Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Parking Asshole Hall of Famer

As Ace Ventura declares in the movie, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, "Obsess much?"


Surely you've seen the movie? There's a character in the film called Ray Finkle who blames losing the Superbowl because the football was held laces in instead of laces out. A tour of Finkle's room shows a testament to his hatred of Dan Marino, the player who held the ball for Finkle's Superbowl kick and who Ray blames for losing the whole thing (insisting that Marino held the ball "laces in" instead of out, as per NFL regulations).

This is how I feel about GO lot parking, especially in the winter months. I've told you about that, right? I mean I know this is not the first time I'm mentioning it.

This morning the following happened. The gold minivan to the left of my SUV was already parked when I arrived, so I spaced myself accordingly.

I confronted the driver of the white car.

The conversation went as follows:

CJ: Excuse me, are you going to leave your car like that? You're parked in two spaces.

PAHF: What? You can't see the lines so it doesn't matter.

CJ: It doesn't work that way. You're limiting how many people can park. What about other people?

PAHF: I don't have time to talk right now, I have to catch the train.

She proceeds to trot away. With 13 minutes until the train leaves!

This woman didn't even TRY to park. She drove up, stopped and hopped out of her car not even caring about the proximity of her car to mine and how others after her would be able to park. If I, who showed up seconds before her, could take the time to park in a courteous manner, so could this cow. And don't give me the park and run sob story. I know that sometimes we all run late and park haphazardly, because there's only seconds on the clock, but this wasn't what was happening here. And she wasn't disabled seeing as she ran.

She's a lazy, selfish woman who made herself a hall of famer in my book of assholes.

So if you're one of my 8:25 readers who found it difficult and frustrating to park this morning, thank this donkey. I'm on your side.


Anonymous said...


lp said...

I have to admit I am one of those people who WAS dying in anticipation of this post. I love your blog and I love how you call it like it is. I also admire you for confronting her. Hopefully she sees this post.

We all have to learn to play nice and be respectful of each other. I'm grateful parking is free but my fear is if people keep abusing the privelege like this woman, GO will begin to charge people to cut down on the abuse.

As for the person who parked three in a line last night, that was very much deserving of a tow and someone really should have called that in. I know it's aggravating when I show up for the 8:25 train that spaces are so few but in the winter, I have choices to show up earlier to combat this problem but it's so unfair to have to change my morning routine just so I can get a spot because people don't care about where I am going to park when they show up for their earlier trains.

Gary said...

I've been wanting to meet you for awhile so now all I have to do is look for the grey Chevy SUV with a Team Canada sticker tonight and stand by it.

C.J. Smith said...

Hey Gary,
You do whatever you want. Just be aware that I carry a set of nunchucks, can roundhouse kick like Chuck Norris and own a can of Mace.

Don't forget about my other weapon of choice: Kielbasa. Hurts like a slap, bruises like a fist.

Bring your autograph book. I'll sign it in blood.
Your blood.


Jamie said...

Gary, you are an asshat! CJ is providing a vital public fact I understand that Mayor Ford is attempting to have this blog declared an essential service. @lp and I personally need our 'thiscrazytrain' fix regularily and in large doses.

So back off numbnuts!

gary said...

Whoah. I was only kidding.
Sheesh but don't I make a point?

Elizabeth said...



Would you say that if CJ were a man?

Anonymous said...

I don't know, while appreciate the gist of what you're saying, the first picture seems to indicate parking so close that both parties must have been barely been able to squeeze out of their SUVs. That goes beyond the call of duty, in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

Just noticed, the owner of the white compact didn't do a sufficient job of brushing her car off either.

C.J. Smith said...

the first picture seems to indicate parking so close that both parties must have been barely been able to squeeze out of their SUVs

Nope, lots of room between me and the mini-van and I'm a robust gal. I know how much space I need because I know how to park. When I go to the farm each year to buy a pumpkin and have to park in the field I can do it without guidelines and leave enough space so everyone can get into their vehicles.

You should see me parallel park. It's worthy of Olympic Gold.

Anonymous said...

CJ, in the last pic you're on the line anyway...

C.J. Smith said...

Well apparently, "the lines don't matter in winter".

As I explained, how you park and the proximity of your car to the car next to you (whose driver may not be able to see the lines) is what matters when snow covers the markings.

Stop being a jerk. You've missed the point completely. If I wanted the person in the car to the left of me (the gold minivan who was already parked by the time I arrived) to use a can opener to get into his/her car, I could have easily shoveled the snow around me to show the lines, parked like a stellar superstah evenly between the lines, and not given a flying fig about the minivan driver and climbed out the back of my SUV. Right?

You just proved a point I've been making for years. People don't read (or look at pictures closely enough for that matter).

Anonymous said...

I ain't got time for trolls!

sheelah said...

Me neither.

You're a dumbass. She's on the line because the minivan beside her is also on the line. Oh I know?! perhaps she should have just parked further away, taking up more space than required because she can't see the lines so taking up what would be the equivalent of two spots is A-OK! Like the lady in the white car whose parked perfectly?

i ride the barrie corridor said...

Wow. I must say. I've never seen someone so passionate about parking, but I'm all for the cause.

I live along the snowbelt. The Bradford station is the worst for people who park in the same manner as described, thereby cutting capacity almost in half. On a clear day, 322 people can park. In winter, when the plow hasn't had a run through. Maybe 160 people or so make it work. That ain't right.

It's awfully petty for those who have commented to criticize where CJ's CUV (it's an Equinox so it's not really classed as an SUV, thought I'd mention that) sits in regards to the ground markings seeing as they are barely visible in the first place, thus proving unreliable to those who obviously need them to park properly. However, the point being made and one I agree with is that people shouldn't need guides. You should know what a fair amount of space is between you and the person next to you. The person in the white car simply doesn't care. That's not right. She's taken up more room than necessary and forcing people who arrive at the station, who always manage to have parking available to them, to no longer have a spot. Earlier CJ said it has to be fair year round and I agree. Winter is no exception to the rule and not an excuse to park like a moron.

kaylaa said...

The Barrie dude nailed it.

C.J. Smith said...


re: CUV vs SUV, I knew that. Many people don't so it's just easier to say SUV. Thanks for the note!

Matt said... should consider business cards. Hand them out (or leave them on windshields) to people like the fucktard in your story who had to "run" to catch a train that was still 13 minutes from departing. Perhaps the embarassment of seeing their story (and/or car, etc) on the net might sober them up to reality a little bit?

We can hope...

Anonymous said...

I was going to suggest she print out this page and find that white car in the lot tomorrow morning and leave it on the windshield and take a photo of herself doing.

God I love this site. So much drama. Good times.