Woman pleasures herself in train – other passengers not amused

Source: The Local.de

GERMANY -- The police on Friday said they had arrested a woman having a good time with herself and a vibrator on a train in Bavaria. Despite rubbing her fellow passengers the wrong way, she claimed she didn’t understand what all the fuss was about.

I just know you want to read the rest of this article, here you go!

Thanks to Tom W. for the link.

Horny Potter

From: Kate Wxxxxxx
Date: Mon, Jan 17, 2011 at 8:05 PM
Subject: coffee mug lost. very important to read this
To: cj@thiscrazytrain.com

I am hoping you can help me. I having a MAJOR problem finding a lost coffee mug on one of your trains. I can't find how I go about recovering this coffee mug. I was bringing it home because a friend made it for me as a gift. I like unicorns and wizards and it's very unique where the unicorn horn sticks out a little bit. She did this so that if I were to use the coffee mug for tea, you can hang the bag on the horn when you pull it out of the water. I thought it was really smart of her to think that. I took it home with me Monday at around 5:20. I guess you need to know what train I took. I was going to Ajax. I had wrapped the coffee mug in several pieces of the Financial Post newspaper and I fear someone has recycled my coffee mug. I don't know why someone would do it because the second anyone would pick it up it would feel strange and heavy and I know if it was me, I would look. I really hope it's not broken in your garbage somewhere. I had come downtown to meet with my friend who made this for me and I don't see her very often because she's been not well for many years and I'm just heartbroken. I was wondering if someone had stole it but I don't see how someone could steal a coffee mug when it was disguised in newspaper. I am pretty sure I left it on my seat. I know I got up to put my hat and scarf on. I am sure you get this all the time. Do you need me to give you the colours and size of the coffee mug? I can ask my friend if she took a photo of it when she had finished painting it as I know she does take pictures of her potter. Is there someone I can call who was on that train? Is the train driver the person I should be speaking to? I'm just wondering if someone found it what would they do with it. I was thinking of looking at those online classifieds because I am worried someone would try to sell it and I remember reading that if things are stolen from your home you should check the internet. Please let me know what I can do at this point. Thank you for listening.

Kate Wxxxxxx

---

She totally had me when she wrote "hang the bag on the horn".

I did reply to Kate and told her she had the wrong person but that I could point her in the right direction. This was met with another long-winded email that I will spare you all from reading. However, Kate did reveal in her reply that she is in her early 80s which should make you all feel like asses now for laughing at her email -> cue price is wrong sound effect

I'm kidding. I laughed my ass off, too.

Why the brotherhood rides for free

This picture definitely gave me chills, and I thought you might want to post it. It was taken @ 11:10 am this morning on University Ave in front of Mt Sinai Hospital. For most of us, this photo is a sign of solidarity the likes of which we rarely see in Canada, and it makes my heart and eyes swell when I think of why all these brothers and sisters are gathering today. For an ungrateful, and completely heartless loser like Mr. PTB, this will be sure to make him nuts thinking of all the freeloaders that rode GO for free. Read PTB's comment here

Submitted by LM via pic message to 9054420352

PS. Check out the Toronto Star's incredible slide show of the procession.

Much respect

"GO Transit is waiving fares for Greater Toronto and Hamilton area police, fire and emergency services personnel travelling to and from Union Station for the service. Emergency workers are asked to identify themselves by wearing their uniform or carrying identification while travelling."

From Police gather to honour Sgt. Ryan Russell, story, today's Toronto Star.

Sasquatch sighting

Please note, she is *in* the train. With heat.

Sent via email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com by Anonymous

Hog on a GO bus

Anonymous writes via pic message to 9054420352:

This is a busy route but this turnip has to have her own sleepy seats.

You know what solves this problem? Sleeping at home. Oh, and going to bed earlier. And car-pooling.

I ain't got time to bleed

The following text message came in tonight (9054420352). I've nicknamed the sender IT (for "idle threat"). My responses are in green.

IT: i think you have a photo of me on my website

what? how can i have a photo of you on your website?

IT: no, your website

which site

IT: the crazy site

IT: u need to take it down

take what down? the site? no way, man

IT: the photo

the photo you have on your site?

IT: NO, you dumb f*ck, the photo u have of me on YOUR website

do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

IT: TAKE IT DOWN

dude, how can i take down a photo of you when i don't know who you are

can you refresh my memory?

hello?

hey, listen, you're taking me away from this 500-piece puzzle i'm working on. according to the box, i should be done in an hour and i really don't feel like setting the egg timer again. i've already set it three times and I haven't been under an hour yet

IT: it's a photo of me sleeping. i'm trying to find it

you know, if this was important to me, i'd bookmark it, then i'd send it to the rcmp so they can trace the IP and then call in sandra bullock and isolate the server and then using GPS mapping, they can track the host and then get a warrant to subpoena the address. then the military can move in and take all the computer equipment away. that's what i'd do

then jesse ventura could show up and while he's threatening google to shut down the website, he cuts his finger on a piece of paper and when his assistant asks if he wants to visit a walk-in clinic, he says "i ain't got time to bleed" and murdoch and he get into the a-team van to hunt down the person who posted the photo

IT: are you for real

IT: you're an asshole

you sure know how to make friends

IT: i don't want to be your friend

ditto

IT: when i find the photo i'm going to email you and give you an hour to take it down

nuh-uh, i need to finish this puzzle first and you've already set me back 20 minutes

IT: i don't care. you will do what i say

sure

IT: good

fine

IT: ok, i will be checking in an hour

i'll be here

IT: it better be down

oh, it'll be funky. fresh even

IT: what?

i'll be waiting for that email

IT: you better

wow, you really need to work on your goodbye

IT: shut up

i can only imagine how you end a letter

---

For those of you who got lost on the Jesse Ventura reference, just watch this clip from the movie Predator:

Delayed for? What?

How in the hell does track congestion at Union happen?

Isn't there a schedule? Or is it pull in when we want to?

By the way, you a-holes that park at the Oshawa GO lot and take up three spaces because you think just because there's snow on the ground means you can park how you want to are one "key" away from a trip to the body shop.

You know who you are.

You ain't going nowhere today

Best snowman, ever!

I think the Stay Puft Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters should be the GO Transit mascot during the winter months. He has the perfect delayed-trains-make-me-angry face.

Everybody's workin' for the weekend

Looks like she's off to find "some new romance" with those hooker tights.

Submitted by Tim L via picture message to 9054420352. Taken at Oshawa GO station.

