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Thursday, June 30, 2011

This train gets pretty full, eh?

This nice young man with the word "Jesus" engraved on his neck that curved up and around his right ear was accompanied by a lovely woman who had the Lord's Prayer tattooed up and down her right leg this morning on the 7:53 Oshawa-Union train.

How could I not stare? Isn't that the point of body art?

On the woman's left leg was this large image of a busty female hoisting up the Stanley Cup with writing around it that I couldn't make out clearly, but it did seem like she had managed to document every year that a Canadian team had won the Stanley Cup. I figured getting up and moving to my hands and knees so I could read what was there would draw too much attention to myself, so I continued to strain to make out the words.

I don't know where these two were headed but they had a mountain of bags that they piled high on a two-seater. Then they stood in front of their bags so as to make sure people knew the space was "claimed".

Did this piss people off at Ajax? Absolutely. Mind you, considering many people took today off in advance of the holiday Friday, the train wasn't as packed as it usually is, but it was crowded enough for the Jesus dude to survey the train and remark, quite loudly, "This train gets pretty full, eh?"

His lady friend shrugged. She caught me staring at her legs at one point and threw me a dirty look. Holy Christ in a Handbasket, Lady! You have the Lord's Prayer inscribed on your leg and the Hockey Hall of Fame on the other. How the hell can I not stare?

Don't want people to look at your body ink, cover it up.

Speaking of "eh", I'm off for the long weekend and I'm off next week, too. I've got stuff to share in my absence and can't wait to share with you all some of what's landed in my in-box.

Have a nice long weekend, folks. Happy Canada Day!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

All together now ... "Ewww ... "

B . to me
Jun 28
09:44 AM (1 day ago)

This is a first after ten years of commuting.... on the second level, at the end where you don't have anyone facing you. She was leaning into him and you could not mistake the shoulder action for nearly 3/4 of the ride, and then a towel clean up. Now I usually put a paper down when I am sitting on the stairs, I may have to start doing that now on the seats.
Whitby line 7:59 train today.


C.J. Smith to B.
10:47 AM (23 hours ago)

Five years ago I would have called bullshit on this. Fast forward to 2011, nothing surprises me anymore.
Will post sometime this week. Thanks for the story!


B . to me
10:52 AM (23 hours ago)

I wouldn't believe it either, but there was no mistaking the shoulder movement the whole ride......
take care and thanks for the blog.


cj@thiscrazytrain.com to B.
12:50 PM (21 hours ago)

Lol, I just can't wrap my head around it but it has to be what you described unless she was scratching one hell of a mosquito bite for him. Or it was this:


Parking lot bowling

Over the years, Oshawa's lot has gotten busier - no doubt.

But one of these days someone is going to get killed if some drivers don't cut out the bullshit.

I understand the desire to get home sooner. I know what it's like to be running late, but here's the thing, those are not valid reasons to speed, race through the parking lot, drive over parking curbs, turn sharply around aisles and gun it towards a stop sign.

Who the hell do you think you are? You're not more important than me so slow the f*ck down.

This morning I was nearly run over by a woman in a blue Mazda 3 who whipped around the aisle of cars, foot clamped to the accelerator, completely oblivious to pedestrians walking around those same row of cars to cross the lot. She grazed me with her sideview mirror. It didn't hurt but what alarmed me is what if I had been wearing my crossbody bag instead of carrying it? Imagine if her sideview mirror caught the strap of my bag. She was hauling ass so fast her tires squealed as she turned. I would have been dragged. I would have been seriously injured.

If you're late, there's another train. Slow down. If this doesn't work for you, make changes in your life so you can arrive at the station earlier. Don't jeopardize the lives of others. Not over a train.

GO wants to know but you need to go out of your way to tell them

from Cxxxx Bxxxxxx
to cj@thiscrazytrain.com
Tue, Jun 28, 2011 at 11:18 AM

Go focus group
11:18 AM (22 hours ago)

Hi CJ,

I recently agreed to participate in a focus group for Go Transit. I got a call last night to verify that I was an acceptable candidate. After asking several questions for about 10 minutes, the caller asked if I could be there 10 min before the start of the session. "Possibly, but you haven't told me where it is being held." She responds "It is at Yonge and Davisville". "Sorry, I had expected it to be closer to Union Station, given that's where we all need to be to get home eventually."

Unbelievable! They couldn't find any space at: Union Station, a downtown hotel, an office tower or one of the many convention centres? And why couldn't the location have been given at the beginning of the interview? How about with the online invitation from "let Go know"? What a waste on time doing the online survey and the telephone interview.

They offered $75 compensation which was acceptable for 2 hours in the focus group but then it began to morph into..... + arrive 10 min early, + $6 TTC fare + all the extra time commuting to and from Davisville and possibly waiting around at union for the next train or bus. No thanks. I value my time even if Go doesn't.

Thanks for letting me vent
What I don't understand is why they would even expect people to attend a Toronto location. Why not set up these meetings at stations near Whitby, Clarkson, Ajax, Mimico, etc? There are schools that rent out gyms and community centres that rent out meeting rooms. It's not hard to figure it out.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Here you go, but you have to stand the whole way

Seats? Nope.

