Are we riding on a traaaAAAIIINNN? On a traaaAAACCCKKK?

This morning, there was a boy about 7 riding into Toronto with his mother. True, this young lad spoke at a volume best suited for a bar on a night when a live band is playing, but was it not obvious he had some "issues"?

Perhaps I pick up on this faster than others because I have a sister who is developmentally-delayed. But I totally get how annoying it was that he ended every sentence that was a question by drawing out the last word and in a higher decibel. Yeah, that got old pretty quick.

It didn't help that his mother was encouraging him by having him talk to his dad on her Blackberry for most of the train ride.

This is probably not a daily jaunt for them so she wasn't wise to how the mornings 'go' on a train.

It's 40 minutes many won't get back but at least it's not a daily assault.

Parking fail

I don't own either of these vehicles, but the person driving the champagne coloured Buick SUV apparently doesn't give a rat's ass about dividing lines unless the person driving the blue sedan is a midget.

I'm going with the Buick driver being the a-hole parking fail.

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Thanks to K.R. for the photo from the Oshawa GO lot.

Easy on the announcements, bro

Roger W. sent an email (cj@thiscrazytrain.com) about the "doors not opening" announcements for Whitby. He writes:

Does anyone else think that the number of announcements from GO transit on the Union outbound train are ridiculous?
The number of times that the Whitby train cars not opening is announced while the train is stopped followed by an announcement upon leaving Union, followed by several other announcements. It seems like GO transit could simplify the message, make it shorter and make it more likely to be heard. Less is more in this case.

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Dude, you totally have a point. People tune it out. What I enjoy are the ones who ride to Oshawa, having missed Whitby, all distraught - claiming they never heard the announcements. That's funny, considering how many times those poor customer service ambassadors have to say them.

Secret book

I took this picture last week and forgot about it until tonight.

I so badly want to know what this woman was reading and what was so scandulous about it that she wrapped, taped and covered the front and back covers with white paper.

Hi, I really enjoued our meetingth zzzzzz hapis thrysl

Tonight I busted my ass to catch the 5:20 only to miss it and had to resort to taking the 5:53.

I had really hoped the pics I took of the guy beside me sleep-emailing would turn out so I could show the hot mess of an email he was writing to a co-worker. He struggled to pound it out while dozing off.

He wrote: "Hi Christine, I really enjoued our meetingth zzzzzz hapis thrysl wth."

Every so often he'd regain consciousness and start typing again. His next line was "Liy hock meup frthhj tomrow."

By Pickering he was in a coma. I was tempted to reach over and press send on his Blackberry. But then I had visions of his career being ruined and of him packing up his office which lead to his kids holding a yard sale selling off their toys so the hydro bill could be paid, and I decided against it.

I poked him awake at Oshawa.

Whitby GO is a Hollywood starlet that needs fine tuning

I've got a follow up to the GO antics post from last week.

Sources tell me that Whitby's north parking lot is being shut down not to piss off the people who park there but because the pavement is tired and old.

Like Madonna, it needs work to stay young so a parking contractor has been hired to buff it out so it's pretty and smooth again. Apparently, only 2,400 people make use of the 4,000 spaces available in the parking garage so everyone should be okay in the following weeks.

I still think a sit-in should happen. Just for the corn cob guy alone.

I should have punted her backpack across the aisle

Yesterday, on the 5:10, there were 2 seats left on the coach I hopped on just before the train closed its doors. One lady took one and I took the remaining one.

The woman sitting across from me had her large, blue backpack in front of her feet giving me no room to put my feet in front of me. This left me to sit awkwardly with my legs spread wide, similar to a sitting birthing position.

It wasn't a ladylike position so I politely asked if she would move her backpack to under her seat. She told me it wouldn't fit. I said it probably would. She said perhaps I may want to sit somewhere else? Then she sucked her teeth and looked pointedly around her with a "Can you believe this b*tch?" expression on her face.

