Monday, April 25, 2016

Because nothing good ever happens at 4:30 in the morning behind the wheel

Twitter user shares progress of Bay Concourse

Artists adds monsters to photos to make them "un-boring"

#ipadpro #applepencil #procreate #monster #train #cartoon #eel #sketch

A photo posted by Jasper StAubyn West (@tailjar) on

That smile at the end

And right beside the passenger who sent this in

Anyone who tries this "you shall not pass" crap with me, barricading me into a quad with a leisurely footstool approach, learns real quick what a bad idea it is.

You're not at home. WTF?

Thursday, April 21, 2016

#WhenDovesCry #RIPPrince

Rest easy, sweet Prince.

I fucking loved you.


Wednesday, April 20, 2016

This is so true. Let's also talk about makeup, shall we?

There was not one, but five women in my coach this morning putting on faces. I was seated with two woman who decided the morning commute was the best place to conduct such personal hygiene methods. One did the whole ritual - moisturizer, foundation (wet naps upon wet naps), curled her eyelashes, lined her eyes, mscara-mascara-mascara ... blushed her cheeks, lined her lips and lipstick-lipstick-lipstick. The other one groomed her nails, combed her eyebrows and powdered her face. Further down the aisle, another woman LOTIONED HER GODDAMN FEET before sliding them back into her flip flops. Speaking of flip flops, I can't wait for that stupid fad to die. You all look dumb. Don't care if I cause butt hurt. Surf away!

I find all of these intimate rituals distracting (in some cases, disgusting) and really awkward. Personal hygiene is an intimate endeavour. I really hate that people share it.

Friday, April 15, 2016

But for people who want the suburban lifestyle and the lower-priced home that goes along with it, is there a way you can win in the GTA without getting dinged by heavy car commuting costs?

Absolutely, says Cindy (C.J.) Smith, if you’re willing to give public transit a chance.

“I’ll admit, I never thought in a million years I could [get rid of my car], but I keep a spreadsheet, so any time I feel inclined to go car-shopping, I look at my spreadsheet and the fact that we’ve saved $46,000 in four years by not leasing a second vehicle,” she says.

Between the bus that takes her to the Oshawa GO station and the GO train ride, Ms. Smith says her commute is 1 hour 20 minutes, each way. Despite the hefty time commitment, she says she has grown to love it, even documenting her transit adventures on her blog

“I don’t know if I could give it up, I really do like the ‘me’ time,” she says.

“Maybe you don’t need two cars. Really understand your options,” she says. “Home ownership is a wonderful thing but it shouldn’t make you broke.”

- From the Globe and Mail 
Why commuting costs can make the ’burbs more expensive than living downtown

Don't puke on fellow passengers, k? (GO Transit called this "coughing")

What a bad fortune teller they are

“What are you going to say when my house burns down?” - Aurora resident outraged at GO commuters parking on station area streets

Residents demand parking restriction to combat GO commuters

At the root of the problem is overflow parking from GO commuters, an issue that has been a long-standing problem in the area but, more immediately, the impact recent parking restrictions around Town Park approved by Council have had on the on-street parking situation.

“We have been doing this for 10 years,” said Derek Rundle. “We were patient when you built the first parking lot, and then they tore down the barns and built the second parking lot and we were patient then. Then you built the parking structure and we have been enduring – well, I can’t say the word.

“Let’s get this straight – there is a real hatred for the GO people in our area. It is pure hatred because they are so ignorant. We have been doing this for 10 years. All we want is three hour parking in our area. They are parking in our areas just for pure convenience. They don’t want to take their BMWs, Mercedes and everything else into [the parking garage] and get them scratched. Just put up signs to stop parking in our area. It is a simple solution that has nothing to do with Metrolinx. It has to do with the Town’s looking after the people. That is why Rob Ford was so popular. That is why Donald Trump is so popular. They listen to the people.”

KEEP READING (especially to the end about the house burning down bit - an uncanny ability to predict the future if you ask me)

Have the Liberals talked to CP Rail?

date:Thu, Apr 14, 2016 at 2:19 PM
subject:Go expansion to Courtice


Will never ever happen as long as CP Rail (a FEDERAL entity) refuses to play nice with Metrolinx and there are absolutely no indication that's going to happen.

The provincial politicians can blather on all they want, their authority is minuscule with any federal corporation. It's all grandstanding and will die down as this is not an election issue at all. As soon as the Fiberals who promote this run into the wall of federal obfuscation, they'll meekly slink away and pretend they put up a good fight but alas, the feds are too powerful.

