Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Another foot rider tries to impress me

2,300 people filled out a GO survey about food and beverage service on the train

That's right.

GO asked its customers how they would feel if one of the bathrooms on the trains was converted into a food and beverage kiosk.

I don't know what the answers were. What I do know is that none of the trains are equipped to handle the refuse, recyclables and waste that comes with food and beverage service. If GO goes ahead with this scheme, GO needs to address the fact that people are pigs and the floors will be littered with cans, bottles and wrappers. Have you ever seen a train after a Leafs game? Disgusting.

The GO survey currently being conducted asks how we feel about increased advertising and using the revenue to pay for more seating on platforms and air-conditioned shelters.

Screw that. Where's the wi-fi?

This Crazy Train's Presto Chronicles, Chapter 15: Tap-tap-taparoo

My Presto card is capable of voodoo magic.

Last night I was in the Bay Street tunnel waiting for the LSE 7:17 pm train. I was early, so I tapped my card at 6:52 pm.
$7.64 was deducted, which is correct. All was well.

At 7:06 pm, I made the mistake of standing in front of one of the Presto machines while helping a person with directions when the machine chimed. $3.75 flashed on the screen. The hell? My card was in my pocket. I was standing about 100 centimetres away.

Now what? With 11 minutes until the train leaves, I went over to the customer service desk at the bus terminal only to be greeted with a long line-up.

Forget this, I thought. I'll deal with this crap at Oshawa. I had no idea what would happen when I boarded the bus so I needed an answer. I headed back to the tunnel and went upstairs to board the train.

Here's the sequence from my card's usage log:

30/01/2012 20:23:00 Oshawa GO Station Rail E-Purse Load Value $7.55 $70.80
30/01/2012 20:21:00 Oshawa GO Station Rail Cardholder Configuration Event
30/01/2012 19:13:00 Union Station Rail E-Purse Fare Payment -$3.75 $63.25
30/01/2012 19:06:00 Union Station Rail E-Purse Fare Payment -$3.75 $67.00
30/01/2012 18:52:00 Union Station Rail E-Purse Fare Payment -$7.64 $70.75

When I got to Oshawa, the CSR was in disbelief because in order for all this to happen, the override button has to be pressed. Secondly, I shouldn't have been able to tap twice, let alone a third time. I didn't even know a third charge had been deducted. I guess when I walked past the card reader again, it went off.

I told her I pressed no buttons. Keep in mind, I missed my bus over this so if I was playing a game, I obviously have no priorities in my life, such as getting home to my family ...

I was annoyed but I was gracious about it. Shit happens, I get it. But I wasn't standing there randomly pressing the override button and tapping just to see what would happen.

I was refunded my ghost fares. Now I'm all paranoid and have wrapped aluminum foil around my card. It matches my hat.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Demands of a mother

from KleptaMoniac
MON JAN 30 2012
7:20 AM

Dear Crazy Train
I've just moved seats to accommodate this woman who got on the OSHAWA train - leaving at 7:21 - with her son who told me that the pressing of the keys on my BlackBerry as I wrote an email to a friend was bothering her son.

I will admit, I looked blankly at her as the train was still boarding and there were plenty of seats. Her son looked about 9. Why are they sitting with me when she could see I was clearly using my BlackBerry before they sat down.

I said I don't have texting sounds on my phone, that my keyboard doesn't make sounds and she said the pressing of the keys do.

So I start tapping a key and I can barely hear it.

I didn't know how to react. I wasn't about to be policed by this person so I moved.

Is she for real?

to KleptaMoniac
MON JAN 30 2012
7:27 AM

Hey. Nice name. I take it you're a Monica.
I'm no expert but sounds like mom is concerned about her son's sensitivity to sounds, even sounds as soft (let's be frank, tho, the sound is non-existent) as a BlackBerry's keypad. Her son could have been autistic? Perhaps she could have explained why to you. So you know, nice to know for next time.

She just could be sensitive to her surroundings and probably on high alert about what could set her son off. I wouldn't let it bother you too much.

However, since we're talking about it, those who do text on phones with the keypad tone on deserve a wet towel cracked across a bare nipple.

Well, it is a bike ... guy battles with TTC over e-bike on subway

So was it a kid or a guy in his 20s?

