Pulled up my blind in my office this morning...

Saw this on a window of the office tower across from me. Made using post-it notes.

Yet another super-douche of a foot rider

- Submitted

Story nails it

from:		"Matty"
to:		"cj@thiscrazytrain.com"
date:		Wed, Sep 19, 2012 at 9:47 AM
subject:		Holy shitballs

I tend to flip flop between GO Transit and TTC for my workday commute, depending on finances and/or whether my wife needs our car. For all of September, I have blessedly been taking the GO train every day. I swear, the pleasantness of GO in comparison to the TTC is enough to make me find religion (despite my religious references like “holy”, “blessedly”, and “Good Lord” on occasion, I am not a religious person).

However, yesterday I made the stupid fucking decision to take the TTC in to work. I didn’t really need to. I could have taken the train, but I had one token left so I figured I’d use it. I failed to foresee that it would have been my first TTC ride since school resumed (ergo, more students, and more parents who were previously staying home). BIG mistake, Matty, you fucking tool. The commute started off surprisingly fine. The bus to the subway wasn’t overly crowded, but I did notice that it smelled better than usual because teenagers in school seem to pay far more attention to personal hygiene than teens on summer vacation. The subway at Kennedy Station filled up quick but I had a seat, so I didn’t really give a shit. Until I got to Yonge/Bloor station at 8:38am.

I came up the escalator to see a wall of people about 8-deep the entire length of the platform. The TTC PA announcer strangely kept reminding people to use “the entire length of the platform to board”. Clearly, he couldn’t see all the way down. Whether the people where spreading out in hopes of finding a shallow area of the wall to get on a train sooner, or they were actually listening to the PA guy, I have no idea. The wall was solid.

I positioned myself in the “wall o’ commuters” and dutifully waited my turn to get on a train. First train came and went; I moved up a couple of rows in the wall. Second train came and went; I didn’t move much at all. After the third train left, I was now somehow at the front of the wall. I turned around and counted. Napoleon himself would have been proud at the impenetrableness of the 13-person deep wall behind me. It’s possibly important to note here than when a train arrives at Yonge, more people are trying to get on than are trying to get off the train. More, in like a 5:1 ratio. But I digress.

The fourth train came, and the goddamned thing stopped short of where the last train did, so my strategic position of where I anticipated a door being was off by 3 feet. Some dickhead was literally leaning into the crowd forcing his way onto the train. This guy wasn’t fucking around. When he got within 2 feet of the doors, he reached INTO the subway car, grabbed onto something, and pulled/pushed himself and anyone in front of him onto the train. I mean, this isn’t rugby, it’s commuting. Not a sport, last I checked. Alas, I was squeezed out and did not get on the fourth train. It was now 9:02am. The fifth train arrives, and stopped even shorter than the previous train, again by 3 feet, and again I did not get on the train. By now, I was getting pretty fucking pissed off. Finally, on train #6 through Yonge, I was able to get on a subway southbound to my office. I was waiting on that Godforsaken platform for 30 minutes to get a transfer. I could not believe it. I was over 25 minutes late for work.

I reloaded my Presto card at lunch and took the GO home in the evening. I will not take the TTC again unless the LSE line blows up. Even then, I’d have to think about it.

Customer service without sarcasm

I'm going to take a gander that the regular cast of characters working their day jobs as station supervisors and fare collectors at the Union TTC station absolutely hate Presto and don't like working with the public. I was going to throw the f-bomb in that sentence for emphasis but I have a classy transportation blog that links to my site occasionally and I should respect their editorial etiquette.

Presto is slow. Presto causes massive line-ups. It doesn't help that there are only two entrances into the station from the GO Concourse, due to the construction, which I know adds to the chaos. Coupled with only four Presto machines and narrow stairwells, the crowds become too large for a space that  is already maxed at the seams.

Tempers flare but it's not the commuters'. It's the TTC employees'. And they're taking it out on the public.

I have observed, over the past several months, an escalation in the delivery of bad customer service that is completely and utterly unacceptable.

Yelling at customers. Barking at customers. Being confrontational. Ignoring people. Scoffing at people who ask for directions. Ridiculous.

And the sarcasm!

For example, this morning, the crowd trying to make their way down what I believe is the center stairwell to the subway platform was told, in a voice dripping with disdain and sarcasm by a floor supervisor (I'm guessing, I have no idea who anyone is, none of the TTC employees wear badges identifying their roles which would help the public in understanding what they do.)  "You'd be surprised to learn there is another stairwell at the other end of the station."

The hell?  "You'd be surprised"?!

Who trains these people? What the hell kind of customer service direction is that?

So I called him out on it and he didn't like it. Not one bit.

