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Thursday, September 26, 2013

I need a megaphone and someone who is willing to film me while I troll smokers smoking where they shouldn't

This idea came to me after I held my breath longer than I thought possible as I walked behind a smoker last night who exited the train when I did and lit up her cancer stick the second her foot hit the ground.

I can't smoke anyone's cigarette. I will die.

Worst, her friend lit up too and no single fucks were given about the people behind them or beside them.

As we approached the gates, more smokers stood, like an army of ignorant rebel soldiers, puffing away right under a huge no smoking sign forcing everyone to walk through their cloud of toxic soup. As I rounded the corner to the bus platform, there stood three more smokers happily smoking in line for my bus.

It's time to take this to the next level. All of these assholes behaved themselves for two weeks while Transit Safety Officers blitzed Oshawa in early September. Once the smokers realized the alert had ended, they resumed their douchepick ways.

Here's what I want to do which won't get me arrested and I dare any employee at the Oshawa GO Station to ask me not to do what I am hoping to do - walk up to every smoker with a megaphone (aka bullhorn) and yell at the top of my lungs, like some crazed military sergeant, that there is no smoking allowed anywhere on GO Transit property. And I would do this right in their faces. I would continue to yell until they moved, butted out, or threw a punch (which I welcome by the way - bring it).

And if someone decides to go into the station to complain about me, I am following them into the station and will repeat every sentence they say using the bullhorn while they speak with an employee. As far as I know, there is no law that prohibits me from using a bullhorn on government property.

The megaphone I want to buy is available at Staples.ca for $216 - it's expensive. But it has a goddamn strobe light and I bet it's loud as hell as it has a range of 100 yards. Perfect. I also like this one because it has a separate microphone... holy crap, would I ever look official as hell using one of them. I'm not sure if I want to crowdfund to pay for one or if I just buy it.

However, free is better. If you have one I can borrow, please email me (cj@thiscrazytrain.com).

I also need someone willing to meet up with me in the morning at Oshawa GO Station for approximately one week and in the evenings, too. I am certain we can get some excellent footage for a video that will be posted to YouTube where you can share it with friends and family (and the media ... or Ellen DeGeneres).

25 comments:

April said...

I am in! But I don't have a camera.

C.J. Smith said...

Do you have a megaphone at least?!

April said...

No :(

Anonymous said...

I think I have one that changes your voice to sound like a robot...it's actually my daughters lol

C.J. Smith said...

Doing a robot voice would be hilarious...

AllanVS said...

Damn girl ... I would so be in, if school wasn't killing me. I would gladly wake up early just to film. LoL

Anonymous said...

I would so love to help but dont have a camera and am already at work at 7am...courtesy of my car...cant wait to see the video. Makes me glad to not take the train anymoe...signed a former GO rider from Whitby

Anonymous said...

If you do this, it's harrassment and you will get arrested for disturbing the peace.
I think what you think is a good idea is very immature and juvenile. Have you not just asked these people to move or smoke somewhere else?
That would be the polite and grownup thing to do.

C.J. Smith said...

I'm sorry... wut?

THE POLITE and GROWN-UP thing to do?!

We're talking about dealing with GROWN-UPs who can't even follow what a fucking sign says and you're suggesting I'm in the wrong?!

Get bent. Go read more of the site, searching the word "smoking", to see all the bullshit many of us have had to put up with from "GROWN-UPs" who truly don't deserve any respect and do deserve a 25 decibel bullhorn slaughter to the eardrums.

Anonymous said...

@2:25 - Have you been reading this site at all? Everytime one of these self-entitled pricks is asked to butt out or move, they get all in your face and threatening.

You wanna talk about harrassment?

Anonymous said...

Your defensive tone tells me I'm right. What you want to do is wrong. Enjoy lock-up.

C.J. Smith said...

Right. LOL...

We'll see about that. You have no idea what I'm capable of.

Squiggles said...

I'll chip into the bail money fund (knowing full well that I won't need to actually follow through).

But considering how the smokers are technically in the wrong, what can they do? They have no defence.

C.J. Smith said...

They've got nothin', Squigs. NOTHING!

Anonymous said...

ah yea i hope you get punched out, your stupid little cat lawers won't even be able to help you..ha ha ha

C.J. Smith said...

You really believe my cats are lawyers?

Anonymous said...

So 3:14, clearly you are one of the selfentitled douchebags that smokes where he feels like.

Unreal that you believe she should be charged for harassment for using a megaphone, but you should be free to smoke and make it impossible for CJ to breathe.

Interesting.......

Michael said...

Wait...your cats are not lawyers?

DAMN!

Fool me once....

Anonymous said...

Dont' forget to bullhorn the people in their vehicles idling in the kiss n ride as you walk near their cloud of toxic exhaust soup...

deepfish said...

News from Oakville...

Multiple sources reported to me this morning that there have been GO transit meetings very recently where it was pointed out to drivers that there is "a guy" at the station who is taking pics of people and they run the risk of being disciplined if they are caught smoking where they shouldn't be.

This is HI-larious in oh so many ways.

One of my rules is that I don't take pics of GO employees smoking. I have three reasons for this - I want the front line employees to be on MY side; I'm not in this to get anyone fired; and I'm insisting that the GO Enforcement guys do their bloody jobs - and I am going the extra distance (and trouble, and risk) by showing them where they can do it, I'll be damned if I do it for internal investigations as well...
That said, the drivers were told that the Enforcement types "may" be dropping by Oakville, and that they shoud watch out for them.
That's right - this late in the enforcement game GO is concerned with their DRIVERS getting caught smoking.
The pavement at Oakville is covered in butts and the smokers are always there.
If the enforcement guys show up at all they will need to be visually and mentally handicapped in order to miss them.
Your idea of the megaphone reminds me of the simple demand I made for more signage. A simple demand that has not really been met. How about a sign that clearly points out that there is no smoking on GO station grounds - including bus loops? How about a sign to empower the majority of commuters that are NOT buttsuckers that they have the right to tell buttsuckers to get the hell off property before they light up?
Wish I could be with you CJ. Venceremos!

Anonymous said...

I've seen Go Train drivers (conductors?) smoking at Aldershot on the platform. Also, some jump the railing into the field and smoke there, not 10 feet from the platform. So part of the problem is GO employees doing the same. I don't recommend confronting them because you don't know what kind of nut you may be facing, but I do love the idea of humiliating them.

Skin Man said...

Oh CJ, I love this idea, but it does sound like assault. Having a friend how can be a helpful witness if things get nasty is a good plan.

Be careful.

C.J. Smith said...

My husband doesn't want me to do it, either. I'm sitting on it.

Something needs to be done.

George said...

Train drivers and conductors are not GO employees. They are Bombardier employees.

I've complained about them smoking on platforms many times to no avail. I even see them at union smoking right in front of the locomotive underneath "No Smoking on GO Property" signs.

Bullhorn them too.

Anonymous said...

Just get a referee whistle, and blow it just like how cops direct traffic duty.