Friday night, the LSW folks got held up for nearly two hours after a person walked into a GO train.

The Twittersphere was rampant with people tweeting all kinds of frustration with the "jumper".

Word got out it was a kid but CP24 said it was a man in his 20s.

Supposedly the person survived and was sent to hospital.

Just curious what people know.

Fergie Olver trap

Do you remember Fergie Olver?
He was the dude who hosted that crap cooking game show for kids called "Just Like Mom" with his wife.
The guy ... never. shut up.

So when I get stuck next to a stranger who decides at 6:38 in the morning to tell me his entire life story while waiting for the bus, then on the bus, then on the train, I'm reminded of Fergie Olver. And when I get stuck with someone like him, I call it a Fergie Olver trap.

This guy talked my ear off -- and I was wearing earbuds. Earbuds!

How about you just shut the hell up?

Friday, January 27, 2012

Can you help a bro out?

My replies continue in bold.

Text message from 1905571XXXX
to 19054427423
WED JAN 25 2012 05:47PM

Can I get your advice on something?

Text message from 19054427423
to 1905571XXXX
WED JAN 25 2012 05:53PM


I met this girl on the train and we started chatting. I'm single and she's hanging with someone. That's the word she used, "hanging". What does that mean?

Good question. I think she means she's got someone she fools around with. That it's not serious.

Well she gave me her number last Thursday and I called her on the weekend but she never got back to me.

How many times did you call her?

3. 4 maybe...


Should I have called some more?

Uh, no. I think that was plenty.

Do you think she's playing hard to get?

Sounds like you're playing hard to avoid. :)

Was it too much?

Was it three or four times in a row?

No, but all in one day.

She may have been out?

It was her cell.

Maybe her battery was dead.

But she could have called back on the Sunday?

Were your voicemails long-winded?

Sort of.

Have you seen her since?

Well that's why I'm freaked out. No.

Mmm. If it's her cell number you have that means you can probably text her.

I guess.

Tell you what. Send her a text that says you're sorry you called so many times. It's just nerves and that you hope everything is ok because you haven't seen her. That's all.

I don't want her to think that this is all I'm thinking about.

Tell you what. I'll throw this up online and see what the other train folk have to say. Do you read daily?


You ok with that?

Yeah. Maybe she'll see it since we both read your site. I really didn't mean to scare her off. I feel terrible as I miss our chats.

Hang tight buddy. I'm sure it will work itself out.

Dirty beast

Check out this "Zorro".

Kill all the foot prints!!!

Ass headplant

Guess what happened here? Yep.
Poor girl. At least the guy's butt was there to break the fall.

2012 Presto Fare Calculator

This spreadsheet was designed one drunken night by my friend, "Uncle" after a raging debate we had on a train ride home about how the discount works with the Presto Card.
Uncle is an accountant. He does stuff like this for fun. I made it available to the public and since it's debut, it's been downloaded over 3,400 times. I should be charging for it.
Here's the updated version <-Click link, that takes into account the fare increase. The "calculator" shows you the discounts for your trips. You can't edit this file but plug in your numbers in the columns provided. You'll need Excel to use it.
The file will open up in Google Docs. Click the FILE button and scroll to where it says DOWNLOAD.
Oh, and just a note, I'm not a raging Presto fan but when the fares increase in February, paper monthly/10-ride pass holders will pay more than those who use the Presto card as our discount remains at 17.5% and your discount is only 15%.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Just a guy with a mattress. On the subway. In Toronto


Text message from 1416713XXXX
to 19054427423
WED JAN 25 2012 09:59 PM

hey cj. i was on the milton bus tonight sitting behind these 2 dudes. 30-something. they had been out to a bar and i guess one of them had tried to hit on some women and managed to get a number. so they decide to call this woman on speaker while on the bus. it goes to voicemail and the two of them start talking, leaving her a message. it was incredibly vulgar and not funny. one of them goes 'and your tits were fantastic!!!'. after they laugh hysterically they hang up. some time later the phone rings and the guy answers and puts it on speaker because i guess it was the girl calling back. nuh-uh. it was her mom. guess she gave out her mother's cell number. she starts laying down a verbal beatdown that most of us heard before the guy managed to turn off the speakerphone feature.
win for the girl, tho.