I said, just as sarcastically, "You mean that stairwell over there behind those pillars and elevator that people might not see and might not know about? How about you tell people nicely where there should go? No need to be rude."

He said, in a voice all cocky, "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am. Did I hurt your feelings?"

DID I HURT YOUR FEELINGS?

The hell???

A woman standing near me called him an "ass" and told me he's "rude like this" everyday.

I told her that name calling only makes an already bad situation worse. What's needed is better training.

Dealing with thousands of people isn't easy. I understand that but you know what makes a bad situation better? A smile and a pleasant manner.

Instead of customer service with sarcasm how about customer service with courtesy? For example, "Good morning folks! (Big smile.) There is another stairwell you can use right behind me. I know you all want to get to work but if you could please spread out to help cut back on the crowding, I'd really appreciate it."

Give it a shot, m'kay? It's what you're paid to do.

Well that escalated quickly

My replies are in green. Yeah, Imma troll.

From: 1647619XXXX
To: 9054427423
September 17 2012 03:40 PM

hi... do u know what track the 410 leaves from?

From: 9054427423
To: 1647619XXXX
September 17 2012 03:45 PM

Leaves from where?

From: 1647619XXXX
To: 9054427423
September 17 2012 03:45 PM

Union

From: 9054427423
To: 1647619XXXX
September 17 2012 03:46 PM

The 4:10? GO train?

From: 1647619XXXX
To: 9054427423
September 17 2012 03:46 PM

yeah

From: 9054427423
To: 1647619XXXX
September 17 2012 03:46 PM

There is no 4:10 from Union

From: 1647619XXXX
To: 9054427423
September 17 2012 03:47 PM

a friend told me i can take the 410 from union to go to ajax. is there another train after that???

From: 9054427423
To: 1647619XXXX
September 17 2012 03:47 PM

I don't think so. As far as I know there are no trains that early.

From: 1647619XXXX
To: 9054427423
September 17 2012 03:47 PM

???

From: 9054427423
To: 1647619XXXX
September 17 2012 03:48 PM

At 4:10 in the morning? No trains!

From: 1647619XXXX
To: 9054427423
September 17 2012 03:48 PM

uh, afternoon. idiot.

From: 9054427423
To: 1647619XXXX
September 17 2012 03:48 PM

Oh, you meant the 16:10?

From: 1647619XXXX
To: 9054427423
September 17 2012 03:49 PM

fuck u

Triple play

Butt in one seat...
Bag on another...
Jacket in the seat opposite...

ALL YOUR SPACE TRIPLE PLAY!!!

- Lovingly submitted by WH

How to troll parking donkeys in GO lots

What's the point of having by-laws and rules if GO doesn't enforce them?

I counted three people who carried bikes onto the 7:15 OSH-UNST LSE train this morning.
One guy rolled his bike past the CSA who didn't say anything.
I'm not singling out the CSA but an announcement should have been made.
Due to the passenger volume during morning and evening rush hour, GO Transit doesn't allow bikes on-board express trains as they take up too much room.
I don't care if the cyclist is being environmentally friendly or if this is his means of transportation once he gets to Toronto to complete the remainder of his commute. It doesn't matter why any of these people need their bikes. I'd like to bring my bike on the train and then cycle my way to work, too! But I don't. BECAUSE IT'S NOT ALLOWED!
Can you imagine if GO Transit allowed passengers on morning express trains this option? How much room do you think people would have to negotiate their way onto trains?
Give me a break. Honestly.

And once again, let's address the smokers, shall we?
Oshawa has acres of parking lot. GO SMOKE THERE YOU JACKASSES.
People who disobey the signage are selfish donkeys.
It's also a slap in the face to the smokers who DO smoke where they're allowed to.

WHY HAVE LAWS?!

So here's what Imma do. Imma take my bike (you know, the Iron Horse) and a cigarette and I'm going to light up a smoke, put my bike on the train and ride to Union.
Then, using all of the evidence I've collected on this site, I will represent myself in court where all charges will be dismissed and I'll walk out of that courthouse into a sea of people waving their Presto cards in the air and chanting my name.

What type of GO rider are you?

It's really hard to make out this infographic posted on the Toronto Star's website so I guess I'll have to go buy the paper copy to read the in-depth study (and the graphic) GO conducted to define their customer base.

For those who want to know, I fit the Traffic Avoider category.

