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Thursday, September 18, 2014

Don't you just love fan mail?

from: BT
to: cj@thiscrazytrain.com
date: Wed, Sep 17, 2014 at 3:33 PM
subject: fuck u

to the person who owns the thiscrazytrain.cim. idk u think u are but u have no right to put my picture from my Instagram page on ur site. ......it is a violation of my privacy and my sisters privacy. Go fuck urself. Asshole. I should call the police. I want the phone off ur site by 7pm tonight or it will get ugly.  I promise u that.
.....brit


I waited nervously for something to get ugly. Knowing that I don't have a "phone" on my site should have calmed my nerves but I still waited with baited breath, sweat trickling down my back while I sat in my living room, and staring at the clock.

I was a wreck. My husband fixed me a drink and wrung his hands in anxiety. We didn't dare speak for we were both too terrified.  The slightest creak of a floor board had us both on edge.

7 pm came and went and my husband got up to open the curtain of the front window.

"Don't," I croaked out in a hoarse whisper.  "Give it more time."

I took my cold, highball of gin and swept it across my brow and cheek. My heart was still racing.

At 7:10 pm, we both worked up the nerve to open the front door. We started to concoct a plan as we moved slowly toward the door, discussing about what to do should we be faced with an angry mob of 20-something college girls wearing t-shirts with "idk" emblazoned across the chest.

Our street was eerily quiet. I braved venturing out onto the porch and turned to look down the street, sweeping my eyes from left to right.

"I think we're okay," I said to my husband and we both went back inside, making sure to secure the door with plywood and screws

Although I was sure the ugly had passed, I still slept with one eye open.

45 comments:

Kimbee said...

^ This. This just made my whole morning.

Squiggles said...

Woohoo! I love these emails. The threats. The incorrect spelling and/or word choices. The complete ignorance about Public Domain, and best of all, no reference to which picture it was!

Now, the hunt will start at lunch. Obviously, an instagram pic of two self-centered girls.

C.J. Smith said...

They never link the photo or tell me how they discovered their photo. It drives me crazy.

Valentino Assenza said...

It could be that this person is still waiting for 7pm to arrive. Or that there really is a "thiscrazytrain.cim" site in a bizarro parallel universe.

I would still be cautious. One wrong move and idk will unleash their wrath and misspell you to death.

C.J. Smith said...

I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through today and tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

It's like reading The Shining... I want to know what happens next!

Valentino Assenza said...

CJ

Have you consulted your lawyer? Or is he still having his morning Whiskas?

C.J. Smith said...

I think he's at a window somewhere in the house contemplating whether his butt needs more cleaning or if it's just fine the way it is

brit said...

hey asshoke!!! u think ur so funny.....my dad ********IS****** a lawyer and ur so stupid to put ur fucken phone # on ur site. he will be calling u. u know what picture i mean i can't believe it is STILL ONHERE!!! ARE YOU RETARDED???!!!! i hope u gotta lot of money bitch.

George said...

Why is everyones dad a lawyer whent hey threaten people using bad grammar and foul language?

Wonder what picture it is or is brit just too stupid to realize what she demanded earlier.

I think option B applies here.

If my daughter did things like this she'd lose all her phone priviledges until she showed some smarts.

How did you actually get a phone on your site anyway? Inquiring minds want to know.

Kids these days...I blame the public school system.

Bicky said...

Funniest thing I've read all morning. Aces!

Girl, learn to spell or else I can't take you seriously.

Anonymous said...

*grabs some popcorn for the show*

C.J. Smith said...

Hi Brit,
Asshoke here. So I looked up your last name on this website - http://www.canadianlawlist.com/ and I can't find any lawyer with your last name on it. Does your father have a different last name than you? I'd like to call him. In your email to me at 11:01 this morning, you didn't provide any contact details. I do not need to wait for your father to call. I am happy to call him. Please let us all know in the comments - thanks.

Sylv said...

