Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Okay folks. Gather round my safety circle for a minute. I want to talk to you about grooming and the nasty crap some of you jokers do on trains.

Stop picking your dandruff with your nails and then smelling it. If it's really that bad, send away for a mail order monkey or invest in some better shampoo.

Don't clean your ears with a pen and then examine your wax in front of me. I have enough candles. Thanks.

Don't chew the skin around your nails and then spit out what you just landscaped.

File your nails at your kitchen table. While your family is eating. Let me know how that works out for you.

Look, I get that you have bacne (acne on the shoulders and back) but don't subject me to your show and tell. The grossest thing anyone can ever do on public transit is pop a zit and then examine what was delivered.

Yes, you have dry lips. Pick at them while you're in your car driving home. There's nothing worse than watching someone flick their snakeskin onto the floor.

Don't even think about clipping your nails in front of me or near me.

And lastly, a credit card is not how your dentist wants you to floss.

You dirty linebackers.


Kelly said...

Can we add in this?

Don't pluck your eyebrows all the way from Whitby to Danforth and wipe the little hairs off on your hand. I'm not as confident as you that they'll stay there.

I had a girl do that in front of me this week. Eww!

C.J. Smith said...

No plucking - anything. Ever.