This pictorial is better if you hum "Eye of The Tiger" from Rocky as you read it

Bum. Bah da bum. Ba da bummmmmmmm ... bah da bum ... Got it? Good. Keep reading.

See the door donkey? Complete with knapsack on the floor? The train is boarding. Door donkey changes position. This isn't good enough for me. It's obvious he doesn't plan on sitting. More people get on. More people begin to crowd around the door. It's now 7 minutes to departure. I'm getting angrier. I feel like I should say something. I feel like .... I .... must ... become ... the door police. You know how people say don't get your knickers in a knot? Well, this is guy is so annoyed with the door donkeys as he tries to get by, his pants are wedged into his ass. Finally, I lose it.

I step into the doorway (this is the 5:10pm LSE train, I was waiting for the 5:20 pm LSE train) and ask the door donkeys why, if they know they plan to stand, do they feel they are entitled to block the doorway, causing congestion and forcing people to maneuver their way around them? I asked they extend the courtesy of staying on the platform and boarding when the train is full or at least move into the aisle. Then they can block the door all they want.

So what happened?

I was first greeted with stunned looks, then surprise, then indignation. Apparently, according to door donkeys, since they were on the train first, they are entitled to stake their spot even if they choose to stand. That ain't right, I said. It's rude and a hazard. What a bunch of assholes. Seriously.

I say to others, stop putting up with this B.S. Speak up. Even more aggravating is to listen to door donkeys complain when other passengers step on their feet while boarding or make contact with them. Really?

Grow up.

Ever notice how the door donkeys are the first to board and the last to get off?

Hi CJ. I recently came across your This Crazy Train blog and love what you're doing. I thought I would share this picture of a group of "door donkeys"...

Jan 29 10:08am

... that travel the 4:10 LSE train. People boarding the train have to carefully maneuver themselves through the doors every night but clearly they don't ...

Jan 29 10:08am

.. care. Worst thing is that these jack***es don't even get off on the first stop..I think Oshawa or Whitby is their stop. I would love to see you post...

Jan 29 10:08am

this picture so they can see people are noticing. .. probably won't change their behaviour either. Keep up the great work CJ.....Kim

Jan 29 10:08am

Jan 29 10:08am

Hi Kim
How did you take these photos without drawing attention to yourself? Did you stop before the stairwell?
I've had door donkeys attack me in the past for calling out this behaviour. I just need to determine this isnt a setup

Jan 29 10:12am

Hi CJ.. I just stood against the opposite door and pretended to be playing around with my phone. . Had to make sure I turned off the flash though. Worked...

Jan 29 10:16am

great... I've been taking the train for over 15 years now and cannot believe how much ruder and inconsiderate people have become. Love your blog!!

Jan 29 10:16am

I feel bad for asking but I have to. Credibility is important and well, you have it because that's how I would have approached a maneuver to snap off a few

Jan 29 10:22am

No problem. .I understand. Hopefully 'outing' these people will have an impact. I know... wishful thinking.

Jan 29 10:24am

I wil post. The site is dry as a desert despite tons of footrider submissions which I grow bored of real quick. I really appreciate that you took the time to document what many find is an annoying practice.

***NOTE TO SOME FOLKS WHO WILL READ THIS AND THROW SOME SIDE EYE AT ME: Please continue to submit photos of footriders. I put them into a folder and whip them out when I'm raging. They are also being collected for a side project. Please don't feel I don't appreciate your pictures, but this site can't all be about footriders, footriders and footriders. 

Jan 29 10:24am

I like to feel the same. I convince myself all the time nobody is reading the site which is how I psyche myself up to be bold and just throw pictures up. However the metrics I get and the emails/texts I get tell a different story LOL This is why I drink.

Jan 29 10:25am

So this showed up on the Kitchener line today

On Monday, before the Great GO Flood of 2013 hit the system, I was on the 4:53 pm LSE express listening to the door donkeys natter on about the Quiet Zone roll-out across all GO corridors.

Keep in mind, these are adults. These are also adults that have been asked several times over the years by other passengers to keep their voices down during the ride home - myself included. There are two crowds of door donkeys, the bar crowd and the party crowd. The bar crowd rides in one coach and the party crowd rides in another. I split my time between the two coaches to ensure I'm gracing them with my presence equally.  

These, cough, adults, cough (one of them is apparently a lawyer at a big Bay Street firm) go out of their way to be obnoxious on purpose to rattle those of us who have confronted them. I sit where I sit to demonstrate I could give zero shits about what they think about me. 

