Back in February, I hit a number on the scale I hadn't seen since the year before my daughter was born. Embarrassingly, that would be 10 years ago this month.
What's frustrating is that I have not been able to move past 238 pounds. The scale goes up to 240 some days but will eventually slide back down and stay at 238. I even bought new batteries for that stupid scale. Still 238.
I routinely walk nearly 25 km a week but no longer walk 2 hours/11 km four times weekly in addition to daily walking. My body has become very efficient at walking and walking as exercise no longer yields results.
I lost 80 pounds from walking and changing my lifestyle (I gave up a car) and eating habits (I quit sugar). As much as I love the results (I went from a size 26w to an 18w) I dislike what I need to do to keep the weight off and from coming back. It's the food. I miss, absolutely miss, sugar. I miss buffet style eating (I haven't been to Mandarin in over 2 years) I realize now I'm in mourning. And it's this food grief that is causing me to think it's okay to add a slice of very berry coffee cake (380 calories - all of them bad) with my morning Starbucks coffee.
I am tired of eating 90 grams of protein a day and the calculation and cost of achieving that number. Eating protein with every meal has proven to keep cravings away and keep the weight off but I am tired of tuna, eggs, chicken and protein bars. I have eaten every brand of protein bar out there. If you're just starting out on your own weight loss journey, I highly recommend the Detour bars sold at Costco but I'm sick of them. Fish is expensive. Although I can afford to eat it three times a week, my daughter has decided fish for dinner has got to stop. Especially white fish. She has quit on me. Her father isn't too far behind.
A few months ago I reintroduced red meat back into our diets. As my husband grilled three strip loin steaks I had marinated in a butter and garlic roux, my daughter stood at the screen door leading to the back deck, inhaling deeply, and professing her love for all things beef. I'm pretty sure I saw a tear escape from my husband's eye as he turned the steaks to sear the other side.
It's been a rough 35 months for everyone in the Smith household.
Because of my husband's type 2 diabetes, sugar remains permanently banned from the home. I have perfected baking with Splenda and Stevia so it's not needed, but you can't make everything with artificial sweeteners (custard will give you the middle finger) and cakes just don't taste the same. Don't get me started on ice cream.
So in an effort to shake shit up, I've taken up road cycling. Living out in rural Clarington has its benefits with this sport as I have kilometers and kilometers of country roads at my disposal. In my first go, I racked up 22 kilometers in an hour and 33 minutes. I was very pleased with myself. I am now up to 28 km in two hours with 12 km of that being uphill, which slows me down, but raises the heart rate right into a prime fat burning zone.
The exercise isn't an issue, it's the diet. Because of this food exhaustion and boredom, I'm sliding back into bad habits and it's scary because I can't seem to control it. It's like putting a finger in the hole of a wall of a dam where you know eventually that hole will grow bigger and the dam will break.
I'm at a loss. I have no idea what to do here.