Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Wasted bandwidth

This text exchange, which originated this afternoon but didn't pick up steam until tonight, should remind people that because I've put my mobile number online, it means I want people to text me and I will engage in a conversation. If you're not expecting a response, put the phone down.

I've omitted the text headers (as numerous people have said they find them annoying) and my replies, as always, are in green.

* * *

So you like to mess around with people when they text you, eh?

Do you always state the obvious?

How long did it take you to come up with that? I texted you hours ago LOL

Sorry, I have this thing I do from 9 to 5. It's called a job. It keeps me busy.

So you're just reading my text now?

No. I didn't read anything. I was just sitting here and I got this vision and it was written in arial font with a point size of 10 and it said, "So you like to mess around with people when they text you, eh?"

I'm not even holding a BlackBerry. I am telepathically communicating with you.

Right. I bet you make up your text conversations because they are all read too well rehearsed. Or, you spend a lot of time thinking about your answers.

(long intentional pause by me)


Oh, sorry, I like to take my time and think about my answers before I text them.

That's what I said.

I am in awe of your super brilliance.

I am in awe of how you've managed to dupe people into thinking you're this hilarious comic.

I can't recall calling myself that.

Oh, wait. Former stand-up comic. Which essentially means you failed.

Actually, what I needed to do was pay my rent and working clubs for $75 a night plus a percentage of bar tips doesn't afford much in Toronto.

Right. You failed in being able to establish a comedy career.

Maybe if that had been my ambition but it was something I did as a hobby while going to college.

Still a fail.

Anytime someone writes "former", it means they can't follow through with something.

Yes. I didn't follow through with a stand-up comedy career because I had no desire to be famous.

So you write a GO train blog instead. Pretty sad my friend.

I disagree. I enjoy writing the blog and it's awesome to know people enjoy reading it. I've always liked to entertain.

But you just couldn't make money from it.

I don't make money from the blog either.

At least advertisers know a loser when they see one.

Not a goal of mine.

What to be a loser? That's the only thing you've won at! LOL

I have no desire to make money from a website.

Then I don't get it.

Get what?

Why you even bother.

Well if I didn't bother, I wouldn't have the opportunity to meet charming assholes like you.

I suggest you watch your mouth.

I never did understand that saying. I can't even see my mouth.

Don't change the subject.

LOL, you act like I started this conversation.

You wrote back didn't you?

Isn't that what you expected? Why else would you have texted me if you didn't expect a reply?

Anyway, good luck loser.

Thanks for the waste of time!


Anonymous said...

I love how you didn't even break a sweat under the pressure. What a dick.

Anonymous said...

Wow, people like that exist in the world?

Bicky said...

It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. I'm just happy I have something to giggle at first thing in the morning.

Skin Man said...

All I can say is sorry CJ. Sorry you have to put up with a$$hats like that. Some people are just so angry inside. Anyway thanks for putting up with the DB's of the world and keep the yuks coming!

C.J. Smith said...

Why you all apologizing? Bring on the douches! I put my number up for a reason - entertainment.

Flies to honey. Flies to honey.

TomW said...

"Anytime someone writes 'former', it means they can't follow through with something."

I'm a former teenager. I guess I was never able to follow through on that.

David said...

I'm a former university student three times over, guess I failed at that too.

Sylv said...

I've got you all beat:) I am a Kindergarden dropout three times over! I grew up in the Netherlands, where they used to have three years of K, starting at age 3, but it was not mandatory. I started every year, and dropped out every. single. time.

Guess I'll never amount to anything now.

PW said...

What can one expect from a bully? You're lucky you didn't publish my cell number because I'd sue you so fast for invasion of privacy you wouldn't know what hit you.

lswgirl13 said...

Maybe the text came one of the Occupy Toronto'ers. Hey, they've got time on their hands!

Squiggles said...


You are the genius in the black font?

If so, you brought it upon yourself. You cannot claim CJ bullied you when you yourself continued the conversation.

Sweet Jebus. Take some responsibility for your actions.

FRED said...

I think PW is a troll.

lswgirl13 said...

I'd say PW's phone number was fair game since he/she initiated the "conversation". I just love it when people always threaten to sue. Yep, cause' lawyers are just lined-up to take moronic cases without a retainer! **rolls eyes**

Jean-Baptiste aka the Crazy Acadian aka Dad said...

My daughter has one of the quickest wits you ever did see.

I always said she'd make a great politician. They're the best set of jokers out there.