FULL ARTICLE HERE

Welcome aboard, students

Hi.
I see you've started university. Ryerson, is it?
That's awesome.
Judging by your textbooks all on the topic of psychology, I take it that's what you're studying.
How interesting.
Let's talk about human behaviour, shall we? Specifically, yours. On the train.
When boarding at the beginning/end of a line, such as Oshawa, where the train sits for a matter of minutes while the engineers conduct brake checks and prepare the train to run in the opposite direction, there are usually a number of seats available. In fact, the train looks absolutely spacious, doesn't it?
But guess what? All that space is not for you.
Sorry.
When you board, you get one seat. ONE. Not a seat for your feet. Not another seat for your jacket and not another seat for your backpack and skateboard.
I also want to point out that slouching in your seat with your Converse sneakers resting on the backrest of the seat opposite you is not only bad for your posture, it's just downright rude.
I told you that I would describe, in great detail on my website, why you're an inconsiderate jerk and I sure hope you heard the address right and pay this site a visit today.
You were very upset when I asked you, as we pulled into Whitby, to collect your shit and stuff it under your seat and onto your lap.
Your sense of entitlement may work on your parents, but it doesn't fly with me. You may be studying psychology but you definitely need a lesson in manners.
When you took your feet off the seat opposite you, you left two visible white footprints that I asked you to dust off. When you didn't, I did it for you. Yep, this definitely drew attention and you hated every second of it. Good.
By the time the train arrived at Ajax, you tried in vain to keep the seat next to you filled with your things until a woman, a very pregnant woman, asked you to move your stuff. You huffed and you puffed. You sighed audibly and made a big dramatic production about where to put your skateboard and doing a great job of looking extremely inconvenienced.
Since you've been riding the train for almost a week now, you should have clued in that it's not your personal living room. People boarding have every right to expect a seat.
At Union, you decided to follow me down into the Concourse where you confronted me, asking me what my problem was.
OH MY GOD. WHO RAISED YOU?
You told me I needed to mind my own business and asked me why I give a fuck about what you do?
This coming from a psychology student.
Oy.
I hope you dropped by. You need a reality check, son. You share the space on the train. It's not  yours. You need to be courteous, polite and respectful of other riders.
If you can't grasp this concept, perhaps you should skateboard to school everyday and skip the train.

A day in the life of a seat donkey

Bag rides on the way in to work ...

Foot rides on the way home ...

Well done, sir.

- Submitted by DS

Awww, look, she even has a blankie

Credit: @dmjross

Well I did it folks...

From May 1 to August 31, I biked my kid to daycare every morning and biked back to the house to shower and change before running to catch the GO bus.

Minus a few days of bad weather, some sick days and vacation, I biked a total of 85 days and managed to cover 280 kilometers. I lost about 13 pounds - not great, but better than gaining.

Very few people believed I could do it. But I did it, and I hated every second of it. Towing 100 pounds (the kid plus the weight of the trailer) was awful. I won't miss it.

My husband's hours change with the seasons and so he's at a start time where he can do daycare drop off which means I don't have to pedal anymore.

I'm not sure what we'll do next Spring. I really don't want to buy a car. I really don't care right now. I'm just glad to be done with the cycling. For now.

Oh yes, I may do this again next Spring. I'm friggen crazy.

How to piss off a Bag Rider 101

from:		April C bxxxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
to:		cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date:		Wed, Sep 5, 2012 at 10:26 AM
subject:		How to piss off a bag rider - 101

One day about two weeks ago, I was taking the 5:20 LSE home.  The train is not crowded and there are empty seats when I boarded, however most quads had at least one person in them.  
 
You know those seats in the mid-section of the car that have all the leg room?  The ones where there are two seats, where some of the older cars have a third seat going sideways?  Well this car had no sideways seat and tons of leg room.  I have long legs so I like to sit there.  There was a lady sitting in the window seat and her bag was on the aisle seat.  I said "Excuse me please" and she shot me a look, glanced around the car and then picked up her bag.  I sat down.  About a minute later she was looking behind her, stood up and moved to another seat so she would have a seat for her bag.  
 
It was a Hudson's Bay Company bag.  It wasn't some super expensive purse that she needed to protect from the floor.  It was a paper shopping bag.  It needed its own seat.
 
I have decided that this is a fantastic way to deal with bag riders.  From now on, I will board empty trains, find the person with their bags on the seat and THAT is where I will choose to sit.  It doesn't matter if they are the only other person on the train.  It will be great fun.

Foot riders in love

It's like a delicate dance. A delicate dance of stupid.

Too close for comfort

I will admit I dislike it when people force their body parts into my circle of trust. I'm not alone... yay for chainsaw!!!

from:		Wilson W
to:		cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date:		Tue, Sep 4, 2012 at 9:32 PM
subject:		Viva buses have quad-seating too! ARGG

Location: Viva Purple Eastbound in Richmond Hill

9am on the bus...dumb donkey (who isnt even directly across from me btw. hes diagonal to me in the quad seats.) getting into my space....the dirty looks didnt work but a nice stomp did. dumbass

Srs dont sit with your legs wide open taking up space enuff for 4 ppl. You look like a douche

Next time, Imma arm a chainsaw and chop that bitches leg off.