Bike racks? Absolutely.

This is a photo of a Bombardier BiLevel 2746 coach before it was converted back to one with seats where your fat asses could sit.

How about you just ride your bike all the way to work from where you live? Imagine the calories burned? Imagine the weight loss!

Mmm ... how long, I wonder, to pedal from Bomanville to Queen and Bay?

All I know is, if I did it, I'd be able to crack walnuts with my calf muscles after a year.

Pedal power and rush hour

It's 803 am, your bikes have zero priority on this train.

After asking three sweaty men to move their bikes out of the aisle, I suggested they spread themselves out.

One decides to plant himself in the empty space behind me, near the door and proceeds to service his bike, pumping up the tires, taking the wheels off. A small toolbox appears on the floor. I told him this train gets packed once we come into Ajax.

I sense a fight coming on.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Hey, did you hear about that life-saving gum?

So I'm bouncing along Bay Street tonight, heading home from the grind and this woman falls in step beside me.

I swing my eyeballs to the left and ... oh snap ... it's garlic girl from last Thursday.

She's looking just as attractive as she was when I first encountered her, all dolled up in Chanel flats, Coach bag on-hand, a dapper pencil skirt and neatly tucked in pinstripe blouse. I died my hair this weekend. It's all I've got. Work with me here.

As we head through the Bay Teamway, she turns to me and says, "Thanks for the gum last Thursday. You saved my life."

I had to roll with this so I asked her how me giving her a stick of gum saved her life.

She smiles and said she was to meet her son's teacher that night for a parent teacher consultation and she couldn't imagine what the teacher would think of her if she presented herself with garlic breath.

I nodded. Smiled. Tied my cape tighter around my neck.

So I asked her how the consultation went, not really caring but I had time to kill 'til the 5:20pm train. She rattles on about how he's progressed, etc ... concerns about grade 1 ... blah, blah, blah ... I smile. Nod politely. Still waiting for where I saved her from a box six feet under.

Nothing. I look at my watch and tell her I have to head up to meet my friends. She says she'll see me around.

Sure. Remember, all I did was give this girl a stick of gum.

Gum, people.

Your hair. On a train


I hope this isn't the start of a disgusting trend. Can you imagine the CSA courtesy announcement to combat this narsty-ness?

Spotted last Friday on the 5:17 Union-Barrie train by 905751XXXX

Don't panic, I'm here

No news is good news remember?

Love that some of you sent emails asking me why nothing is posted for today.

This may come as a shock to some of you so I suggest you sit down. Actually, first make yourself a stiff drink. I like rye and ginger myself.

Okay, you ready?

I don't know how to tell you this.

No, it's not anything you did wrong.

What? Is there another blog?

No ... um. Well, there is someone else.

See ... I have a job.

I know, right?

No, a real one. One that requires I leave my house. Monday to Friday. I know! Slave drivers!

I have a publishing schedule but I try to keep it random. This way, you have to keep coming back for a fix. I'm not suggesting you sit there and refresh the blog all day long at work (a-ha, see I know some of you have jobs, too!)

That is all.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Fan submitted stick figure drawing makes Hulk CJ happy


Bicky loved my garlic story from yesterday. So did I. She did me the favor of illustrating my experience.

PS. I absolutely find bald women hot. Nice work, Bicky!

Background here.

At least she didn't cough it up. Woman leaves hairball behind on train


Hey,

Enjoy reading yr blog. Boarded the 8.20am train from Meadowvale Go this morning to Union (Milton Line).

The lady sitting diagonally opposite to me in the quad, pulls her hair brush out and decides to go to town. She has wet hair and starts brushing her hair. If that's not bad enough, she then proceeds to take a break from brushing her hair to pull the hair out of the brush. She then decides to dispose of her hair by rolling it up in a ball and putting it on the seat next to her. After a few more minutes of brushing her hair, interspersed with pulling hair off the brush, she collects all the hair, rolls all into one ball, and drops the hairball on the floor.

You gotta love it!!!!!

Looking for visual proof, pls see attached.

Regards,
SK

If people didn't drive like assholes, we wouldn't have situations like this


DanD writes in email to
cj@thiscrazytrain.com

So apparently a truck hit an overpass in Weston last night and FUBAR'ed most of the Georgetown line. Lots of people flocked to Yorkdale to catch the GO 35 bus to Brampton and "points west". The Yorkdale GO bus terminal was packed like a zoo on the opening day of a unicorn exhibit.

The usual from GO:
** Georgetown GO Train Passengers: Due to a dump truck striking the railway bridge at Weston Rd., service on the Georgetown line is currently suspended. Passengers travelling to Bloor, Weston and Etobicoke North may use their GO tickets to get on the TTC at Union Station to travel to their stations. Passengers travelling west of Etobicoke North may travel from Union to Yorkdale subway station to access GO Buses travelling to Malton, Bramalea, Brampton, Mount Pleasant and Georgetown stations.**

Much later they detoured some trains up the Barrie corridor to cut across and only serve Bramalea and beyond.

Pray she washed those feet before she put them to bed


Thanks to 905464XXXX for the photo taken on the LSW 06-22-11. I hope no one stepped on her toes!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

It shouldn't burn my nose, right?

