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Friday, December 2, 2011

The number you have dialed is in service but please don't hang up and try your call again

I took the 8:38 am OSH - UNST this morning.

Quiet train. COLD train. No heat. Not until I traveled through three coaches to the fourth coach from the rear did I find heat.

The CSA for the trip, Gary, spoke with the diction and annunciation of an aircraft pilot. I was waiting for him to tell me when we'd reach the train's top cruising speed, that's how smooth his voice was. Like butter, slowly sliding off a warm corn on the cob.

At some point during the ride, the woman across from me receives a phone call. She has her phone on her lap, balanced on her thigh. She's fast asleep. She has her headphones in and her mouth wide open. I can hear her music playing. After four annoying rings of what sounds like the theme music from the 80s video game Pole Position, the phone goes silent. Seven seconds later, it goes off again. A few people around her are showing their annoyance and I decide I'll poke the woman awake. Her phone goes silent and I lean over and tap her knee. Nothing.

Her phone goes off again. The man near us throws his newspaper down in aggravated pissed-offness.

I tap her shoulder. Nothing. I can see she's breathing so it's apparent she's in a deep REM state. Her phone goes off again

By this time, I've realized I could have robbed this woman blind. Seriously. Her purse, her iPhone, her bag. All of it.

Her phone goes off for a fourth time.

I shit you not. I pick it up and answer it. "Hello?"

"Hi ... (pause) Hello Sara? How come you weren't answering?"

"This isn't Sara. This is the woman sitting across from Sara on the train. I tried to wake her up but she's in a deep sleep and you've phoned so many times I was thinking maybe it was an emergency and so I answered it."

"WHO IS THIS?"

"A woman on the train."

"WHERE. IS. SARA?"

"Asleep, which is why I answered... "

"PLEASE PUT SARA ON THE PHONE NOW."

"I'd love to do that but she's asleep."

"Well (expletive) wake her up!!!"

"Please do not swear at me. I tried. I don't know what medication she's taking but you may want to ask the doc to change her dosage. We roll into Union around 9:40 am so try calling back around then. If she wakes up before that I'll tell you to call her. Who shall I say is calling?"

"I'm calling the police!!!"

"And tell them what?"

"THAT I AM CALLING MY (expletive) SISTER AND SOME STRANGER ANSWERS?!"

"Right, and you called four times in a row and there are people on this train who were getting annoyed and I figure hey, maybe it's an emergency and I can't wake up the owner so maybe I should answer. Your sister is fine. She's just in a coma".

"LET ME TALK TO MY SISTER!!!".

She's yelling so loudly that I pull the phone away from my ear and the man who had thrown his newspaper down is talking to me. "Hang up," he says.

I put the phone down and tap Sara again. Nothing. I grab her iPod and pull the headphone jack out. Nothing.

I can hear her sister yelling.

This has gone so awry that I am now at a loss of what to do. I can tell Sara isn't dead but now I'm wondering if she's, you know, taken something.

I confer with newspaper man. "Who cares!" He says. "Not your problem."

I dismiss him.

We're now at Danforth.

I decide that maybe it's time to visit CSA Gary in the next coach when Sara suddenly stirs and pops open her eyes.

Here's what Sara sees:

Some strange woman is holding her iPod and her iPhone is on the seat next to me. Shit. I've already regretted getting involved. This didn't go as I planned with her sister being pissed and panicked and me looking like a tool.
I angle my legs in case she decides to kick me.

I start talking. I pick up her phone and I tell her that it was ringing. A lot. I tried to wake her up. Several times. I answered her phone to:
a) quit the ringing as it was disturbing other passengers
b) field the call in case it was an emergency and I could at least assure the person she's alive but just asleep.

She doesn't say anything. She takes her iPhone from me and speaks into it. I guess her sister hung up because she proceeds to dial. I'm still holding her iPod which I motion to hand back to her.

Since this had gotten really awkward for me, I get up and head downstairs to the main level of the coach.

I didn't care to hear the conversation and don't really care what Sara and her sister had to say about me or the situation.

What I don't understand is if you're going to start sleeping hardcore on a train, why wouldn't you turn your phone off when you know you're not going to hear it?

16 comments:

Tim K. said...

I answered a guy's BlackBerry once during a meeting. He had left it on the boardroom table and disappeared. Worse, it was on vibrate. After nearly three minutes of the costant "rrrrrrr," "rrrrrrrrr", I snatched the phone and answered it.
It was his admin asst wanting to change his 2:30.
I told her to go ahead and ended the call.
No sympathy here for Sara or her sister. If you can't answer your phone, shut it off or put it on silent.
Sorry it got awkward for you. I would have just told them both I don't have time for this BS.