I didn't even hide that I was taking photos. Eventually, I brought my feet together and pushed them under her backpack. She didn't like that and gave me a dirty look. I buried my head into my book.

When she got off at Ajax, the woman beside me told me this woman actually had her backpack on the seat I was sitting on and that she had asked her to move it.

She apologized saying she probably put her in a bad mood before I got on.

This I don't understand. Why in the hell do people lose their marbles over someone asking them to be courteous? When did this become a problem?

Generally people are pretty good about moving items when asked. People who are not must be hardcore car commuters who can't believe they're on a commuter train because their car broke down where, god forbid, they have to share space.

Please wait on the tracks, your train will be here momentarily

Reader TomW emailed in expressing his concern about the contradictory warnings/notifications read out in the mornings on the LE.

Customer Service Ambassador Tom (God love him, with his voice that cracks like a 12 year old boy) likes to remind us all on the 7:53 out of Oshawa to "not cross tracks at platform level because high speed trains may pass at anytime, and it's dangerous and illegal" but he wants those looking to stop at stations between Pickering and Union to get off at Pickering and wait on Track #3 for a connecting train.

Kind of like that scene in the movie Stand By Me .... "Traaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnnnnn!"

More than meets the eye

Ever had a time where you're staring at a person and you can't tell if you're staring at a man or woman?

I know this is wrong but I can't tell. The clothes say man but the face ...

By the way, you jokers on the 5:53 need to lay off the bananas. Gag.

Ah-choo gross

Rita wrote in via text message to 9054420352 to tell those who sneeze that it's common courtesy to excuse yourself, especially if you manage to sneeze all over fellow passengers.

Apparently Rita found herself the target of a projectile cootie. It landed on her coat. The other person was oblivious. Rita is disgusted beyond belief and has been unable to eat all day.

Please don't feed the rhinos

I'm looking to take the 5:20 today so I can avoid the wet rhino from yesterday.

I've outed myself to three people on that train. Jill (not her real name), Charlotte (not her real name) and Gary, who *wants* me to use his real name. He was so excited when he emailed me telling me he had "figured me out". Thing is, I don't know who Gary is so I don't know what to expect. Is he going to jump me? Tackle me? Buy me flowers?

Jill was equally clever.

This tells me I need to keep my mouth shut.

I expect you all to come sit with me.

No I don't.

Turtle

Submitted by text message to 9054420352

Hi. I'm coming in from Richmond Hill. The woman next to me is carrying a turtle.

Me: Cool!? Can you get a photo?

I can try.

Me: If you can't, don't sweat it.

I've never used this feature on my phone. She has the turtle in a glad container with the lid off.

Me: Maybe she's a biologist

I think you're thinking of frogs.

Me: Er ... ?

Like in high school when we had to take frogs apart.

Me: I dunno about you but we never used frogs as Lego in my high school.

You're funny. I know what you're doing here.

Me: What?

Trying to make me look dumb

Me: Never. Can you manage a photo?

I can't get it to work

Me: Okay, no worries

I never seen anyone carry a turtle before

Me: Maybe it's a seeing-eye turtle? Does it have a leash?

Ha ha. No. That's too funny. She's probably a teacher or it's being given away.

Me: Or, she found it!

Lunch!

Interesting

According to my site statistics, 47% of the 200 daily repeat readers - I know, shocking, it's not just my mom who reads this site - use a mobile device to access this website.

So I have to ask. Is it mobile-friendly enough? Do photos load? Any issues I need to know?

SIGHmon says

via email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

First of all, I really like this website!!

Why thank you. I'm here everyday!

I am on the Lakeshore W. train every day, and we need more posts from there haha.

The floor is yours, Sighmon.

This is to those people who refuse to let anyone "in" when trying to get out of your seats and into the aisle to get off the train.

Ah yes, the dirty lineblockers!

The people who purposely pretend that no one else exists and makes every attempt to block anyone from getting in... seriously.. that 1.3 seconds it would take to let someone in, would probably do a lot for your Karma.