Picture it.

5:10pm train. It's delayed. Full platform. You head upstairs. Sit. Train fills. Woman takes last available seat beside you. People fill the aisle. There's nowhere to go. You like to sit. You're settled and then ...

You discover that the rather hot young lady now sitting next to you ate an entire bowl of boiled garlic at some point during the day. To make matters worse, she is having a quiet conversation on her cellphone so you get a double dose, the first wave that is wafting from her very skin and the second wave that is blowing out of her mouth. It's so toxic, that it's singeing your nose hairs.

You breathe into your book. You breathe into the ass of the man who is standing beside you in the aisle. You attempt to breathe into your chest. You begin to experiment with how long you can hold your breath, surprised to learn that you can make it to almost 42 seconds (damn asthma). Finally, when you can't take it any longer, you dig around in your bag knowing you just might have at least one stick of gum and almost dissolve into tears of joy when your fingers reach around the pack and you're right.

Taking a deep breath and holding it, you interrupt the woman and discreetly tell her that she may have had too much garlic for lunch as you hand over the stick of gum, willing her to keep her mouth closed. No need for thanks, just insert into your nostril and swallow.

Good girl.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Presented without comment

Snapped on the 8:13 pm Union to Oshawa train yesterday by yours truly.

Because your feedback is important to us

Another GO blogger ... yes, hold your breath, we're multiplying ... has shared her experience with the "Let GO Know" survey initiative online.

I don't know if any of you have signed up for the panel but I encourage you to do so. When I did mine, I didn't think to share how it went as I did it somewhat absent-minded, but I also got as equally excited over the Quiet Car bits.

The full post is here. While you're there, take a moment to comment and welcome her aboard. She's taken a slightly different approach to her experience on the "GO" than I and is still new at it, but I'm thinking she'll do fine. Enjoy.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

It ain't dead!

If I had an abuelita, I guarantee you she'd tear her eyes away from the spanish novella she'd be engrossed in and whisper "Ay dios mio" and frantically make the sign of the cross because it appears ... wait for it ... chivalry is not dead.

M&M writes: "5:15 union to Georgetown train. I was running late so I'm standing on the 6th coach, lower level. There is a very pregnant woman standing next to me.

After about 2 mins out of Union, someone offered her a seat, which she graciously declined.

And girl didn't take it! Said she was getting off at Weston."

Monday, June 20, 2011

Remember those guys who wrote that song about poor customer care called "United Hates Guitars?"

JG writes in an email to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

"Just a fair warning that I'd hope you'd mention. At Whitby Go station south parking lot, there are car break-ins happening. Catalytic converters are being stolen according to the police. I've discovered all of this after my car was broken into. My sound system was stolen along with other articles. Thankfully, my catalytic converter was not stolen. That would have been a royal piss off as those are very expensive.

I've complained to MetroLinx. I've bitched at them the lack of security. My car alarm must have been going off for at least 5 hours as my battery was drained.

It was absolutely outrageous what they told me. They said: "We're not responsible for the safety of vehicles." "Here's the number for transit safety." "Here's the fax number for complaints."

The hell? Someone has to be responsible for our vehicles! This is provincially owned, government property. $250 a month just to have my car broken into?! Eff that noise!

People at MetroLinx need a wake up call!"
Does anyone recall seeing any signs at the GO lots that give notice that we park at own risk? I can't recall any at Oshawa. There has to be some security/disclaimers offered by GO with regards to personal property, no? I had gas siphoned out of my vehicle while it sat parked in the Oshawa lot. That wasn't a fun experience to start your car up and have less than 7 litres out of 70L left.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum put the "dense" in fog

But alas, one CAN fit a motorcycle in there.
Bramalea GO. Submitted by M&M.

This is my box. There are many like it, but this one is mine


My box is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My box, without me, is useless. Without my box, I am useless.

IT'S A FRIGGEN EMPTY BOX BUT IT MUST. RIDE. THE. TRAIN.

In front of the doors. Where people are boarding. Why? Because I am a Super-Douche.
Thanks to KK for the pic.

Do you ever wonder ...


... that when some people get up in the morning, they look in the mirror, and actually vow to be an idiot on the train today?

This morning I sat next to a woman who decided to clean out her purse between Pickering and Toronto. This didn't bother me so much as it clearly irritated the man sitting across from her. She continuously dropped things on the floor. First, it was a calculator which he quietly retrieved for her. Then she dropped a hairbrush. The lady sitting beside the man fetched that for her. Then she dropped her wallet which I ignored (Really!? I'm not her dog) so she leaned over me to get it. After adjusting her makeup, she lost her blusher brush and searched frantically to find it, jumping in and out of her seat and climbing over me and the other woman to check in the aisle. Would you really want that back?

Then, the piece de resistance, she put contact her lenses in! ON THE TRAIN, PEOPLE! WITHOUT A MIRROR. Sure, she Purell'd her hands first, but come on ...

If you drove a sedan, you wouldn't be so "line challenged"

But is it the donkey on the left who is really to blame for this mess of a vertical mambo? Perhaps the Chevy driver deliberately left space so the White Knight could access his horse? You can see the tail-end of the car to the right and this gives a sense of how tight the spot now really is that's left available. Perfect for a motorcycle! Or a Mini. Or a SmartCar. Or a tricycle. With streamers.

