I has joined the Crackberry Church of the Faithful & Addicted!!!

DONKEYS! JERKS! TURNIPS and THE REDEEMED (this means those who I like) MUST UPDATE THEIR PHONES WITH THE NEW CRAZY TRAIN NUMBER WHICH WAS TO SPELL OUT RIDE BUT THE CHICK AT ROGERS REVERSED THE NUMBERS.

It's too late to change it ... sigh.

Enter the digits into your mobile devices my lambs:

905-442-7423

My husband has inherited my Samshit phone and its number so not to worry, he will forward any texts and pic messages to me.

Subject: People counter

From: Carolyn
Date: Fri, Feb 11, 2011 at 6:39 PM
To: "cj@thiscrazytrain.com"

Sitting across from me is a gentleman with one of those people counters used to count people as they go into clubs. Now I know right now this ain't no disco so what's with all the clicking?

----
From: C.J. Smith
Date: Fri, Feb 11, 2011 at 11:23 PM
To: Carolyn

Interesting choice of hobby ... er ...
Was he clicking as people entered the train or just clicking to be annoying?

----------
From: Carolyn
Date: Fri, Feb 11, 2011 at 11:27 PM
To: "cj@thiscrazytrain.com"

I have no idea why he was clicking, he wasn't looking at anything...just kept clicking and staring straight ahead.

Donkey Friday

Anonymous writes via text message to 9054420352:

Is it rude to offer a Kleenex to the person sitting and snorting next to you who sounds like Courtney Love on a Saturday night bender?

Apparently so.

When I offered the Kleenex, the person replied, "I DON'T NEED A KLEENEX. Am I bothering you?!"

No actually, I quite enjoy listening to you sound like you're a rhinocerous in heat.

Well, it got the "hors" part right

Presto, it's not in service!

Snapped at the Oshawa GO station at 7:47 am.

This Crazy Train's Presto Chronicles, Chapter 2: This could be the end of our friendship

Crudely drawn stick figures by CJ Smith

---

One of the perks of being a paper-based, monthly pass holder with GO Transit is that on weekends, you can bring a guest along for the ride - for free - so long as you travel within the zone shown on your pass.

Guess how this works with the Presto card?

Seriously, guess.

It doesn't.

Because this perk does not apply to the Presto card, this has been a barrier for many readers of this website to obtaining a Presto card. Several people wrote in to tell me how disappointed they are to finally have an electronic means of travel/payment only to learn that a key benefit of buying a pass (even when they know they would not use it for the entire month) could not be carried over.

I think because the program is still being worked out, this will be addressed. I am sure by using metrics and a history of a person's travel habits, which are now being recorded, GO can find a way to apply this perk to people who use Presto cards for a full month of travel, or who travel more than 30 times in a month.

I think they owe it to us, right? Considering they can't enforce their parking by-laws ...

Raisin' the roof. You're doing it wrong.

Some gents attempt to walk on the ceiling of a GO train.



Video sent in by Adam S. to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Desperate parking jobs vs. snow jobs

From: amos_is@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx.com
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
Sent: Thu, February 10, 2011 5:39:02 PM
Subject: some of us have no choice but park WHERE WE NEED TO

It's real obvious that you dobn't ever park your car at the Cocksville GO station in Mississauga to take the train or buses downtown, but today I came back from work and saw a stupid parking ticket from the GO.

I'm quite chessed because its been obvious for months that this situatation does not have enough parking spots so many people including myself have resorted to find any available space at the ends of the parking lot to park our cars.

So what do they expect to accomplish by this? I took a look at a lot of the cars that were parking in areas that are not originally designated for parking and only in the area that I parked did cars there get ticketed.

further down the lot nobody got ticketed for parking in a non designated area.

The charge is only $25, but it still chesses me. The parking ticket is to be paid to GO office at Union Station, what I wanna know is, will there be any major repurcussions if I decline to pay this money grab attempt?

I about 95% sure that I won't be taking the GO transit anymore. They can have my $25 but they're losing out on the $100+ i spend traveling with them a month going to work.

---

Hey Amos,

Cocksville GO? Won't ... can't ... should ... not ... make ... dick ... joke.

I can't say I'm an expert on GO parking by-laws, but it's obvious to me that their parking enforcement division has a different way of dealing with parking infractions than say how I would do it, or yourself.