---

Girl, it's cold. Try leggings that have a crotch in them. - CJ

How to look like a Teletubbie

I'm sure it's happened to you. I know it's happened to me. We've all encountered at least one train ride with NO HEAT. Ever noticed how no one moves to another car? It shows how lazy we really are, which leads me to this - The Forever Lazy!



And for you turnips that complain "Sob! I can't watch YouTube from work!" Here's a link to the product I'm flapping my gums about.

Straining hardcore

I saw you lady, trying in vain to listen in on my conversation this morning with my train buddy, Blondie C.

If I could have resorted to sign language, I would have. It came down to practically reading Blondie's lips.

When I'm with Jill, we just text message each other, especially if the person we have a beef with is right in front of us.

Also, just a general observation from LSE rider Char L'Hottie, if you're going to chat on your cell phone, there's no reason you have to hold your arm up and out so your elbow is at 90 degrees. You're not a human antenna. It may work for the TV at the cottage but it's not necessary on the train. People sitting near you don't need your elbow in their mouths.

Refer to the illustration below for further instruction.

A1 on the 80s glasses. She blinded me with science!

Annie Lennox

She rides the 4:53 LSE. Okay, it's a woman, who in my opinion, looks just like Annie Lennox circa 1986 ... when she had a crew cut and did the whole David Bowie androgynous thing.

I mean this Annie Lennox. Fast forward to the 2:24 mark.



This video was also ahead of its time. Did you notice the video messaging mobile phone?

Someone owes Annie some serious royalties.

Don't mess with my SEO, part 2

1. Open a new tab or new browser window
2. Go to google.com
3. Type in Crazy Train

What's number THREE on the list?

And some of you thought it couldn't be done.

Watch out, Ozzy. Choo choo.

Dedicated to Pat O.

Pissed someone off on the train lately?

Do you see this person regularly?

Or do you just have a really high forehead? Well guess what? Change how you look in seconds. Now you can ride the train undetected! And thanks to Justin Bieber, men can do it too!

After the long, cold, arctic wind chill walk to my car after the 2 hour trip to get home

I could have used one of these.

Best earrings. Ever

Chuck rides the LSE. I have proof!

The hell?

Was that?

Tonight?

Come on down ladies and gents, we're gonna play a game called NAME THAT TRAIN!

Here's how it works, folks. You schlep your way into Union Station and guess which platform the EXPRESS train is on. Those departure boards, they're not part of the game. Nope, it's all up to you. Pick right and you're home in (cough) record (cough) time. Pick wrong and you're on the milk run the whole way home (cue price is wrong sound effect).

You'll get no help on this. No communication. In fact, our goal is to confuse you. That 15:45 all stops to Oshawa? It's a whole new train trip ... or is it?

Ready? Go!

What? Equipment malfunction? Why that's just part of the game! You have to tell us what you think that malfunction is!

Gary, tell them what they can win ... !

Skater Mom does not have it going on

Put your hand up if you've ever had the pleasure of sitting next to Skater Mom on the 5:10 to Oshawa.

Skater Mom (SM) always make a point of calling her daughter, who I peg at about 11 years of age, at skating practice.

The phone calls usually go like this:

SM: Were you on time for practice?

SM: What does the coach have to say about your jumps?

SM: How many did you do?

SM: I know you're tired but how do you expect to get to the Olympics if you don't do your jumps?

SM: Do you have enough water?

SM: What do you mean? I put 400 bottles in your skate bag this morning? (Sigh) We discussed this. You need to be more responsible. What are you going to do in the Olympic Village one day and it's only you who can take care of you?

SM: Did you eat?

SM: What did you eat?

SM: No, that's not what we agreed to. I told you, protein at every meal. That's not protein, that's sugar.

SM: I don't care if you're just a kid. You can't be eating that junk. It's not good for your body. Remember what you've learned, you have to treat your body as a temple.

SM: Who's that yelling behind you? Well, move away from them. I'm really concerned that you don't have any water. Is there a water fountain in that arena? Can you ask someone? No! Don't drink juice. It's not a replenishment for fluids! (Sigh)

---

I think you get the picture.

"I've got this feeling ..." you need to turn your volume down

I got to sit next to someone tonight who had the entire Dirty Dancing soundtrack loaded into his, yes I said *his*, iPod. I handled "She's like the wind" and got through "Be my baby" but all of a sudden, "Hungry eyes" by Eric Carmen wound up on repeat, FIVE TIMES. I swear, this dude listened to it five times in a row!

All bloody night while cooking waffles for dinner, cleaning up the kitchen and giving my kid a bath, all that kept playing in my head was this god-awful song. So I you-tubed the video.

Hilarious! Everything that is fromage about 80s music videos is encapsulated in this hot mess. My favorite part (2:48) is when the piece of dinner he's fixin' to eat starts playing the saxophone.

Be sure to watch to the end when his meal ticket makes out with a tiny, pimp daddy in Aviator shades only to transform into, what? An Asian woman?

What does this all mean!?

A+



PS. Eric Carmen is 61 years old. He's two years younger than my mom! Be sure to check out his video for "Make me lose control". Check out the hair.

A++

Broken glasses need not have happened, writes Pat O.

Sent via text message to 9054420352

hey CJ, hopefully someone reading recognizes himself. today i got on the 4:53 and all that was available on the car I got on was a window seat. i politely asked to be excused into that seat. instead of getting up, the two clowns on the outside seats just sat there so i had to climb over them and wound up wacking the first clown in the face with my bag. we're talking glasses flying onto the floor and to my horror I STEPPED ON THEM and broke the arm. he scoops them up and starts losing his shit at me and then before i can even suggest paying for a repair or offering contact info he flies off the train just as the doors are closing. i was so embarrassed and distraught, i burst into tears. thank u to sarah and tania for helping me feel better. so for those who sit on the outside seats, please just get up and let me in. thanks. and clown #2, you're a jerk.

Projectile stupidity

Melanie K. writes in an email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Saturday night. Sat in the upper section of the quad on the train so I could head back to Georgetown and was joined by a group of teens who looked way too young to be drinking, let alone drinking at a bar somewhere in downtown Toronto. The whole train ride was fraught with one of the young lads declaring over and over, "Man, I'm gonna be sick", or "Bro, I'm gonna be sick", or "Dude, I'm gonna be sick". Often this rhetoric was met with loud peals of laughter from his buddies.

We all got off at Oakville. The kid who said he was going to be sick stood up and right when the train came to a stop, he projectile-vomited all over the stairs leading down to the bottom section of the train.