Thanks for sharing this! I love these exchanges.

George said...

I just spoke with my BIL who is a lawyer, an assistant Ontario attorney general to be precise.

You can't sure for damages in Ontario unless there actually were damages. Punitive damages are only awarded in really egregarious actions that affect the plaintiff in a way that will cause material damages.

She needs a new dad.

C.J. Smith said...

^ LOL

Brit, your email bounced.
britz@gmail.com is what came in as the reply but I think you have a typo.

Please clarify. Thank you. My lawyer is only awake for 2-3 hours a day so the window of opportunity is very small here, plus I am at work. My time is very valuable, so please stop screwing around and have your father call.

Valentino Assenza said...

Man, if her Dad is really a lawyer, then I guess the command of the English language didn't really rub off all that much. Either that or I'd like to know what kind of lawyer he is. He better be working pro bono, or someone is getting unbelievably hosed. I'm wondering if he got his certification to practice law from the Russel Oliver behind some trailer somewhere.

The future is in her hands....I'm still trying to assert if it's a future on Maury Pauvich, or Jerry Springer.

But it is an interesting question to all the parents out there with children:

Obviously it's hard to be bias as like me you're a fan of CJ's site. But from a parent's point of view, how would you react if your teenage son or daughter came to you complaining there were photos on this site of them putting their feet up or doing something else rude? Instinctually as a parent, would you be mad at your child for doing something like that, or pissed off at the person that took of photo of your child?



Kelly said...

I've been reading this blog for ages, but this is the first time I just HAD to comment. That's how amazing this is. The spelling, the grammar, the entitlement, the threats... all of it. So good.

Brit, your fake lawyer daddy must be so proud.

Anonymous said...

I hope the poor man is not a lawyer. He'd have an entire practice just dealing with his own daughter...

Squiggles said...

Alrighty, I think I have a winner!

http://www.thiscrazytrain.com/2014/09/i-have-chainsaw-i-really-do.html

Though, honourable mention goes to these below:

http://www.thiscrazytrain.com/2014/09/i-like-part-where-media-was-copied-in.html

http://www.thiscrazytrain.com/2014/05/so-many-douchepickles-on-rainy-day-so.html


http://www.thiscrazytrain.com/2014/09/i-feel-like-ive-reached-end-of.html


http://www.thiscrazytrain.com/2014/08/dont-care-about-your-problems-get-your.html


Of course, I could be way off base time wise. I didn't go back all that far. And sometimes these threats raise their ugly heads years after the fact. Remember KP?

Bicky said...

@Valentino: I don't have kids; but I do know that if my parents found out I was behaving that way, there would be trouble!

Tal Hartsfeld said...

Responsibility is a one-way street apparently.
That is: They don't have to be burdened with being accountable for anything. They have liberties and "constitutional rights".
However, if anyone "violates" them in any way that other person should expect to damn well answer for their "encroachment" and "invasive" behaviors.
Remember: These people are the ones "in command of" all things. Society (and the world) belongs to only them.

brit said...

ur a fucken fat pig. stupiddd hoe and all ur fans can fuck off. karma is a bitch remember that. i dont need to do shit. shit will happen. enjoy ur sad excuse for a life.
and none of u know myparents so dont sit there in ur basements sayiing shit about people u dont know and my spelling is fine. this isnt a fucken essay, its the internet so figure it out. losers. i;ll be richer than all of u one day anyway.

C.J. Smith said...

Oh yes. Karma. You see Brit, you just discovered what Karma is and didn't even realize it. It is quite a bitch - isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Brit's parents must be soooooo proud!

Ironic that she says "it's the internet, so figure it out" when she can't figure out the fact the internet is public domain and thinks her privacy is being breached.

Get a clue girlie.


Anonymous said...

@CJ - Bwhahahahaa.....best comeback evar!

Brit, can you please send me your address. Thanks to your wet ass shoes on the seat I sat on, my suit needed dry cleaning.

