Friday, January 27, 2012

Can you help a bro out?

My replies continue in bold.

Text message from 1905571XXXX
to 19054427423
WED JAN 25 2012 05:47PM

Can I get your advice on something?

Text message from 19054427423
to 1905571XXXX
WED JAN 25 2012 05:53PM


I met this girl on the train and we started chatting. I'm single and she's hanging with someone. That's the word she used, "hanging". What does that mean?

Good question. I think she means she's got someone she fools around with. That it's not serious.

Well she gave me her number last Thursday and I called her on the weekend but she never got back to me.

How many times did you call her?

3. 4 maybe...


Should I have called some more?

Uh, no. I think that was plenty.

Do you think she's playing hard to get?

Sounds like you're playing hard to avoid. :)

Was it too much?

Was it three or four times in a row?

No, but all in one day.

She may have been out?

It was her cell.

Maybe her battery was dead.

But she could have called back on the Sunday?

Were your voicemails long-winded?

Sort of.

Have you seen her since?

Well that's why I'm freaked out. No.

Mmm. If it's her cell number you have that means you can probably text her.

I guess.

Tell you what. Send her a text that says you're sorry you called so many times. It's just nerves and that you hope everything is ok because you haven't seen her. That's all.

I don't want her to think that this is all I'm thinking about.

Tell you what. I'll throw this up online and see what the other train folk have to say. Do you read daily?


You ok with that?

Yeah. Maybe she'll see it since we both read your site. I really didn't mean to scare her off. I feel terrible as I miss our chats.

Hang tight buddy. I'm sure it will work itself out.


D.F. said...

Oh boy. Calling 3-4 times = desperate and/or stalker. Girl gives you her number you call once, leave a message and see if she calls back. If she doesn't then she's just not that into you. End of story.
I'm guessing she's now rising in another car.

Patty said...

Can you give us some insight in what you said in your voicemails? That would be helpful. Was there a lot of heavy breathing? Did you gush a lot? I'm serious. Or did you just say hey it's me, just calling to see what's going on and then bye?

Squiggles said...

I have done the avoidance thing in the past, and broke up with men because of that reason alone. It is not cute/adorable/etc. It comes across as needy and insecure. And personally, I canNOT deal with that.

Text the woman in question, like CJ mentioned. Don't do it until at least Sunday. Keep it light and neutral. Apologize for the nerves that came through at the end.

Then, let her make the next move - if there will be one. If she doesn't contact you back, move on. There are still tons of single women out there.

Fred's wife said...

I second Squiggles.
At the very least, text that you're sorry that you called too many times. I would also add that if she just wants to keep things as train friends, that's cool.

Then again, how did it come out that she gave you her number? Did she say, "Hey, we should hang sometime?"

Al said...

Treat em mean keep em keen,

Dont bother doing anything, if she calls then chat, if not plenty o fish in the sea my friend.

3 or 4 times is way too much, especially in a day but even in a week, when your hunting you gotta keep quiet. If she knows you want her and calling that many times proves it then she wont be interested, if you play the Im hard to get a hold of then they cant get you out of thier mind, as she has done to you. I say let it go, if you see her feel free to chat, dont ask about the calls pretend you dont care, she will come crawling back.

Just my 2 cents.

C.J. Smith said...

About time a man spoke up.

Matt said...

If she’s not returning calls, she’s either a) not interested (and you should be too as a result), or b) playing hard to get (in which case, chances are the juice is not worth the squeeze).

As a dude, I can tell you it’s not worth chasing a girl that is either not interested, or playing games with you. Move on.

Al said...

One quick thing? did she offer the number or did you ask for it?

JM said...

Hi everyone
She gave me her number. She said we should hook up and then gave it to me.

In my voicemails all I said was hey it's J and that I was calling to see if she wanted to do something that night. I did ramble at one point. I don't recall specifics but that I just would like to see her.

I don't think I will text her. I think I will just leave it. Her loss I think is the saying.

Anonymous said...

Never call more than once, it scares 'em away. Wait a few days after you get the number, call once, leave a message if need be, and the ball is in her court for her to do what she will with it.

If she's interested she'll call back. If not, oh well, there's better people to spend your time on.