Why am I not shocked? Some drivers are total jackasses

Car chaos outside daycare at Ajax GO station
DurhamRegionNews Article

AJAX -- A Whitby mother is sounding an alarm on dangerous driving outside a daycare near the Ajax GO train station.
Rachel Pooransingh takes the train from Ajax to Toronto for work, choosing the Ajax station over Whitby's because of the added convenience of Tender Years Child Care's location in a plaza next to the station.

She said the parking lot outside the daycare is car chaos, with drivers from the adjacent GO Transit parking lots flooding into the private lot, disobeying traffic rules and putting the safety of children and parents at risk.

"People don't obey the rules of the road, it's just becoming very frustrating," Ms. Pooransingh said. "It feels like the only way anyone's going to do anything is if someone gets hit."

The private parking lot and the commercial plaza it serves are owned by The Properties Group.

Ms. Pooransingh said drivers are using the private lot as GO train drop-off and taxi stand areas, although there are dedicated areas for those purposes in adjacent lots owned by GO Transit. She also said drivers often disobey a stop sign outside the daycare and fail to slow down when driving through the area, disregarding speed bumps meant to calm traffic.

Read the rest of the story after the jump

Just some recent search hits recorded by my site log

69 do you work with a passenger in your office shirker

123 where to go when you are afraid to ride

235 how to save a seat on the train

568 are go trains always on time

639 rail traffic controller canadian pacific good bad?

1027 "go train" sexual experiences

1051 cheerleader forgot to put panties on

1687 short women with big arse

1698 guy on ttc bus asks if i have ever given blood

1800 taking a skateboard on go transit

1976 dial-a-bus go transit

2146 man shrunk and put into evil womens panty gussets stories

Dial a GO bus? You mean, to my front door? Awesome.

I see this every morning on the way to the station

Is it still rude?

Foot riders show me more love.

Vain parking donkey

Jimmy writes:
Some sticker on his window that says "Bitches <3 Me". Don't think they would love the parking job.
(Click the picture to enlarge it to read the sticker.)

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

LOL! Look at all these drivers hitting the brakes. Bad call

It snowed in Utah. The road got icy. Chaos erupted. I cried from laughter.

This CSA should be ashamed

CSAs are obligated (I'm pretty sure they're mandated) to remind passengers that smoking on station platforms at ANY time is prohibited.

Passengers don't deserve, nor should they be subjected to, second-hand smoke from other passengers while sitting on a train.

Shirker writes:
There was a full-on medical emergency (ambulance and everything) yesterday on the 15:43 LSW. We were stopped at Bronte for over 30 mins with the doors open. This woman decides it's a good time for a smoke break so she stands on the platform in front of the doors and lights up, causing all the smoke to waft right inside the train. I've got no balls so I just sat there and seethed.
It does take a lot for some people to speak up so I'm not faulting Shirker for staying quiet. He's not being paid to 'police' passengers. It's not our jobs to ask people to butt out in shelters and on platforms. It's not my job to ask people to keep their dirty feet off the seats but I take it on because I'm fed up.

Sure, let your sweaty sport socks breathe. We don't mind

Photo credit: @chipper39

AC/DC Thunderstruck is my theme song when I go on the hunt for foot riders

I'm serious when I say I am so done with this shit. Foot riding is unacceptable behaviour, especially in wet, wintery weather. I don't know if I need to sew myself up some spandex and a cape but I went at the foot riders hard last night on the 8:13pm LSE.

In honour of my vigilante justice, I've resurrected the foot rider banner.

It was too dark to take a picture on the bus but this one dude had folded himself up in the seat so that his dirty workboots were resting on the back of the headrest of the seat in front of him. He was busy playing a game of Pac Man on his phone, with no headphones, I might add.

For Christ's sake, he hadn't been on the bus for more than 2 minutes after we boarded and this is how he settles in?

So I asked him to have some respect for public property and refrain from using the seat in front of him as a footstool. I said it loud enough for the driver to hear, all the while thinking, back me up here buddy.

He did.