I lost my temper, yelling at them and asking why they didn't encourage him to use the bathroom instead of laughing like lunatics? I also told them they were responsible for cleaning up the mess and I was off to report them all to the station CSAs as public drunkenness, especially at that age, is neither acceptable nor legal. Then I got off the train.

I have to ask, who raises these kids? Full-on inebriation at 16 on a public train, not cool!

Did you ride the TTC today with no pants? Guess what? Neither did I!

Photo from Facebook

Saw this on YouTube, thought of you

Why thanks Matthew! Matthew sent over this video. Drunk dude chats up teen girls sooo, like, not interested.

Hey, why don't you make yourself at home? Don't mind us. We don't want a seat

Snapped by yours truly on the 5:10.

Because the Internet has the answers for everything ... How to Avoid Conversation on Public Transportation

Photo: On The Bus by user plasticbystander from flickr.

Earlier today I posted an article from wikihow.com about How to Enjoy a Train Ride. Wikihow.com is now my new most favorite website in the world. How I managed to learn anything without it is nothing short of a miracle!

One of the steps encouraged in the Train Ride article was that people strike up conversations with those around them. But what if you're one of those people who doesn't want to talk anyone? No problem! Wikihow.com has the answer!

Apparently any of these tactics will work:

1. Bring your MP3 player and place ear phones on head before boarding the bus or train. (Discman or Walkman will suffice as well.)If you don't have a music player, earphones with the end of the cable tucked into your pocket should work just as well.

Walkman? What year is this?!

2. Sit down and immediately put your head down and close your eyes as if you wish you were cozy in bed. Most other passengers get the picture.

3. Bring reading material. Some ideas include: newspapers, magazines, novels, notes from school.

Phew. I'm glad they gave examples of reading material. I would have just brought a cereal box on board.

4. Start texting people, or if you don't really want to text anyone, just get your cell phone out and pretend you are busily texting.

A+

5. Head for an area of the bus/train that has the fewest seats filled. Fewer people means less chance of someone trying to make conversation! That's just common sense.

For some people, because of the corridor they're on, this may mean you're riding on top of the train. Outside.

6. Say "I'm not allowed to talk to strangers" if you are under 15. It just might work.

Frig. This is hilarious at any age. I'm so using this one.

7. Bring something to keep yourself engrossed such as a handheld games console.

I'm gonna haul ass with an arcade game next week. I mean the ones from the 80s. Yeah, those ones. I'm thinking Q-Bert.

8. If someone does try to talk to you, seem uninterested or tell them your throat is sore and you don't want to irritate it by talking.

Total win.

9. If they start asking out questions be brief answering them and turn your head towards them without making eye contact. When they aren't talking and you're not answering, don't look at them, just look at you feet our your lap.

Or you can borrow from a page outta the How to Enjoy a Train Ride and start playing hand games with yourself.

10. Pretend that you do not speak a word of english. Example: If someone is asking you which bus to take to a destination, have a confused look on your face, meaning 'sorry, I don't speak english.' The passenger may get the point that you are from a foreign country and that you don't speak english well and you're visiting the country to visit family or friends.

Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. A confused looks means I may be mentally retarded. Awesomeness! How about you just pretend to be deaf!

How to enjoy a train ride. You're doing it wrong

Lionel sent me a link to a Wikihow.com article entitled “How To Ride a Public Transportation Bus”. It contains 14 (FOURTEEN!) steps on how to ride a bus. FOURTEEN!

Also included in the article are four tips and three warnings. Yep, it’s a mighty stressful and dangerous world out there for the average bus rider.

While on Wikihow, I keyed in how to to ride a train into the search field and back came this gem, How to Enjoy a Train Ride.

The article is filled with several gems, particularly:

1. Bring a book or a magazine. Don't read if you get motion sick easily, though, because reading just might make you blow.

Blow what? Chunks? Balloons? Your neighbour?

2. Play hand games. Cards are always great to play, and so are guessing games. Try playing Chopsticks or rock, paper, scissors.

Really? Rock, paper, scissors? That’s one way to look mentally unstable, especially if no one sitting in your quad on the GO train wants to play with you so you resort to playing hand games with yourself.

It’s get better once you read down to the tips.

Don't sleep when you're going to arrive at your destination in less than an hour.

However, the writer of this nutty piece of how-to advice doesn’t explain why sleeping is out of the question. Since most of the GO express trips are under an hour, this means 80% of the people I ride with in the morning have no idea “how to enjoy a train ride”. This means you, Jill. You’re just ruining the whole experience for yourself, aren’t you?

Hilarity ensued once I got down to the Warnings. The last one reads, “If you get bored with trains easily, don't take them”.

That’s right my sweet fellow rutabagas, if riding the Crazy Train makes you miserable, you’re welcome to walk. Or drive. Speaking of driving, Wikihow also provides a (cough) great (cough) how-to piece on How to Drive a Car. So the next time someone cuts you off, instead of hollering about where that person got his licence, now you can holler, “Where’d you learn to drive a-hole? The Internet?" Scary.

But the best, swear to God, was this line: Things can get lost easily. Know that once it's gone, it just might be distributed among the train staff (so be sure not to leave anything important, like your kid).

What?!

So when a train's out of service, parents can expect their children to be abducted?

Hey Joe?

Yeah?

I found this kid under the seat. You want him?

---

Like this? Make sure you read the continuation of this post.

---

Gold digger

You get on at Ajax.
You wear a grey hat made of wool.
Perhaps if Kleenex had no tax,
you wouldn't pick your nose like a fool.

The end.

On the way to Union ...

Like the thousands of you turnips, I also walk to and from Union Station to work and this evening what I snapped below caught my eye.

This was taken at the side of the parking garage for the Bay/Adelaide Centre on Richmond, just east of Bay.

Hydro conservation? What hydro conservation? Do you think the owners of the building enroll in PeakSaver?

Hey, let's light up an empty billboard! Great idea, Jim. Here's your $3.2 million bonus!

Sleep-induced imaginary eating. I has it.

This graphic would be more effective if her eyes were closed but it's copyrighted and I can't edit it because Corbis would sue me for billions of dollars.

I'm paranoid about falling asleep on the train.

Part of it stems from NO ONE WAKING ME UP one evening nearly three years ago and I rode all the way back to Union Station FROM OSHAWA to find myself sitting in an empty car in the yard outside Union Station IN TORONTO. Worst night of my life and I don't want to experience that again.