Her mom and I never understood the stand-up thing because the only way to make money is to do movies or have a shtick like that bald Canadian guy who opens empty suitcases for a living. Howie something. Most Canadian comics have it tougher. What's a white, straight Canadian girl gonna do? Dress up as a moose. It would never work.

Anonymous said...

Wow. What an ass. First thing I thought was wow every single comment of his was negative. That's horrible. The second thought was if this loser does have a gf/wife I bet he's abusive. Either emotionally or physically. Possibly both. It is sad that there are people out there like this fucktard.

PW said...

All of you are amusing. Right away, the assumption is I am a man. I am a woman. And publishing a person's number with the intent to harrass them in a public forum is not legal. It's ethically wrong. Sorry, I win.

As for the dad, thank you for proving my point. Your daughter just didn't have it in her.

C.J. Smith said...

Oh noes! Don't try to goad my dad. He won't play. Neither will I.
Thanks for visiting. Now surf away! Surf away!

DF said...

Well PW your not being a man doesn't take away from the fact that you're just a miserable negative bitch.

lswgirl13 said...

@PW - "Sorry, I win"? YOU initiated the conversation for what purpose? Ohhhh yes, to stir up shit. In fact you were the one harrassing but thanks for coming out.

PW said...

Oh be gone with you two. Both you and DF are nothing but instigators. You can't walk away from a fight! Can you?
You fight in every discussion on this site.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was CJ herself pretending to be these 2 personalities because lswgirl13 comments way too much and too conveniently.
I'm on to this charade and will expose it for what it is. said...

I have advised all my multiple personalities to ignore the troll.

As for my core group of dedicated daily readers (supposedly me, myself and I). Don't let this d-bag get to you.

Further comments by PW will be deleted. I have the power! (Lifts sword like the dude from Greyskull)

Anonymous said...

Why wouldn't they? Its fun to read this stuff, thanks for the entertainment PW or should I say PMS? And PS, DF is a friend of mine, she is a great person and is very real!

Shauna said...

WOW - total awesomeness!

Anonymous said...

PW - It is clear that you are the instigator here...not CJ nor anyone else.

It is actually quite sad and I feel sorry for you. I mean, you have nothing better to do but come on here and cause shit for the sake of causing shit.

If you don't like what you are reading...move on.

I for one don't care if CJ's text conversations are fake b/c frankly they're entertaining and give me a chuckle to an otherwise monotonous day. (For the record, I don't think they are fake).

And "be gone with you two". No, be gone with you. I have enough toxic negative people in my family and office...I don't need another one....

Seriously...move on.

Richard said...

Next week on w5, PW exposes a charade on a blog from comments left by go transit commuters.

Wow, and they say investigative journalism is dead.

Anonymous said...

@Richard....if she succeeds at it, I forsee a Pulitzer in her future!

lswgirl13 said...

DF - do we fight in every discussion on this site??? If the discussion has to do with (but not limited to) the turds on the train, the Leafs, Kenny Chesney and oh yes, unions, then yep, I'm in a fightin' mood.

Al said...


You cant delete PW's comments, Dont be "the man", let the baby have her bottle, if she wants to keep arguing.

I think the reason I had assumed she was a man is I had a hard time believing that a woman could be so mean. Must be trying to compensate for something missing in her life, possibly a man, unless she bats for the other team. If that's the case I assume she's the one wearing tha pants.

Why you gotta try to knock someone down, and who are to call anyone bully?

lswgirl13 said...

Well said Al!

Oh yes, and to clarify my previous post . . . I HATE the Leafs!

Jean-Baptiste aka the Crazy Acadian aka Dad said...

Don't you dare delete anything! Remember how mommy and I told you that if you ignore it, it will go away? Ignore what we said.

PW said...

LOL, her multiple personalities won't allow it!

PW said...

My favourite personality is Squiggles. Haven't seen her show up yet.

PW said...

And in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ...

Squiggles said...

Hey ma! Look what I can do!

Too easy.

PW said...

See how easy? I can even be Al.

Al said...

I like feeling the soft hands of a man on my hands when I hold onto "the pole".


Jean-Baptiste aka the Crazy Acadian aka Dad said...

PW, maybe it's best you do move along.

PW said...

Hey Jean-Baptiste,
You know what I know? I know that it's hard to fake a Blogger account as you would need multiple email accounts. So the ones who come and comment under a Blogger ID are legit.
You're a fake and so are all the other "names".
I just proved it. Point? Me.

Al said...

My "pole" doesn't even want to talk to you.

Jean-Baptiste aka the Crazy Acadian aka Dad said...