Monday, one donkey decided to read aloud to the whole train the article in the evening paper about the Quiet Zone roll-out and offered commentary as he went. If he thought he was being funny, he wasn't.

Of course, like the good ol' days in high school, his door donkey friends laughed and slapped him on the back because he's just awesome like that. Then they kicked it up into high gear and began plotting how they would thwart any attempt at a Quiet Zone on the 4:53 LSE train.

These people are also parents. It really makes you wonder what kind of role models they are to their own children and the kind of advice they dish out.

These door donkeys have probably bred a whole new generation of foot riders, stair pigs, triple Ds and bag riders. Children who show the finger to drivers turning on green lights as they run across a clearly marked red one. Children who feel entitled to behave badly because no one taught them what it means to be courteous and respectful towards others.

So it's great the Quiet Zone has made its way to other corridors but unless GO makes attempts to "police" it, those big window stickers are a big waste of money.

Two tickets, yet still crossing tracks

From Anonymous

Hi CJ,

Everyday on the 4:18pm Stouffville train there are these 4 (sometimes 5 woman) that get up and walk from the second car to the front one right after the train leaves Unionville so that they can be the first that get off at Markham Station (where they proceed to run across the tracks while the train gates are down, red lights going and bells tolling).

These door donkeys block the aisle and door everyday. Usually I just ignore them but last Thursday I was quite in awe when I saw them purposely block the door while this poor woman was stopped from getting off at Centennial. The 4 door donkeys just stood there with their hoofs firmly planted looking as if they did no wrong. One of them even giggled as if it was funny.

This poor lady, however, was not impressed and rather than yell at them, she calmly called her husband to tell him what happened. What was fantastic is that another lady saw what happened and immediately asked if she could give the woman a ride back to Centennial. The 4 donkeys pretended not to hear.

Today I overheard the donkeys complaining that one of their donkey friends received a SECOND ticket this month by the GO Transit police ($175 I think) for crossing the tracks while the gates where down. They know that the Transit police are at Markham and they still run across the road in front of the train. Not sure if anyone from GO reads this site but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send your boys out at 5:00pm to Markham to catch these women (who run to the east side of the road). Please? It would make my week! 

Karma, baby. Karma

Battle of the Door Donkeys

I love stories like these. They warm my heart and make we want to pick roses from my garden and braid them into my hair.

Joanne writes:

Yesterday I took the 453 lse, first car, the train was 70% full but there was this group of female door donkeys standing right in front of the doorway, ignoring people trying to get on. So I step up onto the train, into this wall of donkeys, and just stand there because this shit gets old real quick and these asshats are really starting to piss me off. It's like this every damn day...
With a poker face, I just stand there. Finally donkey door bitch #1 moves over and as I head up the stairs, I hear her call out, "Excuse me would be nice" - something to this affect. If there wasn't a line of people behind me I would have called her out on it.
So here's my message to the donkeys. I shouldn't have to excuse myself to you. You should excuse your own damn self and move the hell outta the way for those boarding. If people boarding the train inconvenience you and interrupt your epic conversation about changing the filter of the Brita bucket for your office kitchen, perhaps the bunch of you should stand on the platform and then get on the train before it leaves. Then you can all gather around the doors like roaches slurping up a puddle of water under a kitchen sink.
Thanks.

How hard is it to shut the door for the toilet?

Holy Hanna, folks. Some of you sure are lazy.

Maybe y'all enjoy the sour smell of your fresh deposits, but I don't.

The sliding doors don't shut behind you automatically. This isn't the grocery store. If you had to slide the door open, you have to slide the door shut.

So I got up, climbed over people, pushed past the door donkeys and shut the door.

Of course, when I'm mad and straight out of having been in Customer Service to deal with this morning's gong show, I'll say my peace and I preached fire and brimstone to the door donkeys too lazy to slide the door shut.

Smell aside, who wants to stare at a toilet?!
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Don't care if I start something, last night was ridiculous

I'm very much aware that most of the door donkeys who ride the first coach behind the locomotive home to Oshawa on every rush hour train between 3:30 and 5:30 do not like me.

I also know that a few of them peruse this website from time to time to see if I've had anything to say about any of them lately, and I haven't, because I've spent the past 18 months going out of my way to avoid them all. They are the reason I have commuter rage. They are the reason why I have to stifle the urge to throw a boob punch.

