GO TRANSIT OAKVILLE "PARKING STRUCTURE" WILL BE NEW DETENTION CENTRE
By M. Devine
Exclusive to thiscrazytrain.com
TORONTO, December 23, 2011 -- An anonymous source at GO TRANSIT today confirmed construction of a building at the Oakville GO Station is not a parking garage but a maximum security detention centre for those convicted of offences under the "GO TRANSIT RIDERS' CODE OF COMMON COURTESY".
The facility will house those found guilty of putting feet on seats, blocking access to doors, horrible two-space parking jobs or making loud, obnoxious mobile calls.
According to the source, "It has become pretty obvious from recent photos of construction that the structure is comprised of various cell blocks. We should no longer pretend that it is being built for parking."
Riders convicted of putting their feet on seats will be housed in cells with mud covered chairs and beds with sheets used by previous offenders.
'Parking in two spots' will require offenders to show they can simulate proper parking by using Hot Wheels cars on a toy mat marked with a parking grid.
Loud cellphone talkers will have their "devices" crushed in a vice and be forced to listen to 1,000 cell phone conversations played simultaneously at high volume.
'Door Donkeys' will be required to pass through a gauntlet of guards wearing giant backpacks in order to access the prison washrooms and food facilities.
"I know the vast majority of GO users will applaud this initiative", said the source. "It's long overdue."
The facility will house those found guilty of putting feet on seats, blocking access to doors, horrible two-space parking jobs or making loud, obnoxious mobile calls.
According to the source, "It has become pretty obvious from recent photos of construction that the structure is comprised of various cell blocks. We should no longer pretend that it is being built for parking."
Riders convicted of putting their feet on seats will be housed in cells with mud covered chairs and beds with sheets used by previous offenders.
'Parking in two spots' will require offenders to show they can simulate proper parking by using Hot Wheels cars on a toy mat marked with a parking grid.
Loud cellphone talkers will have their "devices" crushed in a vice and be forced to listen to 1,000 cell phone conversations played simultaneously at high volume.
'Door Donkeys' will be required to pass through a gauntlet of guards wearing giant backpacks in order to access the prison washrooms and food facilities.
"I know the vast majority of GO users will applaud this initiative", said the source. "It's long overdue."
4 comments:
About time
Thank you Devine
:-)
Awesomesauce!!!
Wahahaahahah!
*sigh* If only.
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