Pregnant

Yes.

You give up your seat.

The end.

*This same rule applies to those who are elderly and disabled. If you have two perfectly good legs, you stand.

Friday

I had the day off and was all set for a three-day long weekend but had a funeral instead so I got a break from the crazy for a day.

Apparently I missed major drama on the 4:53 after a passenger tripped another passenger on the stairs resulting in a broken wrist according to an email.

That's a bummer. If you were on that coach, write me.

Rolling Luggage

When it's busy in the morning on those very narrow platforms at Union, please consider carrying your rolling suitcase.

Why?

I did not enjoy having a person cut in front of me and not seeing his rolling suitcase, I tripped, stumbled and eventually fell landing on my side and almost rolling off the platform. One side of me is covered in grime (at least I had the sense to wear brown today) and my arm is skinned from the elbow to the upper arm.

It hurt like a son-of-a-b*tch.

Worse is that the dude told me I should watch where I'm going. Two complete strangers helped me up. The man who tripped me continued on with his day.

I just can't believe what we've become as a society.

Dirty beast

Hey, didn’t I see you on the GO bus yesterday?

You catch the train at Ajax, just like I do.

Of course, you pushed past me at the door to the station, stepped out of line to grab a free newspaper, then cut back in front, forced your way onto the train before anyone else could get on, parked yourself and your rolling suitcase in the doorway, blocking it and then huffed at the people crowding on past you and gave me a dirty look as I reached around you to grab hold of the bar.

You're a dirty beast.

I feel better now.

Submitted by Pam K. of Ajax

Along for the ride

Excuse me. Is that seat taken? Oh, really. Well, did your purse purchase a ticket?

I asked this of a woman yesterday, writes Mel. D. from Mississauga, and she asked me if I bought an extra ticket for my "fat ass". Then she put her feet on the seat under her big purse and asked me what I was going to do about it.

Why are people so damn rude?

Air conditioning

Dear GO People,
Yes please.

Crank it. Swear to God. Those who are cold can pack a sweater. I can't take off my skin.

Bag rider! Damn you

Snapped on the 5:20

When I see a bag rider, I think of "Mr. Cab Driver" by Lenny Kravitz. Substitute the chorus with "Mrs. Bag Rider" instead of "Mr. Cab Driver". I guarantee you'll have this stuck in your head.

Have a listen.

Seriously, some of you are gross

The woman next to me is generating bags of sweat. She's wearing a knitted cardigan and fanning herself furiously with a newspaper. Every second or so, she keeps wiping her neck sweat against the headrest and then wriggles down a bit and dries it with her head.

Really.

It all makes sense now!

I'm not a Blackberry user. In fact, I've never used one so I'm not entirely clear how they function.

Recently, I learned you can assign a distinct ring tone to a person in a contact list.

There's a dude that rides the 7:53am from Oshawa whose Blackberry will often go off and he's got a few ring tones. I just thought he liked variety, so it just dawned on me he's customized his contact list.

One ring tone used to confuse me because it sounded like "na-na-na-na" but when I heard it again this morning, I realized it's "nag-nag-nag-nag" because when he answered the call he said, "Hey, honey."

Must be for the wife.

Arm

Please refrain from having your elbow poke my breast.

LEARN WHAT A SAFETY CIRCLE IS!

Jerk.

Commando

Judy M. writes, "This woman sitting in front of me must have forgotten she passed on panties this morning because she lifted her skirt up to fan herself and showed me the full Monty.

I can no longer see. I had my dog write this email."

Bag Beatdown

Submitted by Patricia K.

One of my biggest pet peeves are people who can't put their bags down at their feet while they stand in the aisles. Instead they push their bags, backpacks and portfolio luggage into the faces and heads of those sitting. It's just common courtesy.

People who wear backpacks also need to realize that most of these backpacks are so full of stuff it's like another person standing behind them. Take it off. Thank you.

Real Estate Fail

No, this isn't a post about psychotic dress patterns designed to make you take up the smoke. This is a post about real estate. Seat real estate.

Angela W. writes: Standing room only Lake Shore West 17:13 train.

This cretin gets on early and immediately cramps the courtesy seats. Both of them.

Not content to merely bag ride the 2nd seat, she's positioned herself for maximum sprawl. Numerous folks gave her the hairy eyeball but nobody had the brass pair to ask her to move herself and her belongings onto 1 seat.

I think it's because many were afraid her skirt would swallow them. And those waves are mesmerizing! About as mesmerizing as those animated gifs of girls dancing, like this one:
Oh yeah, you work it honey.