I hope you realize that I don't have a bone to pick with guys like you who are just a squirrel trying to get a nut when it comes to lots that can't accommodate ridership. My issue is with people who straddle two spots, park on an angle or park in such a way that other people can't park properly during the winter months.

Not a sex toy

See. I told you it's a hand blender.

Note to all: Don't tell people in a quad with you that your husband bought you a Thunder Stick as a Valentine's gift one year without seguing quickly to a story about using it to chop and dice vegetables for a dip. You will leave them with the wrong impression.

That it's a dildo.

Get your mind out of the gutter, Jill. You too, Rotary Dial!

These women talk too much

Jill, Uncle and I were on the 5:20 pm Union-Oshawa train tonight and in our quad, next to me, sat a woman who was BBM'ing her friend, Cheryl.

Because she was so intent on messaging Cheryl for most of the train ride, this woman (whose name I won't disclose) didn't realize I could read everything she was typing. She was on a smartphone with a large screen. I have fantastic vision and she was messaging her friend about Jill and I.

She wrote, "these two women next to me talk too much" and "they haven't been quiet for the whole ride".

Now, I took offense to that because there was a period between Scarborough and Rouge Hill where Jill was Facebooking on her iPhone and I was texting a person back who had been telling me all about how my website made her pee her pants on the train. Jill and I didn't say a damn thing to each other for over 15 minutes.

But I kept my mouth shut. Maybe there will be a shout out about us!

Day Parole

Oshawa-Union. This morning. 7:53am

Who could ever imagine that a dude, who looked like he was out on day parole, complete with tear drop tattoo on one cheek and a set of initials on the other (probably of the guy he knifed) would know that the name of the movie I was struggling to describe to Charlotte (my train buddy) was Clueless?

There must be a limited DVD collection in jail.

Please tell me about your mobile device/phone/PDA, whatevah

Well folks, I think the time has come for me to retire my Samshit Gravity and upgrade to something more versatile. I never anticipated this site to catch on as well as it did, and with NO advertising. Those who have shared it on Facebook and Twitter (all 1300+ of you) have done most of the work and for that, I thank you. And working with the site from my crappy webphone has become a drag. The biggest downfall is it can barely load this website and I need the site to load so I can work with it while on the train. That's the whole point.

I know there are people who have become obsessed with this website (cough) Gary (cough) and would like it to be more than it is, with several posts a day, but the reality is... I only ride the train twice a day and there are days where there is no drama. People do email and text in stories which is really what drives the website and I'm very appreciative of the effort people have made to supply content. Plus, I work full time. I have almost 2 and a half hours a day where I sit on a train and the site could benefit from that time. It already somewhat does but not without issues and limitations because of the phone.

Hands down, photos are my favourite (you all know I have a "laces out" obsession with jackass parking) but if a photo is too large, memory limitations prevent me from doing anything with them and I have to wait til later in the evening to post.

I also enjoy the text exchanges I've had with some of you, some that have not been suitable to print and some where I just haven't managed to make the time to transcribe them because I didn't expect to chat so long. It's easier when I use Roger's browser text messaging application because I can just cut and paste, but my Samshit phone doesn't allow me to forward text to email and that's why it's time to bid Adieu.

So, I wanna know. What do you have? And why. Don't just tell me to get an iPhone. That tells me nothing.

What do you recommend and do you get service between Guildwood and Pickering? There's a dead zone along that stretch where for 20 minutes I can't post, can't read email, can't browse and I lose my mind when I lose a post after typing it out on my crappy keyboard.

Currently I pay $52/month (taxes in) for 200 weekday/weekend minutes, unlimited text and picture messaging and unlimited WAP browsing. I'd like to keep the same monthly rate but have a more dynamic phone that offers web browsing and the ability to forward texts to email as well as better reception. I don't need anything that fancy. I also would like to stay with Rogers.

Email me or write a comment. I'd love to hear what you're using and if you blog from your phone - even better.

Stink. With a side of mayo

Anonymous writes via text message (9054420352):

This guy sitting across from me decided to eat the stinkiest sandwich this morning. The girl sitting beside him actually looked like she wanted to shove it up his ass. I was willing to help. It was not something appropriate for the train. Ever.

Parking at Mimico GO. Jabba style.

You're probably wondering why the donkey who owns this Volvo needs three parking spaces to park, especially in a lot that is full by 7:15 am, says the person who snapped this photo.