Thanks to B. Taken at Barrie GO.

Oh my god. They're morphing into a whole new breed!

If you translate the licence plate, it says "PARKING DOUCHE".

-Photographed at the Langstaff GO parking lot by MV

Off Topic: Did you know that at one time you could buy a house from the Eaton's Catalogue?

Click to enlarge. Check out the price. I can't even put a friggen IKEA coffee table together, let alone a house. What's the Eaton's Catalogue, you ask?

Friday, June 17, 2011

Random picture message has no meaning, or does it?

This came in on last Wednesday. There wasn't a note, no description. I wrote the sender back asking for details. Nada.

At first, I'm thinking, ok, bag rider (which is a topic that has been beaten to death) but then, wait ... what's that behind the woman's head. A bag? On the headrest?

Is it?

Finger lickin' good? Yep, that's a plate ... and yep, that's chicken


Thanks to GT for the photo who apologizes for its bad quality.

Yes, you will do what you're asked

Dramaz! I'm telling you ... I'm a magnet.

3:15 LSE. Today. I boarded and sat at the end of the coach, up the first set of stairs. There was a woman eating some Dairy Queen who had her rolling suitcase blocking the aisle.

This older gent got on and refused to go around her suitcase. Her asked her to put it under her seat. She said no, that she didn't want to get it dirty. He says that she's blocking the aisle. She says she doesn't have to do what he asks. She suggests he go sit somewhere else. Clearly, she's a day-tripper and doesn't understand that this isn't some subway jaunt to the mall.

I spoke and said, "Hey, don't be rude. I also had to climb around your suitcase."

She brushes me away with her hand. Then, in an effort to ignore everyone, she grabs her iPhone and pretends to answer a call and starts talking nonsense. The elderly gents sighs and goes back down the stairs to find a seat on the first level. After she leaves, she tucks her suitcase closer to her (as shown in photo). What a gem.

This is where I should have punted her suitcase across the train. But I didn't. Because I don't like jail.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The best description of this video is

From Dlisted.com

"(This) woman with (a) soul-killing, irritating job interview voice was talking some filth into her cell phone on a Metro North train in New York when the conductor told her to change the NC-17 rating on her phone call to rated G. Basically, the conductor told her to stop talking like a nasty trash mouth ... The chick was so appalled and offended that the conductor would accuse her of dropping (f-bombs) since she's a highly educated scholar with degrees from several prestigious universities and shit."

Just watch.



Thanks, Andrew, for the heads up.

Shout Out: I hate your music

6/16/11
1:56PM
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Shout Out":

To the guy playing his guitar on the 447 LSW yesterday. It was not appreciated and if there were seats to move to I am sure the people around you would have moved. I am not saying your bad at it.. it was just not the time and place.

54 year old man exposes himself to Barrie passengers as train whips by him

Wow, did my inbox just light up tonight! Of course I'm posting this story!

Considering most people are in a coma on any given GO train on any given line on any given morning, it's impressive people were alert enough to notice a naked dude giving a ... er ... show at the side of the tracks

According to the Toronto Star and the Canadian Press, a man exposed himself to passengers on a train heading from Barrie to Union Thursday morning.

The incident happened as the train passed Mapleview Drive.

Passengers on the train called police in Barrie and reported a man kneeling and masturbating near the tracks. He was allegedly completely naked.

Police found the man and arrested him. His name wasn't released and he's due in court in August. Hopefully he picks out a nice tie to wear, huh? Right?

Source

All your space are belong to me: Redux

'Hog' wrote in to tell me about this fine young lady who decided the aisle clearly doubled for a luggage rack.

Here's what he had to say about said Bag Donkey:

"This woman got on at Aurora. She has deliberately left her bag in the aisle so she can easily access whatever she's reading - mostly printed out emails from what I can gather. We pull into Maple any minute now any she's still made no effort to move it. If I was a Maple boarder, I'd be stomping on the thing to make sure she got a flattened lunch."

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Barrie gets two more trains

One to carry the foreman and the other his cold beverages.

Full story here

How to be a Seat Hog: Lesson 1

Step One
Place bags strategically on the seat beside you and on the floor in front of you.

Step Two
Put on a pair of sunglasses

Step Three
Pull out your mobile phone, start texting or at least pretend.

Step Four
Look at no one.

Congratulations! You can now proceed to Lesson 2: How to be an Annoying Douche.
Thanks to VanessaLSW for the pic

Barrie PSA

ATTENTION ALL GO TRAIN BARRIE LINE CREEPS!

Do we look like freshly baked chocolate chip muffins in the morning?

Well, maybe, BUT no I don't want to be eaten alive by your creepy stares.

p.s Don't pretend to read "FINANCING FOR DUMMIES!"

- Creepedoutgirls :|

Dude, take a shower. In fact, take many showers

Hi there, it's me, the girl in brown who had been sitting diagonally across from you last night? One quad over? Next to the guy that was talking about delivering his grandkittens ...

Yeah ... listen... you stank, dude.

