm.

I left the office at 5:30 and took the TTC to Union. Just after King station, I felt the first rumble from deep within my gut. I thought little of it until while scrambling to get on the escalator at Union, the first fart made its way into my bowels. Small beads of sweat began to form at my brow as I fought my ass to keep a lid on things. As I walked through the throng to head outdoors to Union, I couldn't keep it in any longer and trumpeted it out slowly as I walked with the crowd.


Hey, I wonder what the balance is on my Presto card?

Um, yeah. Ok then.

This machine is located near the GO Transit Customer Service office near the Bay Street entrance.

I did a quick scan for another balance checker but didn't see one. It's hard when there's a thousand people in the concourse. Is there a reason why no one at Presto thought to paint these machines RED so that they stand apart from the OTHER green Presto readers? Or how about GO suspend a sign that reads "Check Presto Balance Here". Brilliant, right? What if I'm a "little person" and stand only as tall as the machine itself?

Hey, how about a bright yellow colour the whole way down the machine? This way I don't have to run around like a cockroach with its head cut off trying to get a card balance as I rush to catch my train to my job in Mississauga.


Submitted by Fred to

Guess where I couldn't park this morning?

7:16 am. Oshawa

I tried the first spot by backing in, next to the burgundy CUV (small circle) and couldn't get enough clearance to ensure the person in the sedan to the right could open his driver door.

I then tried backing into the spot next to the TSX and had no clearance to open my driver door, despite being as close to the other car on my right side. So I reversed all the way back into the spot where you see my grey CUV parked in.

Why are people such donkeys?

I'm telling you, one day someone is going to go postal and key the shit out of these vehicles belonging to jackasses who can't park properly.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Chocolate Bouquet

Sent via text message to 9054427423 from Mel. D.

CJ. I am SO PISSED. someone stole my chocolate strawberry bouquet on the train this morning. i woke up to find it gone as we pulled into Union. There were dozens of peopel standing so it could have been anyone of them. YOU'RE A JERK. THAT WAS FOR MY BOSS' KID WHO IS SICK IN HOSPITAL with CANCER!!! I made that from scratch. I hope you burn in hell for doing such an evil thing. It was under my seat. I came in from Richmond Hill and we arrived at Union around 8:15 am. You've probably eaten them.
Who? Me. No way.

That is pretty low.

The hell?

Okay, you know how I like to take pictures of people and stuff?

I know a lot of you disagree with it but let's be serious, I can't draw stick figures for every situation and a photo is easier. Obviously you don't feel that strongly about it because you're still reading the site.

Here's the problem, the Blackberry camera feature? I can't seem to shut off the shutter sound and cripes, it's loud. Do you know how loud I will have to cough to drown out the shutter? On my old phone, I could turn off the camera sound.

I even tried plugging in the headset and the shutter still makes a noise. Why do I need a shutter sound? In this day and age, can we not tell we've snapped a photo without some kind of audial assistance?

This bites.

A bag to the head ... will leave you with a concussion if you don't move

Poor girl.

She made the mistake of sitting in the stairwell, near the garbage can, at the top of the first set of stairs, despite seating being available.

We're talking cross-legged on the floor, right at the top of those three steps.

This was while we sat at Oshawa waiting for the train to depart.

At Ajax, she was practically trampled over and was clocked pretty good in the head by a laptop bag.

Blocking doors and stairwells means you move out of the way, let people by, and then you can go back to your business, like sitting in a Yoga pose. On a wet floor.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I has joined the Crackberry Church of the Faithful & Addicted!!!


It's too late to change it ... sigh.

Enter the digits into your mobile devices my lambs:


My husband has inherited my Samshit phone and its number so not to worry, he will forward any texts and pic messages to me.

Subject: People counter

From: Carolyn
Date: Fri, Feb 11, 2011 at 6:39 PM
To: ""

Sitting across from me is a gentleman with one of those people counters used to count people as they go into clubs. Now I know right now this ain't no disco so what's with all the clicking?

