Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A historic moment! A post about me from one of you

I will admit that bees, hornets and wasps scare the absolute shit outta me. And after today's hornet swarming incident, the fear is now even more profound.

But this, this email is epic, it is, as my imaginary abuela would say, "Una curiosa coincidencia". I have a thing for Spanish. Use the Koodo commercial voice-over voice and you'll understand why. Okay, maybe you won't but it's a language I've wanted to master for a looong time. Well before Dora was on the scene with her constant demand of checking maps and her unhealthy relationship with a naked monkey that wears only boots. And the yelling! Dios mío. Basta!

date Wed, Sep 21, 2011 at 4:20 PM
subject stings

Hi CJ,
I have a train story that relates to your unfortunate incident from today. When I lived in Oshawa, I took what was the 7:55 am train. I can remember this incident, probably three years ago or so where a bunch of us were standing on the platform waiting for the train to roll in after it had been delayed. There was this woman standing about arm's length from me. There was a wasp crawling along the back of her shoulder so I attempted to swipe it off her and told her there was a wasp. I can't even begin to describe this woman's reaction but she reminded me of the Tazmanian Devil. She whirled one way and then another, ripped off her jacket and threw it to the ground. I sort of stood back because all I was thinking was what the hell is wrong with this woman? She wasn't screaming but you could see she was distraught. I helped her pick up her jacket and she kept asking me if the "bee" was gone. As the train rolled in, she didn't look right and she was trembling. I asked her if she was okay. She mumbled something and then just left - walked right off the platform. So strange. I'll never forget it.

Great site by the way. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading it everyday.

When this email came in I hollered for my husband. He read it. He knew.

Oh my god, he says. That was you!

Yes, it was. The six degrees of separation is closing in, folks. If a wasp manages to joyride along in a coach, I freeze. In fact, I will run. I have crazy in me. I know I've shown the crazy to others. I'm a blog about my blog.

Of course, Angela thinks this is hysterical. When I wrote her back she actually called me. Now that was bold. I rarely get direct from email calls but all she said in her voicemail was, "Girl. You lying".



Angela said...

Too funny!
To let everyone know, I was really worried about you after that morning. You looked ready to vomit.

Anonymous said...

I think only people with an intense deep-rooted fear of something could understand this. I don't get it.

Squiggles said...

I react the same way with spiders. I need gloves, paper towels, a vacuum and a fly swatter (if they are high up) to deal with them at home. A dead one I need to remove (basement) has me wimpering with the panic/fear festering in my gut.

Funny, because an allergy to bees/wasps/hornets runs in my family and people have all been stung once. I find them annoying more than frightening. But that can be because of the above takes all my concentration.

Glad you are better CJ! and it is a small world indeed.

Sylv said...

Oh, I get it! As a kid I got stung on the roof of my mouth once (mouth-breathing while playing tag/running). I will NEVER forget the buzzing in my mouth, the subsequent pain, spitting the bee or whatever it was out (it left its stinger behind) and stepping on it, followed by admonishments from my friends that the hive would come after me because I killed it.

So yeah, I get the panic and freezing whenever I see a flash of yellow and black (and I keep my mouth SHUT!)

Skin Man said...

The inception post - a post within a post! You has it.

brett said...

i call bullshit

C.J. Smith said...

Sure, Brett.
I mean, what are the odds really?
I ride the 7:53 (now 7:55) out of Oshawa everyday.
An incident happens witnessed by people I see everyday.
A blog about commuting on the GO shows up a few years later.
The CBC, 1010 CFRB and The Toronto Star all cover it.
A post goes viral via Facebook, Digg and Twitter. Over 1,400 repeat visitors a week.
Yes, absolutely impossible that a person on the LSE could connect a story they know to a story on this site.
You got me.

GOTransitBitch said...

I'm with Squiggles. I can handle bees and wasps. I'm not excited about them, and I will stand very still, but I don't panic.

Spiders are a completely different story. There is a lot of squealing, arm-flailing and jumping from foot to foot, all the while screaming to my husband: "KILL IT! KILL IT!"

Al said...

When I was five there was a bee hive in our backyard, some sheet metal that was placed along a fence had been curved over creating a nice covered area for a hive to grow. We only noticed it when I was stung. By that time it was very large, probably 6" x 6" (I think thats large)

Now obviously we cant let it stay there, so my father proceeded to fill a paper bag with newpaper and then soaked it in Gasoline.

He lit it, (and it was quite a fireball) and then tossed it under the curved sheet metal. Well those bees were pissed and started trying to vacate the hive, trouble was as they flew out from under the metal they caught fire and there wings burned so they went straight down like planes that were shot out of the sky.

Not only did the sheet metal make a great covered habitat it also made it a deathtrap should anyone drop a fireball on thier doorstep since they didnt have a back door to escape from.

Vanessa said...

Best bee murder story ever.

Angela said...

I resent that anyone would think I would make this story up. Thanks.

C.J. Smith said...

The graphic or my spazz out on the platform?

Donna said...

Lmao@ bee murder comment!

I laugh at people who freak over wasps. I have never been stung and most people know its better to just stand still. Your chances of getting stung while jumping around and freaking out are much higher people!!
As for spiders, they are easily squished by a shoe or a swat of a shoe. Except those giant dock spiders I used to see at the cottage, those suckers you leave the fuck alone.

Al said...

@ CJ - Ok, so now I have two questions

What is it you mumbled and why did you leave the platform?

Al said...

I especially loved this part:
"I sort of stood back because all I was thinking was what the hell is wrong with this woman?"

Vanessa said...

@CJ - I was actually LOL'ing at Al's story. I just kept picturing these little balls of flame coming out of these mini honey-scented inferno.

Sweet, sweet atrocity.

Al said...

somthing more like this:

sweet vengeance said...

I don't recall what I mumbled but I went back to my car and took some time to calm down. I took a later train.