Please don't sing

It's awesome you enjoy your music but that doesn't mean I like your music. It doesn't mean the woman sitting next to you likes your music either. And if you plan on opening your mouth to serenade us all, unless you have a recording contract you can show me, shut it.

Nose flute

The fact that you can whistle through your nose is not a gift.
Please consider purchasing this product the next time you're in a Wal-Mart:

Tall tales

I'm listening to this woman relay a story about a camping trip in Algonquin Park friends of hers went on two weekends ago.

It involved three cop friends and an axe-wielding mental patient who terrorized their camp site.

Apparently none of these police officers had firearms so one of them chased after the suspect with a canoe paddle.

The suspect ran to the beach and escaped by using a canoe moored nearby.

Two of her friends then jumped into another canoe and a high speed canoe chase ensued.

The story was funny even if it was b.s.

Food poisonings, I has it

Stayed home. Hope to feel alive tomorrow.

Open windows. Oshawa Go Parking Lot

Was there some kind of world record for how many drivers would leave their windows down in a torrential rainstorm at the Oshawa Go parking lot this morning?

Five cars, all with windows down, in pouring rain and not an owner in site. I've never seen that before.

Fill me in. None of these cars had leather interiors.

Keep your rank, sweaty feet off the seats!

I know Toronto's heat wave is bad. But it could be worse. It could be Tokyo. At rush hour

No? Not crazy enough? How about Yokohama, Japan?

Hairy eyeball

by Mike L.

On the way into Union this morning, I had the pleasure of riding in a quad with two snot-nosed kids and their space cadet mother.

These kids spit their gum out at each other, picked their noses and then wiped whatever gold they dug out onto each other's seats and slapped each other with their sandals.

This went on for well over 20 minutes before I let out a huge sigh and fixed them both with an icy death stare.

Then suddenly, with little warning, the older of the two boys jumped up to stand on his seat and screamed at me.

"Stop giving us the hairy eyeball!" He yelled.

He then spent the rest of the ride complaining to his mother how I kept giving him and his brother the hairy eyeball. Eventually, as we were just passing through Danforth, I got up and went to stand downstairs.

Who are you parents? And who the hell says "hairy eyeball" these days?

Bag riding on Lakeshore West

Submitted by Helen I.

At least the briefcase was fashion conscious enough to wear a jacket for the trip. Heaven forbid it find the air conditioning too cold.

Bag rider - Owned on the 4:53

4:44 - Backpack placed on seat.

4:47 - Several people pass by, some annoying glances are given, but no one asks for the bag to be moved.

4:49 - Lady in gray pants picks the backpack up off the seat and asks the two ladies whose it is. She pointedly asks, "Does this backpack belong to one of you?"
Lady on the aisle seat says it's hers and Lady in gray pants asks, "Are you saving this seat for someone because these trains are first come first serve". And she puts the backpack down on the floor.

And she didn't even sit in the seat! Just beside it!

It was solid gold. I love her.

GO Transit introduces its new brake technology

Chuck Norris will now ride the train each day to ensure it stops safely. Because only Chuck Norris can stop a speeding train with his bare feet and one hand.

What's a Chuck Norris fact? You mean, you don't know?!

Sleepin' Hardcore

James writes, "Took this tonight on the Barrie train. She was snoring away like she'd paid for the whole night. "

Write on!

You fail! This woman was practically using my lap and bag as her personal desk. When I moved my bag to get out my book and accidentally knocked her papers, she asked me if I minded?

You bet your a$$ I mind. I mind so much I took a photo. Stay in your own damn space.

Get bent

Those of you who complain about how cold the air conditioning is on the train should walk home.

Girth

Hey, you ... big guy near the window.

I know these seats don't accommodate girth very well but if you're going to pretend like you're at home in your living room, do everyone a favor and sit in an aisle seat sideways. You're not in a La-Z-Boy.

So sit up, pull in your tree trunk calves and give the people across from you some leg room. Most passengers aren't built like Gumby.

I personally have not been able to fold my legs into myself since I was 10 months old and spent my days sucking on my heels.

Can't you tell from the people who run in the opposite direction?

Lord have mercy.

The entire first floor of this coach has pretty much vacated because the lone guy sitting in the window seat must have gone 10 rounds with a gorilla in a cage match somewhere where there is no soap or running water because he stinks to high heaven. It's a cloud of b.o. and stale cigarettes.

My nose was assaulted the minute I stepped on the train. I don't think I'll ever recover.

Smelly bum

Submitted by Ramona C.

I was on the accessibility coach with this mother and her two small children on Monday (June 26). One of the kids was stuck crammed between several people and also at bum level. He obviously noticed because he kept telling his mother that the butt of the woman in the green pants standing in front of him was smelly.

