Oh, I'll write about it ...

Some dude coughed all up in my face as he stood near the stairs where I was sitting to exit the Go train tonight. I've ingested Purell and will be bathing in it later.

We exchanged words. I had to. Unacceptable!

Jerk.

Gasp! You mean ... We're not alone?

Full story (Toronto Star)

Thanks to Angela for the link!

Photo

Yesterday, on the 5:20, I tried to snap a photo of this woman who was going to paint her finger nails. Yes, she had the nail polish ready, but the train was rocking too much that all I got was an LSD-like blur and she realized it probably wasn't a good idea.

Then all of a sudden, she says to the woman she's with who I gathered is a co-worker, "There's this website I found when I was looking up Go Transit stuff. It's a woman who writes about people on the train. It's called Crazy Train. I'll send you the link."

Little did she know ...

PS ... You see that Facebook badge? Don't get too excited. As a graphic designer, I tend to photoshop the crap out of myself. I know. Sorry.

Grooming

Okay folks. Gather round my safety circle for a minute. I want to talk to you about grooming and the nasty crap some of you jokers do on trains.

Stop picking your dandruff with your nails and then smelling it. If it's really that bad, send away for a mail order monkey or invest in some better shampoo.

Don't clean your ears with a pen and then examine your wax in front of me. I have enough candles. Thanks.

Don't chew the skin around your nails and then spit out what you just landscaped.

File your nails at your kitchen table. While your family is eating. Let me know how that works out for you.

Look, I get that you have bacne (acne on the shoulders and back) but don't subject me to your show and tell. The grossest thing anyone can ever do on public transit is pop a zit and then examine what was delivered.

Yes, you have dry lips. Pick at them while you're in your car driving home. There's nothing worse than watching someone flick their snakeskin onto the floor.

Don't even think about clipping your nails in front of me or near me.

And lastly, a credit card is not how your dentist wants you to floss.

You dirty linebackers.

A whole new level of awesomeness

I tell you, this blog is a gift that just keeps on giving. Why? Because readers like you send in photos like this.

This lounge turnip was snapped by a Crazy Train reader Wednesday morning.

I guess he figured it was more sanitary if he simply took his shoes off and rested his rank feet on the seat. Oh, and God forbid his bag touch the floor. Not only is he rolling in his private living room, he's guilty of "bag riding".

This turnip figured he could justify it all by disappearing inside his Tilley hat. If he can't see anyone, they won't notice him airing his foot beauty for all to see and smell.

Here's a closeup:

Breathtaking, I know.

Nag

Oh good God. I'm sitting with my back to a couple where the GF is riding her BF over the fact that he didn't PVR Glee for her last night, how she told him 59 times, how if it was one of his shows he'd remember, etc.
Ok, I've had enough...
So I turned around and politely interrupted them and told the woman she can watch every episode online on Global TV's website.
Jesus. Let it go.

Your gum ...

... won't be the only thing snapping if you don't stop.

420

I saw what you had in your little baggie this morning because I don't know many people who carry their own spice rack around.

Oregano, indeed.

Bag riders - your photos

So I've seem to hit a nerve with others who really hate people who place their bags on seats while a train is at the station and passengers are boarding. I agree with Matt that there's no harm in the practice once the train is moving and everyone is seated, but to do this while people are getting on the train is just rude.

Marly writes that she's irritated it's always people who put their bags on the seats near the window forcing her to ask people to move their belongings.

Snapped on the Barrie train


Snapped on the Milton train

The end of crazy

You know those old Bell commercials where the guy is surfing and he gets that message, "You have reached the end of the internet"? Well, I've reached the end of crazy.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can top what I just saw.

This woman just changed her kid's dirty poopy diaper on the seat opposite of me while I'm waiting for the 5:10 train to fill with people. Right on the seat. On the train. No towel. No sanitary measures taken.

And before you bark, I'm a mom and I've had to change a few dirty diapers in my time and I am aware there is no change table in the bathrooms of the GO train, but changing my kid's diaper on a public train is something I would never do.

