Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Yes sir, we have a winnah!

Lovingly penned by Shirker

On the LSW yesterday afternoon I spied this foot/bag/coat rider. You can't really tell from the pic (the only one I managed to take before my phone died) but she had her boots up on the seat across from her, her backpack on the seat next to her, and her coat and mittens on the seat across from that. Granted, the train was an all-stops which doesn't get overly crowded, however, there are always at least 2-3 people per quad by the time it leaves Union. This entitled piece of work saw nothing wrong with staking out an entire quad for herself while people were boarding. I saw lots of people head towards her quad, rightfully assuming since there were no people in 3 out of 4 of the seats, they'd be able to sit there. When they got close enough and saw her crap spread out, they'd pause hopefully while she looked up from her phone then looked right back down, forcing them to move along.

As the train was getting more busy, I noticed a bicycle stowed under the stairs with no apparent owner. This isn't the first time I've seen this on the train and have wondered about the Phantom Cyclists (are they in the bathroom? do they just store their bikes there all day and somehow manage to catch the same train home as they rode in on?). I contemplated sending a Shout Out to see if anyone else has noticed this phenomenon but alas, with my phone dead, I could do nothing but read my book.

A few minutes after leaving Union, a rare period of silence on the train was shattered by a loud crash! The orphaned bicycle had fallen over, narrowly missing hitting a girl who was standing by the doors. The foot/bag/coat rider casually looked over her shoulder, audibly sighed, then stood up and went to pick up HER (!!!) bike. Clearly I had underestimated her selfishness as four seats were not enough for her. No sir! She needed SEVEN. This has to be some kind of record. One person single handedly occupying seven seats!?!

After securing her bike, Tippy (as I've dubbed her) returned to her quad and proceeded to have multiple extremely loud and annoying conversations on her phone (which of course had an audible ringer and message alerts turned on). It's like she was competing in some kind of triathalon of bad train behaviour. I was expecting her to pull out some fish with a side of hard boiled eggs as a snack.

The donkeys have found a new poster child.


ExGOnowTTC said...

I can't help feeling sorry for those guys who stormed the beaches of Normandy to free the world from the yolk of Fascism.
This is what they died for.

Squiggles said...

Agreed ExGo!

On a side note, bikes are not allowed on any rush-hour train. I have seen the GO-Stappo in arguments with the yahoos who bring them on. Next time I suggest you take the phantom bike and remove it from the train. Or, if you aren't able to do that, haul, buttocks to the CSA and have them do it.

Matt said...

@Shirker – 7 seats has got to be a record. And your story-telling is top notch, I must add. But to your question, I take the GT/Kitchener line, and I too have seen the phantom bike not only resting against the poles by the 3-seater under the stairs, but LOCKED to the pole, and nobody sitting beside it. I usually take the 5:15, so one can imagine the crowding that takes place.

Anonymous said...

This is the ultimate in selfishness. Someone should have made her move her "stuff".

AngelSil said...

Pretty sure I know who 'tippy' is since I ride the LSW local. She sat in my quad a few weeks back and proceeded to place that spread out. The backpack was on the seat next to me and kept flopping over on my arm as she fiddled with it. She was digging an entire makeup kit out of her bag the day I rode with her and putting on a 'full face'.


lswgirl13 said...

Great story, felt like I was almost there!
C.J. - is there not some special "Crazy Train" trophy that could be presented to the ultimate seat-hog??? Get on that, would ya'?

Zjack said...

I'm hesitant to call anybody a liar on these forums, but every aspect of this story seems very well constructed to incite anger at a situation that may not have happened.

If true however, I see no further reason to snap pictures of offenders - all shall bow before their new queen.

LSW rider said...

Ah those boots. How can one forget them? I can attest this story is true. She's a quad hog, through and through.

Anonymous said...

someone should remove her boots and tickle her leggings

Shirker said...

@Zjack - I understand your disbelief as I could barely believe the events myself as they unfolded before my very eyes. I assure you, however, that is an accurate and unembellished report of what went down.

lswgirl13 said...

It's so ridiculous it has to be true. Ahhhhh, the human condition, it's fascinating.