From: C.J. Smith
Date: Fri, Feb 11, 2011 at 11:23 PM
To: Carolyn

Interesting choice of hobby ... er ...
Was he clicking as people entered the train or just clicking to be annoying?

From: Carolyn
Date: Fri, Feb 11, 2011 at 11:27 PM
To: ""

I have no idea why he was clicking, he wasn't looking at anything...just kept clicking and staring straight ahead.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Donkey Friday

Anonymous writes via text message to 9054420352:

Is it rude to offer a Kleenex to the person sitting and snorting next to you who sounds like Courtney Love on a Saturday night bender?

Apparently so.

When I offered the Kleenex, the person replied, "I DON'T NEED A KLEENEX. Am I bothering you?!"

No actually, I quite enjoy listening to you sound like you're a rhinocerous in heat.

Well, it got the "hors" part right

Presto, it's not in service!

Snapped at the Oshawa GO station at 7:47 am.

This Crazy Train's Presto Chronicles, Chapter 2: This could be the end of our friendship

Crudely drawn stick figures by CJ Smith

One of the perks of being a paper-based, monthly pass holder with GO Transit is that on weekends, you can bring a guest along for the ride - for free - so long as you travel within the zone shown on your pass.

Guess how this works with the Presto card?

Seriously, guess.

It doesn't.

Because this perk does not apply to the Presto card, this has been a barrier for many readers of this website to obtaining a Presto card. Several people wrote in to tell me how disappointed they are to finally have an electronic means of travel/payment only to learn that a key benefit of buying a pass (even when they know they would not use it for the entire month) could not be carried over.

I think because the program is still being worked out, this will be addressed. I am sure by using metrics and a history of a person's travel habits, which are now being recorded, GO can find a way to apply this perk to people who use Presto cards for a full month of travel, or who travel more than 30 times in a month.

I think they owe it to us, right? Considering they can't enforce their parking by-laws ...

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Raisin' the roof. You're doing it wrong.

Some gents attempt to walk on the ceiling of a GO train.

Video sent in by Adam S. to

Desperate parking jobs vs. snow jobs

Sent: Thu, February 10, 2011 5:39:02 PM
Subject: some of us have no choice but park WHERE WE NEED TO

It's real obvious that you dobn't ever park your car at the Cocksville GO station in Mississauga to take the train or buses downtown, but today I came back from work and saw a stupid parking ticket from the GO.

I'm quite chessed because its been obvious for months that this situatation does not have enough parking spots so many people including myself have resorted to find any available space at the ends of the parking lot to park our cars.

So what do they expect to accomplish by this? I took a look at a lot of the cars that were parking in areas that are not originally designated for parking and only in the area that I parked did cars there get ticketed.

further down the lot nobody got ticketed for parking in a non designated area.

The charge is only $25, but it still chesses me. The parking ticket is to be paid to GO office at Union Station, what I wanna know is, will there be any major repurcussions if I decline to pay this money grab attempt?

I about 95% sure that I won't be taking the GO transit anymore. They can have my $25 but they're losing out on the $100+ i spend traveling with them a month going to work.
Hey Amos,

Cocksville GO? Won't ... can't ... should ... not ... make ... dick ... joke.

I can't say I'm an expert on GO parking by-laws, but it's obvious to me that their parking enforcement division has a different way of dealing with parking infractions than say how I would do it, or yourself.

I hope you realize that I don't have a bone to pick with guys like you who are just a squirrel trying to get a nut when it comes to lots that can't accommodate ridership. My issue is with people who straddle two spots, park on an angle or park in such a way that other people can't park properly during the winter months.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Not a sex toy

See. I told you it's a hand blender.

Note to all: Don't tell people in a quad with you that your husband bought you a Thunder Stick as a Valentine's gift one year without seguing quickly to a story about using it to chop and dice vegetables for a dip. You will leave them with the wrong impression.

That it's a dildo.

Get your mind out of the gutter, Jill. You too, Rotary Dial!

These women talk too much

Jill, Uncle and I were on the 5:20 pm Union-Oshawa train tonight and in our quad, next to me, sat a woman who was BBM'ing her friend, Cheryl.