If you have to start your day with alcohol ...

Well of course you do! Look at what we deal with every day on the train!

from:		McM xxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxx.com
to:		"cj@thiscrazytrain.com"
date:		Tue, Sep 4, 2012 at 9:12 AM
subject:		Bourbon Breath

On the 07:45 Pickering-Union LSE this morning.  I got on at Guildwood (one coach east of the accessibility coach) and went to a nearly-empty quad (window seat) on the mid-level seats at the end of the coach, diagonally from a middle-aged man (who am I kidding though, I’m pushing middle aged too...let’s just say the only difference between him and me is that I presently have more hair) who was taking down crossword after crossword, and then shredding sudoku’s like he wrote them himself.  I mean, in a 29 minute train ride this guy must have plowed through 5 puzzles in total.  He would start top-left corner of the puzzle (either type), and just systematically fill in all the empty boxes within 5 minutes, and move on to the next.  I assume he was putting in correct answers, because I did see him make a revision once or twice.

At Eglinton, a young guy in his 20’s got on and sat beside me (aisle seat), leaving the corner/window seat as the last empty seat of the quad.  At Scarborough, a 40-something woman got on the train and sat across from me, beside Mr. Crossword.  I immediately smelled what I thought was alcohol, but wasn’t 100% sure because sometimes the right mix of coffee, perfume and aftershave can throw off one’s senses.  I didn’t give it another thought.  Until she coughed.  Lord almighty, it was like Jack Daniels himself was trying to crawl out of this woman’s mouth.  Baldy McCrossword stopped, literally mid-word that he was writing, and looked around (but discreetly did NOT look at what he and I both knew was the source of the smell), and then proceeded to go back to his puzzle.

I have seen/smelled people with this level of distillery on their person on the evening trains, and I honestly don’t judge.  At 5pm and beyond, if they’ve had a couple of drinks after work with friends and are taking public transit home (assuming that they aren’t driving home from their destination station), then all the power to you.  I know I’ve had a few GO rides home where I probably smelled just this side of a barley sandwich.  But this woman got on the train at 8:12am, smelling like she did.  Strangely, my first instinct wasn’t disgust (that was second), it was pity.  Anyone drinking that much, that early, has a serious problem, and I felt bad for her.

I think I’ve been watching too much Intervention on TV.

Me first ...

Waiting for 6:18 LSE train. There has to be over 100 DDD's on track 11. Notice the herd under the red light in the picture.
  - Matt

What's a DDD? Definition here.

That's not my purse...

The 7:53 OSH-UNION train was 21 minutes late this morning. People who had shown up for the 8:25 train, hopped on the 7:53 resulting in a rather crowded ride in.

Just before Whitby, the woman sitting beside me excused herself, left her purse on her seat and went upstairs.

The doors opened at Whitby and a woman asked if she could sit where the purse was. I said it wasn't mine and that its owner had gone upstairs. She gave me a look. Then she puffed out her cheeks and rolled her eyes which pissed me off. The hell, right?

Next, we pull into Ajax. Purse owner is AWOL. Ajax passengers begin filling the coach as they funnel through the train cars and two people ask to sit next to me. Again, I explain that it's not my purse.

People are frustrated. I'm not happy that a stranger has put me in this position.

At Pickering, this elderly couple climbs on. I've had about enough of the stares and disapproving looks from passengers who think I'm bag riding, so I stood up, grabbed the woman's purse and offered both seats to the elderly couple. They sit down. I stand. I'm holding the stranger's purse and my bag. One woman who was sitting gave me a smirk and a shake of her head. I wanted to punt this woman's purse across the coach. From other passengers' perspective me standing there holding the bag looks like an admission of guilt.

As we move past Danforth, I decide to go upstairs and find this donkey.

Walking up, I search through the crowd and try to remember what she was wearing. I hold the purse above my head and look around. People look up. Some stare. I climb down the back set of stairs.

At Union, the train empties and I'm standing near the doors holding this fucking bag. The train is 2 minutes away from moving onto Exhibition and I decide it's time to toss the purse back onto the seat where she originally put it. As I move towards the seat, purse lady comes down the stairs. She sees me holding her purse. I ask her where she went. She said she'd gone to talk to her husband. I said I went looking for her because I vacated my seat and gave her seat to an elderly couple. I told her I didn't see her upstairs. She says she was in another coach.

IS THIS WOMAN CRAZY?

We both exit the train and are now standing on the platform and I explain to her how rude it was to do what she did. She tells me she didn't ask me to watch her purse. Swear to God ... I wanted to kick her.