I honestly don't understand why my brain does this but when I do drift off, I always seem to dream about eating something.

One time I startled myself awake after I pantomimed putting a forkful of imaginary veal parmigiana in my mouth. I also caught myself one time actually chewing a non-existent hamburger in my slumber. Maybe it's because I don't eat breakfast until I get to work and I take the train home at a time in the evening where my brain expects dinner.

I caught myself nodding off yesterday morning and I know I was putting an imaginary waffle in my mouth and was just about to start chewing when I forced myself awake.

I can only imagine what this looks like to people sitting near me - this crazy lady eating imaginary food in her sleep, actually shoving an imaginary fork in her mouth and chewing. Good times, I'm sure.

I quickly did some research and apparently "imaginary eating", according to National Geographic Magazine, is a good thing and can help one to lose weight. However, I couldn't find anything about sleep-induced imaginary eating. This must mean I am crazy.

How she managed to stay conscious is anyone's guess

Tonight Jill and I rode the 5:20.

This girl in the quad across from us talked non-stop the ENTIRE train ride about shoes that make her butt sore.

The woman across from me never turned a page in her book the entire time leading me to believe her brain had shut down from the mind-numbing chatter or she's like me, when distracted by motor-mouths, can no longer concentrate and read the same page over and over, never really absorbing any of the text.

Girl never stopped. We don't think she even had lungs.

A "Hello" Would Be Nice

Last night I swung by the Oshawa station to pick up a January pass. This was around 8pm.

Dude behind the ticket wicket was mad-texting. I'm ok with that. Somewhat. It's no different than if he'd been making a personal phone call which 90% of the working world does. What I didn't like was that I had to acknowledge myself. With a cough. He immediately stopped texting and simply waited for me to speak.

Really? You can't acknowledge me!?

I didn't even get a "Hello" or a "Hi".

Was this GO employee a mute? Don't know. All I know is Customer Service as a whole has gone down the toilet. The least people in the service industry can do is smile.

Maybe it's just me but I like service with a smile. And a "Hello".

Yeah, it's been pretty dead 'round here

Cue crickets.



This video is only made funnier by the fact that the person who recorded the sound used a picture of a Grasshopper. LOL!

PS. Regular services resumes January 4th. Thanks for the emails. Some just weren't publishable!!! Keep it clean, gawd!

Pole dancing on the TTC subway

Happy New year, you dirty turnips

Well?

What did you do? Anything?

I made myself a nice Crown and Dry and watched the fireworks stream from the backyards of a subdivision across from my house.

Good times.

Nope. No Facebook

I am immensely flattered by emails asking if "we" have a Facebook page.

We, er, I don't. I already have two fan pages for two other causes I run and I have found that once you set up the FB page, no really uses the sites much since they can "feed" everything into Facebook.

Thing is, I don't have time to manage an FB page. Also, as far as I know, everyone who reads this site now can access it from work. Most companies block FB.

I like people just coming to the site. Hope you understand.

- CJ

Somewhat of a hiatus

I'm off work until the 4th of January but will post if there's material available.

I hope all you turnips had a nice Christmas and if any crazy sh*t happens on the trains between now and when I go back to work, please share.

Thanks!

Merry Christmas! Enjoy this SNL classic ...

Le 'oliday bag rhy-dare et aussi, de foot rhy-dare

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com by Martina N.

Yes, there really *is* a Santa Claus!

UPDATE: He's baaaaacccccckkkkkk!

---

Through Martina N., he gave ALL OF US this: the GO train busker!

Martina writes: My friend was late and rode in with me on the 8:25 am from Oshawa Thursday morning, and we witnessed a regular rider pull out his guitar and start playing and singing all by himself. He played a bunch of songs including some blues, Beatles, Elton John, Christmas songs... you name it! Our favourite though was the Elton John/Justin Bieber mash-up, as played in the video. Gold!!!

Just after Rouge Hill, a guy upstairs (we were in the middle section) came down and asked him to stop because he was trying to study and people were trying to sleep. I was really tempted to tell him to just move cars if he didn't like it.

This crazy made our day and the Grinch was out to ruin it! Anyway, once we pulled into Union, I told the guitar player that we enjoyed his show and wished him a Merry Christmas.

I used to ride the train with Joaquin Phoenix

I wonder what happened to this guy.

How was my train ride home?

Like this cat, I'm excited for Christmas yet pissed off.

I'm pissed off at people who whacked me with their overloaded bags of consumerism. Jesus Murphy, drive in if you're going to buy out the entire Eaton Centre on your lunch hour. Why would you try to bring home three bed-in-a-bags on the train? And an artificial tree? Are there no stores in Oshawa?

Bah. Hambug.

When I grow up, I wanna have boobies

So I can get all my Christmas shopping did at La Senza and brings all ma bras on the train for y'all to look at.

Honey, look at what I bought. And I made sure you can see the tags. "Beyond Cleavage". That's right. "Beyond".

Go on, and be like Heidi Montag's plastic surgeon, and enlarge these puppies to see the full detail.

In case you're wondering, I'm a 34C.
Ooooh, you gonna have some nice fantasies now!

I'm saving the fuchsia one for church.

---

On Tue, Dec 21, 2010 at 6:09 PM, Todd T (toddxxxxx@me.com) wrote to cj@thiscrazytrain.com:
A couple of young women sat across from me on the LSE 5:53 this evening. Soon after departure they started pulling what seemed like an unending number of intimate apparel items from their bags. The attached picture describes the variety of items better then I could.

The story of stuff

T'is that time of year where many of us recieve gifts from colleagues and clients.

GO trains were never designed to accomodate bags and laggage so many passengers have to be creative with how they transport stuff. Many just blatantly bag-ride, cramming their Christmas baskets and gift bags onto an empty seat - at rush hour - only to have to remove everything when the train fills and that seat is the only seat left. This happened yesterday.

The lady across from me in the fourth car from the front, on the 5:10, had two gift baskets (one was the size of a two year old) and three large gift bags. She carefully and meticously arranged everything on the seat next to her.

This woman was not a day-tripper. She's a regular because I recognized her. I also got to hear all about her last day at work because she immediately hopped onto her Blackberry once she was done arranging her stuff. Apparently her staff were "extra generous" this year and she was looking forward to her holidays. Then she went on to describe everyting she got ... right down to the last bag of chocolate-covered peanuts in one of her gift baskets.