Word, bro.

Keep your wetness to yourself

I caught the 5:10 tonight.
I sat on an outside seat which meant I'd have to swing my legs to let window lovers in.

One window lover in particular dragged her sopping wet umbrella across my lap. I was wearing brown pants. I now looked like I had pissed myself. Then, she struggled to pull off her enormous coat and clocked me in the head with her elbow. So I spoke up and asked her if she would like to sit on the outside seat. She declined.

It took her almost 10 minutes to get settled. Then her friend showed up. This friend had a bad and serious case of stale cigarette breath. The kind of breath you would imagine one would get if they licked an ashtray clean. A huge discussion about autism ensued. Waft after waft of cigarette wind enveloped me like Aretha Franklin at a buffet table. I resorted to breathing into my jacket collar.

The rhino next to me was also using my side girth as her personal arm rest which annoyed me to no end. Oshawa couldn't come fast enough.

After Whitby, I was able to move and sit away from them. The guy who sitting in the opposite window seat, I had noticed, had cranked up his music and I could make out every lyric to the song he was listening to. I'm sure the mind-numbing autism conversation was more than he could handle.

Then, as we're exiting the train at Oshawa, rhino says loudly for everyone to hear, "Loud enough for ya?" And smirks, pleased with herself.

Cue my opportunity for a dig.

"Sometimes people jack up their music", I say, "so they don't have to listen to people like you."

And then I sprinted off the train. Because I read somewhere that rhinos, although they look harmless, can kill.

You're a piece of poo

Submitted by text message to 9054420352

Today I rode in from Richmond Hill on a later train. This woman had her son with her who kept running back and forth down the aisle telling passengers they were "pieces of poo".
Eventually he came up to me and called me a "piece of poo". So I looked at him and said, "No, you're a piece of poo." Suddenly his mother, who has so far been oblivious to her son's existence, screams at me, "Don't you DARE talk to my son like that!!!"

The kid stuck his tongue out at me. I then had a fantasy of hanging him outside the doors of the train as we sped along, but like you've said, I didn't, because I don't like jail.

Symphony of crickets

I wish!

This morning I was surrounded by three snoring people. One of them was a train buddy.

Awkward.

Go antics!

No, that's not a cheer for some obscure football team.

There's crap going down at Whitby GO station and if you're one of the poor sods who already has to schlep their ass to the back of the train each night so you can at least get off "due to platform construction and the following four coach's whose doors won't open", you're going to love this piece of news.

GO is shutting down the north-end parking lot. I don't know why they are. I've had two texts this morning telling me this was the news swirling around the platform.

I realize they built the fancy parking garage complete with LED sign that tells you how many cars are parked on each level (I have a friend that uses those numbers as her Pick3 lotto numbers), so I suppose it's felt the north lot isn't necessary or maybe it's related to the construction.

I feel your pain, Whitby folks. It's gonna get ugly.

I suggest a sit-in, complete with signs, guitars, incense, a dude in a corn cob costume and aging hippies. A good chant of "Hell no, we won't go" should suffice.

Steve's bag rider

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

The story behind this guy on the Barrie train (which is ALWAYS packed) is that I told him while we were waiting at Union to leave that he should get his bag off the seat as the train fills up fast and gets crowded. Get this, he told me he was saving the seat for his friend. He told this to at least 7 people and even one woman told him off because after we started moving, she asked him to move his backpack because his friend wasn't on the train. He ignored her and turned his music up.

So we made fun of him and his "imaginary" friend the whole train ride. What a douche.

I'd never seen this guy before so he's obviously a daytripper. I was tempted to move his bag for him.

Hello? Housekeeping!

This lady got upset at me that I hadn't "groomed" the train for her prior to her boarding at Scarborough. There was a Renter's Classified on the seat next to me. It wasn't mine but I was scoffed at. Hairy eyeballed, even!

I didn't realize that was my job. I moved it for her but she got all pissy and went and sat somewhere else.