What about you? Is it wrong of me to feel grossed out? There are other trains and there are change tables in the washrooms inside Union Station. She had options.

C-

Late

Just some advice for the Oshawa crowd. If, for whatever reason, it's your lucky day and the doors re-open after they've been closed and you missed your first opportunity, don't blow your 2nd opportunity by running to the next coach. You're late. Learn to recognize a break.

Mail bag - again!

Nick from Oakville writes, "Clickable pens should be banned on all trains".

I totally agree! There's nothing like listening to this sound the whole fricking train ride!

Mail bag

I'm on hiatus today and tomorrow but others are more than happy to help Dial Up The Crazy.

Tashia rides in on the Barrie line.

Here's her shout out:

"I had a guy clipping his nails sitting next to me. One flew into my lap. So I picked it up and threw it at his lap. He turned a few shades of red. Like really? Do that s--t at home in your bathroom, not on a public train!"

Sleepin' Hardcore

Must have been one hell of a day, buddy.

Deaf

Note how far away I am sitting from this dude (with a big finger pointing at him). I could hear the music from his iPod loud and clear. Interesting playlist I have to say ... Black Eye Peas, The guy that sang "Electric Avenue" and some AC/DC. I made an attempt to record what I heard from my vantage point so you can understand how loud the volume was. I don't know how useful the recording is but halfway through it you can hear his music.

Many people find such a loud volume annoying. I find it downright scary. I'm a victim of premature hearing loss due to the unacceptable volume levels I listened to my Walkman at when I was a teenager.

Take some advice from a woman whose only in her mid-thirties. Turn it down.

Bag rider of the week

When: Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Boarded Train at: 7:49 am Oshawa
Length of time bag rode on seat: Until Ajax
Accompanied by: Black Jacket
Removed: When the seat was the only one available and a rider asked for the bag to be removed with a polite, but curt, "Excuse me".

Evidence shown below.

Hey, how about we make your bag more comfortable for the morning ride? Here's a bottle of Coke.

And for when it gets hungry, here's some peanuts.

And for when it gets bored, here's an iPod and some funky headphones.

There you go. Now you just relax ... shhh, don't talk. Just let me look at you.

Reader photo submission - NYC rider plucks chin hairs on commuter train

From Liz via my Facebook account. This is a whole new level of awesomeness. Swear to God.

Peek-a-boo

Do I tell the dude sitting across from me his zipper is undone and I can see his Daffy Duck boxers, or do I try to snap a picture?


Okay so I didn't take a photo.


He's now lapsed into a coma.

Oh well.

Whitby

Just a shout out.
I can tell from this morning that the platform construction nonsense is starting to get old for most of you.

Be strong.

Comfort Zone

Gee CJ, what's going on in this photo you took on the 5:10 this evening?

Well, I Ride This Crazy Train reader, I am so glad you asked!

The guy hunched over his BlackBerry is leaned over very far in his seat. Far enough over that he's annoying the crap out of the guy trying to read his newspaper.

It's an awkward photo angle but at one point, Blackberry dude was practically text messaging over Newspaper Dude's crotch which was beginning to make Newspaper Dude very angry.

There was a lot of audible sighing from Newspaper Dude.

See, if this was me, I would have accidentally elbowed Blackberry dude in the balls as I leaned over and pretended to pick up my pretend earring that fell out of my ear.

Everybody has a personal comfort zone on the train (some call it their safety circle). Stay out of mine. And especially Newspaper Dude's.

Gag

Why did I choose a seat near the bathroom?

Gah!!!!!!!! Blech, moses!

Jump in at any time here if you know what that smell is or what they put in the bathroom on the trains as a deodorizer.

Sunglasses

I've got some guy here sitting on the opposite aisle who thinks he's Maverick from Top Gun who I *know* is staring at me for whatever reason from behind his Aviator shades. I know he's not sleeping.

I spent 10 minutes thinking of what I could do to gross him out.
So I picked my nose AND looked at my finger. My nose was clean but he didn't know that.