As people passed us to find places to sit, and one man squeezed himself into the window-seat next to me, it actually looked like she was going to get away with her holiday bag-ride. But no, a lady climbed upstairs at 5:09 and zeroed in on the seat, laden with gifts.

She made her way over and stood right beside the seat and looked at me. I looked back and then went back to my book. It ain't my shit, lady, I thought.

"Excuse me", she says to me to all icy and pissy. "Would you mind moving your stuff?" The owner of this stuff was still yapping into her Blackberry, oblivious to the Mexican stand-off. I put my book down and said, "It's not mine". "It's her's", and I pointed at the lady.

The woman caught my eye and I pointed at her stuff. She said to the person she was talking to, "I have to let you go, someone wants to sit beside me and I have to move my stuff". This wasn't said with a smile by the way.

She looks at the woman waiting and says she needs a minute to find a place for all her gifts. Then she stands up and puts a basket under her seat, a basket under the empty seat and puts all of the gift bags and her purse on her lap. She also made sure to blow out exxagerated breaths so as to insinuate how inconvenienced the lady wanting to sit was making her.

Halfway through the ride, she lost a bag containing a bottle of white wine. It fell and cracked and white wine flooded the floor below us. Now she had a broken bottle to contend with.

This was getting ridiculous. Finally I asked her if she wanted me to hold one of her other two bags.

She also kept checking the one gift basket that was under the other lady's seat which actually got wet from the wine. Why she kept checking it beseeches me. Did she think someone was pilfering her chocolate-covered peanuts?

The woman who asked for the seat got up at Pickering which resulted in the Stuff Lady losing her cool and mumbling to me that "if this woman was riding only to Pickering she could have at least stood!!!"

I said, not to be rude, but did you really have to bring this all home today? Surely some of it could have stayed at the office.

This woman, and I swear this is true, said she thought about it but with Christmas in three days, she can at least re-gift some of the stuff.

What's the moral of this story? I'll tell you. Some bosses don't appreciate the effort and money you spent to buy them a gift because they don't plan on keeping it, apparently.

I wanted to punt her bag I was holding across the aisle. Unreal.

Open up and say, "Awww"

Now shut your mouth, dammit!

It's one thing to blow out one's breath in relief, like our good friend Sylvie in this post, it's another to yawn your ass off in another person's face after a long day of eating stale Doritos and sucking on candy canes at your desk.

Cover your damn mouths, you dirty linebackers.

Is it ok if I breathe here?

Submitted by email from Sylvie to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

This happened about one year ago (December 30, 2009 to be exact.) After almost a year of house hunting, our offer on the third house we bid on had been accepted on the 24th, and we had the home inspection done on the 29th.

So here I am, mind full, emotions high, making my way into work. We were pulling into Union, and I was standing near the doors as I snapped back to reality. I took a deep breath through my nose and slowly exhaled through my mouth. I was facing straight ahead, still mostly oblivious to other passengers - until the woman to my right blasted me, quite loudly! Apparently my breath touched her, and I was told I shouldn't do that, as it was "gross".

I was stunned. I said to her "it was a breath! Are you saying I shouldn't breathe??" She mumbled on about how disgusting it was and I should not breathe like that. I was never so happy to have the doors open so I could get out of that situation. I was mortified, to say the least.

I didn't cough or sneeze on her. I had brushed my teeth, had not had a coffee (as I know that can make your breath smell), and I don't smoke.

Even now, almost a year later, I feel horrible about that whole experience.

I'm gonna sing christmas carols in your ear

You like that?

I sure do.

I'm no longer sure if I'm expected to forfeit holidays I booked for this Thursday and Friday due to a situation at the office but if I'm on the train Friday, once work lets out at 12pm and I haul ass to catch the 12:13, rest assured I'm singing on the train ride home.

I'm singing it all ... Satan's comin' to town, Santa is a tax collector, Away in a turnip ... We wish you a dirty linebacker and my encore presentation, Park how I want to, which will be sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland.

Then I'm going to open up a big bottle of Bailey's and drink the rest of the ride home. Who's in with me?

What? Did you think I would do this by myself?!

41 years!? And he's not crazy?!

Last Ride GO Transit's longest-riding commuter, Virgil Duff, arrives on the platform at the same time every day and sits in the same car.
Gary Yokoyama/The Hamilton Spectator (linked)

BURLINGTON - “Clear the doors, please, clear the doors. Union Station our next station stop. Union Station.”

Most of the 4,700 GO Train commuters who routinely board the green and white trains at the Burlington station can probably recite the public address stop calls in their sleep.

But imagine if you’d heard those same station announcements every Monday to Friday for not just 12 months of commuting — or five years, 10 years or even 20 years. Imagine if climbing aboard for that Toronto-bound, 50.7-kilometre ride was part of your weekday life for 41 years.

Welcome to Virgil Duff’s commute. All 1,002,750 kilometres of it, the equivalent of going around the world 25 times.

But the end of the commuting line is coming Dec. 24. That’s when the Toronto University Press editor will disembark at Union Station, take the subway to his Bloor Street office, officially retire and end his reign as the longest regular GO rider among the 55 million people who use the service annually.

READ THE REST OF THE STORY AT THE HAMILTON SPECTATOR

Someone has a bone to pick with Don Cherry

Your sign is missing some commas there, buddy. An "and" would help, too.

Free speech should always be nicely wrapped in good grammar!

P.S. Shouldn't the sign be pink?

Snapped today at Union Station by yours truly.

Thank you, you crazy lady, for telling me all about ...

.... your yeast infection!!!

For real. I really wanted to hear all about it. No! No! No! But you so went there!!!

See, when I was stifling my cough, I was stifling my cough so people on the train didn't think I was trying to bring the sick all up in here.

I appreciated your sympathy towards my bronchial woes and what antibiotics have worked for you, but I told you, over and over, I have asthma. Ain't no antibiotic in the world will cure it.

But no, you went on and on about the tamoxifenicillioncrap you took in 1992, and the raging yeast infection it caused, and how you read somewhere (this was before the internet was in our homes so lord knows where you read it, maybe in Good Housekeeping) how slathering yogurt all over your lady bits would solve the problem, only to discover it didn't, so you drove with a burning birth canal to the hospital and got some cream, which put out the fire.

The thing is, you couldn't even keep your damn voice down. You couldn't take the hint when the guy across from us turned up his music. He really didn't want to hear about you baking bread down there.

So thanks. That was super.

A+

Leisurely crowd

Hey.
What up?
Oh, you have 20 minutes until your train leaves?
Super. Then get the hell out of my way, you slowpoke. My train leaves in 3 minutes.