What I'd really like to know is why it is not mandatory that all CSAs include in their announcements the request to keep feet off the seats. It shouldn't be arbitrary.

Hang on tight

Oompa Loompa pulls an "all your space" on the TTC

I call her that because I can't see her due to her short, shrunken stature.

Sean P. writes:
Was on the subway this morning at around 6:30 when I noticed Sleeping Beauty, hiding behind her flower bag and catching a few winks. It actually ended up being quite a few winks, and she was still catching Z's beside her security blanket.... er, bag, half an hour later when I got off at Union Station. Buddy sitting across from Sleepy Flower Lady doesn't seem pleased at all that she needed an entire two-seater to get her beauty rest.

You may want to ... oops, too late

I had my car broken into for $5 in change. Don't trust anyone.

GJ writes:
This vehicle pulled into the parking spot next to mine while I was still in my car.

The owner was careful to remember to take things out, but not careful enough to put certain things away.

Nice GPS, eh?

It sure is.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Not much of a gang ...

No activity since the end of November.

Take a look. LSW GO Gang on Facebook

Do they snap their fingers when they walk?

Third world finance

My replies continue in bold.

Text message from 905404XXXX
to 19054427423
TUE JAN 24 3:28 PM

do they check presto cards on the train

Text message from 19054427423
to 905404XXXX
TUE JAN 24 3:33 PM



With a hand-held reader

is it wireless?

Dude, that'd be one hell of an extension cord

but how does it talk to the system when their card readers on the platform


how is it all connected?

Satellite I guess

so why does it take more than 24 hours for my card balance to show? such bs

I've actually written GO about that. The answer I got was because every reader has to be updated throughout the system. Propogate and all

isn't this the 21st century?

Last time I checked

this is such bullshit

Why do you ask?

i forgot to tap when i got on. just curious how they know i tapped seeing as they cant make my funds available the minute i load the card

Not that I'm defending GO, but forgetting to tap and not having the balance be instant are two different things, no?

but it makes for a good argument. why do i need to make sure i've instantly tapped my card. how about i just tap it when i get off

Er ...

well thanks for listening. i'll just take my chances here.

All righty. If you do get caught, you'll get a warning.

so stupid. go holds my money for 24 hours like a third world bank. thieves.

Y u no has content?

Oh but I do, my sweet enfants.

Well ... it has been a little dry. It's only because I've discovered a little television series called Sons of Anarchy. I immediately became addicted.

I've watched seasons one through three on my BlackBerry which means I haven't been observing my surroundings at all. This also means I haven't had much to share and I'm certain I've missed a lot of shit.

This is where I have to thank the readership for sending in content. I've got some good text exchanges and more photos to publish. I'd also like to reassure people that when you email me or text me and you're not being an ass or a donkey, I keep your information private. I'm not publishing a GO manifesto where I release anything and everything I've been told. Even when people are being an ass, I still mask phone numbers and emails. I'm just that kind of girl.

Considering the numbers the site gets, I do wonder what is a roadblock for people for content. If it's confidentiality, I can assure you I honour it. It also makes me wonder how many of those shoutouts you read in that free commuter paper are actually written by staff. Don't think it doesn't happen.

Bus shelter = no smoking

Unfortunately the lady I was with this morning was illiterate.

I stood in the cold wind. She stood in the shelter. After about a minute, I asked her to step outside the bus shelter. She gave me this smirk and asked me if I was serious.

"We're outside," she said.

No shit, Einstein. You still can't hotbox the shelter (which has NO SMOKING stenciled onto the glass).

I counted to 10. The urge to boob punch was strong.

She finished her fag and tossed her butt onto the road.

"Stay classy," I said to her as I pointed to the garbage can.

And people wonder why I suffer from GO rage.

Packed train. Space on the floor beside her not good enough

- Sent via text message. LSW express

Again, I love how these people busy themselves with their smartphones, books or pretend to be sleeping when they invoke "all your space are belong to me".

Commuter cat

Monday, January 23, 2012

I need to know where I can buy these magic shoes that repel dirt, bacteria, urine & fecal matter, as well as snow and water

Anyone know the store?

A few things I've noticed

GO has changed their service updates delivery system so I went ahead and re-registered at

I tried to set up the SMS (text message) portion and it's been 30 minutes with no PIN texted to my phone. Glad to see the system is working on the day it officially launches (today).

