Thursday, April 7, 2011

This pictorial is better if you hum "Eye of The Tiger" from Rocky as you read it

Bum. Bah da bum. Ba da bummmmmmmm ... bah da bum ... Got it? Good. Keep reading.

See the door donkey? Complete with knapsack on the floor? The train is boarding. Door donkey changes position. This isn't good enough for me. It's obvious he doesn't plan on sitting. More people get on. More people begin to crowd around the door. It's now 7 minutes to departure. I'm getting angrier. I feel like I should say something. I feel like .... I .... must ... become ... the door police. You know how people say don't get your knickers in a knot? Well, this is guy is so annoyed with the door donkeys as he tries to get by, his pants are wedged into his ass. Finally, I lose it.

I step into the doorway (this is the 5:10pm LSE train, I was waiting for the 5:20 pm LSE train) and ask the door donkeys why, if they know they plan to stand, do they feel they are entitled to block the doorway, causing congestion and forcing people to maneuver their way around them? I asked they extend the courtesy of staying on the platform and boarding when the train is full or at least move into the aisle. Then they can block the door all they want.

So what happened?

I was first greeted with stunned looks, then surprise, then indignation. Apparently, according to door donkeys, since they were on the train first, they are entitled to stake their spot even if they choose to stand. That ain't right, I said. It's rude and a hazard. What a bunch of assholes. Seriously.

I say to others, stop putting up with this B.S. Speak up. Even more aggravating is to listen to door donkeys complain when other passengers step on their feet while boarding or make contact with them. Really?

Grow up.


Skin Man said...

It's common sense really, and as an added bonus if you are the last one on the train, you get the best door blocking space!

Gary said...

Re: the last photo.

That's one hell of a wedgie.

Al said...

To be honest, the reason I do it, I dont like to sit on the train, express/all stops makes not diff to me.

There are so many of us door donkeys on a given day that it is pretty much first come first serve by the door.

@ skin man - You dont get the best door blocking space by boarding last unless you "linebacker" these people out of thier spot (which is as rude as what we door donkeys do) as they are unwilling to move anyway since "they got their first" so even if you were boarding last you would still have to walk past them as they have no instention of moving away from the door and kind of suck in thier guts to let you pass by the bar -

A simple excuse me usually gets enough room to pass by, I disagree with the people that have said they purposely bump into these donkeys and if someone did it to me you'd get a slap in the head for your trouble.

I myself try to stay away from the door thats open, and leave as much room as possible, so I am not in the way but the amount of space on the entry level doesnt leave a lot of room to manouver, so I can understand the ire of some people that dont like this pole positioning technique of standing by the doors.

I dont think I will change my ways and if I want to get on the train at all have to board when I get to the train, otherwise I may be pushing and shoving the rest to get space.

I never reallized this annoyed people so much.

Skin Man said...

We need white gloved Japanese train gaurdians to push these people out of the way...CJ can you work your photoshop magic?

donkey said...

that's me.
suck it up buttercup.

jL said...


Hard to get anyone with a door donkey wearing headphones who can't hear you say Excuse me so at 8 months pregnant I will use my purse to hoof those in the ass who block the entire door so people can only get on 1 at a time.

I don't enjoy pressing my unborn child against people or polls. I also fear losing my balance because someone is putting their bags on the floor, right near the door. It's dangerous and ignorant.

Not all door donkeys are as aware as you or maybe as pleasant as you. Some feel so entitled, they can't care about anyone else but themselves.

It almost feels like dealing with a gang sometimes. It's intimidating and I don't like it.

jL said...


Go to hell. Honestly.

Anonymous said...

Doorways are for entering and exiting, not for occupying.

I think next time this would call for some spontaneous human combustion.

James said...

A well timed fart would make it a little less comfortable. I'm a big dude and need all the space I can get to get on and I plow.

Al said...

@ james,

I certainly could not slap you in the head for a well timed fart, and I think that very well could be the best medicine to get back at some mope who wont get out of the way.

@ JL, I understand where you are coming from being pregnant, when my wife was pregnant any movement at all seemed difficult, nevermind climbing over bodies. In the case of someone not hearing an excuse me to get out of the way I would think a hoof in the ass is more than acceptable. I meant the ones who dont even say excuse me but just charge on through the crowd.

I will consider changing my ways and boarding last but I think that would only cause me to be one of the door blockers for the late comers, as opposed to just standing in the loading area in front of the courtesy seats, I am not about to go into the aisle as there is less space to move around there.

Donna said...

so if you do not want to sit during your commute why doyou have to block damn doors??? go stand in the isles. blocking the doors annoys the fuck out of many of us (myself included). Especially those that stand right in the entrance door!!! oh and the stair pigs too. they are worse because there is lots of room everywhere else they they stand in the damn stairway heading up to the second level car- ughhhh soo annoying!!

Unknown said...

You guys are so entertaining.
If a well time flatulence is not possible why not spray a bit of the toilet masking febreeze thingys. I don't think GO has a no scent policy do they.

Perhaps stickers titled DOOR DONKEY could be created and strategically placed on door donkey backs.

I think these missives could one day turn into a tidy little movie....

I can't wait to move to Oshawa so that I have more time to consider the nuances of GO Train Etiquette and Civility and incivility.

good night all