Turtles, keep right. Leave left lane open for people who need to get where they need to go.

- Union Station. Any day. Anytime.

Hey, if so-and-so jumped off a bridge, would you jump too? Absolutely!

It only takes one donkey to park where he wants to. In the fire route. The rest follow like sheep.

Click the photo to enlarge it.

Submitted by Dan to cj@thiscrazytrain.com. Snapped mid-Fall at the Brampton GO parking lot.

The one about the service cat

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Hello there,
My name is Sophie. On November 22, 2009, my partner and I adopted a cat from the Toronto Humane Society and were bringing him home on the GO train. This was just days before the OSPCA raided the place as part of an investigation into animal cruelty.

I just learned of your site over the weekend. I was Googling information about luggage restrictions on the GO train as my partner and I are trying to plan how we'll get to Pearson for our winter holidays and lo and behold, I clicked on a link you called 'Service Cat' and my jaw dropped to the floor. At first I was a little taken aback as I didn't think my partner and I were talking that loudly, but we had to because we were trying to hear each other over the cat's screaming cries.

I will admit my patience was being tested and when the man got on, I just lost my temper. There were many empty seats around us. He didn't have to stay in our section.

Anyway, thank you for considering our situation as blog material. I didn't think what I said was funny at the time but reading how you wrote it gave me a good laugh.

We wound up naming the cat, "Henry". I've attached a photo for you. He was very happy when we finally got him off the train!

Sometimes I wonder if people ask for it

Had an interesting email exchange with a reader where this came up:

On the train this morning the engineer actually came on the PA system and said something like this:

"To the two people who crossed the tracks in front of the train at Rutherford, please know that if you slip and fall, we will NOT be able to stop. For your safety, please do not cross in front of the train."

By the tone of his voice I felt that he would have liked to have used more colourful language :)

---

Are people really that stupid? I'm not wishing death on anyone but to cross the tracks in front of a moving train is a reckless decision. I witnessed something similar at Union Station once. This guy with a suitcase crossed platforms 12/13, 11/10 and 8/9. GO transit security finally caught up with him (there are cameras!) and escorted him out of Union Station. Please. I would have fined his ass.

Punk *is* dead

Submitted by Tom W. via email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

On the Lakeshore East line somewhere in Toronto, there is a wooden fence containing a couple of graffiti tags (which look like they were done by the same person) - "RIP Loki" and "Punk not dead". There are two problems with this:

1) The Norse god Loki is not dead - he is bound up underneath the earth for various naughty doings, there to lie until the Norse Armageddon comes along. (His fellow gods affixed a poisonous snake above him to drip on his face for the rest of time... vengeful lot). The lack of knowledge about basic Norse mythology in today's graffiti artists is disturbing.

2) Punk *is* dead. Deal with it.

Photo Source

Wake us up! Dammit.

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Dear people on the GO (you like that? thanks. I just made it up)

Every morning you see us, those of us who sleep on the train. We don't have to explain why we sleep on the train. We just do. Some of us actually fall into a deep sleep and we ask out of the goodness of your hearts that you poke us awake when we get to Union Station. Don't assume we're on our way to Aldershot, because many of us are not.

Yesterday I woke up at Mimico - completely disoriented. I can't believe not a single person in the quad with me, people I see EVERYDAY, did not think to wake me. I can understand if you don't recognize me but for God's sake, if I recognize you, then you recognize me!

Help a girl out, okay?

Kisses,
Jaimie

Found - LottoMAX ticket for this Friday's draw

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Hi CJ.
I can only suspect you have a lot of lakeshore east readers. I found a LottoMAX ticket that was a $5 purchase that was stuck to the wheel of my car in the northwest part of the parking lot at Oshawa Monday night. I was told by the lottery office that if the person who bought it can remember where they purchased it, they can reference that from the code on the ticket to prove it belongs to that person. This Friday's jackpot is $40 million. I'd hate to see someone miss out. Please let me know if anyone contacts you and give them my email address. Please post this to your blog.
Ken

Portable heat

Sent via text message to 9054420352

Hi there. This lady who got on at Richmond Hill has a portable heater with her and has just spent the past 7 minutes or so walking the coach looking for an outlet. Finally some guy tells her you can't do that and she says the train is too cold. He says dress warmer but there's no way that's safe. Now she's sitting kitty-corner to me yapping into her cellphone how GO needs to provide thermostats in each car and how she'll probably freeze to death before we get to Union. I don't find it that cold but it's strange how people who choose to sit near the doors are the ones complaining. Go sit upstairs then.

Down for the count

Went home early today because I'm still battling asthma-induced issues and I hope to hell this isn't bronchitis.

Rode the 12:13pm. Listened to a lady do sing-song yawns most of the way home. So I made sure to cough louder.

Foot warmer

It was -20C with the wind chill this morning.

This young lady got on at Whitby wearing flats with no socks. She contorted herself in her seat so that her feet were tucked in under her and she proceeded to wrap each foot in its own scarf.

Are socks/stockings in short supply?

The power of Christ compels you?

Saw a guy today at Oshawa GO while I waited inside to stay warm with a large crucifix tied to his knapsack. Figured he was on his way to an exorcism.

And of course, even though I yell at people to do it, I didn't take a photo and lost sight of him on the platform.

The thing was big... about 12-inches tall. I really hope it wasn't some kind of bizarre fashion statement.

Cruelty to animals

Charlotte, a morning train buddy of mine, is deeply bothered by events from Wednesday night when a person purposely stepped on a field mouse that was on the Oshawa platform and killed it.

The corpse is actually still there. I saw it myself tonight. I'm not a lover of mice but I also think there are humane ways to rid the world of pests and stomping on a helpless mouse isn't one.

Why don't you just sit together?

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com by Sylvie

I am on the 2nd Barrie train this morning (Dec 9), wishing I had the courage to say that to the two women (in one quad) and one man (in a quad behind them), having an in-depth conversation about their college-aged kids.

That way they:
a) don't have to twist around in their seats, and
b) can keep the volume of their voices down just a tad!

The other seats in both quads are empty!

---

I have a theory people do this because they like to project their conversations onto others and truly believe the whole train wants to listen in.

Yeah, so ... remember that love letter?

Would you believe I lost it?

I know what you're thinking ...

I honestly don't know how it happened and when it happened but it's no longer in my bag.

Don't know what I'm talking about? Read on then.

What the hell?