What do you say to people like this?

I'm too nice. That's my problem. I should have just tossed her bag onto the floor and ignored it.

Is it legal when you're behind the fence, in uniform, on the platform?

I think that's still Metrolinx/provincial property (fence or not) so the no-smoking by-law still applies. I'm always disappointed when I see this. I'm also dismayed by the amount of GO bus drivers who smoke on the bus platforms at Oshawa. The signs are there. Go to the parking lot, please.

- Submitted

Presented without comment

Revenue Canada is pleased

Me Gusta!!!

Back in June, Revenue Canada sent me a letter asking me to provide proof to substantiate my public transit claim. So I mailed in my Presto transit usage report.
Yesterday I got a letter from the agency informing me that I have satisfied the requirements. SATISFIED. I like that word.
So for all of you who were worried about the reports, the way they are formatted and whether Revenue Canada was going to be a jerk, don't be.
Revenue Canada is pleased.

Playing chicken with a VIA train

Imagine listening to this donkey after a day's work?

Heeeeeeeeeeey, sexy lady!

I've been taken down by a mosquito

Well ladies and germs, I became a statistic on August 15. That was the day when I showed the first symptom of West Nile Fever - sore throat.
By the Friday, I was a shaking, feverish, shivering and sweating mess. My fever hit a high of 39.9 C and by Sunday, I had a rash covering the lower part of my legs. On Monday, the headache was so bad, I couldn't tolerate light and wore dark sunglasses to survive.
I did go into work and suffered and also went in on Tuesday. I did visit a doctor who said he was extremely confident I was suffering from West Nile. A blood test later confirmed it.
I was told to work from home for the rest of the week, doing what I could, and focus on getting better.
It's been hell. My asthma has flared up and I just about died biking this morning. It's hard to hack up a lung and remain in control of a bike.
I've been a pitiful mess and I'm still very fatigued.
I'm writing this post not for sympathy but more to warn people to heed the message. Cover up. Wear insect repellent and carry a citronella candle with you after 8pm.
I also had difficulty finding other people online who had experienced West Nile. I can assure you the worst headache of your life will go away. It is true that no amount of Advil or Tylenol will help. You just have to ride out the storm.
The dizziness and nausea will cause you to break down in tears out of frustration of feeling do dreadful.
The vertigo is worse during the fever stage and will eventually stop. Hold onto handrails when negotiating stairs at all times! Don't trust your feet.
But most importantly, don't trust any mosquito.

Get this Princess a pillow!

Gimme a badge and I'll make it so

Commuters United ‏@commutersunited

NY & Sydney Transit will fine you for it. Winnipeg bus drivers will throw you off for it. Hello GO?

And you thought it was only feet you should worry about

Ripped from Tumblr

“So broke that I pleaded with Dad to borrow his bike so I could ride to the Clarkson GO train station so I wouldn’t have to spend money on the bus to get there ‘cause I wanted to go to Toronto to see a show. Anyway, when I got back from Toronto some fucking asshole had stripped the bike. I had to ride home with no fucking bike seat for like 12 kilometers. It fucking sucked so badly. My legs were aching. I tried to ride a bit on where the bike seat was but it hurt like it was going to tear off my asshole. I was literally riding on a sharp hole like a fucking moron. Even worse is that I’m going to have to replace the fucking odometer thing, the seat, the horn things, etc. Shit’s expensive and it’ll probably take weeks of worth to come up with the cash. So, in trying to save like $3.50 it probably cost me a brown note. Dad’s always like, “you gotta value things, take care of them”. Once I brought the bike back dirty and he was like, “I leant you this clean, you brought it back dirty???’ and he made me detail it like it was a Ferrari. So, when I bring this shit backed stripped, he’s gonna fucking kick my teeth in then I’ll have to rollerblade everywhere.”

Credit: benpobjoy1981

Not sure if intentional or practical joke

Saw this car this morning, wrapped in saran wrap, as I biked my way back from dropping my kid off at daycare.

All the single ladies!

You know those stick-figure decals on the back of family SUVs and mini-vans? They're supposed to tell you how many people are in the vehicle owner's family. I saw this last night from the bus. Sorry for the blurriness. The bus was moving. Because you know, that's what buses do.

You go girl!

The Great Projector (Should be Pretender but read on ... )

from:		Chad D
to:		cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date:		Mon, Aug 13, 2012 at 3:01 PM
subject:		TCT

Hi CJ,

I ride the GO everyday from Oshawa to Union and Back!! Thank god someone is posting the thoughts I have about the life of riding the GO Train.

