For as long as I live, I don't think I'll ever come to terms with what people discuss on the GO train. In public. In front of strangers.
I've been watching a lot of movies lately on my mobile so I've not been privileged to the discussions going on around me. This is a risky move on my part since my blog content is driven by my own experiences and observations.
This morning I discovered that the movie I was all set to watch, "
Fido", had no sound because I guess the video player built into my BlackBerry couldn't support the audio codec. I couldn't get my Nobex radio player to work, so I had no choice but be forced to listen to the chatter of two women sitting directly behind me on the 7:15 OSH-UNST LSE.
What is wrong with some of you?
Vaginal smells?! VAGINAL SMELLS?!
It's 7:18 AM. In the MORNING. On a PUBLIC TRAIN!!!
Do you really want to know? Do you?
This is where you better make a decision to stop reading because I'm going to re-cap this stellar conversation for y'all.
Hey, I was forced to listen to it so Imma damn well share it.
I'm gonna call the woman with the smelly vaginal issue, "Vagisil Vicky" and her friend, "Nurse Nelly".
VV: I don't understand. It just smells. It smells like a man's ball sack sometimes.
NN: Have you tried baby powder?
VV: How would I get that in there? Do I just push it in?
NN: I would just swish it around. It would probably help absorb it...
VV: I tried googling it but it kept saying yeast infection but this is just the smell, you know? It's so odd. It's driving me crazy.
NN: If it helps I don't smell anything (titters in laughter).
This is followed by some low, indistinct mumbling.
VV: Do you think it could be just build-up or something? Last week, I swear, it smelled like bacon.
NN: What do you mean bacon? Like bacon-bacon?
VV: (Mumble) Grease. When it's cooked. (Mumble)
NN: Ooooh, that's so not right. You really have to talk to your doctor?...
VV: I know. I know. Do they sell douche anymore?
NN: I don't know. I don't even see ads on tv.
VV: I hope you're not grossed out by this. (Mumble)
CJ: Hells yeah I'm grossed out by this! What the hell lady?! I'm sitting here within earshot and have just learned that you have a greasy spoon operation in your cooch! I don't think I'll ever come within a foot of bacon now! And it's my favourite breakfast food! And you ruined it! So yes, I'm grossed out.
Only I didn't say that. But I thought it.
NN: No, no, it's okay. I think women should be more open about this stuff. It's helpful, you know? Like, I think plenty of women worry about how they smell down there.
CJ: What?! Never! I don't know about you, but I'm a rose garden. Tulips and rainbows, lady! You're a valley of death. You need a gardener. And quick!
Only I didn't say that. But I sure thought it.
VV: Thanks hon. I've been really bothered by this.
NN: No, no, really. It's okay. Go see your doctor. I'm sure it's all okay. There's probably a cream you can buy or some scented product you can use that will help.
CJ (thinking): Nobex radio, why aren't you working?! Why does this video have no sound! Oh shit, I can see the CN Tower - I'm so close to freedom! Mother of GOD! Move this train!