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Thursday, May 1, 2014

Sorry, my legal department is super busy at the moment



Dear Liddy,

Sorry if I got your name wrong. You were talking so fast in your phone call to me it was hard to catch it. At first I thought you said Libby, and for some reason, I immediately thought of beans -- Libby beans to be precise. My mom couldn't cook when I was a kid. Canned beans were a staple at lunch time. That and Zoodles... and these nasty, toasted sandwiches she made with Cheez Whiz and bacon bits. Yes, it was as gross as it sounds.
Anyway Libby, I'm sorry you feel I've violated your privacy on my website or was it Instagram? When I asked you where this photo you said I took was, at first you said Twitter and then it was Facebook. I don't have a Facebook site.
I'm sorry my lawyer was unable to talk to you despite you demanding to speak to him by 9 am tomorrow morning. He's a lazy son of a bitch and only awake for at most, 2 hours a day, and those aren't even consecutive hours! Plus, when you called, he was super busy (see photo). You can't tell but he's actually dictating a response to another complaint.
Anyhow Lizzie, to repeat what I told you on the phone, please outline the issue in an email to legal@thiscrazytrain.com.

Sincerely,
Cj Smith

21 comments:

AllanVS said...

Good lawyer kitty needs a treat. Yes he does.

Squiggles said...

Oh. That is the life. Numbnuts has to make do with sleeping on my feet.

LF said...

It's Liddie and your a bitch. I hope you get cancer. Bye.

AllanVS said...

Liddie F ... basically you're saying you wish you'd get cancer and die too eh?
Matthew 7:12 "So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them,"

You, young lady, need to grow up, and learn that the internet is NOT your private play space. It is made up of millions of computers around the world. You can delete your image from your local area, but, it'll be stored on at least 5 other machines around the world.

C.J. Smith said...

^ "I belive the children are our fuuutuuurrrre... "

I hope if there's ever a Zombie Apocalypse, the people who confuse your and you're are eaten first.

C.J. Smith said...

Liddie is on a roll. Too bad Liddie. You're a troll.

I tried to haiku that. I sucked.

JulieBean said...

bahaha...oh I love your responces. You made an otherwise sucky day brighter. Thanks CJ and laweyer-cat.

FRED said...

Er *cough*, you'RE missing an "E" in believe there, CJ.

matt said...

I wish they enforced the non-smoking/no feet-on-seats/quiet zone rules with the same fervour as this site's grammar police!

April said...

My favourite part is when you go off on a line of thought that has nothing to do with the issue at hand. I need to use this tactic on a super crazy person in my life. I may call on you for drafting help!

Rouge Hill-er said...

Ahhh...the life of a busy cattorney!And after all this, we still don't know what Liddie did!

Gerry said...

That's cat?! I thought it was a dog. You have a cat that sleeps in front of a fireplace. I... I don't know what to make of this.

George said...

Hooray another self-entitles twat makes it's presence known.

Privacy on the internet?
Just what are they teaching kids in school these days?

I thank heaven every day that my kids are far better people than Liddie the twat is in everyday life.

BTW CJ, has anyone ever explained just how their privacy was invaded? It seems to me that they simply yell out a sentence with privacy in it and assume it's a fact.

AllanVS said...

Gerry - don't ever mistake George for a dog ... he'll sue you when he gets around to it... LoL
How can you not tell that's a cat?
Cats love warm spaces - hence why they sleep on laptops, top of fridges, in the window beams etc.

C.J. Smith said...

Yes, people claim their privacy is invaded when their pictures are "lifted" off Instagram or Twitter -- pictures they posted of themselves for the world to see. That's one. Let's see... second, pictures folks take of other folks doing bad or rude things, that's the second complaint and third, which kills me every time, foot riders who recognize their bodies but whose faces happen to be out of frame.

C.J. Smith said...

Georgie is a heat magnet. He will burrow under a comforter AND A DUVET and sleep like that for hours. How he does not suffocate himself amazes me.

George said...

CJ my dog (Jack Russell Terrier) does that.

She will burrow under and then emerge later gasping and panting from being overheated, especially when she is under a comforter on the couch with me or someone, go sit on the floor until she is cooled off and then go back under the comforter. Rinse and repeat.

When she is under the blankets by herself, it takes much longer for her to emerge.

Bicky said...

Ah yes, Internet privacy. *giggle* Like such a thing even exists! Especially when one hashtags everything.

MATT said...

My 80lb Beagle-Lab mix does the same thing - forces his way under the blankets, then about an hour later comes scrambling out like the bed is on fire. Cools off for 15-20 minutes, then forces his way back under. My wife and I take turns waking up and cursing the dog while reclaiming some of the blankets that the dog has deposited onto the floor.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Liddie, you sound like a real prize. Be careful what you wish on someone else. With all of that pent up hostility you have, cancer may be in your future. I sure hope you have vacation planned this year because, honey, you sound in need of an extended one.

C.J. Smith said...

April,
I find on going off on a tangent that has nothing to do with the topic is a great way to diffuse most situations where the potential for hostility is highly plausible.