Because she was so intent on messaging Cheryl for most of the train ride, this woman (whose name I won't disclose) didn't realize I could read everything she was typing. She was on a smartphone with a large screen. I have fantastic vision and she was messaging her friend about Jill and I.

She wrote, "these two women next to me talk too much" and "they haven't been quiet for the whole ride".

Now, I took offense to that because there was a period between Scarborough and Rouge Hill where Jill was Facebooking on her iPhone and I was texting a person back who had been telling me all about how my website made her pee her pants on the train. Jill and I didn't say a damn thing to each other for over 15 minutes.

But I kept my mouth shut. Maybe there will be a shout out about us!

Day Parole

Oshawa-Union. This morning. 7:53am

Who could ever imagine that a dude, who looked like he was out on day parole, complete with tear drop tattoo on one cheek and a set of initials on the other (probably of the guy he knifed) would know that the name of the movie I was struggling to describe to Charlotte (my train buddy) was Clueless?

There must be a limited DVD collection in jail.

Please tell me about your mobile device/phone/PDA, whatevah

Well folks, I think the time has come for me to retire my Samshit Gravity and upgrade to something more versatile. I never anticipated this site to catch on as well as it did, and with NO advertising. Those who have shared it on Facebook and Twitter (all 1300+ of you) have done most of the work and for that, I thank you. And working with the site from my crappy webphone has become a drag. The biggest downfall is it can barely load this website and I need the site to load so I can work with it while on the train. That's the whole point.

I know there are people who have become obsessed with this website (cough) Gary (cough) and would like it to be more than it is, with several posts a day, but the reality is... I only ride the train twice a day and there are days where there is no drama. People do email and text in stories which is really what drives the website and I'm very appreciative of the effort people have made to supply content. Plus, I work full time. I have almost 2 and a half hours a day where I sit on a train and the site could benefit from that time. It already somewhat does but not without issues and limitations because of the phone.

Hands down, photos are my favourite (you all know I have a "laces out" obsession with jackass parking) but if a photo is too large, memory limitations prevent me from doing anything with them and I have to wait til later in the evening to post.

I also enjoy the text exchanges I've had with some of you, some that have not been suitable to print and some where I just haven't managed to make the time to transcribe them because I didn't expect to chat so long. It's easier when I use Roger's browser text messaging application because I can just cut and paste, but my Samshit phone doesn't allow me to forward text to email and that's why it's time to bid Adieu.

So, I wanna know. What do you have? And why. Don't just tell me to get an iPhone. That tells me nothing.

What do you recommend and do you get service between Guildwood and Pickering? There's a dead zone along that stretch where for 20 minutes I can't post, can't read email, can't browse and I lose my mind when I lose a post after typing it out on my crappy keyboard.

Currently I pay $52/month (taxes in) for 200 weekday/weekend minutes, unlimited text and picture messaging and unlimited WAP browsing. I'd like to keep the same monthly rate but have a more dynamic phone that offers web browsing and the ability to forward texts to email as well as better reception. I don't need anything that fancy. I also would like to stay with Rogers.

Email me or write a comment. I'd love to hear what you're using and if you blog from your phone - even better.

Stink. With a side of mayo

Anonymous writes via text message (9054420352):

This guy sitting across from me decided to eat the stinkiest sandwich this morning. The girl sitting beside him actually looked like she wanted to shove it up his ass. I was willing to help. It was not something appropriate for the train. Ever.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Parking at Mimico GO. Jabba style.

You're probably wondering why the donkey who owns this Volvo needs three parking spaces to park, especially in a lot that is full by 7:15 am, says the person who snapped this photo.

This is why:

Jabba The Hutt needs a place to park, too, you know. Jabba also drives a RH-drive vehicle. He's "euro" like that.

It ain't private if you're talking about it on the LSE 5:10 pm train

I'm a little teapot, short and stout ... here is my ... Hey?! what the hell are you doing?!"
Recent text messages (9054420352) I've received lately have been pointing to a bizarre desire some people seem to have to disclose intense, personal drama and hygiene issues all within earshot of other passengers.

