Monday, November 8, 2010

Did you ever think that the reason for track congestion is... you?

So the premise of this post is this:

I'm making an imaginary phone call on my cellphone to the wannabe knight in shining armour who pried open the train doors and held them open this morning after the CSA closed them.

Er, look, there's been something on my mind that I want to talk to you about.

Just some of the jerkish things you've been doing.

Wait ... are you on Facebook? Again?!

Well get off and listen to me!!!

Are those your European style briefs that someone claimed to have left in a washroom on the Georgetown train?

Oh sorry ... Milton ...

Why are you so defensive? Like I believe you'd write a shout out about that. Oh my god. I was just kidding ... !

Gawd... why do you have to be like this?

No, like, really ... what I wanted to talk to you about was your misguided chivalrous attempt to hold the doors open this morning on the 7:21 out of Oshawa.

You were making Mario very angry and when Mario's angry, it makes me angry.

Hey, just hang on, let me finish. We're friends, right? Cool. So hear me out ...

WHAT?! Have you ***seen*** Mario???

Okay, well neither have I, but don't ruin it for me ...

I said, don't ruin my fantasy ... (photo below).

Anyway, listen. That was stupid what you did. All for a hot piece in a skirt and heels. Maybe if she'd invest in a pair of tennis shoes, she'd make it from her car to the train on time.

Because you know what happens when you prevent the doors from closing? You make about 700 or so people late for work. You cause track congestion at Union...


Shut up and listen.

Do I claim to be an expert at train schedules???

You're the one whose channeling Julio Iglesias' HERO in your head as you watch your hot piece run in slow motion for the train. The train that's supposed to leave at 7:21 ... not 7:23 ...

What? Oh, forgive me ... Enrique Iglesias ... same thing ...

Anyway ... I totally blame you for being five minutes behind schedule this morning.

What? You think five minutes is nothing!? You know what five minutes means to me? It means I lose five minutes to meander up Bay Street and buy my coffee at MY LEISURE.

No, this isn't about me. It's not about me.

Why do you think it's always about me?

You know what? Just go hold open the doors on some other train. Just stay the hell away from the train I'm on.

I'm gonna go think about Mario now. I'm done with you.


Kaylaa Claudusz #Ajax said...

omg. Cellphone conversations drive me crazy. Especially the ones from women who call their husbands about dinner only to hang up all pissed off and near tears because he didn't take the chicken out of the freezer.

TomW said...

Not taking the chicken out the freezer shoudl only be upsetting to those without microwave ovens. Yes, it will take about 15-20 minutes to defrost, but in that time, the (normal) oven will have heated up fully, so your dinner eb able to go into a hot oven, and will probabnly be only delayed about 5-10 minutes.
Annoying? Yes. Tear-jerking? No.

Anonymous said...

Who is the photo really of?
He's super hot.

denise said...

The dude's name is Willy Monfret. He's a french model and DJ.

Kary said...

I like Mario.

I realized last year when I was complaining to my brother-in-law about the CSA Cheryl, that I've become part of the GO commuter culture. It was a kinda sad moment for me, but I've come to accept it.

As I stated, I like Mario. I don't fantasize about him, I think he's young, but I do fantasize about a few of the men on the 7:15 out of Oshawa, and the 16:53 LSE out of Union. Slim pickings, but I just need something to pass the time.