Last week on the 7:21 train to Union from Oshawa I had the pleasure of having a 6'2, 300 lbs man dressed as a woman sit across from me and talk on his cell phone about his transsexual meeting groups and how he dislikes the coffee they serve there. His conversation probably could have been heard 4 cars down, and when he said transsexual he made sure to announce it loud and clear and look around. I just turned up the volume on my intense game of Angry Birds and laughed.

----

Chad, I have to ask, are you this guy?

Dirty cup holder is dirty

I noticed this on the bus this morning.

First time I've seen a cup holder on a GO bus.
I took a quick look around and couldn't find another one attached to another seat. How odd, right? One cup holder?

So I opened it.

Ewwwwwww. I see that GO cleaning staff have forgotten about this one cup holder. I used a pen to pry open the clips that hold the cup.

I'm not sure what size of cup these clips hold but they seemed best suited for a traveler mug and not your conventional take-away coffee cup.

There's a reason why I hate discovering shit like this in the morning. It's not until a couple hours later when I'm more awake do I think of what I could have done with this to mess with people.

I should have left a note professing my love for a driver named Steve. It's best to pick a common name in the 30-50 year old male bracket to make the story believable. I would have started with "Dear Bus Driver Steve, I don't know if you'll ever find this note but I didn't have the courage to hand it to you but ... "

Of course, someone would find it (obviously not the cleaning people - that's a given) and hopefully give it to the bus driver on duty who would totally read it and then go back to the yard, or head to Twitter and launch a manhunt for Steve.

Steve, assuming there is a GO bus driver named Steve (and I bet you a thousand foot riders there is) would spend the rest of his driving career wondering which commuter held him dear to her heart.

NO! I will not stare at your bare-ass feet during the train ride home. The hell wrong with some of you?

I asked the person who sent me this photo, live as it happened TODAY, to provide a cell phone number.
I called her. I asked her to tap this donkey, hand him her phone and say, "It's for you."
Presumably bewildered, he took the phone and said hello.
I said, "GET YOUR BARE-ASS, DIRTY FEET OFF THE SEAT AND OUT OF THE AIR THAT PEOPLE ARE BREATHING ON THAT TRAIN  AND BACK INTO YOUR SHOES OR ELSE I WILL REACH THROUGH THIS PHONE AND BREAK EVERY ONE OF YOUR TOES!"
And then I hung up.

Just a little bit of GO history

For the first years of operation, passengers would pay half a fare to board the GO train and rip off half their tickets. Passengers would pay the rest of their fare and deposit the other half of their tickets upon arrival at their destination. The above photo shows arriving commuters depositing their remaining fare and tickets when leaving Union Station. Thanks to: http://thisriver.tumblr.com/

Scoring the last seat on the train

Set the laser to annihilation!!!

The single greatest human moment in history

Please print this puppy out and start handing it out to the donkeys who smoke on the platforms

My beer can chicken... is fancy

It's time, y'all, to make it a crime - New York's doing it right

I quote:

It is perhaps the most minor crime New Yorkers are routinely arrested for: sitting improperly on a subway seat. Seven years ago, rule 1050(7)(J) of the city’s transit code criminalized what was once simply bad etiquette: passengers putting their feet on a subway seat. They also cannot take up more than one seat if it interferes with other passengers’ comfort, nor can they block movement on a subway by doing something like standing too close to the doors.

See: 

Relax, if You Want, but Don’t Put Your Feet Up

Thanks to @CommutersUnited for the news tip and photo.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, SAVE THE BUNNIES!!!

from:		Mary P.
to:		cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date:		Tue, Aug 7, 2012 at 6:46 AM

Hi CJ
Found this note on the train this morning.
I really liked the parts that read, "drive for another 3-6 minutes" and " if you get lost, just start over".
Hilarious.
---
What? No way. The comedy gold was the comment about the bunnies!

Bitch, don't you know I sit here?

from:		JSr@xxxxxxxx.com
to:		CJ Smith
date:		Wed, Aug 1, 2012 at 8:23 AM

I don't know if you've ever blogged about this, but what are your thought on habitual seat entitlement?  People who try to sit in the same seat, in the same coach everyday.  I've always been somewhat annoyed when I see this behaviour and try to thwart it by getting to the platform early, lining up exactly where the doors usually are, and scooping the 'reserved seat'.  I get the typically passive aggressive noises...you know, the sighs, the pause and glance, and the odd hairy eyeball.  I feel like I have particularly won, when they are joined at successive stops by their train buddies who also exhibit this behaviour and add to it with snarky comments like "Does that person know he's in our seats, didn't he get the memo?".

It's that comment that makes me want to do it again....when people claim, "I'm in their seat".  F*ck you!  These seats are for everyone!