Last night, because of crowding, I somehow sheepled my way to the far eastern end of Platform 24 and wound up on the coach to hell, right behind the worst of the worst. The train was packed and there was no where to go when I got on, except to stand, near the door area, with my most favourite type of crazy train people.

Personal space? Not with these donkeys.

Trying to read a book? Not with these donkeys.

Trying to use your phone? Not with these donkeys.

Trying to listen to music? Not with these donkeys.

None of these people can stand still. They yell, as loud as they possibly can, to each other, and they talk. They talk about their day, their spouses, their television, their sporting events, their kids, their in-laws, their decorating styles, their wardrobes, their cars, their goal to find the cheapest hot dog buns in town, their dog's testicles, their nana's flatulence issues, their front steps, their key cutting experience, their dock is sinking and on... and on ... and on.

The volume on my phone just wasn't loud enough. I tried to drown them out with the Thompson Twins (King for a Day), Sly Fox (Let's Go All The Way), Level 42 (Something About You) and Tone Loc (Wild Thing).

I had to sidestep the flailing arms of one donkey as she demonstrated to the others how she tries to balance on her sinking dock. It's like she didn't notice or care that perhaps not all of us give a shit, or that someone might be behind her.

I went on a Twitter rage that my husband found impressive after she turned around at one point and asked me to turn my music down.

The worst. Train ride. Home. Ever.

Watch out for them Double Ds

Donna : Got on the 410, first car today. Full of Door Donkeys. One guy with a big knapsack standing smack in the middle of the door. Other door was clear but I stepped on said 'excuse me' and made him move. He did and I asked "do you have to stand and block the doorway!?" As I walked away he said "suck it up" to my back. Asshole. If he's there again tomorrow, I will repeat myself and if I get the same response, I'm gonna rip him a new one. I'm fed up with Door Donkeys!!!

---

That's right, folks, fight back. Reclaim the trains!

Departure Door Donkeys (Triple Ds) get what's due

Dakota writes:

I was on the 18:13 from Union tonight (Sunday). As usual there were departure door donkeys. The train arrived and the doors on the correct platform opened and the wrong platform did not. The Triple Ds were scrambling for the stairs. As they were about half way down the stairs, the departure doors suddenly opened and the Triple Ds raced back up to get on the train. They were complaining about the doors not opening.

I just laughed and laughed.

---

Good. No one owes these clowns a damn thing. Besides, everyone needs exercise. Whaddya expect, you donkeys? Why do you all act so indignant when the doors on the platform not designated to open do exactly that? Follow the rules, everyone goes home happy. The end.

The door donkeys hit a new low

Original picture has been edited at my discretion. Why?



They have now resorted to standing in the doorway of the toilet and inside the bathroom, while the train is boarding and in motion, because, you know, it's not like anyone would need to use it!

4:53 LSE. Every day this week.

When this notorious group of donkeys arrive at Union, most of them are on the platform well before the train arrives and hop on, nary copping a seat, and stand the whole time right in the doorway and in front of the stairs. These donkeys should wait on the platform, let people board and then scurry like ants to candy when the train is ready to leave and then they stand wherever they want.

I don't get the door blocking. I really don't. And this new practice of using the bathroom as additional floor space is just plain gross and inconsiderate. Not only do we have to ask people to move their crap off seats when we board trains, now we have to ask people to move out of the bathroom so we can urinate! And like I said, when these donkeys board, there are seats available.

Door Donkeys. Not good for my GO rage

I know I'm not alone when I express how irritated I get with the obnoxious volume of laughing and cackling expressed by these gangs of fleas.

They're everywhere. On the 4:10, the 4:25, the 4:53, the 5:10 and the 5:20 LSE trains.

Is it just the LSEs? Are there door donkeys on the LSW? Georgetown? I totally get the desire to want to hang with train friends but I take offense to harsh, loud profane language. I'm not implying that I don't drop the f-bomb myself but there was one woman last night on the 4:53 who couldn't go an entire sentence without "shit" and "fucken" dropped here and there.

When the rest of the train is quiet, cussing sticks out and comes across as incredibly low-class. I don't mind the odd cuss word for emphasis or to express anger but in a casual conversation? Is this a bar? Are you 17 and trying to impress everyone? I also think this one woman really thought she was entertaining and that all of us being subjected to her stories of cleaning her toilet with VIM after she vomits from a night out drinking was okay. It wasn't.

It was vulgar and gross. Some people truly need to grow up.

What it must look like to departure door donkeys

What are departure door donkeys aka Triple Ds?