Anonymous said...

If you really like her...give here a text early next week, something like "Hey, haven't seen you on the train lately, hope everything's okay".

tara said...

I'm not ignoring you. I'm a little surprised to see this on here but you got my attention.
Things got complicated and I think it was too premature for me to give you my number. It was impulsive and I'm sorry. I think I misled you that I was looking for a boyfriend.

I do like our train chats but I sense you are looking for a relationship and I'm not.

I was going to call you but since we're talking about it here (which I am ok with but this also makes me think you have insecurity issues).

I'll come sit with you when I feel you've come to terms with my miscalculated move.

Anonymous said...


Guess it wasn't meant to be J. Just bad timing.

Fred's wife said...

Whether you felt it was impulsive or not, you owed the guy a call back.
And now you're using this forum to address it?
He reached out for advice. Got some. And now you put your 2 cents in.

Shirker said...

Team JM!

Squiggles said...

I gotta agree with Fred's wife: that is a bitchy move.

It may have been impulsive, but to leave the guy hanging (who was over-eager) is not an adult thing to do.

JM: move on. I am not too certain even being train friends is a good idea.

Anonymous said...

Tara: why does J. need to come to terms with what you did? You punishing him for your actions.

You are the one to lead him on, you gave the number, you acted like a child and couldn't be bothered to take 5 mins out of your day to let him know you weren't interested in him in that way.

I think J, once she decides that things are ok, you should be the one to walk away. You don't need to play some game by her rules.

tara said...

Let's see. a) I don't have a number for J at this precise moment that I can text or call. b) I don't have his email. c)I'm working from home today.

Perhaps I could have handled it better but at least I said something.

Al said...

Hold on people.

She admitted she was impulsive, now how do you tell someone you gave your number to "oops sorry didnt mean that" (awkwarrrd) She probably should not have done it in the first place but she now recognizes it was interpereted as a come on when she perhaps intended to be friends not FWB's.

Now I see alot of my old self in J, thinking girls are good for sex or dating and that is it. I learned (albeit too late) that having chicks as friends can be beneficial and they are not just objects of desire.

So she has admitted she made a mistake if the company was good and you can deal with a chat on the train every once in a while then take it as it comes, who knows where it will go.

No real harm done, I dont think J was near suicide from rejection.

Anonymous said...

Usually when a girl gives a guy their number, the guy interprets it as having to do with dating or courtship. Women usually don't give out numbers just to be friends (or at least guys don't think like that) in that case, they would exchange numbers instead of a one-way "here's my number, call me, tee hee".

Nevertheless, Tara, if you had any respect for the guy at all, you wouldn't have embarrassed him in public like this. You would have, at the very least, returned his call or talked to him on the GO next time explaining the situation. He was just asking for some advice given a random confusing scenario with no names named as many people in shoutouts do. I think you owe him an apology now.

Kathy said...

Al, Tara - I echo your sentiments.

Tara did something she regretted, sure, but she doesn't owe him anything. Especially after he calls her 3-4 times. If I had any inclination of calling to apologize, the 3-4 calls would convince me otherwise and I'd just back away.

JM is obviously insecure, and let's remember he agreed to post this text exchange. He wouldn't have asked (indirectly, albeit) for input if he didn't want it.

I think JM and Tara have each learned an important lesson here, and I imagine both are better off for it.

lswgirl13 said...

It's simple . . . don't give out your number if you don't want someone to contact you. Tara, I'll bet JM is a decent guy, would having a drink or something with him kill you?

tara said...

JM and I have connected and we've talked it out. You can all drop this now. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

lol Wow.

Byron said...

I want an invitation to the wedding.

lswgirl13 said...

I guess we've been told.

Fred's wife said...

Sure have. Tara's still a bitch. JM. Please go find another woman.

Skin Man said...

I'm not sure which was better the text exchange or the comments!


D.F. said...

I agree. Tara is a bitch. Dude move on you can do much better than that shit.

lswgirl13 said...

Don't know about the bitch thing, but I think Tara definitely gave JM the wrong signal(s).

Squiggles said...


Read the comments she made. Total BITCH coming through.