Julie writes: "Not to sound like I have no compassion but I was subjected to listening to this woman describe in great detail her miscarriage, which was full term, and what happens when you miscarry at that stage in your pregnancy. She even went into detail about the cremation. All I kept thinking is this is such a personal discussion, what about others who haven't had children yet, or are pregnant? There are some things I don't want to know or even want to think about. Please, talk about that stuff in your car or in private."

Adam writes: "On Wednesday night last week this woman decided the evening rush hour was the best place to talk about her upcoming ovarian cyst surgery. I haven't eaten since."

Mona writes: "I had no idea there are men in this world who have no problem waxing not only their back but their ass crack as well. When I got up to get off at Ajax I was expecting the guy who was talking to look like a candidate for some beefcake poster. Instead, he looked like a cross between Homer Simpson and Archie Bunker. TMI!!!"

Chris writes: "I now know everything I would ever need to know in order to clean my sinuses with a device that looks like a teapot for an Oompa Loompa. And it was ON SALE at WAL-MART... ON SALE!"

Monday, February 7, 2011

Revenge of the fur

I've been following the drama in t.o.night's Shout Outs involving people waging war on pet owners who drag fur onto the train and transfer it to the seats which then clings to the black Hugo Boss/DKNY coats of the upper crusts.

Is this really a problem? I wear a black coat. I've never pulled fur off it other than fur belonging to my two cats.

This video should make the snobs feel better. Someone "sticks it" to kitty.

Try to lint-brush that off, ya pussy.

Know someone who parks like a donkey? There's a card for that.

Now I don't have to make them!

Buy them online at

Thanks to Angela O. for the link.

If a man and woman walk into a GO train bathroom, do they make a sound?

According to this guy, yes.

I was on the 10:13 Union-Oshawa Friday night. Shortly before departure, a young man entered the bathroom and closed the door, but didn't lock it. Two to three minutes later, a young woman came along and nonchalantly entered the bathroom. Nonchalantly for her maybe. Once we reached Scarborough and no one had exited the bathroom yet, this guy moved closer to the action.

Does he not know that Adult Video stores have viewing rooms? With full video.

Wait, there's more ...

It's not what you think. Once we came into Oshawa, I stayed on the train while others debarked. Eventually, after the announcement that the train was reversing course was broadcast, TweedleDope and TweedleDoob exited the bathroom. Both seemed surprised to see me.

I said nothing because Mary Jane spoke for me.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Busted Mini

On Friday, I showed a series of photos of people parked at the Oshawa GO lot, who despite parking available, chose to park illegally.

One driver in particular, owner of a Mini Cooper, was busted at 12:39 pm, hours after the infractions were called out on this website. Don't feel bad. Like I said, there were plenty of spots available.

Rick, who sent in the original photos, sent in what he saw Friday night on his walk back to his car.


Says Rick, "Don't get me wrong, I don't like getting tickets either, but these people aren't special and if I have to play by the rules and park properly, so should them. The point is to park where it's legal and safe to do so. When the lot's full, the chore is just being able to park. When the lot is empty, there's no excuse for this. It's laziness.

Must ... take ... two ... spots ...

How do you not notice how far forward you are???

- Submitted by the person who owns the red car

Friday, February 4, 2011

Parking like a "hero"

Photos w/captions submitted by email to Taken this morning at 8am. Oshawa GO Parking Lot.

If the GO Parking Enforcement Officers leave Toronto before noon, there's enough time to get there and issue tickets. Whatever helps prevent a fare increase, I'm all for it.

This wasn't a case of parking not being available. This is just lazy, lazy abuse and poor enforcement. It's people like these jerks who are paving the way for pay-for-use parking for the rest of us, where one day, it won't be free to park at GO stations.

There are people who already pay $70 to hold a spot in the reserved section and I've learned that paying doesn't deter the abuse nor does GO Transit take measures to ticket and tow those who ignore the signs.

This is a real problem and it needs to be addressed. It's not just a winter thing, is it?