Yeah, that's right. You look away.

You dirty linebacker Maverick-wannabe.

Over the shoulder

This woman standing next to where I'm sitting is trying hard as hell to read what I'm typing but that's nothing compared to what's really exciting about this train ride. Not a single person is talking! It's a level of awesomeness I simply can't describe.

I swear to God, it's quiet enough in here to hear the crickets in Tiger Woods' head in that new Nike commercial where his father rises from the dead and predicts six more weeks of winter.

Artist

Tonight on the 7:17 pm (what the hell? what was wrong with 7:13?!) there was a guy mad sketching beside me who eventually lapsed into a coma.

All of you jokers owe me big time for the gymnastics I had to pull to get a shot of this masterpiece.

I changed seats and then positioned my phone over my head so I could snap a pic while he dozed in the seat behind me. (Click the image to enlarge it in a new window).

I don't know what the hell it's supposed to be.

The first thing I thought of were genital warts. Crying over a flower. And a really bad acne problem.

Christmas baby jesus miracle

The train was on time this morning! I was so desperate to celebrate that I made sure to angle my handbag just right so that I smacked the shoulder of every person sitting in an aisle seat as I bolted off the train.

Ahhh, sweet, sweet revenge.

(I didn't really do that but I did fantasize about it, kind of like how Ralphie fantasizes about the essay he plans to write about the Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle BB Gun he wants for Christmas in that movie that plays a gazillion times over Christmas and his teacher waltzes around the classroom writing A+ A+ A+++ everywhere).

Dead battery

I killed my battery tonight snapping photos of silly turnips risking life and limb crossing Bay Street near the Go Transit Teamway bridge (just way too risky at dusk, in the rain, and in dark clothing) and my charger is at the office, so updates for tomorrow morning's Oshawa 7:53 westbound train to Toronto's Union Station will be delayed by 55 minutes. I apologize in advance for any inconvenience this may cause.

Thank you for reading I Ride This Crazy Train.

Wet feet ...

Don't belong on the seat in front of you. You dirty turnip.

Dear Sick Fellow Passengers

Look, I love you all. You're a great source of entertainment but you've got to start taking better care of yourselves. I'm sitting here at Ajax delayed while an ambulance comes to save you.
Hey, I'm being cool about it even tho signal problems caused me to be 45 minutes late for work yesterday and today, I'll once again have to stay late at work to make up the time and lose another evening to spend with my daughter.
Just make sure you stay home tomorrow.
Thanks

Warm!!!

Dear God! Can someone please turn the heat off in this coach?
It feels like 35C in here.
Can't breathe... can't ... must ... try ... oh shut up Tom... just find the friggin thermostat button and kick it. That's how you can be my customer service ambassador this morning!

Lust

The two teens who are groping each other the next aisle over is all the more amusing seeing as the boy keeps trying to hide the fact that he's 'pitched a tent'.

Sucks to be you

Flip flops, tank top and short shorts on a day like today?
Yes, you're a dumbass.

Please stop telling the whole train how cold you are. I'm pretty sure most don't care.

You asked, "Like, what's up with this weather?" 20 times. Give it a rest, sister.

And because of signal problems, we all had to listen to you for an hour and a half.

Thanks for a fantastic train ride in!

Crackers

That is not how I eat crackers. Ew.

Trust me, you don't wanna know.

Okay ... twist my arm.

It's the guy right beside me and it's a box of Swiss Cheese Flavoured Crackers. The crackers themselves have little holes in them.

He's ... well ... he's licking each one before he pops it into his mouth.

And I mean really licking them - back and front. Licking them clean...

Mrs. Bag Rider

You can do this after 7:13pm and before the morning rush but not on the express trains, and don't be such an ass (sighing loudly/making a big dramatic production over moving it) when someone politely asks you to move it so they can sit. Unless you bought a ticket for your bag, keep it in your lap.

Care Bear stare

Should I be concerned about the old dude who has spent the last ten minutes staring at the Emergency Equipment Location poster?