What? Canada Day rage

Er, so a few people sent emails to me (cj@thiscrazytrain.com) upset that there wasn't a post yesterday (from me instead of a submission) and one person expressed surprise over the fact that I didn't, at the very least, write a "Happy Canada Day" post.

So, Happy Not Canada Day everybody!

Getting up earlier could help

Kelly writes: To the lady who sometimes sits next to me on the Lakeshore East line, who spends 10 minutes putting on make up. Then stops to read. And then decides to finish putting on eyeliner once the train arrives at Union Station while people are trying to get off. People like me, who are trapped in the inner seat (of a two-seater) waiting for you to move. You might have heard me mutter a few choice words as I crawled over you. I'm kind of sorry for being crusty, but come on!

Use your brain.

Here Kitty, Kitty

Submitted by Daniel

I ride the GO bus to Yorkdale each day. You know it's gonna be bad when a woman gets on with a sickly looking cat tied to a shoelace. She explained to the driver that Beets was ill and she didn't have a carrier and he had already clawed through a box so she hoped he (the driver) would let her on so she could get him to the vet at Lawrence and Bathurst. He (the driver) thought about it for some time. This lady could have been my grandma. So he let her on and she sat in the seat in front of me. We started to move and Beets pretty much stapled himself to the woman. She was in a lot of pain. I had my Goodlife duffel bag with me and with some help at the next stop we got the cat in it and got it zipped up. By the time we got to Yorkdale the cat had clawed his way out of my $40 gym bag. The woman carried her cougar off the bus and made her way to the subway. She didn't even offer to pay for the damage!

OMG

Lady across from me? Nice girl. Thing is, she's been yappin' on her celly exclaiming, 'OMG!' after almost every sentence.
Have we gotten so lazy that we now must resort to using acronyms in our daily speech?

Take it away Steve!

Hi,
I snapped this pic tonight of two men who were casually playing a game of foot lovin'. It's nice to see that in light of all this stress with the G20, true love can still prevail!

---

Amen, Steve, Amen!

Even if there was no dance of the toe jam going on here and it was just a case of one guy too tall to keep his legs tucked in, it's still a compelling love story.

Serenity now, I don't need to know where you sweat

I have just spent the last 21 minutes - no lie - listening to a group of women laugh and joke about how sweaty their lady bits are, even going so far to offer remedies for boob sweat and unbelievably, crotch sweat. Then they moved onto butt sweat and other kinds of sweat subjected by men. They were incredibly graphic and in hysterics at times. Some people who had no choice but to listen were laughing and others looked downright disgusted.

Hey, I enjoy a good laugh now and then but this kind of talk is best suited for the bar, not the train ride home. Or perhaps next time just tone it down a notch.

Menacing man

So I rode the train this morning with this security guard sitting across from me staring at my orange bag/satchel/purse.

In it was my breakfast which is always a Quaker Granola bar. I like the ones that are covered with a strip of yogurt but they've got these new ones now that have Omega-3 in them but I haven't seen any on sale so I haven't had a chance to try them <- Did you like that? That's my impression of train people who have to tell people their life story about everything they do.

I wasn't sure how to go about opening my bag seeing as this dude was staring hard at it like he was trying to X-Ray it. I also had my phone in there which I was itching to use so I could blog about this bloke.

Finally I broke the ice by asking him if it was okay if I opened my bag or did he want to search it first?
He blinked at me and said I could go ahead.

I don't know what to make of any of this. He was from a security firm. He didn't have a GO logo on his uniform but all I could think about was the 18 year girl who was arrested Sunday on the train coming in from Whitby because she had a gas mask in her bag.

I really didn't want to be taken down over a granola bar.

Armaggedon

by Celia

It must be. It has to be near. There were only 40 people on my coach today. We came in from Stouffville.

Union Station was eerily empty.

Baggage

Tom writes: Here's the poster that tells passengers to keep their crap off the seats and out of the aisles. And to the guy on the Barrie line who complained in a comment there's no rule for how much crap people can bring on the train, the Tariffs (aka rules for the slower people like him) are online. I suggest you learn to read.

Locked

Donna writes: I don't trust anymore what's been told to us over the announcements in regards to G20 security. Why would anyone ride a train to Oshawa when the summit is in Toronto?? Every accessible bathroom on the Thursday 7:17pm train to Oshawa was locked. I wish the photo was clearer but you can see the no entry logo.

What dividing armrest? I'm sleepin' hardcore.

I thought this was overly and utterly ridiculous. Hope you post it.