Triple Ds are the impatient folks who jump the line by ignoring the assigned designated platform at Union Station for boarding trains and climb the stairs to the platform designated for people exiting trains.
Triple Ds cause platform congestion for incoming passengers making it difficult for them to reach stairwells and safely navigate the narrow platforms. It's a selfish practice.
Full definition here

Door Donkey Battle - the saga continues

From: +1905434XXXX/TYPE=PLMN
Received: Oct 6, 2011 5:21 PM
(no subject)

Am on 510 lse. Third coach I think. Anyway, two female door donkeys right in the door with their bags and purses on the floor in front of them. Very narrow space to get onto the train. One door donkey doesn't move after I ask her to move, just keeps reading her paper. I pick up her purse and shove it at her and tell her it's one thing to stand because you don't want to sit, it's another to stand and put your shit in the way so you can claim your spot at the door. It's rude. I'm sick of this crap and I shouldn't have to walk through people or over people's stuff to board a train that isn't full yet. Why can't these asses wait on the platform??? I get you like to stand but how about us who like to sit? Why not just let us get by?? So door donkey is mad I touched her "property" and starts giving me attitude and picking a fight and she's mad because I decided to sit right where I can look at her.

I tell her that she purposely blocked the doorway. That it's dangerous too because someone could trip. So as the train moves out of union, her and her donkey friends regress to high school and start talking about me and laughing. I don't care. I made my point. I don't get these people. We need to start fighting back. I used to think I was the only one irritated by this crap until I found your website. Why is it so hard for these women to move out of the way??? The CSAs need to start babysitting these inconsiderate idiots. How about some courtesy messages to let people board and not block the doorways and aisles with purses and bags? Thanks for letting me vent.

Dealing with TTC donkeys

My manager, who rides the TTC to work on the Yonge line, has learned that the best way to deal with commuting donkeys when confronted is to not engage.

Yesterday, she boarded a subway car and tried to navigate to the centre of the car, past all the door donkeys, when one lady refused to budge. Three times my manager said, "Excuse me", before moving the woman's bag and sliding past her. The woman twirled around and yelled at my manager, "Did you just try to steal my bag?"

My manager shot back that she had asked her to move so she took matters in her own hands. "Hey," said the woman, "You're not the only one who's trying to get to work, you know." To which my manager replied, "And private parts are private," before shoving her earbuds into her ears.

DIAL UP THE CRAZY. Wins every time.

A+

Door Donkeys - Know Your TCT Donkey

door don·key [Proun. door don-key] -s
Cousin to the stair hog

noun

1. GO commuters who board a train and stand right in the vicinity of the doorway, despite seats being available, making it awkward for other commuters to board. This behaviour often leads people to believe a coach is full, when in fact, seating is available in the upper level
2. GO commuters who stand right inside the door frame in an attempt to hold the train for friends who are late (see below for an example)

She's got Crazy Eyes, she blocks the space between you and I

Dudes, I don't profess to be a songwriter. I'm no Wierd Al but I do feel that Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen needs to be parodied to address the look people give those of us when we say "Excuse Me" on the platform, "Excuse Me" when boarding so the door blockers (aka door donkeys) move, "Excuse Me" when on the train so the bag riders and the foot riders move their shit and their body parts so we can sit, and "Excuse Me" when we try to tap our Presto Cards or punch our 10-rides to the people who think the machines are their personal coat racks/bookcases.

The people who block the machines remind me of cats. If you own a cat, you'll know what I mean. My cat Georgie, who is the fattest cat in Canada, thinks a table leg makes him incognito. I can see you, you bastard! Now move!

I was emailed a link, where in the comment thread, a shout out to ye old ThisCrazyTrain.com (TCT for short, yes, it's the acronym for the TTC mixed-up - purely unintentional) was written. For the shout out, I thank you "hauntedsponge". The shout out was in reference to people who make riding the GO suck (Thank you, "sempire") .

Here's a picture of Crazy Eyes. Those of us who hang out on the TCT know her as a door donkey. What's a door donkey, you ask? Learn more about this TCT meme here.

Here's a helpful illustration:

Door Justice?

Tonight I stood on Platform 11 to wait for the 5:20 pm (Union - Oshawa) and from there observed the 5:10 pm (Union to Oshawa) train pulling into Track 13.

Waiting for the 5:10 pm were two GO constables, presumably to check fares. Maybe, but what I found interesting was that they stood near the doorway as the train filled and it looked like to me from their hand gestures and facial expressions (and some lip reading) that they were monitoring the door donkeys, asking the donkeys to let people board.