Maybe he wants find that pick-axe and saw I've been writing about.

Lounger

I've managed to make it to Pickering without losing my marbles over the chick next to me who absolutely made sure to shove her jacket, sweater, bag, book and water bottle between herself and me and has lounged for the whole ride like I'm her personal La-Z-Boy.

Trekkie

I swear the woman across from me is speaking klingon in her conversation with Spock on her cell.
She even looks the part.

Chapstick man

It appears Chapstick man got the job because I saw him this morning and only had a short wait before he pulled out his lusty wand and moisturized those pretty lips.

Sigh.

Paper

The gentleman next to me needs a tv table so he can read his newspaper. His lap is too small so he's hooked a leg over and of course, has invaded my safety circle.
And I agree that the lady three rows over needs to use her inside voice.
I like how she was told by the woman in red.

Damn

I just realized I didn't buy an April pass and will have to line my sorry ass up at 'Shwa in the morning. Dammit. I just became one of the people I always make fun of.

Awesomeness

So I bust my ass to make the 4:53 but decide to hold out and take the 5:10 so I can get a seat only to discover the five (bad language alert) f*ck*n ten is all-stops-mother-of-all-milk-runs to Oshawa because the jokers who run the 5:05 lost their train. Plus, the customer service chick also thinks we're deaf because she keeps yelling that this train is all stops.
I don't understand. If they've made the 5:20 all stops as well, this should have been kept as express.


Oh my god, crying baby, too!? Serenity, now!

Say what?

I pulled this off the visitor logs. Dirty.

Saw

So apparently some of you jokers don't believe me that weapons tools such as sledgehammers and saws are available for use on the trains. In an "emergency" of course.

This is the best possible photo I could snap. That's a saw. On closer inspection, I also learned these tools are tested every three months. It doesn't say how, but they passed!

Go Go Transit Gong Show

Dear Management,
I promised I would never make this blog about you.
But you so went there ...

It was a train derailment. I'm glad it wasn't a terrorist attack because clearly, the system still remains somewhat disorganized and unprepared when a large scale service disruption occurs that isn't a suicide. And even those are a hot mess.
Just like how I plan to expect the unexpected with the shenanigans of fellow commuters, you've got to get it together, folks.

I'm surprised no one helped themselves to the complimentary pick-axe and sledgehammers provided on each coach ... right?

Some observations at Union Station:

6:23pm - Lady in blue coat bursts into tears after being told Pickering was still off limits. Eventually she collapsed into one of those blue steel chairs and called her husband/boyfriend/lover/brother on her cell and sobbed about "just wanting to get home". For real. I went and got my drink on at Four Bar at Wellington and Bay.

6:59pm - The group of college guys singing, "Let my people go" was the highlight of the evening.

8:13pm - The train I finally dragged my sorry ass onto was full of people extremely pissed off. These people were in desperate need of dates with Mr. Morgan and Ms. Gin. Why not make it an orgy with Mr. Vodka?

I did.

Safety Circle

I'm not keen with people invading my personal space. Please, do stretch out. Don't let my legs interfere with your comfort!

I then accidentally kicked her.

Me - 1. Dirty Linebacker - 0.

Sun

I'm this close (-) to taping a 24 Hour newspaper over the window. I bet everyone on this coach with me would stand up and cheer if I did that.

Whistle

You know those people with dry noses who whistle through a nostril or both when breathing?
You do?
Well guess who's sitting beside me?
Yep.
I'm trying hard not to poke her eyes out with my pen!
Because that would be bad.
And I don't like jail.

Throbbing

The woman next to me is reading a dirty novel. Lots of use of the words pulsing, lust, throbbing, etc., but the best has to be 'climaxed'. Who says that other than a sex ed teacher?
No one says that.

Rhymes with witch

Dear lady in green on the 5:20,

I can appreciate you had a bad day at work but guess what? It's not an exclusive club. It's not population: you. I don't care to listen to you rant and rave on your cell and I'm sure the whole coach didn't need to either!