- Marie in Whitby

How much for that severed head in the window?

Submitted by Aaron O., Oshawa GO Parking Lot

Just gratin' some cheese

Submitted by M.H.

Hey CJ, yesterday morning I watched a woman get on at Oshawa and while we waited for the train to leave she took the opportunity before it got busy to pull out a pumice stone and began filing down the callouses on the heels of her feet. Skin was flying everywhere and all I could think of was Parmesan cheese.

Spot the foot rider

Submitted by Justin

This was a packed train. The 5:20 from Friday going east. I don't blame the people standing not asking her to move her feet so they could sit. I passed by her when I first boarded, her feet were filthy. I don't know why people do this. It's rude. Would you do this in the livingroom of a house you're visiting? Would you just stick your dirty birkenstocks and feet on someone's couch? I wanted to slap her feet off the seat.

Pandelerium

Due to a protest by pink people demanding access to pay toilets at the corner of Queen & Yonge in advance of the summit, my office tower was evacuated at 4pm. I'm on the 4:25 listening to a gaggle of summer law interns discussing what they would do should they 'get shot' this week during a protest. I guess the fact they were let off early in advance of a protest was lost on them. Never mind the army of police on hand ...

Foot rot

The lady beside me keeps slipping her bare feet in and out of her loafers. Each time she does she assaults me with a smell - stale sweat? - that can only be described as how a car would smell if it sat all day in the sun with an open bag of corn chips baking on the dash.
The lady across from her has been busily fashioning a mask out of a Metro newspaper.

Bathroom killer

I spent the last 10 minutes of my ride tonight listening to a conversation between two guys explaining how they hide out in the washroom at their respective work places to kill time, sometimes for more than an hour. One reads and the other plays games on his Blackberry.

So I thought, I guess that's one way to kill an hour but then eventually your co-workers will notice and that's why when your birthday rolls around, you shouldn't be surprised when you open your gift and it's a book called "Keeping Control: Understanding and Overcoming Fecal Incontinence".

I wonder how a book signing goes on a topic like this? If I were the author, I'd have a keg of Purell on hand.

Announcements

For those of you with rice paper bladders, washrooms will be unlocked on the accessibility coaches of all trains or so says the customer service ambassador riding my 5:20 train tonight.
Since most of my readers are people who work for GO, I have to give props to the ambassadors and how they're becoming more and more creative with the 7-minute long G-20 announcements.

But I'd still like to see some jazz hands!

Banana Bread, yes please!

Submitted by Carry L.

On the Milton train Friday morning, I had told my husband in my cell call to him while waiting for the train to board I hadn't slept well and also skipped breaksfast and left my bank card in my other purse. All I had on me was a library card and a 10-ride ticket. When I was finished the woman opposite of me pulled out a slice of banana bread she had bought earlier for herself and offered it to me saying she would get something later at work. She was concerned about me going hungry all day. I accepted and I regret not asking her name as I don't use the train often as I'm part of a carpool but the driver is on holidays.

So to the lady in the yellow blouse, thank you!

At the bottom of the ocean

I just spent the whole ride, on an express train that became ALL STOPS, next to a guy who told what seemed like hundreds of bad lawyer jokes to the poor suffering couple sitting across from him.
I suppose this was better than listening to the 'guess who's gay on this train?' game the two girls standing near me were playing.

What? No potty?

THIS POST HAS BEEN UPDATED
Despite what you've heard in an announcement on your train, check the GO Transit website for washroom information. Readers have written in stating different instructions are being given out. - CJ

Did you know that next week, starting Monday, because of some event which is costing a gazillion dollars involving jokers from around the world who will be attending a baseball game at the Rogers Centre has GO Transit locking the bathrooms on all of their trains as a security measure? (This information may be false, see note above and comments below.)

Will they be locking up the saws, sledgehammers, shovels, pick axes and hammers conveniently stored throughout the coaches fully accessible by anyone? So some wannabe terrorist cum protester can't hide a stick of C4 in the loo but they're welcome to help themselves to a pick axe?

Not only do we have to bring "snacks and water" next week, but we also have to invest in adult diapers. Is anyone NOT thinking this through? How can anyone expect thousands of people to be stranded on trains with no access to washroom facilities?

At least I know how I'll gain access to the bathroom if I need it. I'll just use the sledgehammer.

Le Bag Rider

This woman (riding in the window seat) rode all the way to Ajax with her crap on the seat opposite her while the woman beside her held her purse in her lap.

As people boarded and a man asked to sit, she sighed audibly as she shuffled her stuff under her seat.