This is why:

Jabba The Hutt needs a place to park, too, you know. Jabba also drives a RH-drive vehicle. He's "euro" like that.

It ain't private if you're talking about it on the LSE 5:10 pm train

I'm a little teapot, short and stout ... here is my ... Hey?! what the hell are you doing?!"

---

Recent text messages (9054420352) I've received lately have been pointing to a bizarre desire some people seem to have to disclose intense, personal drama and hygiene issues all within earshot of other passengers.

Julie writes: "Not to sound like I have no compassion but I was subjected to listening to this woman describe in great detail her miscarriage, which was full term, and what happens when you miscarry at that stage in your pregnancy. She even went into detail about the cremation. All I kept thinking is this is such a personal discussion, what about others who haven't had children yet, or are pregnant? There are some things I don't want to know or even want to think about. Please, talk about that stuff in your car or in private."

Adam writes: "On Wednesday night last week this woman decided the evening rush hour was the best place to talk about her upcoming ovarian cyst surgery. I haven't eaten since."

Mona writes: "I had no idea there are men in this world who have no problem waxing not only their back but their ass crack as well. When I got up to get off at Ajax I was expecting the guy who was talking to look like a candidate for some beefcake poster. Instead, he looked like a cross between Homer Simpson and Archie Bunker. TMI!!!"

Chris writes: "I now know everything I would ever need to know in order to clean my sinuses with a device that looks like a teapot for an Oompa Loompa. And it was ON SALE at WAL-MART... ON SALE!"

Revenge of the fur

I've been following the drama in t.o.night's Shout Outs involving people waging war on pet owners who drag fur onto the train and transfer it to the seats which then clings to the black Hugo Boss/DKNY coats of the upper crusts.

Is this really a problem? I wear a black coat. I've never pulled fur off it other than fur belonging to my two cats.

This video should make the snobs feel better. Someone "sticks it" to kitty.

Try to lint-brush that off, ya pussy.

Know someone who parks like a donkey? There's a card for that.

Now I don't have to make them!

Buy them online at Etsy.com

Thanks to Angela O. for the link.

If a man and woman walk into a GO train bathroom, do they make a sound?

According to this guy, yes.

I was on the 10:13 Union-Oshawa Friday night. Shortly before departure, a young man entered the bathroom and closed the door, but didn't lock it. Two to three minutes later, a young woman came along and nonchalantly entered the bathroom. Nonchalantly for her maybe. Once we reached Scarborough and no one had exited the bathroom yet, this guy moved closer to the action.

Does he not know that Adult Video stores have viewing rooms? With full video.

Wait, there's more ...

It's not what you think. Once we came into Oshawa, I stayed on the train while others debarked. Eventually, after the announcement that the train was reversing course was broadcast, TweedleDope and TweedleDoob exited the bathroom. Both seemed surprised to see me.

I said nothing because Mary Jane spoke for me.

Busted Mini

On Friday, I showed a series of photos of people parked at the Oshawa GO lot, who despite parking available, chose to park illegally.

One driver in particular, owner of a Mini Cooper, was busted at 12:39 pm, hours after the infractions were called out on this website. Don't feel bad. Like I said, there were plenty of spots available.

Rick, who sent in the original photos, sent in what he saw Friday night on his walk back to his car.

Busted.


Says Rick, "Don't get me wrong, I don't like getting tickets either, but these people aren't special and if I have to play by the rules and park properly, so should them. The point is to park where it's legal and safe to do so. When the lot's full, the chore is just being able to park. When the lot is empty, there's no excuse for this. It's laziness.

Must ... take ... two ... spots ...

How do you not notice how far forward you are???
Jerk.

- Submitted by the person who owns the red car

Parking like a "hero"

Photos w/captions submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com. Taken this morning at 8am. Oshawa GO Parking Lot.

If the GO Parking Enforcement Officers leave Toronto before noon, there's enough time to get there and issue tickets. Whatever helps prevent a fare increase, I'm all for it.

This wasn't a case of parking not being available. This is just lazy, lazy abuse and poor enforcement. It's people like these jerks who are paving the way for pay-for-use parking for the rest of us, where one day, it won't be free to park at GO stations.

There are people who already pay $70 to hold a spot in the reserved section and I've learned that paying doesn't deter the abuse nor does GO Transit take measures to ticket and tow those who ignore the signs.

This is a real problem and it needs to be addressed. It's not just a winter thing, is it?