Ouch

A woman who got on at Pickering spilled her coffee all over the jacket of a guy sitting on the stairs. Hey, you know what? You wouldn't move for her so what did you expect? What I don't understand is why you told her she had to 'fix it'. Fix what? That you're an idiot?

Like a rhinestone cowboy ...

I totally dig how this woman bedazzled her coffee traveler's mug with rhinestones.

End of the line

I just spent the last 9 minutes explaining to a woman that this crazy train does indeed go to Union. She's convinced we're traveling eastbound even though we've picked up the whitby and ajax jokers already.

Ok lady ... good book, eh? See you later...

Ogle

This lady looks like she's reading a book but really, it's just a ruse so she can stare at me typing furiously away on my web phone.
I haven't slept in over 32 hours. That could be the reason why she's staring or I'm paranoid from fatigue.

Hairy

The lady across from me seems clueless that opaque doesn't mean I can't see her hairy winter legs through her tights. I think I made it too obvious I was trying to take a photo because she's wrapped her coat around her fur.

Tools

I find it somewhat disturbing that considering it's illegal to get on a plane with so much as a toothpick that hundreds of commuters ride in an enclosed train traveling in excess of 100 kph where access to an axe, sledgehammer and saw are readily accessible to any nutjub capable of breaking plastic with a fist. What's to protect us? I don't think I would try to jump from a moving train should someone go postal one night. Or maybe I would ...

Am I the only one to think about how odd this is? How is this different from a plane? No offence to GO Transit. I understand why you want us to have access to these tools in an emergency but I find it incredible there's not been any concerns about people using these tools for the wrong reasons.

No, this wasn't a funny post. Yes, it is pretty dark but I had to ask.

Gag

Sometimes I don't know what's worse: body odor or jerks who bathe in Old Spice. The last 25 minutes have been gag-inducing.
If there was ever a more appropriate time to break out a tuna sandwich ... this ride would have been it.

Umbrella

Sometimes I want to grab those who are holding one, completely clueless to the fact that some of us are attached to our eyes, and beat them with it as we all stand on the train platform.
But I don't. Because I don't like jail.

Pepto Dismal

The man across from me is sipping a mickey of Pepto-Bismol. Occasionally, he wipes sweat from his brow.
I'm sitting here feeling both fascinated yet horrified at the same time.
That had to be one hell of a day at work.

Guest Rider Submission - Comfy

At least this dirty linebacker had the decency to remove his work boots before settling into his long ride home on Lakeshore West. Photo submitted by José.

Luggage

Not only did I deal with a smelly hot dog dude before we left Oshawa, I also had to deal with this lady and her ridiculously large pink purse.

My lap is exactly that - my lap. Not your lap. My lap.

Hot dog

Who the hell microwaves a couple of hot dogs for breakfast on the train?

The stench is ridiculous. Maybe tomorrow I'll bake up some tuna and wrap it up in week old work socks my husband sweats through at work.

I'll make sure to sit right across from you, too.

Seat nazi

I swear to God, I am not this bad:

Russian cop shoots man who refused to give up train seat

Money

There's a $5 bill on the floor near my feet. I just noticed it and I can't stop staring at it. I don't need $5, but do I pick it up? There's only me sitting in this corner of Hell on the 10:13 (or 22:13 in GO-Train time).

Okay, I'm picking it up ... (put phone down).

Someone once told me that handling money is akin to handling used medical gloves.

Who knows where this $5 has been?

(Pause)

I remember when you used to be able to withdraw $5 from bank machines.

(Later)

I donated the $5 to the Camp Fund box at Tim Horton's as I drove home from the GO station.

I wonder how dirty that Camp Fund box is with all that dirty money in it?

If I were to buy the CSI kit at Toys R Us that swears on the box I'd be just like a CSI detective, I wonder if I can white light all the money in that Camp Fund box and how long would it take before one of the coffee keepers calls the police?

(This is hilarious to me after about five Amaretto Sours and now close to 2 in the morning)

See what this crazy train does to me?