It was hard to take pictures of this with the 5:05pm train in the way but these two constables were doing a great job at keeping the doorway clear.

Sadly, aren't we all adults here? Isn't it just common sense that while the train is boarding you wait on the platform if you don't plan on sitting, and then board prior to departure? This makes perfect sense to me.

Sometimes pictures aren't the whole story

PLEASE NOTE:
All text message conversations I publish to the site make use of code provided by the application Mighty Text which is supported by Explorer 9, Chrome 32, Firefox 26, Safari 5 and any versions of these browsers higher than the ones noted. If you can't read this post as text bubbles, please update your browser software.

At the  risk of starting anything, i am captured in your recent photo. I just wanted to defend myself as i stand in the very corner out of the way until the doors close. No one bumps me, I've never gotten in anyone's way and I make sure to move for everyone. I stand in the door because a) I sit. All day. I don't want a seat. And 2) because i have a son to get by 6 pm or I am chqrged an outrageous surharge. And I stand in the corner away from the doors that open so I'm out of the way. I can't and don't speak for the rest.  When the doors close I move over. I always get off and let people through. There was no walker on friday. He was sitting on a stool attached to his back pack. And there was no where else for him to go. He chose the bathroom. We didnt toss him in there. Someone made a comment on your post about the nasty comments being from me. I want to assure you they are not and in this one statement I can say I speak for us when we say dd#1 is none of us. We think a lot of the comments about your appearance are way out of line. I know your blog, I read your blog. But I have never commented. I am asking if possible, would you please not post this text.  I'm not happy about my photo being on your blog with my face not fuzzed out, but know there's not much I can do about that. But I am hoping you'll accept my request and not post this. Thank you.

Feb 03 7:04pm

I've  had a lot of anxiety about that post and I'm glad you texted me because I need to hear  these things. I get so many submissions of people supposedly doing bad things that it's hard to make a judgement call sometimes which is why I had a practice of cutting people's faces out of the photos which in turn, caused me flak for being a "pussy" and not showing faces. I've had another text from 1 person on the 453 train who told me there was a conversation about me or that post from people near the doors. That raised my anxiety levels because the point of the post was the fact people were standings in the bathroom which is just odd. Knowing that people actually chose to stand in the bathroom is just creepy but to each his own. Having been inundated with comments from people focusing more on the deliberate door blocking that does happen on trains, it was unfair of me to publish the photo unaltered. In fact, that was a bad judgement call on my part and I will be editing the picture tonight. First and foremost, your personal safety and right to ride a train without being singled out for something you're not guilty of resonates deeply with me. I am glad you texted me. I'm sorry you got caught up and lumped into a post that was targeted at people who make boarding difficult.
Feb 03 7:19pm

I'm the red head actually lol. We try hard not to block the doors. But there are some that even irk us. We were talking about the post. Mainly that some people were defending us, and how inappropriate the name calling was. No matter what people think of your site, there is no call for the names. That's rude. And we were mostly offended by dd#1's comment because it lumped us in ( we are dds. We know this. We try to be respectful dds) and we didn't want to be lumped in with that commentor. Lol As I said. I read your blog. And I never comment. But I've seen how snarly people get over pics. I figure you're a reasonable person. Asking will get someone farther than shrieking abuse. Lol

Feb 03 7:48pm

Hi! It sure does! Oh man, I feel awful. I don't think there's enough kittens in the world right now. The pic is edited. Any facial features I couldn't crop are blurred. I won't remove the post because there are RUDE door donkeys. I've encountered them. Again, I am so sorry you became a target. Lessons learned a plenty.

Feb 03 8:00pm

Don't beat yourself up. Even we get angry at the rude ones. There is one that insists on standing on top of me even though she has lots of room to stand.

Feb 03 8:04pm

But she stands on me. There are rude ones. I just wanted to prove we aren't all like that. I give you permission to post all of this now since it didn't turn into either of us wanting to throat punch the other lol.

Feb 03 8:04pm

People need to know were not all bad :)

Feb 03 8:04pm

Are you sure? Sleep on it. But yes, you're not all bad and you deserve a shot to defend yourself. I'm heading out for a long walk. Let's touch base in the morning.

Feb 03 8:08pm

I actually commented already on your post. So yes, I'm sure. People need to know it wasn't what it appeared and not to make assumptions. 

Feb 03 8:18pm

Enjoy your walk my dear. Rest easy.

Feb 03 8:18pm