Anyway, as you may have guessed, I had the pleasure of effecting this today, and am looking forward to a repeat tomorrow.  I should note that I've seen some people eventually choose a new, "this is my seat".  Then I feel bad if I continue to torment the fellow rider as they showed some adaptability by giving up on the original seat.
---
I will admit this post made me laugh out loud because I personally know people who get on at Oshawa who make it a point to sit in the same seats everyday and even myself have expressed annoyance of not being able to sit with train friends because clearly, others "didn't get the memo". But as the saying goes, you snooze, you lose. 

When the train is empty, all you asshats better sit many quads away from me

How about on the bus? It's worse than the train. All those empty seats and that one dude decides to sit right next to you?!

Some chick decided to study - for three years - social behavior displayed by commuters. True story. Here's what she found.

Hate when a stranger sits next to you on a bus? You’re not alone

Because love makes you stupid

When I was 15 years old, I fell in love with a boy who was staying at a cottage rented by his parents one concession road over from the cottage I was staying at that my parents had rented.
I really, really, really liked this boy.
I woke up one morning, a week and a half into a 3-week vacation to a note from my parents that they had taken my sisters and gone off to visit some 300 year old church built out of toothpicks or something and decided to let me sleep in since I had been up so late the night before talking to my crush, Adam, on the beach.
My parents are very considerate.
I dressed, ate breakfast and was promptly bored. The phone rang and Adam asked me to come over seeing as his parents had left to go grocery shopping and he figured we could play "Nintendo" together. Hell yeah.
The only problem was it was piss-pouring rain out and the thought of walking six kilometres to his cottage when my hair was looking all kinds of awesome wasn't appealing.
In the driveway, WITH THE KEYS IN THE IGNITION BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE DID IN THE 80s IN REMOTE AREAS, sat my mom's 1984 Race Omni...
To make a long story short, I ran into Adam this morning while walking through the PATH on my way to work. He was walking towards me.
What was brutal was that I had to jog his memory and it was the car story that worked. OH MY GOD. Seriously?! All those nights on the beach ... c'mon ...
Of course, he hadn't changed but I grew out, not up. He grew up - a lot. But Adam has these piercing blue eyes and that's what I remembered. He was instantly recognizable to me.
He showed me pics of his kids on his iPhone. I showed him pics of my kid.
I'm not disclosing the full story of that summer day because:
a) family drama leads me to believe that someone trolls my blog with the purpose of starting shit
b) I want you to think what you're thinking but of course, second-guess if I really was that stupid
Did I take the car?
Only four people know if I did or not. I'm waiting for the phone call from my mother in 5... 4... 3...

Love this

Prego Ignoramus (latin for rude - ok I made that up, but read on... )

from:		GG
to:		cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date:		Mon, Jul 30, 2012 at 10:09 AM
subject:		This was a new one!

Hi CJ,
I am pretty easy going on the train and let most poor behaviour pass with just a dirty look - cuz let's be honest, we all have faults that annoy or irritate someone. BUT...imagine my surprise when this women pushes out her banker briefcase, puts her feet up and then proceeds to read a book (and eventually fall asleep) blocking the aisle and forcing (as seen in this photo) people to "ahem" and eventually push pass. Yes, she was pregnant (I think!) But I refuse to believe that this was warranted.
I've had two GO train pregnancies (both high risk) and have chosen to alter hours for less crowded trains, wait for the next one or sit on stairs. I gladly give up my seat to preggos, but this "taking over" is completely unwarranted...and she ignored all stares and commentary I might add. Takes Balls...I only wish I had your balls and instead of muttering my comments. I would had yelled 'em out loud!

Needs more blow torch

From the mail bag

from:		Jennifer B
reply-to:		xxxxxxx@rogers.com
to:		cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date:		Sat, Jul 21, 2012 at 8:42 PM
subject:		Loving your "Crazy Train" blog!

Hi CJ!

Nice to meet you! Have been thoroughly enjoying your blog! "Crazy Train" is quite a fitting name! Commuting certainly is crazy.

I also wanted to share some pet peeves about fellow passengers with you, maybe get your feedback? I wanted to commiserate! I feel your pain and frustration! I've only been doing the commute from Shwa to Toronto Union since May 7 2012 (attending George Brown) and it's been quite an adjustment.

Yesterday, Friday July 20, I sat next to a man who was true-blue Shwa. Have you noticed that a good 95% of the men in Durham region all sport ball-caps, greasy long hair, piercings, tattoos, ratty t-shirts and never bathe? They're not 10 years old, they need to lose the ball-caps!

But I digress. This ballcap-sporting older man I had the misfortune of sitting next to noisily sighed randomly all the way from Union to Oshawa, with his smelly wool-covered feet propped on the seat in front of him. Chainsaw?! Yes, please!!!