I assume I can send the bill to your dad/lawyer as your representative?



Squiggles said...

I am quite hurt by this. Our princess comes onto the site and doesn't acknowledge if my hard work paid off. The searching I did on my lunch break, from my comfy downtown Toronto office.

See, nothing on the interwebs dies. It will last forever. Which means, princess, your mistakes (written and pictorial) will be seen by Everyone for years to come.

Anonymous said...

this made my day...

Valentino Assenza said...

Rich...?

Brit, with that kind of attitude little one, you'll have a hard enough time keeping a counter job at Tim Horton's.

Also on behalf of all women on this site, while i myself am not a woman, I take exception to you calling Karma a bitch. Karma can actually be kind and wonderful depending on what it is you've done to deserve it. I'd say avoiding things like cussing people out on the internet, putting your feet on the seats without thinking of others, and generally being a whiny brat won't score you any points with Karma.

Also, you're spelling really sucks, if you're planning on being rich, I'd say learning to spell correctly, even outside of writing essays, would be a huge plus. It shows that you actually can read and write, and I have to say, you'd be amazed at how many businesses consider that very basic quality a huge asset. Also I extend my condolences to any teacher that had the arduous task of reading any of your essays.

You were wrong, admit it. Keep your feet off the seats, put down the Justin Bieber music, open a book, and stop being a brat!

C.J. Smith said...

All hail KP!!!!

George said...

I wonder if the little pricess Brit needs a tissue to wipe all the spittle off the phone after misspelling all those words?

A series of good insults is always entertaining to read but it seems she got all her strings of incoherent and irrelevant words straight from the schoolyard.

Rich? Only if she happens to marry an old, blind and deaf billionaire.

Bicky said...

BITCH = Babe In Total Control of Herself.

Yes I am!

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, Karma Porn. Who doesn't love them some? Enjoy it, BritBrit. You EARNED it.

Carlos said...

This was many levels of awesome. Bravo

Anonymous said...

And a post like this is why you CANNOT stop this blog! Love it! It made my day, my week :) You rock CJ!

Jay said...

Wait wait! She doesn't get it because you guys are not typing properly!!

Brit(z), u kno wat? CJ is haw some, n I thnk ur jus confeoosed. Trst me bro (all younger people are bro), ur fiting a baddle u cnt win bro. We rly do appre... Appresi... Eff it... N-joy the drahma tho. Ttfn ttyl bbiab Cbc wkrp

Good God, do you know how hard it is to fight autocorrect on an iPhone to type like that??

Bicky said...

LOL @Jay. Hilarious!

Skin Man said...

LOVE IT. The best is that Brit, keeps coming back for more!

Anonymous said...

@Jay, you're awesome!!!

@Brit, we don't need to "know you" to know that you're a silly little girl who needs to grow up. This conclusion is simple enough to reach based entirely on your immature and totally ignorant responses to being called out for the little brat you are. If you want to be respected and treated like an adult, then I'm sure you know the drill by now -- act like one. You need to own up to your appallingly bad behaviour and apologize for it - LIKE A GROWN-UP WOULD. mmmkay?

Al said...

Wow you allowed the 26 comment max to go over.

C.J. Smith said...

Not on purpose.
Shall I shut this down after 50?

Al said...

DEFINITELY NOT.

Al said...

@ squiggles, it must be a selfie, she mentions it was taken from her instagram, that first one is someone taking an incriminating photo.

wasnt there one a wehile ago witha couple grils and a bong?

Bicky said...

Unless there's a reeeeaaaallly good comeback, 50 is a nice round number. :)

Al said...

@ Brit - tell your siste not to instagram a picture of you haulling off of a bong in an enclosed public space. Karma's gonna come and bite you in the ass. Gonna need your daddy lawyer to defend your ass when your arrested for possesion of a controlled substance. Dummy.

http://www.thiscrazytrain.com/2013/05/proof-that-society-in-headed-down-toilet.html