They will strike commissions, complain in the press, put up an outraged face and all the while do nothing but still appear to champion the cause. MetrolinX has already tried to deal with CP and it did not end well at all. 

In order to expand without creating their own rail corridor (impossible) then CP owns all the face cards and will not do anything without the feds say so. I wonder if Justin will use the opportunity for another selfie at a GO station?

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Some of y'all need Jesus - my mother when I showed her this email

from:Shay Donovan
date:Wed, Apr 6, 2016 at 10:12 PM

What a sad sack piece of shit you are.

That was the whole email. 

I wrote him back asking about twitter and if he got interrupted, and sent the email too soon, and then just forgot about it. 

Is he someone on the bus? 

Did I speak to him on the bus?

Is he someone I retweeted? Or tweeted about?

Shay has yet to answer my email. Why Shay? What would Shay say if Shay could say something from Shay? 

I really want to know if Shay is a guy. Facebook says so. But Facebook should never be used to identify people. 

That's how people lose in court.

The dream of extending GO Transit’s Lakeshore East line through central Oshawa into Courtice and Bowmanville may soon turn into reality, says Liberal Durham MPP Granville Anderson

  • Mr. Anderson said he expects an announcement in the next few weeks from the provincial Liberal government.
  • Mr. Anderson travels on the GO train regularly to get to Toronto for question period at Queen’s Park.
  • The proposed extension would add four new GO stations: a new station north of Hwy. 401 on Thornton Road South, one just south of downtown Oshawa, one in Courtice, and one in Bowmanville.


Happened just after 8:05 am

Sadly, the person didn't make it.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Because moar carzzzzz!

So this happened today

He even underlined the important bits, too

Millions of dollars in provincial cash used to fund Ottawa’s light-rail transit construction are dangling over the city’s head as it negotiates a new deal with the agency that runs the Presto smart card system.

Meanwhile, in Guelph

Let's go Blue Jays!

You mean you couldn't take that newspaper and tuck it under your shoes? Bonus points for pressing your filth against the seat back.


Moving at the speed of no

New Union Station bus terminal still being negotiated

Metrolinx officials say the province is still negotiating with the developer of a new business park and regional bus terminal at Union Station that was announced about 18 months ago. Quebec's IvanhoĆ© Cambridge plans to build two office towers and an elevated green space near Union Station. The development will incorporate a bus depot on what…

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Dodged a Darwin award

For all you hipsters

View post on

From the mailbag: Apples, puke and sympathy
date:Mon, Mar 28, 2016 at 7:31 PM
subject:speed dialing crazy!

I was sitting in the Quiet Zone (I ride the 6 pm Stouffville train) and this guy sits next to me and at mid point in the train ride he pulls out this huge apple and starts to eat it. He's not even trying to be discreet. Plus he's biting into it and pulling the flesh away with his teeth so it makes this loud cracking sound. After about a minute, I couldn't listen to much more so I ask him to politely knock it off. He stops chewing and looks at me and says this apple is nature's toothbrush. And this is Canada, you can't tell me not to eat it and resumes chomping. So this lady came to my defense and says could you please do your toothbrushing in the bathroom?Thanks! Somebody laughed out loud. It was pretty awesome. He did chew a little quieter after that.
date:Tue, Feb 16, 2016 at 10:01 AM
subject:Someone barfed on our train

Hi Cj

Interesting morning on the 750 Whitby train.

Some guy got up quickly as we blew past Rouge Hill, stumbled into the aisle and then hurled his breakfast. He started to almost hyperventilate as he apologized to those of us around him he was trying to get to the bathroom. Lots of people had gotten up to vacate the area. 

I felt really bad for those who had no choice but to step in his vomit as they left the quad. I have no idea how he got cleaned up as I left with everyone else. I hope someone told the CSA. Hate to think it was just left like that.

date:Fri, Apr 1, 2016 at 6:24 PM
subject:Shoutout to those on the LSW

Dear Cindy

This is the first time I've been compelled to send you a note. I happen to be on the train when this woman received a call in the Quiet Zone Wednesday night. She answered it and then became very distraught. She was sitting in a quad over from me. Turns out her father had been rushed to hospital unresponsive after becoming ill at work. She started to cry openly and many of us came over to comfort her. I mean, no one made one peep about it being the Quiet Zone. She is someone I recognize from the commute every day. 

