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Friday, March 28, 2014

Insert your eye roll here!

As I was walking to work my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number but I answered anyway. It was a woman who identified herself as a lawyer. I waited....
She rushed forward with her conversation, something-something picture, something-something Twitter, something-something Canadian privacy law...

I cut her off.

"What law firm?" I asked her.

"Pardon," she said.

The hell?

"Do you work for a law firm?" I asked.

PAUSE ... and then I heard whispering. WHISPERING!

"I work independently," said the "lawyer".

"Who were you talking with just now?" I asked.

"My client," she said.

Yeah. Your "client". Okay ...

"Tell you what," I told her. "I will give you an email address you can send your complaint to where it will be reviewed by my lawyer who only works two hours a day. Now it's not two consecutive hours but small stretches throughout the day. Keep in mind he has an incredibly short attention span and I'm not exaggerating. One time I was trying to explain title insurance to him and next thing I know he's at the window looking at birds. Sometimes he's more interested in what his testicles are doing than actually paying attention to any matter at hand. So keep it to three words. I know it's challenging but I'm confident you can do it. The email is legal@thiscrazytrain.com. I have to head to work now so I'll be expecting that email real soon if you can manage."

"Uh... I think you need to do what I asked," said the "lawyer".

"Nope, you do what I ask. Have a great day!" I said and ended the call.

Come on... you donkeys... you can do better.

Oh, and look at that?! 10 am and NO EMAIL.

21 comments:

Squiggles said...

Ok. Is that an actual email address? The crazy that could come in would be spectacular.

Sidenote: Cattorney for the win!

C.J. Smith said...

Yep! It's legit.
AllanVS gave me a fabulous idea for a whole Legal Section for the site.
Because we ***totally*** need to dial up more crazy 'round here.

Anonymous said...

Why would you use a lawyer who only works two hours a day?

C.J. Smith said...

^ He comes real cheap.

Kelly@CrueltyFreeCanada said...

bah ha ha. SO funny! The nerve to call you up and have their story all shot to pieces with one simple question. HA! Love it. Your lawyer has way more brains. And only needs to work 2 hours a day as I assume you are the sole client ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm so confused. Who is your lawyer?!

C.J. Smith said...

As Squiggles pointed out, context helps.

http://www.thiscrazytrain.com/2013/12/not-crazy-train-but-crazy-streetcar.html

JulieBean said...

bahaha! Your replies kill me. Gee this must be a booming business for them, defending morons who are caught being morons in public, think of the opportunities for all these "lawyers"!

MATT said...

Next time, get a name.

You can check their LSUC status here: http://www2.lsuc.on.ca/LawyerParalegalDirectory/index.jsp

You can also check what firm they work at here: http://www.martindale.com/Find-Lawyers-and-Law-Firms.aspx

April said...

Pretending to be a lawyer when you are not can be punishable by fine, imprisonment or both.

Mr. Greyskull, I understand, is fully licensed cattorney.

C.J. Smith said...

He is. Passed the dish and everything!

Bicky said...

You guys are killing me! I'm laughing so hard tears are rolling down my face! *deep breath*

Funniest thing I've read all day. Hands down. Thanks for the laffs!

AllanVS said...

Her cAttorney is the best in Canada.

AllanVS said...

LoL.
Glad I could help.

Anonymous said...

So impersonating a police officer is illegal, but a lawyer isn't.

C.J. Smith said...

A cat can't be a lawyer. Holy Moses. How are some of you MISSING THE JOKE HERE?

Michael Suddard said...

C.J., I can't figure out what is more funny, the original post or the fact some commenters can't figure out the hilarity of your purrrrffffffect legal advice coming from a cat.

AllanVS said...

CJ ... some are missing the joke, as they are on the other side of stupid from us. We're stupid funny, they are stupid-because-of-too-many-beers-and-bongs.

C.J. Smith said...

Some of the comments - my god. I swear most of the people who wrote them are champs at counting to potato.

April said...

Hey now, I can count all the way to zuchhini!

Kelly@CrueltyFreeCanada said...

Maybe they are new to the site and don't know about your legal reps...