Monday, February 11, 2013

Found on instagram. Let me teach you how to write a complaint...

Not sure how a train leaving on time is part of the initial complaint ... or the amount of fare paid.
The complaint is that a train left before it was scheduled to depart and now the person is late. Full stop. Everything else is just whining.

I should teach people how to complain more effectively.

For example:

Dear GO Transit Customer Service Representative

I am certain you deal with hundreds of customer comment cards filled with whiny anecdotes from passengers upset with your service for a myriad of reasons, but my complaint will hit you right in the feels.

On September 7th, 2012, I arrived at the Dixie GO Station to catch the 7:15 am train for Union Station.

According to my watch, which is set to NASA-precision time standards, I had approximately 13 seconds to hop on the train. Instead, the doors were closed right in my face and the train left the station.

Heartbroken, I stood on the platform staring at the departing train in disbelief, because today was the day I was to attend a once-in-a-lifetime job interview guaranteed to change the entire course of my career.

I was born into a poor, Polish family who immigrated to Canada with nothing more than a Bible and a canning pot that has been used to make preserves in my family for hundreds of years. Working hard, my parents were able to buy a modest bungalow in Mississauga and put all 18 of us kids through school and shoes - that's 36 shoes in case you're counting.

My father, who is a simple man - always content to eat sauerkraut from a can, while yelling at live, televised soccer matches certain the players can hear him - desperately wanted to be a heart surgeon, but coming from a poor family of farmers back in the mother land, this was merely a dream, never to be reality.

Well today I was supposed to make my father proud. He's very frail these days and lives vicariously through me, his only son. Yes, I have 17 sisters. And yes, only one bathroom growing up. You see, I was to be in Toronto for a job interview at a hospital downtown for a surgeon position. The interview was to start at 8:15 am. I have tried calling the hospital but no one from the hiring panel has arrived yet. You can see how this will leave a very bad impression and most likely, I will be disqualified as a candidate.

What really hurts is that I have to return home and break my father's heart. I'm not sure how GO Transit can make it up to me, but I am donating my NASA-precision time standards watch to the company. I am doing this so that your conductors can properly sync their on-board clocks so that what happened to me doesn't happy to anyone else.

That's all I want. Hopefully you will help fulfill this request

With a heavy heart,
S.J. Whinesky


Chess said...

It needs more melancholy. You should have killed off the mother and mentioned the tuition angle and how you only had 50 cents left to your name which you blew on that one payphone call to the hospital.

Otherwise, well done!

Anonymous said...

I lol'd at the NASA bit.

Anna said...

As a person of Polish heritage, i approve this letter.

Lori M said...

I too am Polish and I also approve this letter.

Anonymous said...

18 kids? Why do I find this hard to believe. Also, if he had an important job interview then why didn't he depart earlier. What a sore loser.

calvinhc said...

The canning pot that has been used to make preserves in the family for hundreds of years brought a tear to my eye!

C.J. Smith said...

And I quote, "18 kids? Why do I find this hard to believe. Also, if he had an important job interview then why didn't he depart earlier. What a sore loser."

Er ... not sure if playing along with joke or you didn't get the joke.

Mark H. said...

The funny part about this whole letter is during that period a train comes on that line EVERY 10 MINUTES. do people not get that if you absolutely need to be on a specific train, leaving it that short you're just asking to miss it. Wake up 10 minutes earlier FFS.

Anonymous said...


Oh okay. I didn't know it was supposed to be a joke. If someone was saying they're raising 18 kids, then I would probably think they're crazy

C.J. Smith said...

there were 18 kids in my dad's family. true story. but this story is a joke