30 Days Redux

Dude who can't learn Mandarin Chinese in 30 days just lapsed into a coma.

Mystery solved!

30 Days

This gentleman I see occasionally from Whitby is reading a book called "Learn Mandarin Chinese in 30 Days".

I saw him reading that same book this past summer...

Your backpack ...

Will be my own personal football if it touches my lap ONE MORE TIME.

You dirty linebacker.

Bulls

Riders who charge down the centre aisles swinging their bags and other personal luggage against people like a retarded bull in a china shop should be kicked in the shins.

It's not a football field. Holy Christ.

Yes please. Send in your beefs! Looking to hear from Ajax GO Train commuters ...

Eleanor had this to say about Ajax 'people' and the mad sprinting y'all do from the train to the parking lot. The goal is to be first out of the lot, everyone else be damned!

Women are shoved aside, frail elderly men are tossed like bowling pins as y'all barrel down the stairs. Mothers cry, 'You go on without me!' as children are swept up by the crowd.

During storms, there's little time to clean off cars and drivers rely on 19-inch round holes in windshields to navigate the lot. Pedestrians be damned! You may be dead but at least I made it home by 5:30!!!

Is Ajax really that bad?

Bed

It seems I'm a pillow for the jerk next to me.
Why do men of great girth ALWAYS sit next to me?
It wouldn't be so bad if they splashed on a little bit of Old Spice. This guy smells like week-old bacon.

Open House

The lady two rows over from me is telling her friend about the open house she had this past Sunday. Apparently stocking your kitchen with hundreds of bottles of wine gives potential home buyers the impression you have expensive tastes... Or you're an alcoholic.

Hoarder

Some dude on the train on Thursday claimed he bought 10 blank, 10-ride tickets for Oshawa to Union.

He spent $732.50 to avoid spending an extra $3 on the new 10-ride price of $76.25, up from $73.25. Sure he's saving $30 but how many people are in a position to drop that kind of dough up front? To save $3 a week?

Maybe he'll be eating rice everyday and washing his socks in the toilet but at least he saved $3 a ticket.

Garlic

I spent the last 35 minutes of a 65 minute train ride to Oshawa last night listening to a guy on his cell talking about his missing tooth & the garlic clove he shoved in the hole because, and I quote, "It was the closest thing to a tooth", he could find.

Pole dancer

I'm watching this Anne of Green Gables look-a-like adjust her back, legs and arms using the passenger stability pole.

In the back of my mind, Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard, begins to play.

Here's a visual:

Magic Leprechaun

This woman is distressed that this train is not express to Oshawa. She's convinced she took it last week. THERE IS NO OSHAWA EXPRESS! You need to take your magic leprechaun back to the store, lady!

Awww

Hi, my name is blonde girl with severely plucked eyebrows AND a pink BlackBerry. I'm going to sit next to you and talk real loud being sure to say the word 'Awww' at the end of EVERY SENTENCE!

Craptastic parking

I snapped this photo this morning after the driver of this Chevrolet Malibu sedan backed into this space - loosely - and then bolted from the car, sprinting across the parking lot towards the ticket office. I don't know what his hurry was. It was only 7:30 and the train leaves at 7:55.

It may be hard to tell from the photo but if you look closely at the perspective of the other parked vehicles in that row, it should be obvious how much further back he should have parked.

It's super he wants to straddle two spots to protect the doors of his car but his parking job defeats the purpose of damage prevention when a driver in a Ford one-tonne pickup tears off his grill because his Malibu's halfway out into the aisle.

A+ (for stupidity)

Porn

On the 10:13 out of Union. Two rows over is a dude on a laptop who was watching porn until he saw me watching him watching porn. Please, continue ...

Camera

I promise to use my cellphone camera more. I just struggle with the ethics surrounding taking pictures of people without permission. So, I guess if I put a square over the eyes, it makes it better?

$272.25

My expectations of GO Transit and the Gong Show that is usually the morning commute has increased three-fold now that I have learned it will now cost me $272.25 for a monthly pass.

Drunk

Roll into Oshawa on the 8:13 train. Two drunks stumble out & stagger to van. Both get in. I call 911. Told to stall them by asking for directions & creating a distraction. 8-9 minutes later a cruiser shows up & finds us in the lot. I say the cops are here & the friend bolts from the van. The driver fumbles to start the van & proclaims, "The cops?! I better get outta here. I shouldn't be driving!" Drama. I has it.

Flatulence

The woman next to me on the 6:43 express train to Rouge Hill just coughed and blew a massive fart at the same time. No, you stay in your seat lady and cook your dutch oven. I don't want to smell what you've been baking... that's right ... you stay.

Bag

I'm going to beat this woman with her own bag if she jams it into my head one more time. I realize there are no seats left in this train but have you seen the size of some of these Coach monstrosities?! It's luggage. Put it down!

Three hens

These are three ladies who can't shut up. Ever. Listen for the cackle.