You got on at Danforth, flicked your cigarette and blew smoke into the train as you boarded. That was nice. I enjoyed that.

You threw your filthy bag that smelled like sour milk onto the seat and then threw your feet up onto the seat across from you. Once settled, you pried off your sneakers revealing filthy socks that looked like they were white at one time.

The smell made me gag. The wafting smell coming off of you, a combination of stale cigarettes, dry sweat and B.O., is what forced me to eventually move.

But what really got me, and I am sure your mama taught you some manners, was that you had this hacking cough and made no attempt to cover your mouth as you spewed saliva and germs with each bronchial emission.

I'm sure you're a hit with the ladies!

At least you listened when that other lady politely asked you to put your shoes back on. I was too busy preparing my blow torch. You were lucky this time.

(Surely a former emo) donkey... is angry. Takes out unfairness of the world on seats

It only took 8 years for him to realize, that gosh, trains are late?!

Twenty minutes or it's free?!

In a pre-election gambit, Premier Dalton McGuinty is urging GO Transit to offer commuters an improved “service guarantee” that would refund fares if trains are 20 minutes or more late.

There's more over at the Star on this story ...

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

And it's not even winter


D-

Remember, anger is one letter short of danger

Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

I DROVE AROUND THE OSHAWA LOT FOR HOURS THIS MORNING TRYING TO FIND A SPOT SO I WOUND UP PARKING ON THE EDGE OF A LANE. I CAME HOME TONIGHT AND SAW THIS. DID YOU GET MY PICTURE?

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423


Hours, huh? Can you give me a ballpark figure?


Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

LIKE 20 MINUTES

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423

How was math class for you in school?


Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

Fine, why? Isn't this bullshit? Did you get my picture?

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423

Hey, thanks for turning off the all caps. Is it the one with the motorcycle? Quickly, what's 127 plus 456?


Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

I don't know... do you see the bike?

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423


Yep.


Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

Do you see where it's parked?

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423

In a parking spot?


Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

And that doesn't bother you?

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423


No, it's parked legally.


Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

WHAT? SPOTS ARE FOR CARS!!! BIKE PARKING IS DOWN NEAR THE BUS LOOP.

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423


Was this in Oshawa?

Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

Yes.

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423

There aren't a lot of motorcycle spots.


Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

SO PARK ON THE CURB??!!

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423


I don't think that's allowed.

Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

I think it is. Anyway, I figure you would be understand as me. This is one bike taking up a whole spot for a car. These people can take the bus. How do they get to the station in winter??? It's bullshit. i should have lit a macth to the cover of that bike?

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423


Careful now, anger is one letter away from danger. Did you get a ticket?


Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

No.

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423


Then what's the problem?


Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

Don't you see!!! Motorcycles can be parked anywhere!

Text to 647656XXXX
from 9054427423

You may want to look into that.


Text message from
647656XXXX
to 9054427423

Whatever. I'm wasting my time. I'm out.

This cellphone conversation is worthy of transcription

I'm on the 7:17pm LSE.

Next to me is a man on a headset having an in-depth conversation with someone about his cat.

It's his first day back to work after a 3-month leave as he had stayed home with his cat on her mat leave.

Yes, he said, "my cat's mat leave".

I can't imagine what this Kitty does for a living to warrant mat leave.

(As a side note, if the woman across from me kicks me one more time in the shin, I'm gonna hoof her in her Kitty)

It was a difficult birth for wee Kitty. The contractions started around 2pm on March 12th.

He had an old box his microwave came in, the one bought several years ago, and he lined it with Kitty's favorite sweater of his.

Dude better not be getting too graphic here or he'll have me passed out, stone cold on the floor.

Four kittens were born, each described in great detail.

He was 'so proud of her'!

They were just like real babies!

I'd continue but I don't think you want to hear anymore, do you?

Monday, June 13, 2011

Train 49, 46, 90 ... how about Train Ridiculous

Oh f*ck me.
Really!?

Of all the coaches to pick on the 425 LSE train, I'm on the one with the Whitby/Ajax lunatics that were featured in the National Post GO Transit Series. Loud is an understatement. Obnoxious is more like it.

Apparently they enjoy tormenting people because I'm listening to one of them relay a story about a woman who 'didn't know' who sat with them this morning and was visibly annoyed by their antics.

They're actually proud of themselves for being able to 'push all her buttons'.
Now they've analyzing why they've never seen the woman before.
Hey, I'm new on this train, not everyone takes the same sheep train everyday.

I'm not sure what to make of these donkeys.

One of them is singing now, some commercial jingle.

Oh Christ, now one is reading what I consider a personal email, aloud, to the whole train. It's like being forced to listen!!!

I should have moved when I had the chance.

Your phone shouldn't have to ring more than twice

Ever notice the slow reflexes of some people when it comes to answering a mobile phone?

This morning, this lady's phone rang almost 8 times before she managed to answer it.

And it was a shrill ring tone. I can handle most ring tones, but this one was ridiculously sharp and loud.

If you're going to bury your phone at the bottom of a bag, turn it off.

Friday, June 10, 2011

It's Friday. Will the Barrie Folks get home on time?


Last Friday, I missed the 410 to Barrie by a minute and caught the 440.

