Wednesday, March 9, 2011

"The matter at hand is not a laughing one" - I'll be the judge of that!

If you're new to the site or need to catch up, here's the background for this post.

Subject: Warning

Date: Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 4:21 PM

Dear Ms. Smith,

It has been brought to my attention that you are using the likeness and persona of my client on your website, without expressed written consent from my client.
This email is to serve notice that you have 24 hours to remove the offending photos or face further repercussion.

Pxxx Sxxxxxxxxx

Date: Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 5:35 PM

Dear ... Er, crap, I forgot your name already.

I get like that sometimes. Like, once I went into Costco for a loaf of bread, a container of milk and stick of butter and I walked out with a 52-inch Plasma tv instead. Boy was my mom mad!

But seriously, I'd love to help you with this request of yours, but you failed to disclose who your client is or what photos you're referring to... Oh snap... is this about the Garlic Crunch cereal box?

I feel privileged that you've emailed me from your personal email account, being all fancy-like with the word "law" in it, which is reassuring to me as I only like to deal with professional lawyers. I mean, why use fancy letterhead, right?

CJ Smith

Date: Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 5:53 PM

My client is Kxxxx Pxxxxx and despite how funny you think you are, the matter at hand is not a laughing one.

It's my understanding that your logo now contains his likeness and is causing him stress and embarrassment.

He has indulged you by participating in your online forum with the hope that friendliness would persuade you to stop targeting him.

I am in the process of having your telephone number traced so I can obtain a mailing address for you in order to send the lawsuit.

Good day.

Date: Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 7:03 PM

Dear Mr. Sandman (not his real name),

This is the best laugh I've had in a while. Thank you.

I wasn't aware that blurry arms and semi-clenched fists constitute a trademark. Please forward Mr. Pxxxx's trademark information to my lawyer Mr. Howard Bigfird at and he will determine if I am in violation of any copyright or ownership of said body parts.

I hope KP likes baseball. Watch out for those flying bats, bro.

Original photo here
(Caption: Brooklyn resident, Mitch Davie, catches Atlanta Braves' Dan Uggla's rebel flying bat at a spring-training baseball game against the Toronto Blue Jays on Friday, March 4, 2011 in Kissimmee, Florida, without spilling his beer. Unknown man in grey hoodie waits patiently for a foul ball.)


Anonymous said...

I guess confidentiality is lost on you.

Anonymous said...

just googled his name - he's an entertainment (LOL) lawyer in TO...

C.J. Smith said...

Please. You're as much of a lawyer as my cat.

To 2nd Anonymous, doubtful it's the same guy. I'm pretty sure it's KP's mom who signed up with a random Google account.

Kaylaa Claudusz #Ajax said...

On the interwebs, and with the ability to create email accounts on the fly, I can be a lawyer too!

Anonymous said...

careful, CJ. The 'real' cat that you photoshopped might get wind of the unauthorized pic you've posted of him...and contact lawyer-paul!

C.J. Smith said...

I've masked the (cough) lawyer's (cough) name seeing as I don't need issues with the other law dude of the same name.

CJ's friend said...

isn't that really your cat, Howie?

kary said...

Who is this joker anyway? Was he sitting on the GO with his arms up, like he was on a roller-coaster?

Please remind me why we should care about him.
I remember his previous idle threat, but I don't recall how his paranoia started.

C.J. Smith said...

Kary! Welcome back! How was the vacay?

KP is the dude who was photographed passed out drunk on the train.

P.PICKLER said...


C.J. Smith said...

Yes, that's really my cat, Howie.

Dan-1 said...

His alleged lawyer must be a real pro if he has to use a G-mail account.

This is about as funny as "Officer Bubbles" suing all the Youtube commenters on that G20 video.

Anonymous said...

Lmao!! Cannot believe this asshat is still carrying on...
Love love love your sense of humour and your awesome photoshop abilities!


C.J. Smith said...

Yeah, the gmail account kinda threw a wrench in the plan to look "credible". I swear, this blog writes itself.

C.J. Smith said...

Thanks! :)

Anonymous said...

Oh hes credible alright! Everytime i see the waving arms I chant "YEAHHHHHHH!" In my head, this is never going to get old.


terrible momma said...

oh my goodness, this is so righteous! somewhere in south Oshawa, KP is sobbing into his grey hoodie screaming, 'Why?' 'Why?' at the top of his lungs. i love the look on the woman's face in the red t-shirt next to him. even though she was cringing from the bat being thrown it looks like she's expecting KP to blow chunks.

Sylv said...

He wants your mailing address in order to send the lawsuit? A statement of claim is to be served by personal service - so put directly in your hand, not mailed to you. But I guess being a lawyer and all he knows that, right? Right?

Richard said...

Well, nice of KP to raise legal issues. Wonder what a real lawyer would think if say, someone created a fake gmail account and sent emails claiming to be that lawyer. Not saying that is the case here, since lots of lawyers in Canada use "attorny-at-law" and not the old stuffy titles like barrister and solicitor.

RonNasty said...

KP is nowhere near as interesting as the cigar guy (

I still don't see how anyone could recognize him (unless he was passed out on the train, and even then I wouldn't be 100 per cent it was him).

Jamie said...

CJ + 100 internets to you! To quote a Sienfeld episode, "this is gold Jerry, gold!"

Please don't stop!

rob said...

maybe i'm chicken but if i got an email like that i would have totally been freaked out. to the average person it seems very legit especially when very few people know how legal stuff works. i guess cj is just smarter than average.

C.J. Smith said...

Hey Rob aka KP who bought himself a dictionary ...

Really? The minute I saw the gmail account, I knew.

Todd said...

Yes, interesting he says he's having your number traced. That doesn't sound very "legal". The appropriate statement would be he's obtaining a court order to force your wireless provided to release your personal details. I really doubt KP is going to pay the thousands of dollars required to obtain a court order.

I have seen some professionals use gmail as an email address. They are business people and want to keep their costs down. My real estate lawyer uses a email address.

Anonymous said...

haha his lawyer is probably hammered too.

Anonymous said...

haha his lawyer is probably hammered too.

Tech guy said...

It cost $9 to register a domain name and carry mail through Google (via GoDaddy).

If I got an email from a person using a free webmail account claiming to be a lawyer with no further contact information, I'd call B.S. as well.

Sylv said...

CJ, check the listing on the Law Society's website to see if he is legit:

Anonymous said...

Off topic - Howie is one heck of a handsome dude!

Donna said...

@ Rob


Anonymous said...

I just heard you on CBC Radio talking about KP! The site is great, keep up the good work! KP should not have drunk so much and passed out!