Search ThisCrazyTrain.com

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

I came so far only to go all the way back

Monday night, while attempting to pedal uphill, I stood up for leverage and immediately came crashing off the bike after an intense pain in my left knee made me want to vomit.

I managed to make it back home and I iced the area. I even sat in the hot tub but the pain remained. As Tuesday wore on, the pain intensified. Today, I broke down sobbing on the GO bus after I boarded this morning because every step to get there burned like fire. During the train ride, I tried to keep it together as I struggled to comprehend why my body hates me so much. I was stupid to even think to go to work.

I just got over bursitis in my right knee. I limped for 18 months. I could not kneel, bend to pick things off the floor, dance, jump or climb a ladder. For the last month I'd been enjoying my newfound mobility.  I took up long distance walking again. I could dismount off my bike without feeling like I was going to fall over. I could go up and down the stairs like a regular person.

I can't believe I'm now "disabled" again. The initial assessment is this is hamstring tendinitis or a grade 2 strain of the semimembranous. I have a cane (to help with stairs and not falling over) and doctor advice to rest and use ice to relieve the swelling and inflammation. I get reassessed Monday when it will be decided if xrays are needed if there's no improvement.

I can tell you that being unable to walk due to this pain is messing with me mentally. I am so drained from the first injury, I am unable to cope with this one. All I've done is cry all day.

I can't accept I have to go through rehabilitation and recovery again. I don't think I can mentally take much more.

11 comments:

Marymary said...

I'm really sorry to hear this latest nightmare of your knees! It's so crappy when our bodies seem to fail us, why can't they just work properly!!?
Hugs from me - never met you but hugs all the same.

Jamie Skinner said...

I'm a runner, (we'll truth be told, I was a runner, now I'm a jogger/plodder). in the last 5 years there have been many times when I would get into a great groove, lots of running and then BAM! Injury. I would have to take 6ish weeks off, and then start again. I'd start to feel like I'm progressing and BOOM! Injury. This cycle sucks but it got better, I learned a lot about recovery in the process, but most importantly I learned that human spirit is truly indomitable....just not ever day.

Stick with it, you're still young, you will get better. To brighter days!

Squiggles said...

You'll get better! Just take it slow, use elevators if you can and handrails. They are your friend. Maybe see about floating in a pool. That takes a lot of strain off your joints.

You already beat bursitis which I was told I would have for the rest of my life. So things are already looking up.

C.J. Smith said...

I am at risk for aggravating the bursitis of the right knee at any moment. But I've managed to get it under control with stretching and strength training. I don't believe it's gone but I have managed to pull through the worst of it.
I know I will get through this. I just can't process it at the moment.

Nora1968 said...

So sorry to hear this, Cindy. You know I'm not far away - if you need anything just text me.

Tal Hartsfeld said...

What really sucks is that now that you have a "weak/damaged" area it'll most likely never fully recover/rebound.
You'll always have to be "extra careful".

Outburst said...

There are many great things about getting old but the physical deterioration is not one of them.
Wishing you all the best.

C.J. Smith said...

I know Ted, I'm at risk for reinjury for the rest of my life!

Jules said...

I am so sorry, I can imagine the frustration you are going through. I am wishing you a speedy recovery.

mcmanmat said...

Me and Bursitis, we go way back...many years in fact. Bursitis took up residency in both of my hips about 6-7 years ago; it still reminds me it's there from time to time. I've also got a degenerative cartilage issue in my knees, so I totally sympathize with your ongoing struggle to enjoy normal mobility and freedom from chronic pain.

Best of luck!

Bob Loblaw said...

'What really sucks is that now that you have a "weak/damaged" area it'll most likely never fully recover/rebound.' Great encouragement!