Hey, here's an idea?! How about you do that before you sit down? Like right when you first get on the train. You should try that, this way others don't inconvenience you.

Gum blow

The girl across from me in the other aisle seat just sneezed and blew her gum out of her mouth. It hit the 'Last Call For Alcohol' ad.

Gerbil doc

It appears the gerbils who run things (literally) at Google have died because my poll at the bottom of my blog has ceased operation.

I'll give it a couple of days for their IT people to restock from the local pet store before I delete it. I was really looking forward to the final tally.

People who park like a$$holes

You can't even see the yellow guide line on the asphalt, that's how asshole-ish this parking job by the owner of the red car was.

I'm not built like Barbie so I had to climb into the driver's seat from the passenger side of my Ford Flex. In the pouring, f*cking, wind-driving rain after a soaking, soddy walk to the end of the GO lot. And people wonder why their cars get keyed.

Woman, you crazy. And stupid

Outside Ajax, this woman pulls out her cell and begins a conversation about her citizenship application. On a packed Go train and within earshot of strangers, she provides her SIN, name, DOB, mother's maiden name and address and then proceeds to entertain us all with why she needs to provide proof of citizenship... for a shopping trip to the Coach store in Buffallo.

Identity Theft. You has it.

36

I bet you're wondering why there isn't a lick of a train story today or why there won't be.
It's just easy if I post my last few Facebook status updates. Enjoy.

Cindy Smith
is giving 36 the finger

Cindy Smith
36. Yep.

Winnie Forsberger

Congratulations on being on the other side of 40? Enjoy your day! Spend it with (your daughter).

Cindy Smith

Coincidentally, that may be the plan as she's up with me complaining of a sore tummy. I had plans to be at the spa but my baby comes first.

Cindy Smith

Don't you sleep? Oh wait ... ... aw crap. XXX just upchucked all over the office rug.

Cindy Smith
it's hard to clean up puke when you're drunk and it's not even yours, see comments in last status update.

Cindy Smith
Would people find it odd if I drag my 5 year old with me to Shoppers Drug Mart at 2am for Ginger Ale? Oh sh*t ... wait. Okay, if I call a cab and take her with me? Does she need it? Oh lordy, please don't let her puke again! Bloody **** and his 'I'mma in a coma sleeps'!!!

Cindy Smith
All right. I'm lying down with this kid. I'm tired. Of all nights when I have a vodka bender I get this. Can I tie a feedbag to her head? Will it work? Can I make one with a tube sock?

Oh wait, you're confused. I see.

Well, I booked today off as a vacation day for my 36th birthday with plans for a spa day. I also decided a buffet of cocktails was in order after Sunday night's dinner. Then, at 11:45pm, my 5 year old wandered into the office here at home complaining of an upset tummy. So, we sat together looking at stuff on the Sesame Street website on one monitor while I farted around on Facebook on the other ... I think what happened next is self-explanatory. I also think it's pretty obvious how I'm spending my birthday.

Sun

Just switched seats with the girl next to me who wanted the window seat so she can 'work on her tan'.

MA-MAH!

It was a train of audio horrors for me this morning.

There's these two women who get on at Whitby who jump around like Arethra Franklin on donuts, so you never know which car they'll wind up in. These two never SHUT UP.

This morning the topic at hand was a $45 bank charge for an RRSP withdrawal or some crap. Usually when I see them coming, I flee, but I was with my train friend Charlotte and I couldn't just leave in mid-conversation.

You know these two ladies have a reputation when you hear the collective sighs and groans from others once they settle their loudmouths into seats.

And if these two ladies happen to stumble onto this website one day and can recall the time there was this 30-minute discussion about f*cking slow cookers and dinner, it was me who asked you both to lower your voices that day.

Then, somewhere outside of Pickering, this woman breaks out her cellphone and begins a conversation in Vietnamese at VOLUME 20 hollering at her mother. She kept screaming "Ma-mah! Ma-mah!" every other sentence.

My ability to understand Vietnamese is limited to what I learned from watching the movie Platoon over one hundred times but I'm positive that's what language everyone in my coach was getting a lesson in. She also hollered, "Cam ming lie!" a few times which I am sure is "Shut up".

Ohhh, now I get it.

Dirty Turnips!

Contributed by Jay C.

Today as my train rolled into Union these 2 construction types get off. Attached is what they left behind. Dirt, grime and dried mud. It's like snails and the trail of slime they make as they crawl along. At least put down some newspaper and sit on that!!!

(click photo to enlarge)

C.J. says: This reminds me of the time a woman's Aunt Flo joined her for her commute. Only the ladies will understand.