---

Originally written some time in October of 2009 well after midnight on a Friday night

---

Transformer

There's a man woman who rides from Whitby to Union each morning who looks like a transformer. I don't mean she's a bus that turns into an ice cream scoop but I am 100% certain that camel toe is more of a very well contained camel hump. I'm too chicken to post a photo and also because he she seems like a really nice person and I'm not a really mean person. Just a really curious one. Does this make me evil? That I even think to question these things? It's just ... well, those hands are HUGE. Plus he's she's almost 6 foot 6. Maybe I am a bad person?

"More than meets the eye" ... I'm going straight to hell, aren't I?

---

Originally written September 11, 2009

---

Vomit comet

I'm on the last train out of Union after a long day at work and a night out with a former co-worker of mine. Apparently there are a few of us who got their drink on this evening. I know my limit and it was two Amaretto Sours six hours ago. The woman across from me is with her boyfriend? husband? friend? They've got a bottle of vodka and a 2-Litre bottle of Sprite and two sport bottles. They've been slamming back drinks since we all got on at Union. I've moved as far back as possible so I can observe them and I am 100% certain the guy is gonna hurl. We've just left Ajax. I didn't even think it was possible for a white person to look that shade of green. I'm telling you ... any second now ... awww for god's sake. He took off his boot and just puked in it. What the hell? Oh good christ, he's coming this way towards the bathroom so I'm going to book it right about now ...

---

Originally written August 15, 2008

---

Old GO

This popped into my mailbox after my post about the trains I like that have seats with the super-wide headrests.

At one time, commuters sat in doctor office chairs for the ride - back in 1967. And they rode uphill the whole way, too.

I'm just going to have to assume the photo is authentic and that it's not stolen from anyone making serious coin from it.

Service cat

I'm on the 7:13 out of Union sitting in a car with two roommates/friends/lovers/sisters who, according to their chatter, have adopted a cat from the Toronto Humane Society. The cat is in a carrier on the seat opposite them. The cat is mad. Probably because he wants them both to shut the hell up so he can ride in peace like the rest of us.
This cat is not meowing.
This cat is screaming.
As we reach Eglinton, a man gets on and sits on the other side of them.
I think he's allergic to cats. At Rouge Hill, he leans over and asks them if they got permission to bring the cat on the train.
An argument ensues.
Finally one of the ladies stands up and yells, "This cat is a service cat who helps me smell!"

---

Originally written November 22, 2009.

UPDATE
A note from the lady who owns 'Service Cat'.

Traveling boot

In rolled the 5:20 tonight into Union and despite all of you jokers clearly noticing the wayward boot occupying a seat on the first car of the upper level, none of you could bring yourselves to remove it and tuck it under the seat. So here's this crowded train and the only seat available has a boot on it that looks like the one the Friendly Giant wore. I contemplated being the one to remove it until this little elderly lady came up the stairs and spotted the seat with the boot. Picking it up, she examined it and then said to the people occupying the seat next to her and those opposite her, "Thanks for saving me a seat," and threw the boot under her.

You go on with your bad self.

---

Originally written January 14, 2010

Oral hygiene

Watching a guy today who took two water bottles from his bag - one empty and one full. Next out came a toothbrush and toothpaste. He used one bottle to wet his brush and proceeded to brush his teeth all the while staring out the window. He then took a swig from the first water bottle, swished, and then spit into the empty water bottle.

If he pulls out soap and a sponge, I'm getting off at Pickering.

---

Originally written June 9, 2008

Hiatus! But don't worry, there's still lots of crazy!

I'm on vacation next week but I have a whole bag of old Facebook status updates to post automatically to keep all 50 of you entertained.

Thank you for spreading the word so quickly about this site and it continues to gain riders-, I mean readership, every day.

Oshawa trash

Yes, that's what I will call this grotesque human being who rode the 5:20 out of Union tonight. If you were riding in the front car up top, you surely smelled and noticed him.