Well then I'll just have to go get a Blogger account. Big whoop.

PW said...

Sorry guys for my weirdness I forgot to take my meds today. Please ignore any further posts I make as it can take a while for them to kick in.

PW said...

My former career involved a donkey, a camera and a lot of lube.

Original Squiggles said...

Hey, do not steal my name! It took me a long time to come up with that one.

And if your reading comprehension is anything to go by, you know that I posted a comment for you at 10.48.

Al said...

All that you proved is that you are able to spell my name and squiggles in the name comments box,

I know I am real I dont have a blogger account because I dont Blog, The website gives me an option to comment with a name so instead of ANON I use my name.

I have no doubt that it is actually CJ's Dad/squiggles/lswgirl, you are the only troll here.

I dont understand the hatred, if you dont like what you see on a website, dont comment, dont hate, just go away.

I'll bett your a DDD, arent you?

Probably disagree with something CJ or someone else said and despite them most likely being right you cant accept that something you are guilty of doing could be frowned upon.

And if you have kids I bet they never do anything wrong either, it must be the other kids that have a problem, not your baby.

C.J. Smith said...


Yes! Loves.

Guess this means PW will have to go get a blogger account, too. Gotta isolate the personalities.

Gary said...

I don't buy it that CJ is doing all the commenting. Either she's a really fast typer or she has a room full of monkeys on PCs. It's impossible for her to keep track of such a task.

Bicky said...

Well I personally know Squiggles, so I know she's real. Oh and when CJ did put a text exchange header on the posts, she always x'd out the bulk of the phone number. We wouldn't be able "invade your privacy" even if we wanted to, which we don't.

Now I have to get back to proofreading income tax commentary.

The Original Squiggles said...


I can assure you that I am not one of CJ's voices in her head. We have communicated via email before. In fact, had I not erred, she never would have connected me to the name I used to comment under.

As for PW's number: where is it? CJ never posted it. I normally look at these things as soon as they are posted and show up in my RSS feed (which I use for work and this helps my work day pass quickly, so it still counts :) The number was never posted.

Skin Man said...

Lesson 1: don't attack the creator

Lesson 2: don't forget lesson #1

.....forget it too fight clubish....

Hey I read regularily, don't comment as much can I be one of CJ's personalities?


Skin Man said...

oh...and the leafs rock!

Anonymous said...

@Skin Man - 7 out of a possible 8 points baby!! I'm already planning the parade route ;-)

Al said...

Ummm Suiggy?

Gary was saying that he did not think that CJ had multiple personalities.

I would however love to invade this putz's privacy.

lswgirl13 said...

@Skin Man - what is it with men and Fight Club??? I endured 15 mins of that crap and that was it for me. And yes, I know what happens.
And obviously you and Anon1:59 are Leafs fans. I know this because you are clearly delusional, just like PW.

Original Squiggles said...

Sorry, I was trying to point out that I wasn't one of CJ's monkeys.

I am still torqued at PW and the assumption of my name. I get that I can be a favourite personality, because I am adorable, damn it!, but to say I do not exist outside of someone else's imagining was just the icing on a really crappy week.

Svej said...

PW evidently needs a hobby because she appears to spend too much time trolling GO commuters.

Suggested hobbies:
-volunteering at hospital.
-playing piano.
-learning something new (i.e. manners)
-video games.
-visiting friends.

There you go PW, try something new, I think that is a good list to start you off. You really do need it.

Original Squiggles said...

Great list Svej.

But one small point: You are assuming PW has friends.

Entertained on the Milton Line said...

Hey PW!!

Are you also the one that invents a lot of the Shout Outs in that paper that comes out in the evening? If so, my crew on the Milton Line would love to meet you in car 5A one evening to give us a course on how to make witty shout outs or This Crazy Train comments!

Hit us up!

BTW... Darrell and Doug really enjoyed the piece written about them recently :-)

Svej said...

@Squiggles - you are so right, how can anyone so miserable have friends.

Anonymous said...

PW must be huffing some pretty good glue, I bet it helps her make it through the cruel world full of blogs allegedly populated by their creator commenting as different people.

CJ should publish your phone number and we'll see how many of "CJ's multiple personalities" contact you...

Kathy said...

@PW re: "I win"

Oh, you're a "winner" alright... first prize douche.

Seriously though, thanks for the laughs. Really needed it this week.

Anonymous said...

PW never said she was a former asshole or loser so I guess she succeed in both careers. By the way I saw her put her feet up on the seat the whole time she was texting you. She is ah Foosa.