Overheard

There's three blonde university types sitting on the stairs lamenting over how they didn't score seats.
'I know, right?' says one while her friend says, while slathering lip balm all over her mouth complete with baby voice, 'I was so looking forward to sleepin so I could dream about eating'.

You not in line!

Just got screamed at by a man as I blended in with the throng boarding the 5:10 at Union.


What line?

For RonNasty

Why is Michael J. Fox (as Marty McFly) riding the GO Train? Story here.

No tone please

The lady beside me was writing the longest text message in history with the keypad tone on her phone set to LOUD.

She was also texting incredibly slowly. It sounded like my grandma making a long distance call to the Ukraine, then screwing up on a digit and starting over.

Eventually I told her she could turn the tone sound off to which she replied, "Oh I like it, because it reminds me I'm typing, like on a keyboard. Silent typing is just weird."

I hope no one ever buys her tickets to a deaf choir. It appears much is lost on this woman.

Observed

A dude, who just got on at Ajax, is wearing a lifejacket, long sleeved shirt and shorts. We're heading east to Oshawa. I don't know where he's heading.

Random

1. Why do people bring rank food like warmed up mystery meat and onions on board?
2. Why, when the train is late, is there always one person who has to bitch aloud the whole ride? Get a blog. It worked for me.
3. Why do people insist on putting their bags on seats when people are boarding? No one should be asking you to move it. It's a given, jerk. And don't roll your eyes when I ask.

It's one thing to smell it, but to taste it ...

I just breathed in the bad body odor of the dude next to me.

With my mouth.

I tried ...

... To get a picture of the guy who tied his 10-speed to a pole on the first car on the 7:53 from Oshawa with a dirty sweat sock, complete with red stripe.

But there was no way to do it without being so obvious.

When he got off at Union and rode away, his assless jeans were forever burned into my brain.

The Gate Keeper

Submitted by Adam D.

This morning as I was heading to the Milton Go Train, I had to go and punch my ticket. Well, my usual green punch card machine was being guarded by a rude little man who thought it would be better to stand in the way of people with his bag, reading the paper.

This is probably one of the most popular ticket punch machines and even despite my glaring and pushing his bag out of the way, he still stood there reading... the kicker is that he had a wide open platform to stand anywhere he wanted to. Heck, the train had not even arrived yet... but nooooo Mr. Rudeness just didn't care... Way to go Sport-O, way to go!

---

C.J. says: According to my spies and incredibly reliable sources, it appears "Sport-O" here makes it a habit of being in other people's way. Evidence shown below.

Rudeness in action

I took the 5:53 today. The train was packed.

There were 2 women with rolling suitcases on board. One had her suitcase down on the floor in front of her legs and the other, shown with a black square on her head, had her suitcase on the seat next to her.

In the second photo, below, you will notice all the space under her seat and in the aisle where she could put her suitcase.

Why? So she could give this lady, who sat on the WET STEPS a seat.

I offered her mine but she pointedly looked at these two women when she said, "Oh, thank you but I'm okay to sit on the floor".

It amazes people are so rude. And clueless. People should be forced to pay extra fare for excess baggage at peak times.

Poll Results - April/May

So to answer the question of my April/May poll:

True or False: GO Transit monthly pass holders have an annual household income of $100K and higher

True	22 (48%)
False	23 (51%)

Votes: 45

GO Transit customers are a wealthy lot with a median household income of over $100K.

My husband and I fit the criteria but we sure don't feel wealthy. Do you?

Email

I should probably make it a habit to read my crazy train email account more than two times a week.

To answer some commonly asked questions, no, I am not "breaking the law" by having such a blog. Where do you think I live? Turkey? No offense to those who live in Turkey... not that you could read this anyway.

My crazy train logo, from what my lawyer friends tell me, doesn't infringe on any copyright. It may make a person look twice but that's because of the colour and I'm pretty sure GO Transit doesn't "own that green". I'm not even using the same green. If they've trademarked the colour, which I doubt as Coke, AT&T and IBM are the only companies I can think of who have trademarked their corporate colours, then I suppose I better shut this whole operation down.

Um, no.

But really, how does one enforce colour copyright? Can I trademark a rainbow? I've always been fond of blue.

As far as I know, people who work at GO Transit make up more of my readership than actual riders.

And no, I don't work there. I'm not telling you where I work.

Spike belt

Anyone know where I can pick one up on the cheap?

This will teach those dirty turnips who nearly run people over in GO Transit parking lots in the morning as they race (literally) to park so they can catch their train.

Is it possible to buy one I can shoot out of a wrist strap like Spiderman? I'd be a hero. No, seriously, I would.