We pulled into the first station (york university) and sit for 5 min. Then the CSA says we will be delayed...

10 minutes later, I get this text from Go transit:
As we are unable to contact the foreman responsible for track repairs south of Rutherford GO Station, the Union 16:10 - Barrie South 17:47 train trip is holding south of Rutherford. The current delay is 20 minutes. The Union 16:10 - Barrie South 17:47 train trip will proceed to York University and will hold until permission is granted to proceed.
The Union 17:17 - Barrie South 18:57 train trip will hold at Union Station until the earlier trains have permission to proceed. Passengers can expect delays of up to 45 minutes. An update will be provided when both trains are on the move. We apologize for the inconvenience.
My question is, where the hell did the foreman go? How do you lose a foreman?

Did they not know 4 trains had to go this afternoon...???

Every Friday, there's always a delay!!!

Signed,
Lady in Pink

Speed it up, folks



Matt writes in an email:

My pet peeve (about all these crazy train folks) is the people in front of me who meander at a snail’s pace through Union at 5pm, and never move in a straight line. You know the type...that seemingly whenever you sidestep to get around them so you can get to your platform before the train leaves, they instinctively shuffle that way to cut you off? You try to get through the door, and they cut you off. You try to punch your 10-ride, they cut you off. You try to get to the stairs, and they cut you off again.

Quite often these people are also lugging around rolling briefcases and pause at the bottom of the stairs for a while trying to get the handle down so that they can carry it up the stairs. That also pisses me off...if they can carry it up the stairs, why the f*ck are they not carrying it to begin with?

Woah...that f-bomb came out of nowhere, but it felt good. I feel better.
That's why I'm here, Matt. That's why I'm here.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Don't make me angry

The new banner is up!!!

Thanks to those who made suggestions. Sadly, I couldn't draw Dr. Evil to save my life (as per a text exchange between myself and Al) so I had to abandon the idea of having him go up against The Hulk in an epic battle over train beefs and settle with a Bag Rider.

Background here.

Logo gallery for previous banners can be found here.

Love in an elevator is no match for the Ninja Fetus

Email from Barbra GXXXX
to cj@thiscrazytrain.com

Well here's what I had to deal with today, Ms. Crazy Train.

I'm 36 weeks pregnant. Time has come for me to rely on the elevators at Union to get me up to the Platform for the 3:13 LSE.

At around 3:06 pm, a gaggle of teenage girls, some heavily petting their teenage boyfriends, with one couple actually making out near the back of the car, decided to 'joyride' in the elevator designated for Platform 4-6. I saw them go up as I walked through the corridor and I saw them come down.

There were 7 (or more) of these yahoos in the elevator when the doors opened for me and I waited a beat for them to exit but they just stood there, so I stepped on. One kid says to another kid, "Don't push the button." Said it like I wasn't even there.

One girl pressed the Doors Open button and held it.

So I counted to 10.

Then I turned around to face them all, pointed to my belly and yelled at the top of my lungs, "I'm giving you all to the count of three to get the hell off this elevator before I unleash my pregnant hormones on all of you and deliver a torrent of fury that will guarantee I will give birth to a ninja baby right here in this elevator who will Crouching Tiger/Hidden Dragon all of your butts into your late twenties!"

They left. I can't say for sure that's exactly what I said but it's pretty darn close. There was definitely reference to hormones, birth and a ninja fetus.

My husband doesn't believe me because I'm the biggest wallflower to ever live but pregnancy really does make a woman lose all tolerance for BS.

I hope writing in to you gives me some credibility.

Them is magic shoes!


Not a lick of dirt on 'em. That's cuz she must have licked them before she threw them up on the seat in front of her.

Photo courtesy of SM.

Spot the donkeys


Submitted by SM via email
Shot on location at the Brampton GO Parking Lot

I guess it's ok when one's wearing socks


Poor guy. Who knows what kind of job he has that leaves his feet so busted, he has to spread them out.

The hell? Langstaff GO

How hard is it to position a vehicle between two lines? (Thanks to M.V. for the pic)

F-

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Margaritaville

Picture this.

It's Friday. Some crazy chick carrying a blender AKA me gets on your coach - a coach that has an electrical outlet. I pull out a tv tray and plug in this blender (shown below) and not just any blender, but a "frozen concoction beverage maker". Hey, they have to justify that price somehow. For $2, I make piƱa coladsa and margaritas.

Would you buy?

How long til I get kicked off?

J.A.C.F.O.G

Lovingly penned by Brent

Last Thursday - going north on the 5:17 Barrie. I should have known better, but I got on with only a minute to spare, and there weren't many seats left, so I sat in a three quarters full quad, on the aisle, across from a guy who's only maybe 5'8", but his legs are taking up most of the space between us. His knees graze mine. And again. And again.

Grab phone, headphones, glasses, soda from bag. Quickly thrust it down under my seat, banging it on his knees. He looks at me. I stare back. He stares. I stare back.

He stops the full slouch and sits up. I have won the first battle.

He grabs a book. Starts reading. Fidgets. Fidgets. Shakes head. Taps hand. Taps leg. Looks like a dude with either serious substance abuse or ADHD issues. Possibly both. Leans forward. Leans back. Leans so far forward that his book is grazing my phone, that I'm reading from. I look up. He ignores for a bit. Backs off.

