Friday, September 30, 2011

A Slam Dunk. In more ways than one

date Fri, Sep 30, 2011 at 8:15 am
subject one-handed boob shot

I have what I think is a great story to share with you and your website. I wanted to send it to the shoutouts newspaper but since it's so long, it probably either be butchered for space or not published.
So yesterday I took the 4:53 LSE which those who ride the express LSEs know is one of the busier trains and by the time we left Union it was sardine standing-room only. I was sitting near the doors in the three seat bench. I was on I think what was the 4th coach. There were a group of girls, late teens, maybe first year Uni-students. They were practically on top of me. Some were eating, others were drinking Second Cup frozen drinks. At some point, I fell asleep.
Okay so I get to Oshawa. I go home. My bf calls wondering if he can come over. I say sure. We're still new at dating.
Last night, well, let's say things got hot and heavy and this is our first "night" together if you know what I mean.
The real deal. It was rather impulsive. I did go into the bathroom to make sure the downtown area was ready for tourists. Do you know what I mean? That was all I was worried about.
I go back to the livingroom. We're being intimate etc. and around the point where my bf lifts my bra off, out fell a Dorito chip. Cool ranch, I think. Right to the floor where my BF stood on it. It was a big sucker, too.
To quote you, The hell?
My bf thought I was using my bra to store food throughout the day like I'm some kind of squirrel.
I sat there trying to think how the hell I got a Dorito in my cleavage and then I remembered the girls on the train. I remember before I nodded off that one of them had a bag of Doritos in her hand.
I'm not implying she was playing food basketball with my bosom but I imagine she lost her grip on one and it fell down my chest.
Now I got off with these ladies at Oshawa and I find it hard to believe she didn't realize she lost a Dorito.
It would have been nice if she had told me.
But don't panic, it didn't ruin my night. I still scored.


C.J. Smith said...

I did go into the bathroom to make sure the downtown area was ready for tourists.

This is the best. line. ever.

Anonymous said...

@CJ that is truly the best line in that email - oh good laughs at my desk this morning! THANK YOU!

James said...

I bet she wished she checked the hills were ready as well.

C.J. Smith said...

The downtown and the valley, right James?

FRED said...

My female co-workers would like to know what kind of bra you wear that allows for such impressive separation. One wants to know if your boobs are real since hers don't separate.
One wants to know how you didn't notice.
Why am I even typing this?
These women are nuts. They are *killing* themselves over this story.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only guy grossed out right now by this??? That would have killed Mr. Happy right there. Ew.
Beth, you should shower first. C'mon. I expect all my women to shower.

Tim K. said...

At Anon. Yep.

Dear Beth
If you and your man don't work out, ask CJ for my email address. I'd like you to come along with me the next time I go camping. I could use the extra storage space. ;)

Hanna said...

Really? You just expected the woman to tell you she lost a Dorito down your shirt?
Was it that important.
I lost a token down a women's shirt.
I didn't expect her to do anything about it but she tried to fish it out for me. I was completely mortified and preferred she quit making a scene.
Sometimes think about the other person in the situation.

Beth said...

Are you mentally incompetent? Where did I say I would cause a scene and where do I imply that I wanted this woman to make a scene. Have you ever heard of a whisper, a tap on the shoulder?
You're a crackpot. Trolling the comments so you can police our stories is annoying. So stop doing it because newsflash! I don't care.

Dear Tim,
Already my BF is planning our next road trip. Without a cooler. YOur loss. His gain? LOL :)

You loved the downtown comment, huh? LOL!

lswgirl13 said...

Ohhhh thank you Beth, that was great!!! May I use your "downtown" line in the future?

Anon@11:38 - "all" your women? Are they lined-up at your door? If you asked me to shower first you'd be taking care of Mr. Happy all on your own.

elvis said...

Did he eat the chip? He might be a keeper if he did.

Donna said...

Lmao!! Omg I don't know which is funnier, the story or the comments. Esp Elvis!! Hilarious!
#1. I would have showered
#2. Girl must have some serious cleavage not to feel a Dorito chip in there! Popcorn - sure, Dorito,I dunno.
And just my opinion, but I wouldn't be surprised of it was not an accident that chip making its way down your top.

lswgirl13 said...

@Donna - I would have showered too, and plucked, waxed and shaved everything I can reach BUT because I want to, not because Anon "expects" it.

Kathy said...

An opportunity to shower (and shave, and pluck, etc.) beforehand is ideal, no question there. Sometimes though you just have to go with it. Sometimes *stopping* ruins the heat of the moment.

To insist on a shower every time would be prudish, imho.

@Beth - high five girl!

Matt said...

From experience, when it’s time to head out to “Oshawa” (thanks T.O. Night shout outs), I personally could not care less what falls out of the girl’s bra, so long as the “girls” fall out as well. I’m talking Doritos, Kleenex, or the kitchen sink - I. Don’t. Care. Good on you for not letting it slow you down. Go Beth!

Mr. Smacky said...

Most guys just assume that cleavage gets hungry and needs to be fed now and again. Afterall - we're used to kleenex, phones and money disappearing into that area...