For God's sake. Does no one test this stuff? I don't have time to try this over and over.

Second, I signed into the Presto website. I clicked on "Transit Usage Reports" so I can get a printout for the past year for my taxes and there's no link, no action button. Just some text explaining the tax credit, a notice that I have to download Acrobat reader and a phone number for questions.

Yeah, here's a question. Why the hell can't I download my transit usage report from the goddamn site? Do I really have to phone? What year is this?

Why can't anyone get THIS TECHNOLOGY RIGHT?!

I'm done.

Friday, January 20, 2012

The hell? Just some Google searches that landed on

man shrunk and put into evil womens panty gussets


THERE'S A SONG? What, is it like this stupid Ontar-ari-ari-o song?

Dirty foot rider does not like your vulgar cellphone talk

There's this woman who takes the 5:10 LSE train in the evenings who I see often enough, who I have photographed foot riding, who had a tantrum last night over a guy engrossed in a phone call with a buddy while the train idled at Union.

I was seated in a quad with my train friends, who I barely see these days because I no longer take the 7:53 am OSH-UNST, when all of a sudden I got wind of this woman yelling in a booming voice how rude it was that this guy had dropped the f-bomb during his conversation.

She didn't look at him when she spoke aloud, just screamed out her aggravation and went back to her e-book. Dude on the phone shifted his body so he was facing the aisle and lowered his voice.

I guffawed out loud. Really?! Isn't this a pot meet kettle moment? The minute the quad across from this woman is vacant, she throws her feet up on the seat. In my opinion, that's more vulgar than hearing someone mutter the f-bomb.

This is your Friday

Thursday, January 19, 2012

According to @Nilaye10, this level of ignorance deserves a fine. Wet winter boots on seats

Meanwhile, at the Rouge Hill GO Station

Thanks to Dave H for the pic of the stupid parking donkey.

This guy

Near beat down at Ajax GO

This story happened yesterday. DF takes it from here:
At Ajax there is an escalator and stairs going up. When you get to the top of the escalator, there is about a 6 foot space before there are doors to take you outside to the platform. There are signs on the windows surrounding the escalator asking people not to stand there and block the traffic of the escalators.
Today it was cold out and there were 3 women standing at the top. I actually brushed one as I walked by because, let's face it, they are in the way!
So Im standing in the blob on the platform waiting for the train and suddenly there is some yelling and screaming going on. From what I could tell, someone came up the escalator and ran into one of the women standing at the top. One lady was yelling at the other that she "pushed her mom". Some guy actually got in between the two of them and broke up the cat fight. It was pretty funny. One woman was yelling to "call the police!! call the police!!" LOL
The train comes in, they split up and continue yelling at each other across the platform. One woman was saying how the other chick had better not board the train because if she did she was going to hit the emergency strip. The lady said to go ahead because she was getting on the damn train! A few people piped up and said not to push the trip and inconvenience a whole train load of people. Luckily she did not press the emergency trip. If she did, I might have smacked her upside the head myself, with my iPad. See attached video:

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

A sample of today's google search hits. #273 is interesting. I like it when people do "homework" on the internet

wifi on go trains, ontario

big butt skirt

painting nails on the ttc

water boil advisory graphic

my logos looks like pacman

dr evil license plate

shoutout go transit newspaper

nazi girls feet

this crazy train

what "happened" on go transit today, jan 18, 2012

go trains lakeshore east track 9

how to scam go train tickets

auto correct dad im doing your

"no shoes"

keying a car

is there free wifi on the go train in torotno?

corridor club

Langstaff line-up

I figured I'd sleep on my rage and see how I felt in the morning if I wanted to vent about yesterday's bullshit and the answer is yep, still ragin'. When I got up this morning, I felt just as angry as I did last night.

My doctor is in Thornhill. Some nonsense has been going on with my health for the past year and I've had to see him quite a bit to review results for a battery of tests I've had, so last night I took the Richmond Hill line to Langstaff station to get to my appointment. This was the first time I've taken the train to his office. I always drove before.

The train leaves on Platform 3. Once the platform was called I headed up, following the rest of the cattle.