The 5:17, btw, is the possibly most busy of the northbound trains on the Barrie line. We're on the upper deck, and there's a dozen people standing in the aisle. There is nowhere for me to go, and we haven't even hit York University yet. If this guy's trying to get me to move, it ain't working, and besides which, someone else will sit about 5 seconds after I leave.

I finish up the email I was reading. Grab trade paperback I'm reading. Guy leans forward. He is seriously invading my comfort zone for personal space. Actually, he's past anybody's personal space limit. His book bangs into mine. And again. And again. All the time, fidgeting, shifting weight on seat, leaning so far forward he's either got back issues or he's just trying to harass me.

I finally break. I look up and say "Do you mind?"

Nothing. Not a flinch. Either his headphones are way up, or he's feigning inability to speak English, which, given that he's reading something or other in English, I find hard to believe.

I escalate to my final phase of exasperation.

"HEY! JERK!" (large arm motion from me pantomiming pushing away from him) "BACK OFF!!"

Gasp. Silence on car now. Everyone heard me. I have a loud, loud voice that needs no amplification when speaking in public spaces. Everybody turns. I'm staring at him. Amused grins from quad across who's been following his antics and my growing frustration.

I hope he enjoyed his embarrassment.

Slunk off at Rutherford, nary a word to me.

The thing is I'm a small 5'7" guy. If you sit next to me, I move a little away from you. Sit across from me, I'll make sure I'm nowhere close to you. I can't figure out whether it was just the drugs and/or agoraphobia kicking in with him, or if he was Just Another Clueless F*ck On the Go. (JACFOG)

All your space are belong to me

Priority Seating. What it doesn't mean

In grade school, most likely you sat in the same desk everyday - a seat that was assigned to you.

In high school, I didn't have an assigned desk but I did notice that classmates would claim desks as theirs and sit in the same spot day after day.
Fast forward to college, university, etc ... people tended to keep the same spot.

I've noticed this same behaviour when taking courses for work. You show up at a seminar or classroom the first day, people find a seat, and you come back the next day and about 90% are back in the same seats.

Before I made the train friends I have now, I was a wanderer. I never sat in the same seat on the train each day. I exhibit this same behaviour when I take a course or have a work meeting. I'm a boardroom hobo.

An email came in yesterday from J.S.

She writes:

I was on the 4:10 LSE last night. I usually sit in the same car (any available seat) each day but changed last night because I had to get off in Ajax. This woman got on last night and said to her friend, "look someone is in our seats". I only had one seat and my bag was underneath it. Why are some people so set on sitting in the exact same seat each day?
Perhaps your readers can enlighten me.

I can't explain why people insist on sitting in the same location each day on the train but I can understand the desire to sit together with people they know.

This morning I boarded at Oshawa. My train friends were in their usual spots (they are creature of habits - your first clue!) and I went to join them. However, this man had bags and bags of Tim Horton coffee cup lids barricading the vacant seat in front of him and he seemed stunned when I asked to sit there. I gave it a minute and then decided to sit somewhere else. I have no patience for people who don't understand the train is shared space. It should be a given that you do your best to make your stuff fit without compromising a seat. Why is this such a difficult concept for people to grasp? To be courteous?

I have noticed on the 8:53 am train originating in Oshawa that people do sit in the same seats day after day and do express annoyance that when late, they've lost their spot to someone else. So what?

My opinion is those ladies were rude and the comment was uncalled for. They don't have "our seats". They can take their pick.

Presented without comment

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I'm hungry.

Suggestions for lunch?

Maybe I need a twitter account.

Your photography ain't half-bad


So Michelle texted this photo.
I think Michelle needs to practice more with how to use her iPhone because she writes, "This woman was plucking her eyebrows".

I'm no photography expert, Michelle, but I do believe the goal of a photo is to get the subject in view of the lens.

Nope, she's not lovin' it



Submitted by SM
To cj@thiscrazytrain.com

This guy with the McD’s burger sat with it in his hand, not even taking a bite, playing with his phone, for at least 5 minutes! Then he scarfed it down and sat with the garbage in his hand for the rest of his ride, so the train smelled of it continuously. Normally, it might not bother me as much, but I am preggers, and have a super sensitive nose these days. I suppose I could’ve moved, but the train was full, and Brampton is a long way to go without a seat. Ugh.
What I like about this dude is his fine-dining approach. He made a placemat for himself using a manila envelope.

This is why I don't sleep

I missed all of the action.

What happened, you ask?

I boarded the 8:38am train this morning from Oshawa and sat across from a woman who was resting her bare feet on the seat across from her. Photo below:


I closed my eyes at one point and when I opened them, I caught the tail-end of her wiping down her feet and in between her toes with a baby wipe. I fumbled for my phone to snap a pic, because I know people think I make this shit up, and only managed this picture, where she's finishing up her heel:


She then leaned over and put the dirty wipes in her purse.

You go, girl. Wipe those feet.