He snored. He farted. At one point no one was sitting near him as we pulled out of Pickering. He kept sighing loudly after Ajax and when we neared Oshawa, he began his rant about immigrants and "negroes" and "asians" and pointedly looked at two people on the train asking them where they were born and if they could speak English.

I stood up for you both because people like him don't have a right to spread their racist hate. Maybe you thought I was only making the situation worse but I don't back down from a bully. He had no right to talk like that and when he started on about "n-gg-rs bleeding the welfare system dry", I had enough. Plus, him telling me that a woman in his day knew her place didn't help my anger.

I'm sorry if you felt "I should have said nothing" but why does he get to speak and I don't?

Think about it.

Cold

I have the worst sinus cold ever. Everyone is pissing me off this morning. I'm sorry.

Foot

I can understand your feet must be tired after a long day at the office but holy hell, it's one thing to slip your shoes off, it's another to rest your foot on the heater and bake your stank so we all smell it.

D-

4:25

It's a baby jesus christmas miracle! Not only did I manage to leave work early to catch the 4:25, I also got a seat and ... AND ... Guess who I'm sitting beside? A coughing woman who thinks saying 'ahem' after every. single. cough. makes it less annoying.

WRONG.

Chatty Cathy

Lord help me. Why do people feel compelled to tell their life stories at 8 in the morning?

2314

This car smells like ass and doritos.
I am 100% certain something is dead or is dying in the bathroom ...

Sweet

The elderly couple who got on this morning asked me how to find their seat numbers on their ticket.
I told them they could sit anywhere they wanted.
So they're sitting next to me and surprisingly, I'm enjoying their company.

Bag rider

Got another joker here who doesn't understand her bags don't ride for free.
Packed train and she proceeds to make a big dramatic production of moving her bags after another PAYING customer politely said 'excuse me'
You're all dirty linebackers who do this.

Tone

Jesus Murphy.
Go home, find the manual for your phone and learn how to shut off your keypad so I'm not listening to what sounds like a dozen long distance calls to China when you're texting furiously.

Dude, if you were too lazy to grab your own FREE newspaper, you can't read over my shoulder. And you most certainly can't talk to me about the article we're BOTH READING it seems. Yes, I put the paper down so I could blog about you. Bugger!

Short

Oh dear.
Little Miss Cougar? That skirt is way too short because the whole train can see what you're selling.

Reliving your youth need not involve a pink thong sliced through cottage cheese.

Drink

Because you jokers drive me to drink.
My personal stash.
It comforts me on the nights after I've dealt with fellow passenger nonsense.

Linked

Thanks!

http://go-transit.blogspot.com/ picked me up!

I should do a blogroll too, it's only fitting! Stay tuned.

Favourite seats!

I hate the blue vinyl ones in the older cars. I like these because of the comfy and wide headrests.

The vinyl seats numb my butt cheeks ...

Ear

I just watched a guy take his hearing aid from his ear, put it in his mouth, suck on it, and then put it back into his ear.

Okay then.

9:13

I saw you eat your banana tonight on the 9:13 and when finished, you took the peel, wrapped it in a discarded "24 Newspaper" and wedged it between the seat and wall.

Your legs looked perfectly fine to me yet your sorry ass couldn't be transported to the garbage can. Piggies like you annoy me which is why I got up, approached you, retrieved your garbage and threw it out for you. Deliberately right in front of you.

Why? BECAUSE I HATE THE SMELL OF ROTTING BANANA PEEL and there was no way I was smelling that rank all the way to Oshawa!

You bum.

So I moved seats ...

After listening to this for 10 minutes, I got up and moved downstairs.

Now stuck because I like to sit, not stand, I got to listen to this - click here - for the next 25 minutes, all the way to Union.

Sigh. Moving seats also meant I lost sight of chapstick man.

Like ... ya ... like

*** Like, ya, this course, you know, like she's got us drawing and like, I think it's crazy.
Ya. You know?!! (Cackle) Like, there's no time at night, you know? ***


Why, why must you talk like that?

No, I don't know, so, like, shut the hell up, ok?!

