Thursday, November 17, 2011

There's a reason why I'm not a GO bus operator

Can you imagine?

Two words: Coroner's Inquest.

I've been hanging onto this post for a while, just feeling out the audience here, because we've got a merry band of anonymous idiots who really don't know when it's time to pick their balls up off the floor and head back to the village.

As many of you know and some of you don't know, on occasion I will haul my ass onto a GO bus as part of my daily GO Transit journey. A few weeks ago, I took a late bus home from Oshawa station.

There's only about eight of us on the bus. The operator, a middle aged dude, somewhat pleasant, excellent situational awareness skills (I love to study people when they drive, you can learn a lot about their personality) who kept his two-way radio at a reasonable volume.

As the bus rolled along King Street through Oshawa's downtown, the silence among us passengers and the hum of the bus was broken by a loud shout of "Yo!" from the back. It startled the crap out of me and equally rattled the operator who slowed the bus significantly because like me, he suspected the shouter had missed a stop.


The shouter had decided to phone a friend and not realizing that mobile phones aren't soup cans tied to a string, spoke at a volume one would hear a person use when shouting over the roar of a crowd at a baseball game.

This pissed off the bus operator.

This made me want to nutpunch the guy because I, and my seat mates, were now being subjected to his evening plans of "bluntin' bowls and watchin' ho's" and who the best "brah" would be to score "some shit" complete with repeating back an address of where said "shit" would be. (Queue eye roll).

Dude was L-O-U-D. And stupid.

This was disrespectful in many ways. First, one-way mobile conversations are distracting for the people being forced to listen. Two, the operator of a vehicle is also distracted because his brain, as much as he doesn't want it to, can't zone out the boisterous chatter of Mr. Marijuana Man.

Eventually, Marijuana Man proceeds to get off the bus. No longer on his cell, he makes his way to the front of the bus after pushing the call button. I could hardly contain myself. I was hoping the operator would say something to this jerk for scaring the crap out of everyone.


Some of y'all just too polite. I know the public is the first to go after all y'all throats if you dare stand your ground with a-holes like this punk, so Imma pick up the ball for ya. Heard?

Politely, but in my best school teacher "Imma take you down" voice, I tell this young man that his loud, ridiculous grandstanding of a drug phone call was rude and disruptive. That he needs to be mindful of his surroundings and understand that many of us don't care what his plans are for the night, especially off-duty police officers heading home from work.

Not that there were any on the bus, but you never know.

I saw the operator catch my eye. "You go girl." He mouthed.

Oh... I can go.

Marijuana Man mumbled something that sounded like "Bitch, please" which I guess is how he says he's sorry, and scrambled off the bus. So I made this big production of pulling out my BlackBerry and gesturing and pointing and pretending like I was reading out street names, while staring right at him while the bus was stopped at the light and he was waiting to cross. The driver hadn't closed the door yet and the interior was illuminated, so I know he saw me.


Because Marijuana Man began to run.

Bad boy, bad boys, whatcha gonna do. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

The rest of us laughed our asses off. For. The. Win.


Anonymous said...

Actually that was really mean. Like you've never done anything illegal!!! If bus drivers don't like listening to this shit they can go wash cars for a living. I mean this is their job and if they cant handle the public--too bad. How do you know this scared the driver. Sounds like youre overly sensitive,,,sorry not everyone can be perfect like you!!!! You don't know why that guy was doing what he did or why he had to talk loud. Maybe he has a condition. Also, if you didn't like its a free country and you coudl just get off the bus!!!!!!!!!!!

C.J. Smith said...

I once stood under this menacing sign that said, "No Standing Anytime". Worst 6 minutes of my life.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like all those bowls have made him deaf, as well as stupid.

Anonymous said...

Again losers. Putting themselves and others in harms way. If the story is true. Top notch losers again Ride the bus to your destination and shut up.

C.J. Smith said...

The hell? I'm not fluent in stupid. Please explain oh ye wise troll.

Dammit. I couldn't resist.

Let Skin Man do what he wants to do. PR, bite your tongue. Skin Man will take care of it.

Dan-1 said...

"Imma talk loud on ma cell cuz Imma important bro, an I gotta big deal cummin' down to score some with my Annonymous homies yo".

Oh yeah, "Brap Brap haters gonna hate".

He might as well have asked the bus if anyone wanted to buy some.

skin Man said...

@anon 9:24pm & 9:23pm IMMA CUT YOU! said...

Well done.

Carry on.

Anonymous said...

I don't care that he was smokin' dope or dealin' dope but his conduct and attitude stunk and self-absorbed punks like him whose a product of bad parenting it seems, deserved you playing that trick on him. Was he holding up his pants as he ran? Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground.

Anonymous said...

Dude, read the By-law.
Loud conversation is classed as a distraction.
In a Public place people are expected to behave in a respectable manner.

David said...

I'd comment on the hilarious post, but DAMN GURL, you gots some trolls on this post.

April said...

I want a kitteh!

The Talking Pasty said...

Great post, as one of those in the driving seat (West End) I have come across so many passengers just like 'dude'.
I have also used that Tin can line too on my PA announcements.
"Passenger that is having Curry for tea tonight can I just remind you that you are using a cell phone & not the old Tin Can & string, we all don't want to know"

Yes I embarrassed 1 but I had 40 others chuckling or at least smiling.
It's not just rude, it's a big distraction forme while driving, anyone trying to read or just grabbing a nap.
You are in a small public confined space & etiquette should be used.
Then again, no doubt 'dude' wouldnt know what Etiquette is nor be able to pronounce it.

Great post

Skin Man said...

Sadly the talking patsy will probably get in trouble some day, and a little piece of awesomeness will die.

The Talking Pasty said...

Skin Man, my file is quite big at work apparently.
Love my job most days but I'm only human & I call it as I see it. never sugar coat it.
My new passenger PA announcement I make when I have standee's was one I had heard in the UK 2 months ago.

"come on folks, move back please, the further back you go better the chance of making new friends"

You got to have a laugh or you would just die in the seat.