When I got up there, I was behind a group of people so I moved forward and simply stood on the platform.

I didn't realize that the wall of people was actually a line.

Yes, the Langstaff donkeys line up on the platform like school children.

Who the hell started this? It's bloody brilliant but you know what's not brilliant? The attitude of some of these assholes.

I'm standing there and all of a sudden, this man starts shouting at me. He's pointing at me. "You! You not in line! Get in line!"

I'm startled by his anger. He's sneering at me for God's sake. Then this woman steps forward and says, rather rudely, "The line starts over there." She points to the stairs.

I look around. I look up and I look down. I look at this man and woman and sarcastically ask, because I'm pissed at the SCENE they've made, "Where's the sign that says I have to stand in line?"

"There's no sign!" yells the man. "You do what we say!"

I pull myself up to my full height. Who in the hell do these people think they are?

"Excuse me," I say. "Why do you think you can talk to me like that? Are you the owner of this platform? This is the first time I've taken this train, how am I supposed to know about this hidden rule?"

Then this other lady pipes up and asks me why I didn't see the line. No, I say, all I saw was a wall of people. Then I told them they were a complete and total rude bunch of idiots. I was so mad. I was ready to throw a punch. I told you. I have a temper. This is why I always count to 10... Then two other men start motioning for me to move with exaggerated hand gestures. Screw this, I thought.

I put my headphones in my ears and stood there. You could see how agitated these jerks were that I wouldn't move. The train pulled in and I continued to stand in the same spot. I watched as the lines of people snaked across the platform as they boarded the train. Remember, I actually thought this was a neat concept until I was rudely ganged up on.

Once everyone had boarded, I climbed on the train.

So here's my thoughts. They are many ways to confront people but the best way and one that will get you a positive response is to be polite at first. If you come at me with attitude and anger, I'm not going to want to listen to you.

I'm sure I'm not the first person to disobey the Langstaff assembly line. You Langstaff folk need to find some manners.


You foot riders are lucky you don't live in Indonesia. Imagine what would happen to you ... Authorities introduce drastic measures to curb roof riders

JAKARTA, Indonesia - Indonesia has gone to imaginative extremes to try to stop commuters from illegally riding the roofs of trains — hosing down the scofflaws with red paint, threatening them with dogs and appealing for help from religious leaders.

Now the authorities have an intimidating and possibly even deadly new tactic: Suspending rows of grapefruit-sized concrete balls to rake over the top of trains as they pull out of stations, or when they go through rail crossings.

Authorities hope the balls — which could deliver serious blows to the head — will be enough to deter defiant roof riders.

"We've tried just about everything, even putting rolls of barbed wire on the roof, but nothing seems to work," said Mateta Rizahulhaq, a spokesman for the state-owned railway company PT Kereta Api. "Maybe this will do it."

Trains that crisscross Indonesia on poorly maintained tracks left behind by Dutch colonizers six decades ago usually are packed with passengers, especially during the rush hour.

Hundreds seeking to escape the overcrowded carriages clamour to the top. Some ride high to avoid paying for a ticket. Others do so because — despite the dangers, with dozens killed or injured every year — "rail surfing" is fun.

The first dozen or so balls were installed Tuesday hundreds of yards (meters) from the entrance of a train station just outside the capital, Jakarta. Painted silver, the balls hung by chains from what looked like the frame of a giant soccer goal.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Meanwhile, in the subway ...

Ask and you shall receive. The baby leggings ad

When I was kid, we called these leg warmers.

Photo credit: @GOTrainHate (Twitter)

You left your grocery list on the train

Mmm, mmm... Cedar Cheese. Just the right amount of wooden taste, with every bite.

GO bus...Click, Click, Click

Dan D. writes:
So I'm riding the GO bus to Yorkdale on a quiet afternoon listening to my iPod, and then I hear this clicking coming from nearby. I look around and there's this guy in his early 20's hunched over in his seat. The clicking continues for a few minutes, and then I get a view of a pair of shiny nail clippers. Yep, just as I figured.

Didn't see any nails around the floor or seat when I got off, so at least the guy cleaned up after himself.

That's something one should be doing before they leave home, or at least in a public washroom.