I asked if there was anyone we could call for her and she asked us to call her sister to see if she could pick her up from the station. She was in no condition to drive. 

Someone gave her Kleenex and a bottle of water. When we arrived at Clarkson, the woman who gave her water and tissues got off with her to wait with her until her sister arrived and what was admirable was that Clarkson wasn't even this woman's stop. She said she'd just take the next train. I just to wanted to express how amazing I found it to be that all these people were willing to comfort her. I haven't seen her recently so I fear the worst. 

If there's a chance that she reads your website, I just want her to know I'm thinking about her. 

Do you go to C-O-U-R-T-I-C-E?

Lady holding a piece of paper gets on bus last night. Spells out Courtice to the driver. Driver says, "Yes, I go to Courtice. I believe I did change the sign on my bus."

Lady gets off the bus to look at sign, patiently waiting for it to cycle through its route destinations to confirm that the driver is correct.

She gets back on.

"How do you pronounce that again?" She asks the driver.


She repeats it. Looking perplexed, she says, "That's not how my lawyer pronounced it."

Driver says nothing. Good move, dude. This lady looks like the kind of person who has wikipedia on speed dial. The kind of person who makes playing Scrabble with akin to a root canal.

She settles in her seat and starts to debate aloud the pronunciation of "Courtice" with the driver who, judging by his body language, could clearly not give a crap.

I couldn't help myself. I tell her everyone calls it "Curtis", but having met a member of the Courtice family, I tell her how it's actually pronounced, "Kor-tess".

She says, "Well, bully for you, then." And gets all huffy and puffy.

What do you say to such butt hurt? What did she expect? That no one would actually give her an answer? And as it happens, she's getting off at my stop. In a town she's never been to.

I start to walk away before she calls out after me to help her figure out which way she needs to walk to get to her destination. Really?

"Do you not have a map?"

"I asked the driver where Baseline Road was and he said he didn't know," she says. "Not really helpful if you ask me."

I wasn't aware a criteria of a GO bus operator's job was to be able to navigate Ontario towns and cities - how about you?

I tell her she has about a 5 km walk south. Then I realize where she's going. You'd think she'd plan better. And fire her lawyer.

Just a note to my bus "s"-talker

These fake book wraps make for interesting commutes

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

If I wrote a book, what should I call it?

Monday, April 4, 2016

Watch out for falling snow and ice tonight!

Howdy, Ms. Cindy!

Billy Bob here in St. Catharines.  Sorry to be pesterin’ you again so soon.  After I sent off my last message, Daisy May, turned to me and asked, “Did you tell Ms. Cindy about the fallin’ ice at Union Station?”

“Oops”, I mumbled, “I’ll get right on that.”

After Daisy May rolled into the Union Station on the bus from Newmarket, she had some time to kill before catchin’ the LSW train, so she figured she’d say a quick hello to that nice CSA Katelyn that I.K. told us about — so as to lend her some moral support.

Daisy May made her way up to Platform 10 and was waitin’ under a temporary roof near the accessibility platform, when she heard this loud crash of ice hittin’ the platform.  It happened again a couple of minutes later on Platform 9.  Ice was meltin’ and fallin’ from them louvered windows on that new-fangled glass train shed thing.

A Customer Assistance person wearin’ a bright coloured vest and a hard hat showed up on Platform 9 to warn passengers about the problem and for anyone on Platforms 10 and 11 to walk through the Barrie train parked to the south to avoid the ice hazard.  Daisy May had to shake her head at how self-absorbed passengers is at the end of their work day.  The Customer Assistance person had a real clear and loud voice, but folks just kept ploddin’ along in la la land.

Daisy May said a real handsome gentleman (she used them words a number of times) saw that the Customer Assistance person weren’t gettin’ much attention, so he stood outside the door of the accessibility coach of the Barrie train, informed passengers of the problem by pointin’ at the ice above, and recommended they detour through the train.  Daisy May says she likes a man who takes charge, and she wanted to thank him for what he done.

Well, the Georgetown train pulled in on the track north of the Barrie train about then, and when the doors opened, Mr. Handsome popped into them and was gone.  Daisy May looked for a female CSA who might be Katelyn in the accessibility coach, but there was a male CSA on duty that day — double disappointment for Daisy May.

When Daisy May got home and told me all this, I got to wonderin’ whether anyone got hurt cuz of the fallin’ ice.  A news story that day reported a young man in Ottawa was killed by fallin’ ice.  I checked Google News for stories about GO Transit’s new train shed, but all I done found was that feedin’ frenzy the media folks had about electric trains not fittin’ into Union Station sometime in the future.  Not sure why them same journalists never took an interest in my missus and y’all maybe gettin’ hurt due to yet another safety hazard there.