There's also no excuse for this same behaviour in the evenings.

Speeding in parking lots is akin to speeding towards a red light, so slow down and be patient. You walked to your car just like I did, right?

Everyone else wants to get home just as much as you do and preferably in one piece!

You've been "told"

I love riders who tell other riders to "shut the hell up".

Trust me lady ... there was a reason why no one came to your defence after that guy yelled at you. We were all sick of listening to your cackle as you chatted and laughed away on your Blackberry.

It's too early for that crap and our brains don't like to listen to one half of a conversation. Research has proved it.

I'm surprised more people don't go apeshit.

Friday

I had no means to which to blog as I had left my celly in my car but the highlight of the ride home was the dude who attempted to get his 10-speed on board the 5:10.

Security had to be called. For real.

Victim

As I drove home from the GO Station tonight, a warning message flashed in the driver's information area of the dash of my Chevrolet Equinox.

TIGHTEN GAS CAP

This puzzled me and then I noticed my fuel gauge. On Sunday, I filled my car. My tank holds 69 litres of gas, enough to drive 598 km. Tonight, my fuel gauge showed I had less than a quarter of a tank left. I've only driven 62 km this week.

Turns out, I'm a victim of gas siphoning. Someone siphoned close to 50 litres of gas from my tank while it sat parked in the GO lot. It's the only conclusion I can come to. My tank had over three quarters of fuel this morning.

It's time to bring back locking gas caps.

Jerk.

Eyes

The guy across from me keeps rolling his eyes back into his head everytime he blinks.
It's almost as creepy as people who sleep with their eyes partially open.

Me Too!

For those who can't make it out, the t-shirt reads, "Normal People Scare Me".

Seriously

Considering I pay good money to ride, how hard is it to turn on the a/c in this coach?
Worst ride home ever.

Someone get this lady a pillow!

And a martini. With umbrella.

Listen up, dirty turnips. Why overhearing half a cellphone conversation is so annoying

From the Los Angeles Times

A new study shows why the ever-present cellphone conversations going on around us—in the grocery store, mall, airport, elevator, on the bus (on the GO Train!), etc.—feel so intrusive.

Cellphones have made phone conversations ubiquitous. But many people confess to feeling a bit startled, then irritated, when they hear speech, think someone is talking to them, and then realize the person nearby is talking to someone else on the phone.

It turns out that our brains just don't like this phenomenon.

READ THE REST OF THIS STORY

Not ridin' dirty

Yesterday I took the day off and took my kid to the zoo.
Holy crap. I had no idea it was going to be that warm.

Today I am working from home and with the long weekend upon us, there won't be any stories til Tuesday.

Keep those pictures coming! cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Have a nice long weekend you dirty turnips!

What a nightmare

I'm so embarrassed.
My allergies got the better of me and with no tissues available, I had to make due with my white jacket.
Yes. I will leave you with that mental image.
I apologize if I grossed anyone out.
It was really bad.

Oshawa 4:10

What the hell was that?

No seriously ... what the hell?

On the first car, lower level, there was a group of 7 people who clearly failed to realize that many of us didn't give a rat's bum about their lame jokes. The speaking volume was ridiculous ... and the yelling!

I can understand the joy of having train friends but for god's sake, some of us are trying to read. I found myself reading the same paragraph over and over because the obnoxious laughter kept breaking my concentration.

As we pulled into Oshawa, this same group then stood in a crowd at the doors continuing their boisterous ear-splitting volume of discussion and laughter.

The poor woman beside me was so annoyed, I could feel the steam from her ears. When I asked her if it was like this everyday, she said yes.

Good god.

Someone better hide the tools.

Overheard

"I don't know why I pay for a pass.
No one ever checks."

---

Oh but they do.

It happens on the day you forgetfully left yours on the dash of your car because you were trying to disconnect your iPod and then you dropped your keys and couldn't find them and now you're late and you slam the door and book it for the train and all the while your pass sits alone on the dash.

That's why you pay. Because you never know when your time is up.

Fridge

Okay folks, listen up.
I can appreciate that many of you commute with several bags and that's not the problem. The problem is how you carry them.

When walking between the aisle seats, carrying several bags over the shoulder is not only dangerous, it's rude. This morning, my train buddy Charlotte was nearly decapitated by a moron who decided to hoof a bag the size of a small bar fridge onto his back.

Carry them down in front of you.

Help save a head.

Help save a life.

Bag riding to Stouffville

I snapped this on Friday. When I asked this lady to sit she said she was holding the seat for a friend. I'm not sure where this friend was but there was no friend in that seat when we left Union.