For god's sake, how is that people can't walk down a damn aisle without nearly severing arms from shoulders?

Not only did this moose of a woman practically dislocate my arm, she also spilled coffee all over me after her bag slammed into my arm.

On my hair, down my jacket ... my face. We hadn't left Union yet. I was so pissed that I kicked her coffee cup in anger after it fell to the floor and stormed off the train, so I could clean myself up.

And I had to take the 8:13, having left the 7:18 in a huff. So now I smell like a Tim Horton's garbage can and I'm late getting home.

I honestly don't understand why some women need to carry three purses/bags/suitcases. At least be mindful of who you hit with them and tuck in the straps!!!

Excited? No. Not even a little bit

Submitted by KitKat to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

I sat across from a man tonight wearing tight jeans containing what looked like a tightly packed "suitcase". As we got to Rutherford GO, he stood up and pulled out his scarf... from his jeans. As he exited the train, he caught my eye, WINKED at me, wrapped his scarf around his neck and said, "Body heat makes for a warm walk to the car". I made sure I was the last one to leave the train. Gross.

---

Pervert. Some people need to be run over by the now infamous Rutherford runners.

Can you feel the rhythm of the Jerry-Curl mullet?

I only worked half a day today due to complications with me and an old friend named 'Asthma'. Asthma and I go way back and every so often she likes to hang out, eat all my food, not leave and keep me up all night. Asthma decided I only needed to work til noon and then she and I took the 12:13pm to Oshawa.

At Ajax, this guy got on who looked just like El DeBarge, complete with pencil thin lipstache. I know, you're asking, who?! The best I can do is show you by video. El DeBarge was a brother and sister music group from the 80s. Dude on the train looked just like the lead singer.



If you can't youtube from work. Here's a photo of El DeBarge:

Source: Hollywood Snark

This is commuting.

Photo by MrDanMofo via Flickr

After one canceled train and a 30-minute delay, all caused by a CN freight that stalled on the hill to Etobicoke North, the headlights of GO 207 cut through the rain-turning-to-snow on the first westbound train through since the afternoon.

Passengers from cancelled train #281, delayed #205 and some that were going to take #207 trudge home in the blizzard-like conditions at Etobicoke North Station, having just gotten off a packed Georgetown-bound #205. 5:21pm, Nov-2007.

---

Thanks to Danielle S. for the link.

Parking lot olympics

The YouTube caption for this video reads:

Every day people run from their train to their cars to get out 'first' and beat the traffic out of the parking lot. Every day this makes me smile as they are the biggest wankers ever.

---

I just think it's dumb.

You could have asked us to move out of your way!

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Small world isn't it? Thank you for your apology after you repeatedly gassed us last night on the 4:10. But it wasn't just one fart. It was the fifty or so that you claimed you stifled. You lie! Even after we asked who was eating kielbasa sausage, you sat there and pretended to sleep. What bags are you complaining about??? Too bad you let your ass do the talking... Dirty turnip.

Love the 3 Musketeers

I used to like sushi. Then I met you.

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Dear Man-Who-Ate-Sushi-For-Dinner-Last-Night (on the Richmond Hill line),

Your breath stinks. It reeks. It makes me nauseous. God forbid you should cover your mouth while you yawn with that putrid breath. Do you brush your teeth in the morning? Or is it that you're eating rotten sushi leftovers for breakfast? Whatever the case may be, it's making me sick. Granted, I get to skip breakfast and save calories because I lose my appetite on the mornings you sit next to me, but FFS, fix that nastiness.

Signed,
Sushi-Used-To-Be-My-Fave

That sausage smell you commented about ...

Submitted via text message by anonymous to 9054420352

I'd like to apologize to the three ladies sitting near me tonight on the 4:10, you'll know what I'm talking about... no, no one brought sausages onto the train. That was me. I farted. I pressed myself against the seat as hard as I could and if one of you hadn't barricaded me in with all your fricking bags, I would have managed to make it to the bathroom instead of letting it go where I was. Peace out.

Horn o' plenty

Submitted by email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Hi CJ... found this incident I had funny and figured I'd write you. Last Wednesday (Dec 1) I was on 6:03 train to Clarkson. There was a woman across from me with this hideous sculpture that looked like a tuba. Along with carrying it, she also had several bags of fruit with her, particularly grapes, some squash, a turnip and some other veg I had no idea was. She also had some oranges, the smaller kind, like tangerines. Finally curiosity got the better of me so I asked her about her tuba. She told me it was a paper-mache horn and that she had her sister make it. She said she's a supply teacher and her goal for Thursday was to teach the class she's subbing for about American Thanksgiving and the tradition of the horn o' plenty. Ahh, gotcha, I said. Then I was quiet for a second and asked her to repeat when she said she would do this, stuff the thing with fruit and all that. She said tomorrow, December 2. I had to break it to her. American Thanksgiving (I work with world markets so I know) was last Thursday, the 25th of November. She says, get out. I said yep. Then she went all kinds of shades of red. I also told her the pilgrims would never put tangerines in the horn o' plenty. I don't think it was on the menu. She said, what about oranges? I said I don't think there were pilgrims in Florida at the time and that there's no way they got oranges up to New England. Then she says, it doesn't matter, the kids are in grade 1, they won't know the difference between this Thursday and last Thursday. Then she changed seats. I don't know if she'll ever see this but I thought she was sweet and it was an honest mistake on her part (provided she doesn't have the internet) and I didn't mean to embarrass her.
Still funny tho. Might as well throw a couple of big macs in there if "it doesn't matter"!

- Mark

GO in the snow

How was it today?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from the bus crowd.

A lot of "brake for snowflakes"?

Damn you, you dirty infected turnips

Or rutabagas
Or sprouts
Or squash ...

Pick a nasty vegetable. Of course, I have other choice words I'd like to use.

Saturday, I started to develop a fever. It came and went. Came and went.
Yesterday evening, the aches and pains started.

Today I called in sick. I rarely get sick. In fact, this is my fourth sick day this year. You know who I blame? Myself for one for not wearing a hazmat suit when I ride the train, and second, this woman - hackety-hack. Hackety-hack hacked all over myself and Jill.

Thanks for the Ebola virus, hackety-hack.

Uncle

You know that uncle some of us have who only comes on food holidays (easter, thanksgiving, christmas) just to eat and then leaves when dessert is done with barely having said a word but he laughs and nods at the appropriate times? There's a guy that rides on the same train as me in the morning and always sits where myself, Momma D, Blondie C, Char L'Hottie and Jill tend to congregate. On Thursday night, he wound up next to Jill and myself and we actually got him to talk. Now we call him "Uncle" because he reminds us of that uncle most of us have who never says anything but shows up for food because we believe he sits where he sits because he "feeds" off our conversations.