I got to thinkin’ maybe someone posted somethin’ to Twitter about this mess, and yep, someone did.  Now @GOtransit’s response to @GOvoygr was OK — they had to get their Customer Assistance folks to track level pronto to manage the situation — but why didn’t they broadcast an alert on Twitter warnin’ everyone about the problem?  Earlier in the afternoon they tweeted about how snow and rain make a dangerous couple.  Heck, me and Herb (you remember my cousin Herb Hellfinger) use our CB radios lots of times to warn others about road hazards, like black ice.

Daisy May asked me, “Who in Canada would design a transit roof that sends ice crashin’ down on passengers below?”  Well, in this case it’s Zeidler Partnership Architects.  When I told her they won a architectural award in 2012 for their design, Daisy May said …  Well, I better not repeat what she said, but it kind of went along the lines of if someone gets hurt, the only award that’s appropriate is the Canadian equivalent of the Carbuncle Cup.

Here’s hopin’ you stay safe while boardin’ them trains, Ms. Cindy.  Daisy May says if you don’t already own one, Discount Safety Gear has hard hats on sale.

Best wishes,

Billy Bob

Friday, April 1, 2016

Really? ... says the guy freely judging whilst his feet are on the seat


But at least there are dirty linebackers! I really feel validated. Someone at GO who matters actually has been reading this site for the last six years.

Oh dear God ... no.

What the heck is that? I have never, ever heard of anyone complaining about some guy in shorts and leg warmers occupying a quad, in rush hour, to exercise. WHY NOT MAKE IT REALISTIC?


Welp, this is a new one. Revenge farting. Something y'all can try on the train maybe?

When a man in Sweden showed up to a woman’s apartment in the pursuit of sex and got denied, he chose to blow off some steam. Literally.

Before exiting the apartment to presumably find someone who will take up his offer, he decided to let out a stinker.

But instead of just taking this odd form of retaliation with stride, the woman saw it as a punishable offense and decided to report it to the police - read the rest of this story!

Thanks for ... trying... ?

Does the airport train really need to continue as a separate service? Now that it's less than $5 to ride for Toronto folks?

Isn't it now just a fancy GO train? For Toronto commuters.

A one-way ride using Presto from Bloor Station in Toronto's west end to Union Station costs only $4.71. A TTC subway ride is $3.25.

But you get so much more from the UP Express. Luggage racks. Charging stations. Roomy seats. Speed. And an added bonus, it's hardly ever crowded.

With the release of the president from her contract and talks of rolling the UP Express into GO Transit's portfolio, can we expect the same frills on all the other GO trains as those who ride the UP Express (kindly subsidized by the fares of those who of us who ride the furthest)?

Do we get lounges? A gift shop?

Here's hoping what is now a high-end GO train service that currently only services none of GO Transit's customers actually gets extended to Georgetown, so a part of GO's customer base can enjoy its perks.

Change its name. Disband the UP Express division. Get rid of the website. Call it what it is - GO Transit. If you want to market it as GO Transit's airport service, go ahead, but all the money that was spent to design this as a premium service, despite all the studies that pointed out it didn't have to be one, should have never been spent in the first place. And it most certainly did not need its own president.

The fancy ticket collectors can stay. Just make sure the rest of us eventually get all the same toys.

I'm insulted. Aren't you?

Why is Metrolinx's PR department professing this as such a shocker?

Maybe if some of them actually rode the train day in and day out, they'd realize we're not blowing smoke out of our ears for no good reason.

As some of you have read, or forwarded to me, GO Transit is launching an etiquette campaign because they're amazed at how we're so pissed off by other people's crap.

I guess they thought we were just pulling their chain in the 20,193 tweets sent since 2011 to @gotransit about the problems we face day to day. And no it's not an April Fools joke: GO Transit targets commuters’ most irksome etiquette violations

Personally, I feel actions speak louder than words and it's time to do what we've all asked time and time again, start fining for the bad stuff, especially feet on the seats.

But nope, instead, Metrolinx made it rain by spending money on an campaign that kicks off next week with posters (if it's anything like Christmas' burnt turkey then "yawn") and videos. I really can't wait to see the videos.

But you know what? The Quiet Zone campaign worked out so perhaps this MIGHT just work.

Fingers crossed.