The worst part was his neck - I'm not sure if they were simply deep fissures running along the back of it, blackheads, or old, ingrained dirt in the cracks, but I couldn't look without gagging. Please don't visualize, I'm still feeling ill at the thought and wouldn't want you to feel sick as well. :-(

Have you noticed that at Danforth, the  train's HVAC system always pulls in tar-smelling air? ACK! Sickening!

Another pet peeve: WHY do people stand in the way on staircases and in the ailes and cluster around the exits on the trains when there's seats free?  They refuse to move, stare at you like you're the stupid one and then wonder why they get stepped on or shoved. They don't understand that standing up is not going to get them home faster. They're creating a hazard - if the train stops suddenly they're going to bang into someone and hurt them, send them flying, make them break a tooth. Makes my head hurt and my blood boil.

Thank you kindly for reading, dear lady, and keep up the good work! Us sane, considerate, *clean* and sensible commuters who shower daily must stick together!

Jennifer B.

Chapter 3 of "Ride This Crazy Train" formerly known as 50 Shades of GO

I had surgery on Wednesday and recovery has been harder than expected.
I haven't really been up to writing but I suspect that my recovery will improve over the next few days and I can "pound" out Chapter 3 and 4 (pun intended).
Bear with me, kiddies.

Yeah, I rode this bad ass

This past weekend Mr. Crazy Train and I visited some family in the Tottenham area, northwest of Toronto,  and it was suggested to me that I check out what is a fully functional and authentic steam locomotive from the late 1800s. It's open to the public as a tourist attraction
Did I mention it was 35C but felt like 44C with the humidex?
I don't know about you, but hot ash and the smell of burning coal on a hot, steamy day coupled with sitting inside of a steel and iron coach with no air conditioning is totally fun. No really. It's a good time.
We expected the ticket office to be hammered. It wasn't.
Were there rude passengers? You bet.
In fact, the whole 55-minute train ride was just like riding the LSE into work! Only I rode that train like it was 1883.
That's the year the locomotive was put into service according to the tour guide who talked more than CSA Debbie and was as funny as now-retired CSA Tom. Her jokes were bad. They weren't even funny because they're bad funny. She was terrible but her knowledge of  locomotive technology and history in Canada was impressive but her delivery needs work.
She didn't try as hard as she could have to enforce any of the rules she outlined over the P.A. at the beginning of the trip. One of those being to sit the hell down while the train was in motion. Kids were running up and down the aisle. Their parents were running up and down the aisle. Kids were climbing over seats. Their parents were hanging out of the windows.
I'm no wallflower. I voiced my annoyance numerous times actually telling the children how rude I thought they were when we exited the train and also telling one parent that when someone asks you nicely to do something and others comply and you don't, that makes you selfish and entitled and sets a bad example to my kid. But for the sake of my father-in-law, I didn't stick around to hear what the parents had to say for themselves and exited stage left.
My daughter was perplexed by these other children who refused to listen to adults asking them to sit or outright ignoring the tour guide who asked them a few times to remain seated but nope, wait, there goes dad running down the aisle to talk to relatives seated at the end of the same coach. Ridiculous.
Trust me, it was hard for me to refrain from sticking out my foot into the aisle.

IF YOU GO
Try to pick a nice, fall day. Avoid 30-plus temperatures.
Bring a camera.
More information here.

Check out this hot bitch. That's coal up on top.

My daughter who was melting in the heat.

Note the interior lighting. Oh you fancy, huh?

If I went on a vacation, would anybody care?

Yes, yes they would.
I'm off until Aug 7. Not doing a hell of a lot - a little bit of surgery, visiting some friends, visiting a cottage, visiting the east coast, visiting some attractions, sleeping, reading, writing more GO smut, sleeping...
I will post sporadically over the coming days and have some submitted content that needs attention, including some parking donkeys shared by Skinman.
 It's come to my attention that I'm overdue for a lecture about proper train etiquette, specifically what one shouldn't discuss in an enclosed space surrounded by strangers -- the length of your 11 year old son's penis being one of them. Telling a seat mate he's hung like an elephant isn't amusing. Frankly, it's disturbing, so we must address what are safe topics and what are topics that could cause the CAS to come to your home.
For example, disclosing that you left your 3 year old daughter alone sleeping while you left to go fetch some Dairy Queen at 9 o'clock at night? Not cool. What if someone slammed into your car as you exited the Dairy Queen drive-thru? That "it was only 7 minutes" could easily stretch to seven hours. Also not cool.
 There are some things that some of us don't need to know, folks, so conduct yourselves accordingly. You don't know who's listening.

193 of you haven't eaten lunch yet. Why? Because you're busy reading Chapter 2

Click to enlarge. Lost? Start here.