I got him to admit it. Where the ladies always thought he was laughing because he was watching a movie on his iPhone isn't what he was laughing at. I knew it!

If "Rotary Dial" is reading this, I apologize but I did mean to ask you your name. Thank you for showing me how to play sudoku, but I believe I am mentally challenged at the game. It took me the entire train ride this morning to figure out one row of numbers and then I gave up. I honestly don't understand why I don't get it. But then again you, should watch me work a crossword puzzle. It's a sad state of affairs.

Textarious

The guy across from me on the 5:10 is mad-texting and laughing his ass off at the same time. I should ask him what's so funny. I've never seen anyone laugh so hard and not make a single sound. His ears keep turning red.

BlogTO.com asks, "What's the most annoying TTC rider behaviour?"

What constitutes the most annoying rider behaviour on the TTC is not as easy to determine as one might think. Ultimately, there's just too many egregious violations of basic etiquette to choose from. What's worse, after all, having a high school kid with an enormous book-filled backpack continuously bump into you or being tucked into a two-seater on a packed train with someone who hasn't showered in days?

Read the rest of this post on blogTO.com

Thanks to Tim S. for the link.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to sit here?

Well not on the GO bus to Waterloo, according to this cow. Sam sent this photo in. Someone should make this girl's ride more comfortable.

Perhaps a quilt?

Or how about we all fantasize how we'd make this girl's ride miserable?

Spontaneous combustion perhaps?

There. That's better.

Shall we help this person out?

The author of this shout out, who truly doesn't understand that appliances are what makes a marriage, is looking for this.

Printed in the December 2nd, 2010 edition, Shout Out Section, t.o.night newspaper

It's getting close to the end of the year so ...

... after two years of first Facebook status updating my GO experiences and then migrating to this blog, I've decided, triggered after a reporter asked me what some of my most memorable blog posts were, to create a Top 10. I don't know if the story will be published but the interview brought back such fond memories, it'd be a shame not to share.

1. Bag rider of the week
2. Joaquin Phoenix
3. Skunk
4. Garlic
5. Ear
6. Oral hygiene
7. Service cat
8. Crazy lady!
9. Chow mien and then none
10. Well at least he wasn't driving

A haunting in Georgetown

Mike, a man who lives near the Mount Pleasant GO station in Brampton, which is on the Georgetown Corridor, swears that the ghost of a small boy haunts a stretch of track from Mount Pleasant Station to Georgetown Station. For reference, Mike drew us a map (shown below) of where the boy haunts:

Mike originally texted me about the Georgetown Ghost. You can read our text exchange here.

Unbloodybelievably, I got an email tonight from a woman named Barb who backs Mike's claim. She's a former neighbour and friend of Mike's who used to ride the Georgetown GO line for many years before she retired this February. She attached a photo taken from her cellphone in January of a ghostly figure she says she's seen while on the train just outside of Mount Pleasant station. She believes this figure to be of the young boy that no one can tell me anything about, who was killed by a train back God knows when.

Just give me a date people. Anything ... a name?

She apologizes for the poor quality of the photo. Of course she does! Every single photo of almost all unexplained phenomena just happens to be of poor quality despite the fact that most of us are walking around with state-of-the-art camera phones. Funny how all the pictures of Bigfoot are grainy as shit but when people find a cockroach in their McDonald's hamburger, the photos are clear as clear can be.

I'm just sayin'.

A love letter found on transit (and published online) from across the pond

Kaylaa sent me this link of a love letter found by a gent in England while he was heading home on the train. He has a blog as well and scanned it to share it with his readers. Unlike the letter I found, the author isn't writing of a torrid affair but of feelings harbored towards a woman he commutes with.

You can read the full post and transcription at Ymmit's blog.

It kind of reads like the shout outs these days.

Adventures in GO parking

Submitted by Heather to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

So I'm making a right hand turn on a GREEN light onto the road that leads to the north Burlington GO parking lot this a.m. and this moron making a left decides he has the right of way. I slam on my brakes and lay on the horn to which, of course, moron ignores. However, I do see a passenger in the back seat turn around. Moron and I both park near each other. I decided this was one moron too many who had pulled such a stupid move!

I get out of my car and as I approach moron's car, his wife (I assume) gets out of the back seat. A little odd, because there was no passenger in the front seat with the moron. So I inquire about moron's driving antics (actually I said something along the lines of, "What was that shit back there!"). Wifey says nothing, just proceeds to gather her stuff and walk away.

Moron gets out of the car and tells me to keep my eyes on the road! Ok, so if I wasn't already mad, I'm pretty much fuming by now. Keep my eyes on the road?!?!

You know, you "dirty turnips", I don't want to miss the train either but we'll miss a whole lot more than a train if morons like this guy continue to drive this way.

Oh and moron, if you're reading this (and I hope you are), if I was your wife, I'd ride in the back seat too and leave you behind. She probably already knows you're a moron.

Parking rage. There's so much more to this story ...

While walking to my car tonight at the Oshawa GO lot, I spotted something under the wiper of a green Dodge Neon. I don't know who wrote the note but I don't think it was left by the person currently occupying the space next to this Neon as there was plenty of room when I saw the note.

The note reads "Next time leave a can opener so I can get in my car ASSHOLE!"
I had a similar situation myself back in July where a person parked so close to my car, I had no choice but to climb into my car through the passenger side.

Oh-my-god-you-are-so-annoying-the-crap-outta-me

Sent via text message to 9054420352

Hi CJ. I ride the train all the way to Aldershot on the LSW. It's a loooooong train ride. Last night, it was a packed train and these 2 ladies got on and there was only 1 seat available, next to me. Up until Exhibition, the one lady sat while her friend sat on her lap. I shit you not. People nearby were doing the I'm-staring-at-you-nutjobs-but-I'm trying-to-make-it-look-like-I'm-not faces... By the time we got to Mimico, the lady sitting gets up and stands up and her friend sits. The two of them then proceed to do this psycho rendition of musical chair all the way to Aldershot... after each station, they'd switch, one stands/one sits. And the messed up part is they continued to do this even when seats became available. I was trying so hard to sleep and I'd doze off only to be awoken when they changed positions because they both sat down with as much force as a bull in a China shop.