And a good time was had by all


Ticket to somewhere on the GO: $2.35
Mickey of Red Stag Cherry Bourbon: $4.95
Trojan Condom: $1.25 (used! USED!)
Foil-wrapped Chocolate Bon-Bon: $0.50
Kleenex: Free

A ride on the Corridor Club: Priceless
Thanks to Frank for the pic. Taken last night on the 7:17pm Union-Oshawa

Monday, June 6, 2011

Throwback

This is a shout out to Peter who I met while we pulled into Oshawa tonight. Peter was singing along to "Informer" by Snow and when I say singing along, I mean, rapping all the words.

I was the only person on the train who was impressed.

So like, um...

How fantastic is this?!

I"m sitting next to Courtney here (she said her name several times), who is giving a blow by blow account of her first day of her new job to her BF on her celly. She's telling him all that went on at the law firm she's working for.
But wait, the job? No, that's not the exciting part!
What's, ohmigod, so super-cool, is the dress code!!!
Courtney is orgasmic over the fact she can wear shirts that show 'shoulder' at the office. And jeans! Once a week! And sandals, like, everyday! Even strappies!!!
Then, as I was wrapping a shoelace around my throat, she described in painstaking, explicit detail what she can't wear. She was really bummed that shirts with spaghetti straps were a no.
Then, like, I've learned all the names of the people she's met today. Who works for who. Who's nice, who she thinks isn't nice.
Now we're onto all the meetings she has this week... She's, like, so overwhelmed!
(Just shoot me now)
What? There's more?! Yes, she got taken out to lunch... At Ki. Please, go on ...
She didn't order any food because she was too nervous to eat... no, wait, she got a lemon wedge and a basil leaf... barely finished either.
Oh, now onto the afternoon (oh good christ).
Vacation? Sure, she gets vacation and she met with HR for 2 hours this afternoon to talk about time off, sick days and like, long weekends, and like, for real, personal days!!!

Why God? Why do you hate me so much?

Warning. This video is gross.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Oh hells no ... I need a flame thrower

What the hell?

Feet ... not just on the seat, but pressed up against the back of the seat!

Ladies, t'is the season for white clothing such as my white blazer. How comforting to know that I could be relaxing on my train ride home against the dirt and bacteria of this jerk's feet including what he's traipsed through in bathrooms.

Blech. You really want to carry home what's been on his shoes? No thanks ...

Thanks to SM for the pic.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

A little bit forward ... a little bit forward ... a little bit ... there!


- Submitted by the owner of the red car (Oshawa GO parking lot)

This is one way to make the most out of your commute. Pull-ups


According to the description, this woman did a pull-up after each page she turned in her book.

Applying makeup on a train is an art

So says this blogger ... (not me)

"I ride the train every morning to work, and my favorite part of the ride is watching women do their makeup. I do not judge. In fact, I am absolutely impressed, and always stare in adoration of those who posses such a honed craft. I believe it takes a certain level of skill and self-confidence for a woman to do her makeup on the train. You have to be comfortable with people watching you cover up your dark circles, you have to be able to use eyeliner without poking your eyes out; and, you have to put up with people like me thinking that shade of red just doesn’t look quite right for your complexion".

I know there are some of you who are fascinated (and some horrified) that there are women who do this so keep reading ...

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Off Topic: Sound it out fail


Cereal?

Um ... "S" ... no ... no

Er ... "C" ... ?

"E" ... ?

Um ...

Aw, screw it.

I swear I didn't do it

I like to edit photos where I make things/people/bags go up in flames but that's about as far as I take it. This wasn't me!

GO Transit bus catches fire
Zoe McKnight
Toronto Star

A sole passenger and driver escaped unharmed Tuesday night after a GO Transit bus became fully engulfed in flames.

KEEP READING

Facelift!

Parking donkeys are fun but it's time to change the banner. Again.

My husband wants one of the circles to become the Incredible Hulk. Cool. But what's the Hulk mad over? What is the circle on the left doing to make the circle on the right angry?

Suggestions are welcome in comments, email (cj@thiscrazytrain.com) or text message (9054427423).
Don't say Jason. Okay, you can say Jason. Just tell me the scenario.

The fun starts 35 seconds in

Thanks to MPL who sent in the video and created the video. I'd like to say he created it in homage to this site but sadly, no. However, he did inspire me to create my own. Since I'm renovating my house this summer, it will have to be a fall project ... oh the fun to be had.

I like big butts and I cannot lie ... well, actually, yeah I can


There is a woman who gets on the 6:47 LSE from Oshawa at Pickering and proceeds to hold court with her friends while she stands in the aisle. This wouldn't be too hard to take, except she is so loud and obnoxious and she has earned the nickname MeMe by people in the rest of the car. She often travels with her daughter and they bicker back and forth (loudly) from Pickering to Union. She loves to wear short skirts and is always sticking her fanny into someone's face as she reaches for something in her backpack on the floor. Even the men are surprised when an unexpected bum nearly brushes their cheek! So if you want to feel the soft caress of an over-the-hill butt, be on the third car closest to the engine on the 6:47 LSE Oshawa-Union, east end of the car. She's there most mornings.

Signed,
Tired of seeing the full moon

Perhaps the sign's not big enough?

Renegade smoker ignores the rules ...

Snapped at Oshawa by Froger.