Lips

There's this guy who I don't recognize but who has the air of someone heading to a job interview who has applied chap stick to his lips four times in the past minute.
I like watching him do it.
Yes, you go on and slather that on some more ...
I bet it tastes like cherry.

Swearing mom

I took the 5:53 tonight and didn't have enough juice on my phone to power a blog entry during the ride.

And then I started to watch "Your Kid Ate What?!" on TLC after dinner and zoned out in front of the TV until now. I can say I plan on burning every wire hanger in my house this weekend after what I saw.

I just want to say to this to the ladies, if you have predominant 'pepperonies', white tank tops are best left at home.

If you don't know what I mean, take a look at a certain part of your boobies in the mirror ... do you get it now?

Good. Cover em' up. It's distracting.

I can't help but stare.

Oh, and to the swearing mom who told half of the coach I was on to "F*ck off" because there weren't any seats where she and her 8 year old daughter could sit together, all you had to do was kindly ask one any of us to switch or move.

We would have gladly obliged as many of us weren't paying attention to you. Because, you know, the world doesn't revolve around you. We're not mindreaders.

Your language and outburst was uncalled for.

What example are you setting for your kid?

Guest Entry - Rosa from Whitby

Rosa wants all you jokers coughing and hacking on the train to either invest in a mask, use your sleeve or stay the hell home.

Dog

As I exited the train at Union and the people traveling to Aldershot got on, a man with a seeing guide dog struggled through the crowd.

Unbelievable and ignorant, a woman angrily shouted at him as he pressed past her (it's not like people were accommodating him) and his yellow Labrador dog brushed her coat.

'Dogs shouldn't be allowed on trains!' She hollered. I was right behind her.

I whirled around and said, 'Thank god he's blind. It saves him from having to see what the face of ignorance looks like!'

Wow, lady. Really? He heard you, you know.

I bet you made his whole morning.

Seat hog

How kind of you snoring-while-in-a-coma lady to have your big fat purse taking up a seat so this elderly lady who got on at Scarborough had nowhere to sit.

Oh, it's ok, I gave her my seat so you could keep on snoring undisturbed.

I recorded you snoring - have a listen!

Your bag can't ride on another commuter's dime!

French fries

On the 5:20 outta Union... ever noticed how McDonalds' smells disgusting when other people are eating it but when you eat it, it's bloody delicious?

30 Days Redux

Dude who can't learn Mandarin Chinese in 30 days just lapsed into a coma.

Mystery solved!

30 Days

This gentleman I see occasionally from Whitby is reading a book called "Learn Mandarin Chinese in 30 Days".

I saw him reading that same book this past summer...

Your backpack ...

Will be my own personal football if it touches my lap ONE MORE TIME.

You dirty linebacker.

Bulls

Riders who charge down the centre aisles swinging their bags and other personal luggage against people like a retarded bull in a china shop should be kicked in the shins.

It's not a football field. Holy Christ.

Yes please. Send in your beefs! Looking to hear from Ajax GO Train commuters ...

Eleanor had this to say about Ajax 'people' and the mad sprinting y'all do from the train to the parking lot. The goal is to be first out of the lot, everyone else be damned!

Women are shoved aside, frail elderly men are tossed like bowling pins as y'all barrel down the stairs. Mothers cry, 'You go on without me!' as children are swept up by the crowd.

During storms, there's little time to clean off cars and drivers rely on 19-inch round holes in windshields to navigate the lot. Pedestrians be damned! You may be dead but at least I made it home by 5:30!!!

Is Ajax really that bad?

Bed

It seems I'm a pillow for the jerk next to me.
Why do men of great girth ALWAYS sit next to me?
It wouldn't be so bad if they splashed on a little bit of Old Spice. This guy smells like week-old bacon.

Open House

The lady two rows over from me is telling her friend about the open house she had this past Sunday. Apparently stocking your kitchen with hundreds of bottles of wine gives potential home buyers the impression you have expensive tastes... Or you're an alcoholic.