Submitted by Tamara H.

Charlotte

Before I begin today's post, I aplogize for yesterday's lack of mindless nonsense. I didn't ride the train as I drove my ass into Toronto for a conference. As I type this, the guy across from me is air drumming and tapping out beats on his knapsack, oblivious to the fact that some of us just aren't that much into Reo Speedwagon as him. I suggest he "roll with the changes" ... maybe just roll right off the train.

My train friend finally told me her name but I've already committed myself to the name Charlotte which will now be difficult to break. Charlotte it is.

Also, Charlotte would like you for a**holes at Ajax to let her off the train in the morning. Shocking, I know, that some people actually get off at stops before Union.

Pizza

The kid across from me... university-age... he's brought aboard a 12-inch pizza, in the box, and is wolfing this monster down - like he hasn't eaten in months.

The smell is driving me crazy. I almost want to offer him $2 for a slice.

I wish people wouldn't do that.

Bring delicious smelling food on the train, I mean.

And just before dinner.

I accidentally called him a bastard under my breath.

Okay, no I didn't. But I want to.

Bible

Occasionally, I see the same three people who read the Bible daily.

I often wonder about that. I only ever read it once. It took all of my Grade 10 and 11 theology classes to get through it. I don't remember it being a real page-turner. (Oh, I know I am going to burn in hell for that ... )

The Bible hasn't changed in thousands of years and unless there's an alternate ending I don't know about, I'm intrigued by those who read it over and over.

I have a five year old who watches the movies the same way. And an 89 year old grandmother.

Confession

I told my new train friend, whose name I realize I've never asked, so I'll call her Charlotte because I like that name, about this website and admitted I blog about y'all.
On a side note, the guy opposite of me needs to turn down his motivational recording on his iPod which I can hear is about learning to love yourself.

Oh

I see how it is ...
It's okay for *you* to have a bad case of the sniffles but when I casually cleared my nose, you threw me a dirty look. So I did it again and you rolled your eyes.
When you sniffled again, I pointedly offered you a tissue which you turned down.
Is there a BA people study for how to be a jerk?

Suitcase rider

Nope, rush hour is not a good time to take you and three suitcases from your vacation in Quebec City onto the train.
You can't understand why people are pissed that you've put your suitcases onto three individual seats in a quad? Did you buy three tickets?
No.
So get a clue.

When I suggested you stack them on one seat, complaining you didn't want them to fall over is not my problem.
Unreal.

Smoking

No, you are not cool standing there smoking on the platform under a big yellow sign asking people not to. Why? Because it's the damn law and it applies to everyone. How fair is that to the smokers who do comply?

What? Are you special?

Did your mom not hug you enough as a kid that you think being a rebel means you resort to sucking on a cancer stick and blowing your toxic bullsh*t into others' air space?

Laziness gives no one the right to break the law. Smoke in the parking lot and then you can join those of us who obey the law.

Jerk.

Friend

I made me a friend today on the 7:53.
See, I'm not that heartless.

Too much

For the life of me, I will never understand how people can have a full blown conversation about a dance recital, weekend plans, birthdays, mother's day and every other piece of drama going on in their life before 8 in the morning. Who are you talking to?!!

Teeth

This young guy just flossed his front teeth with the wire of his iPod headphones.

Crap

Only I would pick the worst place to sit on the train this morning and there's nowhere to move to.

No, not near the potty but at the back of the first car, near the door for the second car. Yeah. I suck.

Breath mint

Um. Yeah.

Sooo ... you know those times when a really tall person crams into the inside window seat opposite you and then decides it's time to crouch down for a power nap so their knee is massaging your crotch?

You do?

Super. That's what I rode home with tonight on the 4:53. Not only that, I had to put up with 45 yawns (I counted) all directed at me that smelled like a closet that had not been opened in years.

In fact, there were many times where if I had a Certs or a TicTac on me, I would have shot a few three pointers at his mouth and would have scored every time.

I would have also done him a favour.

Tourists

That's awesome you've taken a day out of your life in Peterborough to head to the big city of 'Torunna' for some shopping downtown. I'm so happy for you!

In fact, I know that everybody on the first floor of Coach 5125 was thrilled to learn why you hate Toronto so much and your disbelief there are people who "do this" everyday - take the train everyday. Wow, eh? By the way, ever heard of an "inside voice"?

Yes, we "do this" everyday. Sometimes twice a day. Because we work. And because the world doesn't revolve around the car. And because like you, we don't want to pay a fortune to park or sit in traffic.

You mean, you go to work everyday, too? Ohhh, but in a car ...

Amazing.