My *found* story tops your *lost* story

Text message from 905721XXXX
Apr 24 2012 9:33 PM

Hey, how does lost and found work?

Me> Pardon?

On your website.

Me> My website?

Is this 9054427423

Me> You're kidding right?

Is it?

Me> How can you mis-text someone?

I dunno. I lost my unmbrella and if I don't get it back my mom is gonna be pissed.

Me> Hang on, back to the part where you asked me to confirm the number. Did you commit the number to memory or did you type it while reading it off a monitor?

Monitor. Is it wrong?

Me> Dude, if you have a number in front of you and then a number on your phone and they both match, what's the answer?

Dude? Since when does someone in customer service call someone dude.

Me> Customer service for what?

Huh? 

Me> The hell? Look, I can tell when someone isn't legit. This isn't a legit "I can't use Google and I can't read" text message.

I didn't use Google. 

Me> Okay, fine. You lost an "unmbrella". Can't help ya. Sorry.

Hey! I'm not the one putting phone numbers up online

Me> Did I say anything to that affect?

So why so pissed. 

Me> I'm not pissed. Merely annoyed. I don't like lying.

I really did lose an  umbrella.

Me> My heart bleeds for you. I found a briefcase at Union Station once. So I walked up to some random guy, handed it to him and whispered, "You know what to do", and walked away.

Write me back when you have an "interesting" umbrella story.