C.J. Smith said...

I had some reservations sharing this story because it's one thing for all of us to talk about what we would do in situations like this and another when someone actually does do it, such as physically touching someone's property and actually following through.
Sara was never confrontational. She didn't seek me out and I didn't run from her. I went down to the first coach and remained there while the train pulled into Union.
I saw her come down the stairs.
My main concern all along was that someone was trying real hard to get a hold of her and I gave up trying to wake her, which is still stunning that anyone can sleep that deeply on a train in public, and calming the person down who was calling.

Not a great train ride. Go easy on me. I had the best intentions.

AngelSil said...

You did the right thing. I mean, seriously, what is so goddamned important, but not an emergency, that you need to ring a person that many times at 9am? Leave a message!

Her sister sounds like she needs medication of her own.

Skin Man said...

Top marks from me CJ for trying to do a good deed. I swear this could be an episode to 1970's sitcome, like three's company or something like that.

It awkardsaucetastic!

One Ringy Dingy said...

Wowza! You've got balls sister! I would never answer a stranger's phone. If it was really annoying me, I'd give her a really good "hey wake up tap-shove-shake". If the GO cops came by to check for tickets they'd have woken her up, not left a voicemail.

TomW said...

This puts in mind of the film 'Airplane'... "What's going on?" "We're going to Union on a train, but that's not important right now"

Squiggles said...

You definitely have cajones. Most would just put up and shut up. And I am almost envious of those that can sleep on public transportation (which includes airplanes), I am too paranoid that someone is gonna steal my stuff to do that.

In this case, if I had the cajones, I would have turned the phone off, not answered it. Because I doubt that anything is that important to not leave a message.

lswgirl13 said...

There is no way I would have done that, I figure not my problem but I suppose she could have been dead or something but for sure I wouldn't do anything because then the train would be delayed! I mean if she's already dead who cares?

mr bus driver said...

@lswgirl13

Really? So one day your best friend has a heart attack on a train and the train reaches the end of the line and someone tries to poke her awake and after 1 poke and no response, they figure "Meh, not my problem". And the window to save her shrinks. You're really okay with that?

I'm not. I think CJ did a rather impulsive thing but not necesarily a bad thing and most likely Sara was on medication that caused her to sleep so deeply. Or she's depressed and her sister knows this. We don't know everyone's story but for fuck's sake considering a chick just jumped off the 3rd line bridge today to her death on the QEW maybe we should start making other people's mental health our business!

Unknown said...

This sounds like a great story for a documentary.
ANSWERING OTHER PEOPLE'S PHONES ON THE TRAIN. stories only CJ can tell on her transit adventures.

I answered a co workers phone once. She left for lunch forgot to take it with her and it rang incessantly on a desk with a very annoying ring tone. I asked them to call back at a designated time and said why. The caller did not appreciate this, which I cared not a lick. The noise was disruptive and thoughtless. She never left her phone out again.

lswgirl13 said...

Settle down there mr bus driver! Sarcasm, perhaps you heard of the concept???
AND since you opened the door, I'll go on my suicide rant again. I know someone who works in the Dorval area and she emailed me and said that basically because of the traffic mess they were held hostage in the office all day. Even clients couldn't get to their appts. So yeah, jumping off an overpass is the ultimate, last minute look-at-me world. And yes, I'm glad that mental illness is something that is now discussesd and dealt with and not hidden away anymore like it's something to be ashamed of because it's not. As for Sara, none of us know her story, maybe she's just an incredibly deep sleeper. GEEZ!!!

Unknown said...

I am going to Costco before the economy tanks next week. Have a great week end everyone.

Dan-1 said...

"We have your Sara earthling. We are holding her ransom for 10 million spacebucks, to be delivered by one Lone Star to the planet Druidia. Spaceball One out."

April said...

I would totally have answered the phone, except my conversation with the sister would have gone something more like "Don't you know what (expletive) voicemail is for? For crying out loud, if she doesn't answer leave a freaking message."

I hate when people call, and call, and call, and call. One of my step children does that. It makes me want to shove the phone up her arse.

Bicky said...

You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't... oh, damn.

Meh, I wouldn't dwell on it. At least you answered the phone. Someone else might have picked it up and chucked it out the open door at the next stop.

Iain said...

This story is all kinds of incredible.